Love: Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful...

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 251

You deserved it 3 904

Love

Vulture

Mama's boy

Nice place

By Maggie - 18/03/2013 19:38 - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 546

You deserved it 3 489

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home, she thanked me over and over again, and then said, "Thank god you have no life!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 657

You deserved it 4 485

By Roxas - 14/02/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 746

You deserved it 3 227

By Joel_mama - 27/07/2009 01:12 - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 900

You deserved it 20 717

By Anonymous - 03/12/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, my parents insisted that despite the fact I've just turned sixteen, I have to save them money by ordering from the children's menu, because I "still look like a twelve year old". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 665

You deserved it 4 095

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 117

You deserved it 3 932

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 219

You deserved it 7 616

By C0olgirl - 03/04/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 533

You deserved it 225 702

By KMAC - 16/03/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 3 333

By fmltom - 16/12/2015 02:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 681

You deserved it 1 651

By notagoodtime - 06/02/2016 20:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 838

You deserved it 5 084

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 22:01

Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 197

By Joe - 04/08/2011 18:28 - United States

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 784

You deserved it 125 879

By Niquesha - 23/04/2011 23:56 - United States

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 927

You deserved it 34 554

By backtothelaundrettethen - 03/12/2012 11:40 - Germany

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 874

You deserved it 3 844

By buses suck - 15/11/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 364

You deserved it 2 219

By NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus - 29/07/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 562

You deserved it 1 472

By Rosie - 06/09/2016 12:13 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 076

You deserved it 1 679

By Nick - 23/08/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 497

You deserved it 2 301

Territorial

By Anonymous - 27/09/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted, "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 122

You deserved it 4 081

By RejectRaven - 29/12/2018 04:00

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 1 516

Safe working conditions

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 06:01

Today, at work, yet another inappropriately stacked pallet fell on me. I thought for sure that I just hit a nerve. Nope, I fractured my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 54

By Trey Wipperfurth-Eisner - 13/06/2019 05:15

Today, I woke up at 1:39 a.m. to my dad's phone going off, only to hear my parents having sex. It's now 2:12 a.m. and I can still hear them going at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 741

You deserved it 2 578

By Anonymous - 21/01/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 206

You deserved it 5 180

By Anonymous - 07/09/2013 22:22 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 488

You deserved it 3 878

By artist - 29/03/2013 11:12 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 804

You deserved it 4 505

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 3 714

By ???? - 25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 853

You deserved it 6 658

By Candy - 20/05/2010 12:37 - United States

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 334

You deserved it 56 481

Live Laugh Love

By ihatewalmart - 29/06/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, while at work, I saw a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said, "Yep… that just happened," and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 980

You deserved it 3 186

By Bonecrusher - 27/03/2015 22:50 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 366

You deserved it 5 311

By TehUglyLife - 29/07/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 850

You deserved it 14 130

By Sarah - 10/03/2009 17:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 828

You deserved it 29 801

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 999

By sadgirl - 23/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 876

You deserved it 56 112

By pikachu_43 - 21/03/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 585

You deserved it 4 175

We live in a society

By tlowbrim - 18/11/2020 02:02

Today, I'm working retail where masks are mandatory. A gentleman comes in with his mask below his chin. I politely say, "Hey dude, if you’re gonna shop here I'm going to need you to keep that mask on properly", to which he replies, "Fuck you, you stupid little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 240

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 795

You deserved it 3 725

Hi Zach!

By Breezie - 14/10/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, at work, a customer commented that I look like Zach Galifianakis. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 150

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Top comments

Welshite 39

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:03

Welp, just cross him off the list. Luckily you only wasted one date with him. It wasn't polite what he did, but at least he didn't lead you on.

sarah6786 14

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:08

Tell his girlfriend you went on a date. It's only fair.

Welshite 39

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:03

Welp, just cross him off the list. Luckily you only wasted one date with him. It wasn't polite what he did, but at least he didn't lead you on.

ViRepz 28

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:22

Well he sort of did, if the OP had a clear impression it was going to be a date.

FlyingPie 17

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Saturday 9 November 2013 18:03

"Wasn't polite what he did"? Talk like Yoda, you do.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 9 November 2013 18:14

His sentence was perfectly constructed. What the heck are you on about?!

michaelaranda 28

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Saturday 9 November 2013 19:27

#13, it was a date. it just helped the guy realize that cheating probably wasn't a good idea.

amisenho 11

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Tuesday 12 November 2013 23:24

Let me guess: it's not cheating if your partner feels bad about it, huh? I'd have to call an "OBJECTION!" on that.

colton_colton 49

Sunday 2 February 2014 23:21

That's true it's better find out now over later

jrock9093 18

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:04

Don't worry, there are plenty more real men out there that will treat you like a queen

Gingerette 8

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Saturday 9 November 2013 19:40

Eh. I don't mind a little fawning. Just a little, though. That's pretty much all it takes to make me feel politically powerful.

