Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl.... - FML

By Triedtobecool - 6/4/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

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Dangling modifier

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Fashion Police

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

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By Poem - 19/12/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2016 16:13 - United States - Chicago

Today, I learned how it feels to sneeze after having major spinal surgery when the pain medication has almost completely worn off. FML

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By MissQ - 20/6/2020 17:01

That's a great look!

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

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By ididntevendrinkthatnight - 7/6/2013 05:14 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

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By offended - 14/6/2012 08:11 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

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By not getting any anymore - 22/2/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

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By babygirllxo - 13/7/2010 18:28 - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

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By Isabell - 6/2/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

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By cathugger - 16/8/2019 16:00

Today, I decided to confess my feelings and perform a love song I'd written for my crush during an open mic night. He was there - he also took the opportunity to declare his love to his on-off girlfriend, get down on one knee and propose to her. She said yes. FML

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By no new apartment for me - 18/7/2013 19:53 - United States - Hagerstown

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

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By Kate - 21/6/2017 02:00

Today, my 5-year-old cousin came over. We were on the trampoline in my backyard when he fell off and started crying and screaming. While I was trying to comfort him, my mom came out yelling at me for "pushing him off the trampoline" and grounded me for a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2012 06:15 - Australia

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

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By RePete - 4/11/2016 01:44

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

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By gmnesbitt - 7/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, it was my first time as a hockey referee, for a game played by 7-year-olds. At one point, a little boy tripped another boy. Doing my job, I gave him 2 minutes in the penalty box. After the game, I was attacked by a mob of parents. I was even given an optometrist's business card. FML

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By Thepunchline - 11/8/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

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By anonymous - 9/3/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

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By Safe - 17/4/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

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By mom2010 - 15/12/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML

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By PinkTornado - 17/3/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

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By Rover - 11/7/2016 19:03

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2015 05:55 - United States - Truckee

Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML

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By i stole your daughter's virginity anyways!! - 23/5/2017 00:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

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By disaster... - 20/5/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

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By limegreenpoopie - 6/9/2016 13:38 - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

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By Joshua - 3/6/2016 17:53 - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2019 04:30

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

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By soldnone - 18/11/2012 10:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 23:36 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2019 00:01 - United States - Tampa

Bugging out

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2014 11:36 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2016 07:58 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

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By Douche - 31/7/2020 23:01

Karma chameleon

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

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By fuckadaisical - 6/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

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By Callum536 - 22/8/2016 09:51 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

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Top comments

By alex_vik | 0

#86455 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

YDI for trying to buy beer underage AND YDI because you somehow thought that would impress a girl.

By shiie | 0

#86469 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:51

"Oh Johnny, you bought beer? Let's make out!"

COMMENTS

By amandabee | 0

#86454 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

ahahahahaaa dummy!

Reply

LtDelicious | 0

#381515 - Thursday 9 July 2009 10:05

YDI for not doing a beer run! you've gotta be stupid if you think that anything besides stealing the beer is going to work.

Reply

vollyball921 | 0

#976879 - Friday 9 April 2010 16:57

Ha... reminds me of SuperBad

Reply

mariahrawks | 0

#990108 - Monday 10 May 2010 2:15

bonita - same here !

Reply

lantern | 6

#3999689 - Monday 6 February 2012 8:32

B double E double R U N, Beer run!

Reply

Wingman527 | 22

#6069271 - Saturday 20 September 2014 0:36

I agree OP totally deserved this

By alex_vik | 0

#86455 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

YDI for trying to buy beer underage AND YDI because you somehow thought that would impress a girl.

Reply

some2521nobody | 0

#2575925 - Saturday 28 May 2011 1:07

Totally agree with this.

Reply

iizcalebhearmero | 0

#2591273 - Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:33

so true

Reply

prototype3773 | 10

#6701745 - Wednesday 12 October 2016 19:01

Second part about thinking it's somehow impressive I agree with, not so much the first part, maybe attitudes are different in England though, legal age is 18 but most have probably been drinking at parties since 15 and probably had a few sips of family members beer before then.

By AK | 2

#86460 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:45

Sorry, no cure for stupidity.

By pinkdaisy | 0

#86465 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:47

Hahaha why would you even bother to try buying when underage?!? Ydi, idiot

By shiie | 0

#86469 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:51

"Oh Johnny, you bought beer? Let's make out!"

Reply

bcwrape69 | 0

#850323 - Saturday 13 February 2010 2:18

I <3 you

By syrcsorgmn | 0

#86480 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

that is kind of stupid. didnt you look at what you were buying?

By Boob_fml | 6

#86483 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

Hahahaha trying to impress a girl by getting alcohol. You are such a tool :)

Reply

itchyballs | 0

#1082797 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 4:18

ya because judging by your shirt your not a tool at all

Reply

usaywhatt | 0

#1206824 - Sunday 8 August 2010 7:44

neither are you, itchyballs!

By Inspired22 | 11

#86486 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:57

Hint: Next time, have an of-age person with a little more experience in shopping for ALCOHOL it for you.

By kk_fml | 0

#86496 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:01

in texas you still have to be 21 to buy non alcoholic beer

Reply

Miss_Bethica | 11

#3783280 - Sunday 25 December 2011 0:13

yeah a lotta places you still have to be 21, cos it still contains a small amount of alcohol.

By Inspired22 | 11

#86498 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:02

Edit: Hint: Next time, have an of-age person with a little more experience in shopping for ALCOHOL*buy* it for you. LOL. Whoops!

Reply

gionatorinc | 5

#4651939 - Thursday 5 July 2012 7:54

Why does the person with experience have to be of age?