Health: Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half... - FML

By passedoutpolly - United States

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

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Family values

Walk on the wild side

Poisoned chalice

By Levi2411 - 6/1/2021 11:01

Work is hell

Today, I had to do the job of 3 to 4 people. Spending the first half in the bakery by myself, I then had to run over to the deli and cook everything for the day while helping lines of customers. Why? Because 8 people are on Covid leave. Instead of shutting down the department, welcome to hell. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

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By elsaza - France

Today, I was on a date with my new boyfriend. I acted very flirty and laughed very loudly to show him how funny he was. I laughed so loudly that I farted. FML

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By karmamaybe - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

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By Paul - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

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By oh my son - Canada - Toronto

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Monroe

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

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By redriver - United States

Today, exactly 28 days after I started my last period, I started a new period. This would be perfectly healthy and normal except that my last period was 24 days long. This has happened every month this year. FML

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By Kulcha - Australia

Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

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By dumpedfornoreason - United States - Normal

Today, I ran out of clean underwear and uncovered the pile of lingerie in the back of the drawer, none of which had been worn in over a year. Thanks, laundry day, for reminding me of how single I am. FML

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By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

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By Ms.rain

Today my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom to check if I was cheating...... I wasn't. He was looking for some leverage so when he told me he's been fucking my bestfriend for the last year, he could use something against me... FML

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By Evalynne - United States - New Orleans

Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML

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By totallyscrewedomg - United States

Today, my parents, not trusting me and my boyfriend, told us to call them in the middle of our movie so they could hear it, and prove we weren't up to no good. Well, I called. Just as a raging sex scene started. FML

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By moronicmoroccan - Philippines

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

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By probably single - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

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By Permafucked - United States

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

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By Charity - United States

Slashing Prices Left and Right!

Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my fiancée texts me while out at a restaurant. She told me that she saw one of my high school friends there, and that he asked "How's Douglas doing?". She then asked me who Douglas is. Douglas is my legal name. We've been together for over three years and she didn't know. FML

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By toolegittoquit - United States

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss just looked at me and said, "No. You can't quit." FML

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By dac5 - 12/4/2020 05:00

Lowered expectations

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

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By pain - Japan

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

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By Naomi - United Kingdom - London

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

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By Juliett - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Good question

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML

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By invisible - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I realized how invisible I am when our professor was showing us that he knows the names of all the students in our class. When he reached me, he just smiled at me and skipped to the person next to me. I took 3 courses with this guy yet I'm the only one he didn't know the name of. FML

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By messy jessy - 7/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Who's there?

Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

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By DJ - United States

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

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By fezhafeez - Singapore - Singapore

Today, the girl I like asked me to take over her shift at the place we both work at. Being nice, I readily took over. Later, I found out she went on a date with my best friend. He knows I like her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

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By silentsuzie - United States

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

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By fatpooch - Canada

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Gosport

It wasn't me

Today, my partner thought I was having an affair because I received a video call but declined it. It was from my daughter, and I declined it because I was already on a video call with my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

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By mack - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

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By baconbxtch - United States - Orlando

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

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By pothole - United States

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 13:58

Bad timing

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

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By Anonyme - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

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Top comments

By BUDWEISER | 0

#447087 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:06

He obviously doesn't care bout you then. haha
or he was lookin for professional help

By woxy | 0

#447109 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:12

Dont marry the guy.

COMMENTS

By Mylife_is_so_fd | 0

#447084 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:05

hahahahahha sucks to be you you should probly dump him though

Reply

prayyoubitch | 0

#447153 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:35

Fhdjfjf

Reply

FmyLinNY | 0

#447657 - Saturday 1 August 2009 16:40

At first I thought this said "I went to a huge cock..."

Reply

little_vivy | 0

#448137 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:48

LOL, same.

Reply

MsTs1 | 0

#448218 - Saturday 1 August 2009 20:19

YDI for going to concerts and feeding money to rich ass mothers fuckers , just turn up the music in ur house and there, you got a concert, btw, dont forget to download the music off of limewire or some other program you dont pay for

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#449276 - Sunday 2 August 2009 3:41

Not all bands that hold concerts have big labels.

FYL, OP. Your boyfriend's a bit of a douche... since, obviously, you wouldn't post this if he was just getting help or something. At least I would hope you're not... that exaggeration is throwing me.

Reply

lolbulla | 0

#452645 - Monday 3 August 2009 8:09

maybe you couldn't see him?

Reply

JKr3slEMO | 5

#4664969 - Sunday 8 July 2012 17:36

what concert?

By JarJarBinks_fml | 0

#447086 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:06

So leave him. Problem solved.

By BUDWEISER | 0

#447087 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:06

He obviously doesn't care bout you then. haha
or he was lookin for professional help

Reply

s_t_e_p_h | 0

#447498 - Saturday 1 August 2009 15:08

Being completely impartial to both of you, I can testify that you both look stupid. :)

By woxy | 0

#447109 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:12

Dont marry the guy.

Reply

cwl727 | 32

#5895825 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 23:20

Nobody ever said anything about getting married.

By SlipKnoT666SiCN | 0

#447128 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:21

YDI if it wasn't Slipknot. But then again, YDI still for calling them a "rock" band when they are clearly metal.

By nofrillz | 0

#447138 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:25

was this in kelowna?

By prayyoubitch | 0

#447156 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:37

YDI for being weak shit

By Shizden | 0

#447168 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:46

YDI for knowing about this website.

By Nacirema20 | 0

#447175 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:54

wat an ass..!

btw which band did u go to see? just curious... lol

By toodles54321 | 0

#447183 - Saturday 1 August 2009 10:01

sucks for you