Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in...

By yourmom - United States

Today, I went to a museum that had exhibits of wax people in the hallways. We were taking pictures of what we thought to be a waxwork old lady. Turns out she was real. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Fear factor

Keys, how do they work?

By SkinsCastSelection - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

A for effort

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a check for $100 for a random selecting at work. My boyfriend’s reaction? Light it on fire out of jealously. FML

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By sad day - 21/6/2020 17:04

Time to run

Today, my dad planned his wedding to his mistress for literally the day after his divorce from my mom becomes final. My dad says he’ll be devastated if I don’t go, while my mother will feel betrayed if I do. I’m not sure who to hurt. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hassocks

Today, my best friend told me how his batshit insane girlfriend keeps questioning his sexuality and thinks we're screwing behind her back. He's so desperate for a relationship that he's decided to stop hanging out with me. Goodbye 7 years of friendship. FML

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By juliette - United States - Astoria

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

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By notapedobear

Today, I was in a shopping centre when a little girl was running up and down the aisles. She started to fall over so I put my hand out to catch her. Her mother then ran up to me and screamed about me 'touching her child' so loud that everyone could hear. FML

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By llamaborn - 5/4/2021 14:00

Dr Who

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

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By AwkwardPotato - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

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By outofluckatcollege - United States - Lewisville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

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By Justme - United States - Missoula

Today, while I was riding the bus to work, I noticed the guy sitting across from me had shorts on. He also had no underwear on and I could fully see his "parts" just hanging there. I decided to switch seats but as I stood up to move, the bus jerked. I fell face forward right into his "parts". FML

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By unknown - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

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By Shameful - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

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By Munch - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

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By fuckshitcockwaffle - Australia - Bayswater

Today, while feeding my neighbour's cats, I mistakenly switched up their foods. One has medicated food that causes drowsiness. The healthy cat got knocked out like a log. I panicked, laid him out by the bed, and spilled milk around his head to make it look "natural." I think I'm going to hell. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

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46644

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

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By Mike - 25/3/2021 00:30

Tears for Fears

Today, I realized that not only do I dream about sleeping or passing out, but that those are the best ones. FML

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By HighasaCloud

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

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By Sophie - United States

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

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By Disappointed - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

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By Jesus - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for a familiar reason; I apparently have night terrors that make me "Impossible to sleep in the same room with." I don't ever remember these dreams. Every other girlfriend I've had has ended up breaking things off with me for the same reason. FML

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By eeelise5296 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture. In the mirror I could see a bra and thong sitting on his bed. They weren't mine. FML

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By mintyfresh - United States

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

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By TubaAssassin

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

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By airbiscuit - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Sensitive

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

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By mr_cheese - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

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By aldfgadfklbg - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

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By random - Canada

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

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By Justmyluck - United States - Bloomsburg

Today, after a week of no side effects, my bronchitis medication decided to screw me over. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and half of my face is sunburnt in randomized patches. Guess who has a huge presentation today. FML

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By Bilze - United States - Burke

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

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By rozsrredd - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

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By VoodooPriestess - 3/6/2020 23:00

Just a prank, bruh!

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying,"Psych!" FML

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By helpme - United States - Annapolis

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

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By debiebs - Brazil - Salvador

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

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Top comments

By Jimboom | 11

#1434982 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:19

At that point you should have gone all Austin Powers on her... yea baby.. make love to the camera.. thats it. You're a tiger...

By pancake_mixx | 9

#1434925 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:10

I can imagine this happening. She hit you with her purse right?

COMMENTS

By xohockeyfreak10x | 0

#1434910 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:08

haha thatss prettyy funny. she must have been offended.

pntbttr | 0

#1435000 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:22

lol did you realize she was real when she started posing

ReconX | 2

#1435107 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:40

Why doesn't this comment have like 80 replies????!

yomama126 | 0

#1435133 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:51

good point # 23

missmurderx | 8

#1435226 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 13:12

because everyones asleep:p
it's only six here lol(:

Girreth | 7

#1435291 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 13:26

Today, I was at a museum when I see an ugly person taking pictures of me. Guess I'm still hot, even in my 80's. MLIA

CitrusGirl | 0

#1435320 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 13:34

36=win

I_iz_special | 0

#1435384 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 13:56

let's add a comment then... ugh why won't my posts show well I got one on another fml and 3rd time is the charm right?---well I think that the op has bad eyesight or that the wax museum makes great realistic statues.

Girreth | 7

#1435413 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 14:15

Moderated? I thought you loved me! D:

MrFerret | 0

#1435630 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 15:29

Ur lucky u didn't like start humping her leg and taking pics thinking she was fake. It happened to me once, I inpregnated an entire museum. (Ps this is Chuck Norris, Motha Bitches!)

MrFerret | 0

#1435639 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 15:32

Ur lucky u didn't like start humping her leg and taking pics thinking she was fake. It happened to me once, I impregnated a whole museum of women. (Ps this is Chuck Norris, Motha Bitches!)

MrFerret | 0

#1435647 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 15:34

F*** U comment bug!!!!

ThePwnapple | 0

#1435780 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 16:08

Motha Bitches?

cheapluxury | 4

#1435808 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 16:10

In Soviet Russia, comment bug F*** U... lol what?

Dat_NewNew | 0

#1437762 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 1:20

FYL? FHL!

Scarshadow101 | 6

#5063150 - Saturday 20 October 2012 20:07

LOL!! This was HILARIOUS!! Made my day.

That must've been super awkward, OP.

By brokenclockwork | 0

#1434920 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:10

lolol that's hilarious.

fmlbrooo | 0

#1436813 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 20:38

Laugh Out Loud Out Loud?

UHGG | 0

#1437690 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 1:08

I think it might be Lots Of Laughing Out Loud...

By ThePwnapple | 0

#1434923 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:10

YDI for looking at wax people. What are you, 5?

thrasher9081 | 0

#1436743 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 20:16

Well I'm from Las Vegas and they have a wax museum down on the strip thats pretty well-known and it was really cool. I'm not five :(

By pancake_mixx | 9

#1434925 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:10

I can imagine this happening. She hit you with her purse right?

zarii | 0

#1435325 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 13:35

she was naked. (i guess)

swimmerstud | 7

#1435962 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 16:29

wax figures can be dressed.....

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1436114 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 17:04

Wax figures are always dressed, aren't they?

WhyTheFace4 | 0

#1436367 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 18:28

Not the naked ones...

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1438011 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:11

good point ^^

By saragr94 | 2

#1434938 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:12

haha, well done.

By Illyssa_fml | 4

#1434961 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:15

haha!!! was she standing that still??

By sonnet | 0

#1434965 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:17

should've shook ur dingydangy at her

rciccone | 0

#1435926 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 16:22

picture of humping her while she moans hahaha

By modelshark | 0

#1434972 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:17

she should have been happy bc some1 took her pic

Juicycouture93 | 0

#1435559 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 15:12

Awesome pik

By twinkybandit | 2

#1434979 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:19

lol I woulda played it off like I came with my grandma & then pretended to look for her

that's funny not FML

By Jimboom | 11

#1434982 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 12:19

At that point you should have gone all Austin Powers on her... yea baby.. make love to the camera.. thats it. You're a tiger...