Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts... - FML

By MandyPanda - United States

Today, I went to a theme party where everyone wore white shirts and brought markers to draw on them. I didn't know many people there but I still went around drawing on people's shirts. After a few hours, someone finally drew on my shirt. They wrote "I'm scary." FML

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Mother of the year

Season finale

Triage

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

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By Kris - China

Today, at my workplace, a TV was installed just above my register at work which plays the same mind-numbingly awful 13 second ad on loop for the duration of our latest sale. The sale lasts for what are going to be three very long weeks. FML

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By sad face - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

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By Good choice cat - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

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By u raised him

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

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By brizzle - United States

Today, my parents came home after being out of town for the weekend. I stayed home, did homework and completely cleaned the house, thinking I could earn some brownie points with them. They saw how clean the house was and accused me of covering up a party. FML

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By jshsnan - United States - San Francisco

Today, while trying to calm down my four-year-old son who had a tantrum in a store, a man walked up to me and said, "You couldn't have worn the condom?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

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By AlienZ - United States

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so I said, "Yeah, that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

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By littlepeepboo

You want a piece of me?

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

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By argh - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

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By Raiders4ever - United States

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

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By cantgetitupcantgetiton - United States

Quickie

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

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By UnicornPancake

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

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By tamp - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

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By yamuda - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

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By Jodie Zawadzka

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

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By coloradoman - United States

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

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By TractorUWG - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

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By ariana - 8/3/2021 21:30

Relatable

Today, after a full year of absolutely zero social interaction, I realized that I don’t miss it. At all. FML

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By fuck - United States - Somerville

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

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By Jess49 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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By GrandmaShakers - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

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By peanutprobs - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

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By thanksmom - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. She stole my wallet. FML

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By continuouslyaddingdebt

Today, in an attempt to keep my valuables safe, I snatched my PlayStation 4 controller from the hands of my 4-year-old nephew. Not knowing that it was connected, I ultimately yanked the PlayStation and the HD Flatscreen flat on their faces. FML

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By storrent - United States - Houston

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

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By Harry - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was waiting inside the shelter at the bus stop when a lady came up to me and asked if I would mind if she peed. FML

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By TimeForANewJob

Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

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By itwasntme

It Wasn't Me, by Shaggy

Today, we found out my brother in law cheated on my sister. Somehow they’ve blamed me for the whole incident. I don’t know the guy. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

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By rainey - United States

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

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Top comments

By 2tinybubbles | 0

#229737 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

Aww sorry.

But i really like this idea for a party! :D

By ayuhme | 0

#229770 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:11

well... it is on the creeper side to be drawing on peoples shirts that you don't know

COMMENTS

By 2tinybubbles | 0

#229737 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

Aww sorry.

But i really like this idea for a party! :D

By kdubk93 | 0

#229738 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

i dont get it.. this is stupid.. you shouldn't even deserve any fmylife credits for this

Reply

aubreyjax | 0

#3519769 - Monday 31 October 2011 17:37

Are u retarded?

By Angry_Dad | 0

#229739 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

I don't get it. Who was scary? You or the person who wrote on your shirt? :s

By Randomness21 | 0

#229740 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:04

What would you possibly draw on a shirt of someone you didn't know? YDI

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#229766 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:11

you probably looked like a creep, that's why

By ayuhme | 0

#229770 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:11

well... it is on the creeper side to be drawing on peoples shirts that you don't know

Reply

rsuchy | 1

#3827400 - Wednesday 4 January 2012 3:53

Ya and its also to be a bit wierd when ur only like ten

By theseventhday | 0

#229775 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:12

nothing to worry about. their just fooling around.

By uneekfreak16 | 0

#229778 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:13

just write spice underneath it.... then it will say, I'm Scary Spice.... GIRL POWER :p

...unless you're a guy

By manoverboard | 0

#229781 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:14

Wait...did they put 'You're scary' or 'I'm scary'?
If they wrote 'I'm scary'...then that's just weird...

Reply

aubreyjax | 0

#3519779 - Monday 31 October 2011 17:41

Did you think before writing this comment?

By Pirate_argh | 6

#229782 - Monday 25 May 2009 20:14

wait... what? :S