By grounded - 18/12/2011 09:59 - United States
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Are they one of those crazy families that sit in dead silence while they eat, too?
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YDI, YDI, YDI...The only thing I seem to see here is 'YDI'. Is there someone nice enough to explain the reason to me? Because, in my world, checking your phone if you receive a message isn't 'rude' - constantly texting, however, is, but that's nowhere written in the FML - and certainly not worth having your phone taken away. FYL for having 'parents-in-law' who think you are their 10-year-old child.
Confiscating the phone might have been a bit extreme, a simple "we don't use phones at the dinner table, sorry" would have been sufficient. Even checking a message while eating with people is a bit rude, if it was important enough to interrupt a meal for then the person would call. Remember, OP wasn't at home with family, she was eating with her boyfriends family. For the first time. Certain situations call for certain behaviors. I still say YDI.
75 & 92 - Using a cell phone while at the dinner table or in the presence of guests is inappropriate. That's just common courtesy - something a lot of people don't seem to have anymore. You should be paying attention to the people in front of you (especially when trying to make an impression), not the people on your phone.
Here's the thing to remember, yes it's rude to check one's phone during a meal (ESP with her BF). It could be legitimately important, OP could be on call a a doctor, or could be expecting a snoogie delivery or something! Bottom line: OP was being rude Parents were being assholes
I'd have said FYL, except the OP seems to think they were treated unfairly, or as though this rule is unacceptable. This is why I said YDI. Them taking her phone away could have been done in many ways. I don't see it as having to be harsh. The parents were simply enforcing the rules of their home, she needs to get the fuck over it.
Yeah, you can blame the OP on this one. It was rude of her to check her phone while at the table. It would have been different had it been her family, or had she already met the boy friends family. Seeing as how this was the first time, manners should have come into play and she should have not messed with her phone. Pretty sure nothing in a text message could have been so important it couldn't have waited.
Wowwee... I didn't know there was such a stigma against checking your texts while eating. I consider myself pretty conservative and find lots of things to be rude (though I just brush 'em off as "whatever... that's just how people are nowadays" and don't say anything). Examples include talking on the phone while you're being rung up, ignoring people when they say hi, not saying hello/thanks to the bus driver, etc. But... I never saw checking a text message as being rude. I guess I'll have to keep this one in mind.
Are you guys for real?? I don't see how checking your phone at the dinner table is a big deal. Yes, texting would be rude, but I think we can assume by the behaviour of the parents that the OP is probably a teenager so in all likelyhood it could have been her mother or father. If I was in that situation I would say excuse me, politely check my phone and either a) put it back , if it was from a friend or something similar b) apologise and say it was my mother (or equivalent) and politely excuse myself so I could reply. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who text during a conversation with you, and personally I've never been a big texter, probably sending two or three texts per week. But while checking (not texting on) your phone at the table might, at the most, be slighly bad manners, the behaviour of these people was COMPLETELY innapropriate! That is not how you behave around someone that is not your child! These people are NOT her parents nor her teachers and they have about as much right as a stranger at the bus stop to take her phone away and scold her about this. If this was a rule they had in their house, or thought what she did was impolite, that is perfectly fine! But you handle that by saying "Sorry, but the rule in our house is that we don't allow phones at the table". If I was the OP I would have been out of there! What a bunch of paternalistic, fundamentalist freaks!
I'm with 277 on this one. Yes it was inappropriate of the OP to check her message at the table, however it was completely rude and unacceptable for the parents to take away her phone. A simple, "we have a no phone rule at the table" would have sufficed. I'm assuming OP is a teenager. There are a muriad of legitimate reasons why she was checking the message. I instituted a no phone rule during dinner for my kids. If a "guest" received a message, I would not have issue with them checking the content. Firstly, OP is not their child, and the boyfriend's parents have no place to discipline. Secondly, OP's phone was not their property. It was a simple, honest mistake that was blown way out of proportion by OP's hosts.
It can be considered rude if you're at the table meeting someone and you have your phone on. It had better be a real emergency; but you have to ask yourself, when has an emergency ever been conveyed by text? It's usually calls or pages (in the case of doctors). Those parents did the right thing since OP was being incredibly rude and displayed that she has no concept of manners or life without a freakin' cell phone.
311 - Be mature or gtfo. I find it a bit funny that so many teenagers here are rationalizing the fact that because the parent's actions were out of line, the child was completely in the right. If this were a business or professional meeting of any sort - or rather, anything with mature people involved - I guarantee that phone would not have been out. Sitting at the table in front of people and pulling out your phone for any reason is inappropriate. If you absolutely MUST check it, excuse yourself and state that it's important. Again, it's just courteous.
But, arn't parents supposed to be mature, experienced, and not act out of line? Isn't that why kids are supposed to look up to them and respect them? Also, I'm not a teenager and I completely take OP's side. Even if she wasn't "completely right," how does that justify these virtual strangers taking her phone until she meets their standards? I would think that property theft far outweighs being a little rude. If I were OP's parent and I couldn't contact my kid because some jerks confiscated her phone, I would be LIVID and you can bet the police would be involved. Also, if OP is a teenager, then why would she be in buisness or professional meetings where such a thing would be a problem? Also, ROLL TIDE!
