Work: Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am... - FML

By interviewed - 16/09/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 676

You deserved it 4 166

Leave us alone

Sorry…

Age difference

By Anonymous - 19/04/2011 15:06 - United States

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 058

You deserved it 6 163

By Anonymous - 22/01/2015 06:41 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 388

You deserved it 5 517

By lol - 05/12/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 432

You deserved it 9 231

By fatcheeks - 02/03/2010 16:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 312

You deserved it 4 152

By mommysgirlapparently - 29/10/2010 03:17 - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 680

You deserved it 8 028

By Nikki - 30/05/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 231

You deserved it 3 996

Season finale

By liar liar plants for hire - 03/08/2020 23:01

Today, thanks to traveling restrictions being lifted, I was finally able to go visit the guy I've been chatting with online for the past year. When we met it was like a TV show, well more like three shows: Catfish, Hoarders and My 600lbs life. Turns out he had his neighbor video chat me all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 628

You deserved it 633

By CollegeBound - 17/08/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 204

You deserved it 2 346

By HoShiz - 25/10/2009 14:18 - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 409

You deserved it 4 806

By Datingdisaster - 17/08/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a date. We met in the parking lot of a restaurant. As I approached his car he took one look at me, said "Nope", and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 593

You deserved it 269

By Lightlysalted - 19/04/2018 19:00

Today, I was invited to a special meal for receiving a scholarship from my college. My mom refuses to take me because “your sister’s going there too and didn’t get a scholarship; it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I guess fairness doesn’t apply to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 200

By .... - 31/12/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 4 178

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - 15/10/2019 12:00

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:16 - United States - Port Lavaca

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 111

You deserved it 3 958

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 876

You deserved it 13 215

By thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 653

You deserved it 1 322

Dogbowl

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 27/07/2015 09:25 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 689

You deserved it 5 465

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 245

You deserved it 15 678

By Wellthisishawkward - 14/08/2015 22:40 - United States

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 668

You deserved it 2 877

Red faces all round

By ladyhavery - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 854

You deserved it 50 129

By Ugh - 14/06/2016 20:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 559

You deserved it 1 041

By ShellShocked - 30/03/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 744

You deserved it 3 053

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 6 593

Are you sure you're OK?

By H…… - 20/11/2020 20:08

Today, my roommate and I were talking about how much better my dog has gotten at not peeing in the house, and how I was doing better at not losing my temper when he did. A few hours after this conversation, the dog pissed all over the floor and I screamed so loudly that now my throat hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 1 682

By snickerdoodles - 08/01/2010 06:30 - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 327

You deserved it 3 963

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

By fatty punani - 05/06/2020 08:00

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 606

By eyebags - 10/10/2016 13:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 366

You deserved it 889

By unloved - 17/04/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 2 730

By satisfied88 - 02/06/2011 14:49

Spicy

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 606

You deserved it 16 019

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 14:26 - United States

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 851

You deserved it 5 520

By ScorpioQueen - 21/09/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I decided not to park in the parking garage on campus, in an attempt to save the $8 it would have cost me. Instead, I parked in a surface lot (about a mile away) and got a $50 parking ticket for not having a permit to park there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 474

You deserved it 43 028

By bethanygirl - 29/10/2011 19:46 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my birthday party because of snow. It's October. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 638

You deserved it 5 035

By tooembarassed - 03/02/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 476

You deserved it 3 586

Emergency haircut

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 02:02

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 31/03/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 160

You deserved it 2 794

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 812

You deserved it 29 468

By sarahwittman - 13/06/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 250

You deserved it 4 885

By Byepax - 06/03/2015 14:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 051

You deserved it 45 513

By Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 011

You deserved it 5 803

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 709

You deserved it 4 138

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Top comments

dick_gozinya_ 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:11

lmfao. you should have been like "man, was that you?"

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:12

Wait, girls fart?

Comments

repyourcliche 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:06

lol, was it a laugh-snort-snot-sneeze kind of fart?

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:21

In my country, it is common courtesy to shit on your interviewer's desk

suaveneanderthal 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 22:07

so successful people never fart? Especially by accident? It's not like you felt a big one comin along and lifted up a butt cheek and yelled check this out as you let it rip.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 0:48

Yeah I'll fuckin lay your nuts on a fuckin dresser Just your nuts layin on a fuckin dresser And bang them shits with a spiked fuckin bat BLAOWWW!!

Reyo 2

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Thursday 17 September 2009 2:39

I f*cken loled at 13 and 29.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 4:08

Just because you're applying for a job doesn't mean you should always avoid natural chemical reactions. If your interviewers honestly think that you shouldn't fart or poop, you probably wouldn't wanna work there.

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Thursday 17 September 2009 6:08

did your interviewer laugh? If yes, congratulation you got the job !!

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Thursday 17 September 2009 10:56

Umm... Has anybody on here seen the movie step brothers? I think I smell a fake. Lol

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Thursday 17 September 2009 11:16

I didn't see the movie but the same thing happened to me too - except for the fact that is was a silent one.

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Sunday 28 March 2010 17:59

zejan where the f**k do u live?

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Sunday 4 April 2010 23:28

omg I hate it when that happens! lol

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 6:36

ah I'm lmao from #29

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Thursday 28 July 2011 22:28

I thought it was going to be silent*Dale's voice

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Thursday 28 July 2011 22:37

I thought it was going to be silent*Dale's voice

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:10

farted huh, is this really a FML? doubtful, however if you had shit your pants, then yes. it would been.

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Monday 25 October 2010 9:51

agreed

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Tuesday 8 May 2012 11:05

Think about it, he farted in front of his interviewer, for his perfect job, for a job he has been searching for, for a while now. So ya this is an FML

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:10

I hope you just acted like nothing whatsoever happened.

ImaBmyLonurTees 0

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Thursday 17 September 2009 11:16

U shoulda did like Peter on Family Guy and talked over it. But I agree it's no fml, ur moderators suck!

dick_gozinya_ 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:11

lmfao. you should have been like "man, was that you?"

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 2:09

ROFL!

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:12

Wait, girls fart?

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Friday 8 July 2011 1:28

were u looking at the interviewer while farting?

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:12

hopefully that does not effect the decision being made

dick_gozinya_ 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:19

girls dont fart. the OP must be a man.

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:47

i heard they fart rainbows and skittles

Six_and_the_Moon 3

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 22:28

When you are not there they certainly do ... and if drunk enough, they'll do it on cue. To the OP - If they can't understand the sneeze/pressure/fart reaction, or are willing to deny you employment because of it, you are probably better off not getting a job there anyway.

beautiful_mayhem 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:13

=]

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:16

If you are as prepared, qualified and eager as you say you are, that should not be a real problem. Unless you are auditioning as a nude dancer. That would be an automatic disqualifier since the clubs are kind of drafty and the customers are staring right up your asshole most of the time. . . or so I've heard.

the_stereotype 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 22:57

this comment just made my day

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:18

Ok, everyone farts. EVEN GIRLS. It might be embarrassing, but if you're ever in a situation like that again just handle it with class and say something along the lines of "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen" and move on. Ignoring it is far worse, because that just leaves an awkward tension between you and the interviewer. Apologize and immediately move on with the conversation or simply move on to another subject if possible. FYL for sure, because I know I would still be mortified if that happened to me. But at least situations like that make you think about what to do if it ever happens again. I hope you get the job!!!!! :]

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:34

doubt it! girls fart? thats not possible

beautiful_mayhem 0

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Wednesday 16 September 2009 20:19

lol plexico

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 274