Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair... - FML

By Harmonia - 26/1/2009 10:09 - France

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I go. I then return with another pair for him to try on, and find him bent over and blurt out "What the hell's that terrible underwear?". The man turns around, revealing that I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

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Breaking Badly

The end of the road

Inspirational tale

By Just_do_it_17 - 9/5/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, after being out of the closet for over three years, I learned that some of my friends still don't believe me that I am really a lesbian. They still think I made the whole thing up because I can't get a man. FML

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By notmarryingyou - 10/9/2014 17:16 - United States - Bothell

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

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By Noname - 20/2/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

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By niki - 10/1/2013 02:37 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

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By bored2death - 23/7/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

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By QueenCee - 2/4/2015 02:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at work, a guy complained about me "touching his fries." At first I thought it was a joke, because he kept smiling, even after I offered him new ones. I realized it wasn't a joke when he threw the fries on the counter. FML

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By ohgod. - 10/10/2012 02:59 - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to spend three hours looking at a fat guy's butt crack, seated directly in front of me in an exam. I'm pretty sure it lowered my grade. FML

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By Kaite - 3/5/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

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By Witos - 10/4/2013 06:54 - United States - Chandler

Today, my mom started fundraising and selling things on ebay. At first I was happy because I thought she was finally going to help me pay my college tuition. Turns out she's planning on raising money to get our dog a new friend because she's "lonely". FML

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By mack - 25/10/2009 08:54 - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2009 08:02 - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

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By joyness - 20/12/2012 14:49 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

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By I'm_Not_Interested - 6/7/2015 05:30 - United States - Reno

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

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By RatCityChick - 27/6/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

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By bojangles - 28/2/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

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By vcarder - 26/9/2009 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

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By cheap - 18/6/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

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By mn051299 - 10/2/2016 09:09 - Switzerland - Richterswil

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

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By Sarah - 10/3/2009 17:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

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By monkey2069 - 13/5/2014 13:58 - United States - Elgin

Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML

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By Hannah - 17/6/2011 21:24 - Ireland

Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

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By Zaak - 25/3/2018 06:00

Ouch.

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

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By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

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By buccaneer - 23/10/2012 16:26 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

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By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

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By k - 16/2/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looks at me and asks "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML

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By mel - 18/1/2013 23:18 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

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By knepmj - 16/3/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

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By short&stout - 26/8/2017 20:00

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

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By please don't back that thing up - 9/8/2013 05:00 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

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By masterfail - 4/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

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By time to buy a gun - 2/11/2015 04:22 - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By noname - 25/6/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

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By sciencetime - 10/12/2016 11:33

Today, I had environmental science class. My teacher doesn't believe humans are affecting climate change or that we should protect endangered species. He slants class discussions so now all my classmates agree with him. FML

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By rachelllynne - 9/5/2013 17:44 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

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Top comments

By danhxcore | 0

#42323 - Thursday 19 March 2009 7:59

This is just terrible story telling

By vooper | 0

#288785 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 6:11

I had to read that three times before I got it haha.
shenanigans, also.

COMMENTS

By rachelroller | 0

#9514 - Saturday 28 February 2009 23:18

Either your lying or the guy in the dressing room is stupid. I would definitely notice if some stranger came into my dressing room before they even said anything.

Reply

shinshoku13 | 19

#4132108 - Wednesday 7 March 2012 14:22

He was shocked into silence?

Reply

hausmad1 | 3

#4862524 - Sunday 26 August 2012 15:50

Some stores have like customer service workers getting stuff for u cud have thought it was one of then

By danhxcore | 0

#42323 - Thursday 19 March 2009 7:59

This is just terrible story telling

By 24788 | 6

#156011 - Thursday 30 April 2009 8:11

HAHA, that's great. A good fml.

By kizz_fml | 0

#164111 - Sunday 3 May 2009 11:13

why wasnt the door locked?
you lying!

Reply

NisaSayshi | 24

#6641638 - Saturday 2 July 2016 12:02

There are places where there are no locks. For instance in this country. Maybe in France its the same.

By vooper | 0

#288785 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 6:11

I had to read that three times before I got it haha.
shenanigans, also.

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#311398 - Saturday 16 May 2009 1:14

why doesnt this have more comments. this is funny.
lmao!

By famo5 | 5

#400487 - Thursday 16 July 2009 6:07

ok, 1, the guy was bending down so he didn't see. and
2, instead of having a door with a lock, it could of been one that had curtains.

By skgirl | 0

#503222 - Friday 21 August 2009 0:31

wow so wait why wasn't door locked and why were you in mens dressing room with your boy friend they didnt say any thing when you walked in unless your a guy i guess then never mind idk i was just sayin

Reply

hayleyjames | 0

#893732 - Friday 26 February 2010 11:11

for all of you that are saying she is lying because the door would of been locked did you ever think that maybe it wasn't a door it was a curtain that you pull over and you don't really need to open them the full way you can slip in those without making any noise

By dee321 | 0

#971596 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 4:31

call me stupid but I don't get it....

By michael888 | 0

#989634 - Sunday 9 May 2010 5:30

ur stupid