Work: Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing... - FML

By sorkin15 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, "I'm fucking horrible, I'm working at Costco," nearly making me spit my drink out. FML

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Mother of the year

Be prepared

Alternative medicine is bull

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had an admissions interview at my dream college. I spent hours practicing questions and picking the perfect outfit. It was not until after the interview that I realized I'd scratched a pimple while waiting, and my forehead had been smeared with blood the entire time. FML

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By junior07

Today, I gave my niece a $100 bill instead of a $10 so she could buy ice cream. When I realized my mistake, she never returned it but thanked me and gave me a big hug. Now I don't have money for gas or food all week. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2021 21:30

Leaving makes sense

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

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By Ido - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I announced my engagement on social media. I got more people telling me how stupid I was than any actually congratulating me. FML

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By Anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

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By SlickMcK - United States

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

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By Tabeling101

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

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By Aaron - 12/4/2021 07:59

Second Life

Today, I finally got to experience being loved, or at least what it looks like. I paid for a fabulous wedding in a video game with a reluctant friend, who only agreed after I explained all the free costumes, pets, and other items he'd receive. FML

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By yellowthumb

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

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By Dreadge - Israel

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML

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By pokeloser

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Banchory

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

Today, it became apparent that telling your crush you like them isn't worth a response. I mean after all it's not like I'm sitting here not thinking about them and hoping for something to happen. No no, a simple "No thanks" is too much hard work for some. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Wantirna

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

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By holly10350 - United States

Today, I allowed my friend to practice driving in my car. As she began to let the car roll forward, she looked at me and very seriously asked, "Brakes is the right pedal, right?" FML

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By wtf is a naruto?! - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was helping my cousin plan her backyard wedding. I requested September 19-21 off for visiting and festivities. My asshole of a boss is refusing, because of some proposed Area 51 invasion. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I’m afraid I might miss the wedding. FML

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By Ah hell - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

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By bent & broken - United States - Hot Springs Village

Today, I was lost on a dirt road when it started raining and I got stuck in the mud, so I walked 5 miles to a farm. They brought their tractor and pulled me out, but then my key broke off in the ignition. It's my birthday and I can't get home for the party my wife planned. FML

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By GLHan - United States - Commack

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

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By really - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

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By "taelor14"

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

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By Turnaround

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

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By notsobig - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend informed me I need to stop staying up all night, because it's "really sketchy" and he feels "uncomfortable" not knowing what I'm doing, and why I'm awake. I'm an insomniac, I have been my whole life, and he knows this. FML

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By MoncaBang - United States

Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML

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By scooterbyrd - 31/8/2020 02:01

Don't follow by example

Today, I found out the psychiatrist who treats me for bipolar disorder died. He committed suicide. FML

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By firegirl

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

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By Laura - 28/4/2021 11:01

Three cheers for the boobies

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

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By jquaw - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

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By jerdub93 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

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By lily_marleen - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

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By GeeThanks - Canada - Toronto

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

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By ohhhjaymo13 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

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By Yocherrypicker

Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

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By itsjustwill - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

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Top comments

By Anika_09 | 17

#6567040 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:17

Well you did ask...

By Dictionaryspeaks | 18

#6567041 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:20

She has a point..lol FHL

COMMENTS

By Anika_09 | 17

#6567040 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:17

Well you did ask...

By Dictionaryspeaks | 18

#6567041 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:20

She has a point..lol FHL

By CaptainSmith28 | 19

#6567042 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:20

F the cashier's life

By epilepticloh | 20

#6567044 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:20

I don't see how this is a fyl...

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6567045 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:21

Don't see how that's an FYL

By wolf12king | 12

#6567046 - Friday 25 March 2016 7:22

Could be worse they could be working at Walmart

By Sonotsuave | 33

#7818585 - Saturday 6 July 2019 6:39

I’m sorry aha I laughed really hard. I imagined an overly smiley lady with that fake ass attitude giving a “How are you” and then when you asked in return, her face frowning and yelling I’M FUCKING HORRIBLE 😂🤣🤣😭😭 poor broke bitch