Love and Intimacy: Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a...

By wheel 4 - 01/12/2017 05:00

Today, I went out with my best friend, his girlfriend, and a girl they've been wanting to introduce to me. I thought they wanted to set us up, but it turns out they're a throuple and wanted me to be the first to know. I think I'm the first fourth wheel in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 231

You deserved it 363

Love Intimacy

Vulture

Compromises

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 05:00

Today, I found a leather book in my husband's sock drawer with "BRO CODE" on the front. It was blank except for the last page, which said, "NICE TRY SUSAN BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BRO CODE IS UNWRITTEN AND FOR GUYS ONLY". Well-played, husband. Well-played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 4 409

By blah - 19/01/2016 20:53 - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 514

You deserved it 3 491

By Phantommajik - 10/05/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 744

You deserved it 20 295

By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997 - 24/06/2019 03:00

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 2 131

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 271

By menerethrr - 05/02/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 919

You deserved it 53 186

By Pimpleeater - 20/12/2011 07:45 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 392

You deserved it 5 648

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 54 211

By Anonymous - 29/12/2014 02:49 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 17 889

By Liav - 23/01/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 801

You deserved it 1 654

By aranya - 14/06/2012 22:51 - Netherlands - Hengevelde

Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 558

You deserved it 3 853

By lifesucksbigtimefuys - 04/12/2011 08:36 - United Kingdom

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for years asked if I could be her "emergency gay friend". Worst part? I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 601

You deserved it 26 629

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 067

You deserved it 4 357

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 837

You deserved it 3 547

By NotMacklemore - 13/02/2015 04:59 - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 499

You deserved it 3 083

By tanksfan - 05/01/2010 05:55 - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than 2 years, I decided to quit. I come home from work and I see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 393

You deserved it 41 789

By Gustav Fjorder - 04/07/2011 07:27 - Switzerland

Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 805

You deserved it 10 301

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 559

You deserved it 3 849

By sore - 04/01/2010 11:30 - France

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 636

You deserved it 3 849

By ;_;" - 27/09/2013 21:33 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 802

You deserved it 10 552

By burnnnnn - 22/02/2010 01:31 - Ecuador

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 2 801

By Nikki - 03/08/2009 13:26 - United States

Today, I was baby sitting my little cousin when we decided to go outside and have a "treasure hunt" in the backyard. The first thing we found? The bones of her pet dog that had passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 216

You deserved it 5 684

By colorfulgina - 12/12/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 287

You deserved it 6 479

By SkeetinKeaton - 06/05/2013 06:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 133

You deserved it 6 532

Bad encounter

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 05:00

Today, while finishing shopping with my kids, my female best friend and I were accosted by a called street preacher. He screamed that we were an abomination, having biracial children was a sin against nature and we were ruining America. Not only we are not gay and he made my kids cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 316

By CPN - 14/03/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 257

You deserved it 9 091

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 2 546

What a treat

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Sainte Genevieve

Today, I asked if my friend wanted to come meet my dog and give him a treat. We were walking to my back yard, her holding 3 hot dogs, when she said, "I think your dog is dead!" I said, "No, he's just old and sleeps all the time and won't wake up until you pet him because he's deaf." He was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 531

You deserved it 646

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 687

You deserved it 3 491

By Anonymous - 17/05/2013 20:10 - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 035

You deserved it 13 452

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 834

You deserved it 14 130

By Kate - 07/06/2011 07:50 - United States

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 598

You deserved it 44 050

By parenting_failure - 20/03/2011 16:10 - France

Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 015

You deserved it 8 722

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 09:33 - Australia

Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 5 657

Weird reason, but OK

By hurt - 30/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 269

You deserved it 398

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 978

You deserved it 6 520

By cricha4208 - 15/04/2014 14:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 065

You deserved it 4 247

By ramis182 - 27/03/2012 00:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 487

You deserved it 4 658

By Username - 02/08/2011 06:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 2 855

By HungerStrike - 29/12/2013 23:28 - Czech Republic - Hostivice

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 110

You deserved it 3 553

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Top comments

CoyoteOldOne 17

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Friday 1 December 2017 6:33

PhantomCrevan 8

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Sunday 19 November 2017 6:39

Comments

PhantomCrevan 8

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Sunday 19 November 2017 6:39

CoyoteOldOne 17

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Friday 1 December 2017 6:32

But i like throuple! Aw!

Noelletakumi 36

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Friday 1 December 2017 8:07

I’ve only ever heard them referred to as a throuple, honestly.

realjojo 11

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Friday 1 December 2017 9:34

So...A triad/throuple with a friend thought (personal pronoun) is unneeded is called a "Car"? Or tricycle with a spare?

Joshawott 21

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Friday 1 December 2017 11:44

Maybe don't refer to yourself as being in a "triad" when visiting China though ;)

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 1 December 2017 5:45

Obviously, they need you to hold the camera. Also, you can finger the girl who is taking the secondary role.

CoyoteOldOne 17

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Friday 1 December 2017 6:28

How rude.

jkjorn 15

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Friday 1 December 2017 15:16

should've stopped after the first sentence, dude. The second one is why I thumb's downed it.

ChakatBlackstar 29

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Friday 1 December 2017 22:28

It's rather rude to assume someone has a "secondary" role. There's no rule saying they can't love each other equally after all.

ohsnapword 21

Saturday 2 December 2017 18:27

'm assuming you mean fingering her belly button. Only after flicking her nipples.

CoyoteOldOne 17

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Friday 1 December 2017 6:31

I know you may have been surprised, or confused, and that is understandable. But they really were probably making a very respextful show of honor and trust in you to come out to you. I would just talk to your friends, and be supportive. If you ask qurstions kindly and respectfully, your questions may help them know what sort of things to expect from others. That may help them with future conversations. Anyway, how nice for your friends, and you!

CoyoteOldOne 17

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Friday 1 December 2017 6:33

PhantomCrevan 8

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Friday 1 December 2017 12:17

Technically- even though there are terms like triad and quartet that most of the polyamorous communities agree on as being "more correct"- you can call a polyamorous group anything. As long as the group doesn't object, and you aren't doing it to make fun of or insult them, that is. Apparently "throuple" has become more accepted and used since I was researching polyamory, as an example. Some people also call their polyamorous group a "pack" so that they don't have to find a new term if they gain or lose partners.

ViviMage 38

Saturday 2 December 2017 2:56

They'd be a Tetris!

Yudith 20

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Friday 1 December 2017 13:03

You may now start to use the expression "I am the fifth wheel of their carriage".

ChakatBlackstar 29

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Friday 1 December 2017 22:31

I think it's time to retire "[x#] wheel" as the term given that four wheels is normal for a car and many types of vehicles have larger numbers then that. Might I suggest "spare wheel" instead?