Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl.... - FML

By Triedtobecool - 6/4/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

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Call CPS!

The best cat

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By pathetic - 29/5/2009 02:35 - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work I realized all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale which confirmed I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2010 07:08 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML

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By rileynautumn - 13/6/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

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By Peter - 27/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 06:55 - United States - Evansville

Today, my girlfriend announced to everyone at dinner that she was no longer a virgin. This was news to everyone: her parents, siblings, best friend, and me. FML

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By The hopeful - 26/12/2016 08:29

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

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By oconron - 6/3/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By mini matthylde - 19/11/2015 09:57 - France - Nantes

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2018 01:30

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2014 14:58 - United States - Chicopee

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 01:50 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

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By whinywiper - 25/5/2012 15:10 - Canada

Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML

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By Username - 10/8/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

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By jezusflowers - 7/5/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 08:10 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

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By jonjon - 13/6/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

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By Why Is It Always Me - 21/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

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By wellesleybanana - 17/4/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

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By snotface - 23/4/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

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By anonymous - 7/7/2016 15:24 - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

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By umm... - 30/3/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

It's a witch!

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

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By woofwoof - 30/12/2015 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

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By Noname - 29/10/2011 11:02 - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

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By Ketchup - 22/6/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn't fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML

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By mylifesucks123 - 3/5/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

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By WestboroBC - 3/2/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I walked in the snow and saw some kid slip. I laughed and felt good about myself. Then I fell. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

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By lalararara - 4/3/2010 15:48 - United States

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

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By Mary Kathryn - 22/4/2012 12:09 - United States - Fremont

Today, I took off the training wheels of my niece's bike. I tried to show her how to ride it, but she told me to get off because I needed a fat girl's bike. FML

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By Noname - 11/3/2009 20:29 - United States

Today, I walked behind a girl I hooked up with last weekend while she was on the computer in the library. I noticed she was looking at my facebook page and got excited. Then I heard her say to her friend, "This is the one smallest penis I have ever seen." FML

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By assassinmaster - 30/6/2018 15:00

Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML

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By ZAnon - 6/2/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

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By malos - 12/8/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

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By nokitchenforme - 3/12/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

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Top comments

By alex_vik | 0

#86455 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

YDI for trying to buy beer underage AND YDI because you somehow thought that would impress a girl.

By shiie | 0

#86469 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:51

"Oh Johnny, you bought beer? Let's make out!"

Comments

By amandabee | 0

#86454 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

ahahahahaaa dummy!

Reply

LtDelicious | 0

#381515 - Thursday 9 July 2009 10:05

YDI for not doing a beer run! you've gotta be stupid if you think that anything besides stealing the beer is going to work.

Reply

vollyball921 | 0

#976879 - Friday 9 April 2010 16:57

Ha... reminds me of SuperBad

Reply

mariahrawks | 0

#990108 - Monday 10 May 2010 2:15

bonita - same here !

Reply

lantern | 6

#3999689 - Monday 6 February 2012 8:32

B double E double R U N, Beer run!

Reply

Wingman527 | 22

#6069271 - Saturday 20 September 2014 0:36

I agree OP totally deserved this

By alex_vik | 0

#86455 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:43

YDI for trying to buy beer underage AND YDI because you somehow thought that would impress a girl.

Reply

some2521nobody | 0

#2575925 - Saturday 28 May 2011 1:07

Totally agree with this.

Reply

iizcalebhearmero | 0

#2591273 - Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:33

so true

Reply

prototype3773 | 10

#6701745 - Wednesday 12 October 2016 19:01

Second part about thinking it's somehow impressive I agree with, not so much the first part, maybe attitudes are different in England though, legal age is 18 but most have probably been drinking at parties since 15 and probably had a few sips of family members beer before then.

By AK | 2

#86460 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:45

Sorry, no cure for stupidity.

By pinkdaisy | 0

#86465 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:47

Hahaha why would you even bother to try buying when underage?!? Ydi, idiot

By shiie | 0

#86469 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:51

"Oh Johnny, you bought beer? Let's make out!"

Reply

bcwrape69 | 0

#850323 - Saturday 13 February 2010 2:18

I <3 you

By syrcsorgmn | 0

#86480 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:54

that is kind of stupid. didnt you look at what you were buying?

By Boob_fml | 6

#86483 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:55

Hahahaha trying to impress a girl by getting alcohol. You are such a tool :)

Reply

itchyballs | 0

#1082797 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 4:18

ya because judging by your shirt your not a tool at all

Reply

usaywhatt | 0

#1206824 - Sunday 8 August 2010 7:44

neither are you, itchyballs!

By Inspired22 | 11

#86486 - Monday 6 April 2009 9:57

Hint: Next time, have an of-age person with a little more experience in shopping for ALCOHOL it for you.

By kk_fml | 0

#86496 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:01

in texas you still have to be 21 to buy non alcoholic beer

Reply

Miss_Bethica | 11

#3783280 - Sunday 25 December 2011 0:13

yeah a lotta places you still have to be 21, cos it still contains a small amount of alcohol.

By Inspired22 | 11

#86498 - Monday 6 April 2009 10:02

Edit: Hint: Next time, have an of-age person with a little more experience in shopping for ALCOHOL*buy* it for you. LOL. Whoops!

Reply

gionatorinc | 5

#4651939 - Thursday 5 July 2012 7:54

Why does the person with experience have to be of age?