Health: Today, I went to a hospital in Uganda, where I'm working with... - FML

By MalariaFree - Uganda

Today, I went to a hospital in Uganda, where I'm working with an NGO for the summer. I had a high fever and other symptoms of malaria. They gave me a test, and I don't have malaria. I am now however sick from the water they gave me to wash down a medication to reduce fever. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Bad guy (duh)

Billy no-mates

By Username - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

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By dontpeeonmenxtime - United States

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

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By Timmah - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

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By Konstantine - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

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By RyanM - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

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By unacceptable - Australia

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

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By TheBuster

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yorktown

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

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By ad4 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and sweet 16 balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I will be 17. FML

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By Sean - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

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By cwell88

Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen so I went to work. On my walk to work a girl pulls up on my bike and says I need to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. Hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass as police surround me and accuse me of stealing my own bike. FML

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By why?

Unreasonable demands

Today, my close friend who’s always been incredibly vocal about how much she hates children, never wants to be around them or have anything to do with them, stopped speaking to me. She’s incredibly "hurt" that I asked another friend to be my unborn child's godmother instead of her. FML

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By leonuniz - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandma told me point-blank that she despises gays, but that she'll go to my wedding for the booze and nothing more. FML

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By SHIT-BREATH - United Kingdom - Chepstow

Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

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By Darling_Cherry - United States

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Dominican Republic

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML

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By bubblegum92 - Australia - Perth

Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML

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By Stung - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

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By HGTV - United States - Boston

Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML

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By knickedleg - France

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

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By tapeissticky591 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Red Bank

Today, my dad and I got into an argument. When I was proven wrong, he said, "Good job, genius." I shot back the first thing that popped into my head, which was "I am not a genius!" He laughed and says that if I die before him, he's having that engraved on my tombstone. FML

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By whythebunny - United States - Bastrop

Today, in an effort to look more professional at work, I wore high heels. My boss decided today would be a great day for me to walk around on the sidewalk holding a sign to advertise instead of doing the job I was hired for. FML

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By kittykat033 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML

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By exfishowner

Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

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By biggieT - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

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By ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By Brokebitch2017

Today, I finally got my phone and internet services reinstated after a billing mishap. During the week that I was without service, I had 3 requests for interviews and a position offer. None of those opportunities are still available. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband was kind enough to hold my hair back while I was going down on him, but didn't have the thought to comfort me this morning while I suffered the effects of morning sickness. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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By Ashton

Today, my girlfriend told me I have a doppelganger on campus who looks just like me, but way cuter. She got his phone number. FML

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Top comments

By readytofall69 | 0

#303963 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:13

That sucks but is at least your helping ugandians I commend you for that.

By wikifoo | 0

#304089 - Sunday 14 June 2009 17:06

Sorry about that ;however , THANK YOU for your humanatarian efforts

COMMENTS

By FreddyLunch | 0

#303934 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:03

Exotic and erotic.

By skullet | 0

#303936 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:03

whoa that sucks :(

Reply

friedchickenpie | 14

#4587108 - Tuesday 19 June 2012 19:15

I know, right? Uganda be kidding me.

By funsize003 | 0

#303953 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:09

well that sucks big hairy balllsss.

By readytofall69 | 0

#303963 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:13

That sucks but is at least your helping ugandians I commend you for that.

Reply

CupcakePookie | 0

#392858 - Monday 13 July 2009 17:20

it's ugandans not ugandians..lol

By Fllyleaf | 0

#303974 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:18

Awwwwh..

By boundforglorywt | 0

#303977 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:18

7th

By touchableturtle | 0

#303978 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:18

that sounds really interesting. when you get back home it'll make a good story.

as a side note, i'm seething with jealousy for your interesting life.

By lesp | 6

#303987 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:20

Don't they boil it first to avoid this kinda thing?

By perfectwinds | 0

#303991 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:21

Don't drink the water... But hindsight is 20/20 they say. =P

By burkey | 0

#303992 - Sunday 14 June 2009 16:21

oo I feel you dude, I was working with a NGO in Peru last month, and I've been sick ever since