Miscellaneous: Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this... - FML

By getmoneyab - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Healthy relationship

For the life of him indeed

By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

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By Titatoum - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

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By wet and sad

Completely soaking

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

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By Anonymous

Smile!

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

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By Rhett_15

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

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By Virginia6810

Christmas is canceled

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 17:01

None of your business

Today, I told my mom my husband and I were considering having another baby. She said, "No!" about 30 times. Then later she texted me that she insists on no more kids. I guess I will never have that bonding moment with her. FML

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By burr415 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

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By Peppermint - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

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By ayeyieyie - United States

Hypocrite move

Today, my boyfriend of eight happy months suddenly broke up with me via text. He'd always insisted that texts were too impersonal. FML

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By burritobreasts

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

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By jackelking - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

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By shaverguy - United States

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

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By ithappenswhenithappens - United States - Gresham

Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML

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By mer - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

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By roo - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a flight home. I'd worn a belt because my skirt was too big. When I walked through security, they asked me to remove my belt. My skirt fell down in front of everyone. FML

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By Public Indecency

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

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By foxfur - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

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By kaleigh - United States

Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML

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By izzie - Canada

Bad sex

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

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By smh - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

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By Lonely - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, UPS delivered my kinky sex toys to my ex-husband. Apparently the delivery went wrong so they sent it to the last known address. He called to say he got my "package" and I had to go pick it up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Paranoid much?

Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

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By light_talker - United States

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

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By lifsabtch

Today, I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her, she really was a girl, and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34. FML

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By strokingitasitype - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

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By Liam. - France

Hot stuff

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML

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By anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

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By Pottymouth - United States

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

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By calli - United Kingdom

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

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By wet - United States

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

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By patronuscat?

Meow!

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

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By Magilla - United States

Today, I underwent several cardiac tests involving heart monitoring nodes placed all over my chest. The lab techs didn't pre-shave the areas and yanked out big clumps of chest hair as they removed the 10 nodes. They laughed, and said it could take up to a year for the hair to grow back. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example, he responded, "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of Warcraft." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

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Top comments

By Tobunshi | 0

#244931 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:34

Dear women,
Men aren't as complicated as you think. Just say hi.
Love, men.

By kizz_fml | 0

#244843 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:08

Why would you need salt on your cheescake?

COMMENTS

By purple5 | 0

#244831 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:05

Haha, fail. You should've asked if you could get another drink or something :P

Reply

123whyme | 0

#2401232 - Monday 25 April 2011 6:37

you should've asked him if there was any pepper right after you asked for salt.

Reply

changesinme | 0

#3478294 - Sunday 23 October 2011 22:04

And i thought the cheese cake factory only existed only in the big bang theory

Reply

sockmonkey576 | 6

#4075862 - Thursday 23 February 2012 5:26

Dumbass.

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6104394 - Thursday 30 October 2014 3:39

Nope, it's real. And it's delicious!

By ilikesexyparties | 0

#244836 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:06

what a line

By Kyothine | 0

#244842 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:08

Today, a girl asked me if I had any salt. It was right on the table. FML

LOLOLOL REVERSE FML IM SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!1

Reply

aoife123 | 0

#1024329 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 0:50

yeah, you're hilarious. :I

Reply

eehizle | 0

#1292513 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 2:57

it's ok, I think you are :)

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#3155086 - Monday 22 August 2011 0:30

Wow... Ive never seen a comment so painful to read in my life...

Reply

Beans12345 | 5

#5466913 - Saturday 27 April 2013 4:41

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PARTY!!!!

Reply

MilkyFilmz | 26

#5523089 - Thursday 6 June 2013 7:06

Please get off the site.

By kizz_fml | 0

#244843 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:08

Why would you need salt on your cheescake?

Reply

AtomicRebirth | 11

#2950844 - Friday 22 July 2011 10:38

Have you ever been to the Cheesecake Factory? They do serve more than just cheesecake.

Reply

cea99 | 0

#2960871 - Saturday 23 July 2011 23:10

Agreed with 123

Reply

sastgamer | 10

#6639446 - Wednesday 29 June 2016 20:41

They do?!

By ilikesexyparties | 0

#244849 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:09

they don't just have cheesecake, that's just their specialty

By Purane2forever | 0

#244864 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:13

clever AND original

By Shock98 | 0

#244867 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:14

#3: no. just... no.

OP: hahha. good line.

By Shirschfield | 0

#244871 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:15

Ha ha that makes me laugh

but THIS IS NOT A FML IT WAS THE DUDE'S FML, LETS SEE IF HE POSTS IT!

By Boogers | 0

#244879 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:18

WOW he must think that you are some creeper now...

By DieHard3 | 0

#244892 - Saturday 30 May 2009 16:21

Wow. You should brush up on your flirting skills. You should have said something like " Excuse me, how bout a handsome waiter to go with my delightful cheesecake?" But you screwed up big time. LOL. Its ok. Maybe another time.

Reply

farhil | 14

#3013586 - Monday 1 August 2011 8:51

thats just as bad as OP's... just sayin.

Reply

swimmer3141 | 10

#3143015 - Saturday 20 August 2011 1:33

I agree with #125. Asking for a handsome waiter would be implying that the one she has isn't handsome, so he'd probably get offended.