I was wondering when someone would take into consideration that the text could be from her parents. I personally do not text at the table, but when I'm at someone else's house, I always check my phone if I receive a text in case my mom is trying to reach me, because it could be very important. I don't see how simply taking out a phone to check your text is such a horrible thing. While this rule is enforced with my family, and most of yours, it is not enforced in all homes, so please do try to remember before hitting YDI. The parents definitely overreacted, it was the first offense, yet OP didn't even get a warning. What if it had been her mom? Even if the text wasn't important enough for her to get a call, any text from your parents when you're not home is important when you're still living under their roof, and judging from the wording and how the events occurred, OP appears to be a young teenager. As #277 said, you simply do not take the phone away from someone who is not your child unless you know that child very well, which was not the case here. OP should have received a warning, the text could have been very important. If it wasn't, I'm sure she would have put the phone away after looking at the text. Unfortunately, a lot of times, even if it's important, people text rather than call. OP should have excused herself from the table before checking, but her boyfriend's parents had no business taking her phone without so much as a warning. Enough said.
I agree, #2. I think it's rude when people text at the table because it implies that texting and phone conversation is more important than spending time with the people at the table. It comes off rude, but I still don't think that his parents should've taken away her phone.. Especially on the first offense. If OP was texting throughout dinner and wasn't even part of the table conversation, that'd be a different scenario!
176- That attitude is WHY so many people are the way they are...rude and obnoxious. Once upon a time, people respected their elders and accepted correction. I am 27 years old and still listen to my elders and respect them when they "correct" something I do. Even if it is only in their presence to respect their wishes.
Yes, it's slightly rude to even check a message while having dinner- but taking away someone else's phone? I don't know how young these kids are, but it wasn't the OP's own parents. They are the only ones who have authority to take away her phone. If my kid was at dinner with another family, and they took her phone away, I would be ballistic. I don't care if she pulled it out and called someone, as rude as that is, her phone is not their property and taking it away is stealing. They can kick her out if they have that much of a problem with it. Taking the phone away is totally inappropriate.
Personally, I don't think it us too rude to check who it is from to see if it is important (like from parents) and when at the table if I have my phone I check it brcause otherwise it would continue to ring/vibrate. That being said, I think if the parents thought it rude they should given a warning first before straight up taking it away. I do think texting is rude, but checking is different, is ok, depending on how many times you check. Sorry for the paragraph.
204, Go ballistic all you want, nobody would listen to you. Parents need to deal with and accept that other people will parent their children in their absence. I don't see any reason you'd expect otherwise. As a parent if you didn't like the way they run their household why don't you just go fuck yourself?
The fact that it wasn't OP's parents shouldn't be relevant. She should have accepted it and learned from it and not whined. Helicopter parents who then swoop in with outrage about someone daring to teach their child appropriate etiquette is further ridiculous.
It's not like she never got her phone back. And if you're a parent and you're pissed about it, oh well. It's your fault for not teaching your kids any manners. It's rude to take your phone out at dinner. Whether it's once or a million times. Be respectful. Or else you're gonna end up single.
I agree with 177. When my mother had cancer I was her sole caregiver, and I simply let anyone I was with (including my professors) know that if I received a call from her I would need to take it. I kept my phone on silent mode in class and similar locations and it was never a problem.
I hope this was followed by something along the lines of, "Excuse me, but you are not my parents. Give me back my fucking phone so I can leave." Some people are just crazy.
Yeah, that's exactly what you should say to make a good impression on your boyfriend's parents (sarcasm). What is wrong with people that being rude and disrespectful is somehow ok, it's not. A text message is not that important, unglue yourself from the phone and show some manners. I agree that the parents are not your parents, but if OP had acted with some class to begin with, this wouldn't have happened. It's rude to text at dinner, it shows a lack of consideration for the company you are actually with.
I still stand by the fact that it is JUST as rude to just take it. They are not HER parents, and therefore have no right to take it on a "you can have it back when you're more polite" basis. Neither side of this situation were right in their actions. And at that point I would just stop caring about being polite. And no, I don't care about whatever thumbs up or thumbs down I get.
Judging by the way this FML is written, it appears that they took her phone away the first time she checked it. That's ridiculous. A simple clarification of the rules of the house would have been sufficient. If OP ignored previous warnings and continued to text, that would be pretty disrespectful and I could see how it could escalate to this point eventually. But to take her phone away from her just for checking a message once is quite an overreaction. Even if her etiquette is usually perfect, she could have just slipped up.
ydi, because if ur trying to impress his parents, being more interested in ur phone than them was probably not a good idea
But taking her phone as if she was their own child is just as rude. Just tell her to put it away and ask to not take it out again, since it's proper etiquette and all. They are not her parents and had no right to just take it.
I know. They could have just said they find it rude and asked her to put it away. Maybe OP's family doesn't have that rule or doesn't sit down to have a family dinner too often, so it never occurred to her that it's a no-no. Either way, it may be rude, but they had no right to just take it.
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And if instead they had told her she was being rude, then what? Then people like you would be commenting on how they aren't her parents, and shouldn't be talking to her that way. Quit being childish, take your lumps, and be more polite when trying toile a good impression.
U r all th idiots here OP FYL they r obvi joking and will give the phone back theu r just trying to teach u a lesson and y r u all saying YDI TO OP?!?! It was a simple mistake and maybe she never knew and ignoring a text message is rude to the person who sent the text not ALL of u r stupid but most jeez this effin app pisses me offfffff
Well, it's only stealing if they take it and she said no. If they asked for it and she gave it, even reluctantly, then it's not. So if they said 'gimme your phone, you technology whore!' and she gave it to them, then not stealing. If she said no and they grabbed it from her hands, or even just grabbed it without permission, then stealing.
ummm no... Unless you are under someone's guardianship, you don't have to follow their rules, even in their house. "My house, my rules" is short for "If you don't follow my rules in my house, then I will exercise my legal right to have you removed." Being in your own house doesn't give you the right to commit crimes, such as the theft of OP's (or her parents') property.