Health: Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half... - FML

By passedoutpolly - United States

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

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Sorry…

This Charming Man

Triage

By fredfredburger - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

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By Highnapple - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

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By FML FML FML!!

Today, we had to do a scene from Romeo and Juliet. I was Romeo, and this really pretty girl was Juliet. When she found out she was with me, I heard her say "FML." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2021 02:01

In the same boat

Today, I'm extremely depressed because I can't play live music due to this stupid virus. I can't get a date or even a hug, and the career I worked for seven years toward was totally destroyed. All my friends are too busy for me, unless they need a favor. I hate my life. I need a hug. I'm not going to get it. FML

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By Ya_I_said_it

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

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By hatemyluck - United States - Bronx

Today, my boyfriend was showing me photos on his iPod when he came across a photo of a half-naked girl. He tried to play it off by quickly changing it, only to reveal even more half-naked girls. FML

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By cman - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

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By Anon. - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML

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By bill - United States

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 2 years of paying off the insurance fees after an accident, I got rear-ended. It was the same driver who crashed into me the first time. FML

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By lala - United States

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

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By jobless - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

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By Zoey_M - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML

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By I did them anyway - New Zealand

Today, my flatmate asked me to wash the large pile of dishes on the bench, and if I would start on cleaning the house which was a total mess. This would have been fine if I hadn't just walked in after being away for a week. FML

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By Thomas P.

Today, I parked in my "employee of the month" parking spot by the front of the store and started my shift. About halfway through my shift, a customer backed into my vehicle, got out and checked, then drove off before I could come outside. Perks of being the best employee I can be. FML

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By Rejected - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

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By failure - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

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By hate

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

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By HopelessGRLF

Today, I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site, and he asked if we could meet up and what we should do. When I suggested ice-skating he told me he was in a wheelchair, so I said we could go for a walk instead. I realised my mistake the moment I sent the message. FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By nja - 12/7/2020 23:01

Socializing

Today, it's the first day in 14 weeks I've got dressed up and gone out anywhere other than to go food shopping. Shame it’s to attend a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Goodyear

Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML

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By menerethrr - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

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By rnw - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

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By gingerbetty - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

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By geena - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

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By S3XY_SiNG3R

Confinement, episode 3774

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Neunkirchen

Today, I returned to Germany for a break from my studies abroad. I got lost while out for groceries, so I tried asking a guy for directions. I went totally blank and strained to think of the right words, prompting him to mutter about rude foreigners not bothering to learn the local language. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

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By alex - United States

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

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By maggierose171 - United States - Rosendale

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

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By fmylifebad - United States

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

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By jane smith - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

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By drama king? - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

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Top comments

By BUDWEISER | 0

#447087 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:06

He obviously doesn't care bout you then. haha
or he was lookin for professional help

By woxy | 0

#447109 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:12

Dont marry the guy.

COMMENTS

By Mylife_is_so_fd | 0

#447084 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:05

hahahahahha sucks to be you you should probly dump him though

Reply

prayyoubitch | 0

#447153 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:35

Fhdjfjf

Reply

FmyLinNY | 0

#447657 - Saturday 1 August 2009 16:40

At first I thought this said "I went to a huge cock..."

Reply

little_vivy | 0

#448137 - Saturday 1 August 2009 19:48

LOL, same.

Reply

MsTs1 | 0

#448218 - Saturday 1 August 2009 20:19

YDI for going to concerts and feeding money to rich ass mothers fuckers , just turn up the music in ur house and there, you got a concert, btw, dont forget to download the music off of limewire or some other program you dont pay for

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#449276 - Sunday 2 August 2009 3:41

Not all bands that hold concerts have big labels.

FYL, OP. Your boyfriend's a bit of a douche... since, obviously, you wouldn't post this if he was just getting help or something. At least I would hope you're not... that exaggeration is throwing me.

Reply

lolbulla | 0

#452645 - Monday 3 August 2009 8:09

maybe you couldn't see him?

Reply

JKr3slEMO | 5

#4664969 - Sunday 8 July 2012 17:36

what concert?

By JarJarBinks_fml | 0

#447086 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:06

So leave him. Problem solved.

By BUDWEISER | 0

#447087 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:06

He obviously doesn't care bout you then. haha
or he was lookin for professional help

Reply

s_t_e_p_h | 0

#447498 - Saturday 1 August 2009 15:08

Being completely impartial to both of you, I can testify that you both look stupid. :)

By woxy | 0

#447109 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:12

Dont marry the guy.

Reply

cwl727 | 32

#5895825 - Tuesday 25 March 2014 23:20

Nobody ever said anything about getting married.

By SlipKnoT666SiCN | 0

#447128 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:21

YDI if it wasn't Slipknot. But then again, YDI still for calling them a "rock" band when they are clearly metal.

By nofrillz | 0

#447138 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:25

was this in kelowna?

By prayyoubitch | 0

#447156 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:37

YDI for being weak shit

By Shizden | 0

#447168 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:46

YDI for knowing about this website.

By Nacirema20 | 0

#447175 - Saturday 1 August 2009 9:54

wat an ass..!

btw which band did u go to see? just curious... lol

By toodles54321 | 0

#447183 - Saturday 1 August 2009 10:01

sucks for you