Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When... - FML

By dieold - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8752

You deserved it

33915

Tweet

Share

The opposite of a good idea

Honesty is the best policy

Where are you?

By redcherries90 - United States

Today, I slipped on the new snow and sprained my ankle. As my mom and I were leaving the emergency room, she says, "You owe me $4 for parking," and she meant it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31601

You deserved it

3979

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Bangladesh - Dhaka

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49615

You deserved it

5500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I had a teaching job interview. After giving my demo lesson, I was told by the director that I had given it on the wrong topic. Turns out, I never got the e-mail with the instructions for the interview. Now I'm definitely not getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1805

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By Erin - United States

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8345

You deserved it

20559

Tweet

Share

By Lou Czar - United States

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16742

You deserved it

80963

Tweet

Share

By ohdear. - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41857

You deserved it

4725

Tweet

Share

By candie - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46443

You deserved it

4282

Tweet

Share

By Firepants - Canada

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29400

You deserved it

4080

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18390

You deserved it

47903

Tweet

Share

By claustrophobic - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13250

You deserved it

884

Tweet

Share

By oops1234 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62365

You deserved it

17389

Tweet

Share

By annoyed

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3590

You deserved it

472

Tweet

Share

By LAME - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41598

You deserved it

12303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40703

You deserved it

5959

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17653

You deserved it

29842

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32020

You deserved it

4826

Tweet

Share

By Lilahpaints

My Baby Boy

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2232

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By RoseTylerTheDoctor - United States - Boise

Today, I told my crush how I feel about him. It's been over 12 hours and he still says he's thinking about it. I asked him about it ; he says he's thinking of how to reject me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3919

You deserved it

406

Tweet

Share

By Me - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31142

You deserved it

1641

Tweet

Share

By cathouse - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32802

You deserved it

4203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36490

You deserved it

4849

Tweet

Share

By notattractiveatall - Australia - Newcastle

Today, two girls came up to me on the street and asked if they could take a photo with me for their high school scavenger hunt, because they needed a picture with a stranger. One of the girls shook her head and said to the other, "It needs to be an attractive stranger" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25671

You deserved it

1748

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39065

You deserved it

4047

Tweet

Share

By hannamacintosh - Canada - Toronto

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10637

You deserved it

1557

Tweet

Share

By ajwwfc - 19/10/2020 23:03 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Bored of you

Today, I realised that whenever I make eye contact with a stranger, I yawn. I work at a McDonald's FML

I agree, your life sucks

781

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64891

You deserved it

7733

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3733

You deserved it

11814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 23:00

Incognito browsing

Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks

856

You deserved it

1999

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22621

You deserved it

1977

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland - Navan

Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, "sorry, little man". Turns out he actually was a "little person". FML

I agree, your life sucks

7138

You deserved it

1114

Tweet

Share

By Trainspotting - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

40653

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By notwasted39 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54816

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By Well this Is Awkward - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45798

You deserved it

6584

Tweet

Share

By prian - Canada

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9512

You deserved it

36190

Tweet

Share

By Oh... - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3449

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By LordCrafte - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52295

You deserved it

3220

Tweet

Share

By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12706

You deserved it

1479

Tweet

Share

By George - United States - Vancouver

Today, I got a new girlfriend. Unfortunately, the last girl I asked out just responded to my relationship request on Facebook. It's been 4 hours, and my new girlfriend already thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16452

You deserved it

46552

Tweet

Share

By lolographic24 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25261

You deserved it

4121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3997

You deserved it

432

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By toomuchcoffee | 0

#39479 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 5:07

Good thing it wasn't her little brother.

By lemonkid44 | 0

#996 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 5:22

ahhh duuude that suckkkkkssss. damn. you should really look next time you play grab ass though

COMMENTS

By lemonkid44 | 0

#996 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 5:22

ahhh duuude that suckkkkkssss. damn. you should really look next time you play grab ass though

Reply

truelyawesome | 0

#840707 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 9:51

like u didn't enjoy it ;)

Reply

billyhirvine09 | 0

#973996 - Sunday 4 April 2010 16:33

did u like it

Reply

pandalovesreggae | 0

#1510754 - Thursday 7 October 2010 8:27

ew. ydi for being nasty and into PDA at family parties.

Reply

DenBriZel | 31

#5739107 - Saturday 2 November 2013 11:22

My thought is why would OP even do that at his girlfriend's little brother's birthday party? Save it for alone time and it wouldn't have happened.

By azraelthemongo | 0

#23663 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 1:30

Oh God the shame you must endure for the rest of your relationship. You should really watch where you're putting those hands.

By toomuchcoffee | 0

#39479 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 5:07

Good thing it wasn't her little brother.

Reply

MmissyT | 8

#1376492 - Thursday 9 September 2010 13:12

lmao thtts wht i was thinkkin

By redhusk89 | 0

#65316 - Saturday 28 March 2009 20:37

Note to self: keep hands to self when around parents
could be worse at least you grabassed through the pants. and at least it was the ass you grabbed....

Reply

girandwogpig | 0

#377848 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 5:58

It actually could have been worse....he could have grabbed the mom!!!!

Reply

lalagirl912 | 0

#1016938 - Thursday 3 June 2010 3:41

he could have went UNDER the pants!!

By Nottooeffed | 0

#101566 - Saturday 11 April 2009 8:09

Basically, don't be a horny bastard at a little kid's birthday party. And if you do, paying attention is good.

By 24788 | 6

#155955 - Thursday 30 April 2009 7:32

Wow, FYL on that one.

By josh60637 | 0

#265062 - Thursday 4 June 2009 11:00

uhh, what? you didn't even know who's ass it was?

By Stevenj | 0

#284594 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 1:14

LOL , i'm sorry for you , even i can't stop laughing

By patedog | 0

#285320 - Tuesday 9 June 2009 8:30

lol at least you didnt try to grab her boobs.

By gorbagil | 0

#474461 - Monday 10 August 2009 17:36

And also, LMAO at 13