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 1:05

You serious all I said is she can get better and deserves better I treat my wife like she's everything and it's not trinkets and stuff like that it's respect and honesty

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 1:08

Really all I was saying is she deserves better and there's others out there that she can find no trinkets I treat my wife like a queen by trust and honesty that's not trinkets

bettyc4 26

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Sunday 10 November 2013 1:18

Jrock9093...MARRY ME!!!!

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 1:20

#52 thank you, for being absolutely right on what I meant! It seems like everyone wants to turn a comment about them selves! So thank you for sticking up for that

Thr33to16 8

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Sunday 10 November 2013 1:50

Not every girl deserves to be treated like a queen. Hell when is the last time a girl of this generation date a guy that was nice?

bettyc4 26

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Sunday 10 November 2013 2:03

Me.

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 2:37

#61 to bad you think that way, your the only one holding yourself back from happiness and to be frank with you I'm a very nice guy to my wife and all types of people because that's what they deserve

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 2:40

Perfect example #62 ;)

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 2:44

Also #61 read your profile you totally contradict it your not poking fun or making fun your complaining and crying just like you said you laughed at lol well laugh at your self stay true to what you wrote lol

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 2:46

And #58 in a heartbeat if I wasn't Madly in love with my wife ;)

jrock9093 18

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Sunday 10 November 2013 3:29

#58 I would in a heartbeat if I wasn't madly I love with my wife! I know you were jk but I hope you have a really good man also;)

bettyc4 26

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Sunday 10 November 2013 7:11

Ah I wish. But congratulations to you and your wife for finding love. Wish the best for you two.

jococo7787 3

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:05

Well you just got friendzoned...

AH1Zviper 15

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:45

Holy fucking shit. Does everybody that gets declined think they're friendzoned? Gain some sense. Now that I think about it, "friendzoned" has been popular with teenage guys lately. Maybe she/he is not interested? Maybe he/she just doesn't like you? I hate that people think this is a legitimate excuse for being declined when in reality it barely happens at all.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:55

Fuck it, I'm gonna join the bandwagon...and reject and friendzone myself. I'm now my own new best friend.

Gingerette 8

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Saturday 9 November 2013 19:43

25, you better treat you nicely. Give yourself lots of encouragement and backrubs. Also, be a good wingman to yourself.

Odis12 11

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Saturday 9 November 2013 20:45

25, no touching though! Friends don't touch friends!

Sports_guy3 28

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Sunday 10 November 2013 0:42

Exactly #24. I had at first thought I was being friendzoned, but realized that it was just a mismatch. There are other reasons besides a mismatch. S/he could be in a relationship already. S/he may just want to be just friends (Like me).

anotherbrittany 5

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Sunday 10 November 2013 3:53

49 It could be beneficial ;)

amisenho 11

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Tuesday 12 November 2013 23:28

#24: It's simply an excuse someone came up with to "justify" their bitter feelings toward someone who rejected them. It's an immature concept, but not an unpopular one.

TyT63 12

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:05

why do people do shit like that

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 9 November 2013 17:29

Insecurity.

sarah6786 14

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:08

Tell his girlfriend you went on a date. It's only fair.

AABabe 12

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:10

Just brush it off, there's plenty fish in the sea. It wasn't very polite what he did but like the other guy said, atleast he didn't lead you on.

SuperMew 22

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Saturday 9 November 2013 18:08

He did. He told her at the END of the date that he is moving in with his girlfriend. Sounds like he was seeing if he wanted to be with her by asking out Op.

jman26 11

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:12

Well, at least he was honest

Redgrass7 7

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:21

Not really. You go on a date with the assumption your date is like you, single.

wholock 12

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:18

Cross him off the list. Now.

MaryJaneUSA 4

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:45

I think he crossed himself off...

Harshdfml 14

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:18

Aim right between the legs and FIRE!

sunnyray812 42

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Saturday 9 November 2013 16:19

You can't assume it's a date if he didn't say it was. He thought of it as hanging out with a friend. I do feel sorry, though, about your disappointment. Don't worry. You'll find another nice man. I wish you much luck.