Today, I went to a concert for the first time in 5 years. I got... - FML

By Meg93

Today, I went to a concert for the first time in 5 years. I got all dressed up and even ended up hanging out with the band. The night came to a screeching halt when I got a migraine and ended up in the ER vomiting non-stop. I was in the hospital all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1818

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

Messed up

Season finale

This Charming Man

By Clumsy - United States

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50455

You deserved it

5457

Tweet

Share

By All The Best People Are Crazy~ - Canada - Oakville

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8921

You deserved it

1259

Tweet

Share

By AliRocks - United States

Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18840

You deserved it

26587

Tweet

Share

By Tonya - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50120

You deserved it

7739

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73820

You deserved it

5265

Tweet

Share

By #[email protected]

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2718

You deserved it

625

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1835

You deserved it

160

Tweet

Share

By Grand Slam - Belgium - Leuven

Today, I had a dream in which I was playing tennis. As I hit a powerful serve, I suddenly woke up due to having slapped myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46665

You deserved it

6712

Tweet

Share

By impatient amy - Ireland

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26797

You deserved it

2852

Tweet

Share

By obsessed - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9223

You deserved it

89117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28400

You deserved it

7099

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24181

You deserved it

2547

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Middlewich

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28340

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By embarrassedhubby - Canada

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30365

You deserved it

6377

Tweet

Share

By Gutted. - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day's work and emotional argument with my best friend, I sent my boyfriend a text telling him how much I loved him and cherished him in the hopes he would cheer me up with a romantic reply. He said "Sorry, I've only got 8 texts left." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57234

You deserved it

6760

Tweet

Share

By yamsterr - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up denial and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33850

You deserved it

6660

Tweet

Share

By sopissed - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29576

You deserved it

3605

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3333

You deserved it

468

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60556

You deserved it

5466

Tweet

Share

By CallmeEddie - United States - Joliet

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45802

You deserved it

4887

Tweet

Share

By Eve - Ireland

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40963

You deserved it

10674

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3681

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By Non-active - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49183

You deserved it

3246

Tweet

Share

By :-( - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53964

You deserved it

3619

Tweet

Share

By Crog - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally kicked a child down a set of steps. I work in a kids play area. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17784

You deserved it

31760

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

You tried

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

You deserved it

623

Tweet

Share

By Mellamononeyobiz - United States - Hooper

Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21057

You deserved it

1614

Tweet

Share

By people suck - United States - Oakland

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32289

You deserved it

2503

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

31227

You deserved it

3029

Tweet

Share

By THATguy - United States

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37978

You deserved it

2283

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26896

You deserved it

3529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bedford

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24876

You deserved it

1906

Tweet

Share

By dogpatch087 - United States - Ventura

Shout the victory

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1686

You deserved it

466

Tweet

Share

By MGZ - United States

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45255

You deserved it

8539

Tweet

Share

By Failed Parent - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27822

You deserved it

4614

Tweet

Share

By jelrid - United States - Holt

Today, my worst fears were realized as an insect pinged off the back of my mouth while I was singing along to the radio on my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9853

You deserved it

3903

Tweet

Share

By DemonicDummy

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10580

You deserved it

2654

Tweet

Share

By BookBabe - United States - Panorama City

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11245

You deserved it

37799

Tweet

Share

By cold-n-stinky - United States

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31738

You deserved it

9264

Tweet

Share

By lindora - 14/9/2020 17:00 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop

Today, I counted 3 weeks since my new roommate scooped the poop out of her two cats' litter boxes. Also, she keeps rubbing in my face that she takes such good care of the cats, and I can only pretend to nod in agreement. There’s five more months on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1125

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7815761 - Thursday 27 June 2019 0:43

I hope the band didn’t blame themselves for you becoming violently ill.

If I were to see Journey, I’d certainly puke non-stop.

By Jackey | 29

#7815780 - Thursday 27 June 2019 2:43

They "Faithfully" come to you with "Open Arms," and you're going to show them "Who's Crying now?" Dude, when it comes to Journey you need to "Be Good To Yourself" and go your"Separate Ways"

COMMENTS

By 404wan | 19

#7815759 - Thursday 27 June 2019 0:04

FYL indeed.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7815761 - Thursday 27 June 2019 0:43

I hope the band didn’t blame themselves for you becoming violently ill.

If I were to see Journey, I’d certainly puke non-stop.

Reply

Jackey | 29

#7815780 - Thursday 27 June 2019 2:43

They "Faithfully" come to you with "Open Arms," and you're going to show them "Who's Crying now?" Dude, when it comes to Journey you need to "Be Good To Yourself" and go your"Separate Ways"

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7815787 - Thursday 27 June 2019 4:06

Don't do that again. Ever. I've never cringed so hard in my life.
Plus, RP isn't alone in his vomit-inducing hatred of Journey.

Reply

Darebearius | 7

#7815791 - Thursday 27 June 2019 4:27

Comedy Gold

Reply

Jackey | 29

#7815842 - Thursday 27 June 2019 8:15

Any Way You Want It/ That's The Way You Need It

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7815850 - Thursday 27 June 2019 8:23

Well, to spite them, I've stopped believin'

By kyleivy | 7

#7815781 - Thursday 27 June 2019 2:46

which pill did you try?