Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts... - FML

By MandyPanda - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

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Walk on the wild side

And today, on Dr Phil…

Dangling modifier

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kent

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

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By stinker - United States

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

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By yamsterr - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up denial and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

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By UGH - United States

Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2020 06:31 - India

The one with the asshole friend

Today, after going through a surgery related to my ovaries, having a life-threatening complication during the surgery due to anesthesia, my doctor warning me about future infertility, a friend tells me that no one will marry me now, since I have stretch marks and stitches marks on my abdomen. FML

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By Greg - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

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By internetloser - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used the adult swim "we should see other people" commercial. FML

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By em from Cali - United States - Visalia

Today, a homeless lady decided she needed to change underwear in the middle of the sidewalk. I turned around just in time to see her legs in the air with no undies on. I can never eat salami again. FML

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By not paid enough - United States - Antioch

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

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By chris - 5/5/2020 14:00

Frustration level 100

Today, I saw my bike locked outside a Starbucks down the street from my house. It was stolen about 10 days ago from my communal laundry room. There was even a cop parked across the street, but I have no proof to show that bike even belonged to me. FML

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By thisrllysucks - United States

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rahway

Double dipping

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw a spider hanging from the ceiling of my car. I'm terrified of spiders, so I was watching it instead the road. When I looked back at the road, I had just enough time to swerve to miss the fire hydrant but not the tree. Even the cop laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 17:00

The View

Today, my boyfriend refuses to do doggy style anymore because I, and I quote, "have a weird looking butthole, it’s not dirty or anything, it’s just the strangest butthole I’ve ever seen, it’s really distracting." So now, I’m not only self conscious about my small boobs, but my ugly asshole too. FML

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By Upset - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

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By joy - United States

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

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By Pooping - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

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By ip7 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

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By Lily

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

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By Emily - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

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By makehimscrubit - United States - Hawthorne

Today, I found out the guys I live with have an ongoing contest to see if they can hit targets on the inside of the toilet lid with urine when they pee. I could forgive this in my seven-year-old son, but not my forty-year-old husband. FML

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By Wowsers. - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

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By Nickel

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

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By ModernDayMaid

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

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By yankeebelle - United States

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtely pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status that I. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

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By militarywife2b - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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By imma ture

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

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By Noname - Australia

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Hill

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

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By GLX - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

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By MsGamerLady - 8/11/2020 17:02 - United States

In-laws, in-fighting

Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

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By Metallurge - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was so hungry when I finished work that I grabbed some chips to eat on the bus home. The guy who sat next to me spat in them as he left to get off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML

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Top comments

By 2tinybubbles | 0

#229737 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

Aww sorry.

But i really like this idea for a party! :D

By ayuhme | 0

#229770 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:11

well... it is on the creeper side to be drawing on peoples shirts that you don't know

COMMENTS

By 2tinybubbles | 0

#229737 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

Aww sorry.

But i really like this idea for a party! :D

By kdubk93 | 0

#229738 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

i dont get it.. this is stupid.. you shouldn't even deserve any fmylife credits for this

Reply

aubreyjax | 0

#3519769 - Monday 31 October 2011 17:37

Are u retarded?

By Angry_Dad | 0

#229739 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

I don't get it. Who was scary? You or the person who wrote on your shirt? :s

By Randomness21 | 0

#229740 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

What would you possibly draw on a shirt of someone you didn't know? YDI

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#229766 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:11

you probably looked like a creep, that's why

By ayuhme | 0

#229770 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:11

well... it is on the creeper side to be drawing on peoples shirts that you don't know

Reply

rsuchy | 1

#3827400 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 3:53

Ya and its also to be a bit wierd when ur only like ten

By theseventhday | 0

#229775 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:12

nothing to worry about. their just fooling around.

By uneekfreak16 | 0

#229778 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:13

just write spice underneath it.... then it will say, I'm Scary Spice.... GIRL POWER :p

...unless you're a guy

By manoverboard | 0

#229781 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:14

Wait...did they put 'You're scary' or 'I'm scary'?
If they wrote 'I'm scary'...then that's just weird...

Reply

aubreyjax | 0

#3519779 - Monday 31 October 2011 17:41

Did you think before writing this comment?

By Pirate_argh | 6

#229782 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:14

wait... what? :S