Love: Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23850

You deserved it

1951

Tweet

Share

Messed up

The Phoebe Technique

Emotional support

By depresso - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

115925

You deserved it

5072

Tweet

Share

By peestain - United Kingdom

Today, I babysat my neighbour's spoilt bratty twins. When I told them it was their bed time, they pushed me over. One then started smashing me with a plastic sword, and as I lay helpless on the floor the other one peed on me. I got owned by two five year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20629

You deserved it

32029

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40319

You deserved it

3687

Tweet

Share

By Unnoticed - Australia - Thornlie

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4063

You deserved it

306

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47976

You deserved it

3118

Tweet

Share

By Jesse from - United States

Today, I tried to act nonchalant in front of my neighbors, and swing my lanyard around with my keys on it. It flew off my finger and into their yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7222

You deserved it

38869

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

First impressions

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied, "I'm Kate thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23516

You deserved it

5409

Tweet

Share

By neveragain - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12434

You deserved it

30795

Tweet

Share

By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43207

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Marysville

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23764

You deserved it

3822

Tweet

Share

By toothache - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61264

You deserved it

4376

Tweet

Share

By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27350

You deserved it

22329

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tupelo

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26949

You deserved it

1795

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44884

You deserved it

29921

Tweet

Share

By Xabeix - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1759

You deserved it

291

Tweet

Share

By notmyfault - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26426

You deserved it

1880

Tweet

Share

By unaware - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8991

You deserved it

35186

Tweet

Share

By

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2256

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24700

You deserved it

4625

Tweet

Share

By margelover - Denmark

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38990

You deserved it

9005

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57920

You deserved it

5974

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 02:00

Live dumping

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

880

You deserved it

1862

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany - Oberursel

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42607

You deserved it

5354

Tweet

Share

By lindsey789 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38681

You deserved it

3020

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Australia

Today, my Dad's banjo arrived, as part of his mid-life crisis. It would be fine if he could play it but unfortunately he's tone deaf. He hasn't stopped playing it for the last 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27671

You deserved it

2682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at the urinal doing my business, my trousers fell all the way to the ground. As I bent down to pull them back up, my boss walked in the bathroom and thought I was mooning him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27871

You deserved it

3787

Tweet

Share

By mcds2 - United States

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48706

You deserved it

3495

Tweet

Share

By Juicy12Jham - United States

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of 2 hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26028

You deserved it

4445

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after getting home from the supermarket, I went to unlock the door so my dad could carry the groceries in. No matter how hard or how many different ways I tried, the lock wouldn't shift. My dad eventually grabbed the keys, twisted once, and after the door unlocked, called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35465

You deserved it

10568

Tweet

Share

By J-Sauce - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, a girl I like asked me to a concert, saying she had an extra ticket. I ended up being the third wheel with her and her boyfriend. Had to pay $60 for the ticket too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18421

You deserved it

2196

Tweet

Share

By Pr unlucky - Australia

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70415

You deserved it

6640

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 23:00

Not the one

Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went on a few dates with him. He’s actually confused as to why I’m upset about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

826

You deserved it

386

Tweet

Share

By laptopsRus - United States

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23873

You deserved it

45105

Tweet

Share

By Jessi - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28313

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By chicoallen - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27892

You deserved it

2205

Tweet

Share

By froulita - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend doesn't know if he should break up with me because he loves me too much, or to stay with me and make me suffer. I have no clue as to what's going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45009

You deserved it

5212

Tweet

Share

By Space†Witch

Today, I'm working a photography gig for a very prominent metal band. The doorman asked me for my I.D, which I happily obliged. I am 27, however I look like I'm still in my mid to late teens. He will not let me in, even with my I.D, and the band that hired me won't answer their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2993

You deserved it

183

Tweet

Share

By brokeaf - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11874

You deserved it

52431

Tweet

Share

By NotTodaySatan - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1876

You deserved it

302

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

I agree, your life sucks

14193

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2142

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By hayleybee44 | 12

#6473077 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:30

I've been on a date like that...super creepy!! Hang in there, girl. There are so many more opportunities to find the right guy or girl.

By Ninjahiga | 27

#6473081 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:32

Run and don't look back

COMMENTS

By hayleybee44 | 12

#6473077 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:30

I've been on a date like that...super creepy!! Hang in there, girl. There are so many more opportunities to find the right guy or girl.

Reply

skalavecci462 | 13

#6474679 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 3:45

Well, I can't say I know how you feel seeing that I haven't been on a date in two years, nor have I ever had an experience like such. However, I feel bad for you that you've had to go through such terror lmao

By UncleCaitlyn | 21

#6473078 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:31

He ended up getting a pity kiss right, that's what us guys live for

Reply

higgysaurus | 18

#6473115 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:59

Personally I enjoy getting kissed by someone who actually wants to kiss me.

Reply

wonandonly | 11

#6473172 - Sunday 29 November 2015 9:04

What?! No way, really? I've been living life the wrong way

By Ninjahiga | 27

#6473081 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:32

Run and don't look back

By feliciaheartu | 21

#6473083 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:34

At least he is not threatening to find out where you live and kill you I Guess?

By JayGatsby | 25

#6473084 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:34

This kind of reminds me of Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother, just a bit creepier.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6473092 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:36

I was just going to say that the guy really Mosby-ed that date up.

By dirty_dan_ | 15

#6473087 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:35

I've been on a date like that with a girl. It was scary because she seemed normal up until that moment.

By CharismaGeek | 19

#6473094 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:39

Must have been disappointing after six years. Tough luck, OP. Hopefully better dates will be in your future!

By A1NoSauce | 17

#6473095 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:39

I hope you at least let him down gently.

By scarlett3diaz | 24

#6473097 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:41

Why is dating so tough

By everythingelena | 28

#6473100 - Sunday 29 November 2015 6:43

run, run like the wind.

but keep your head up, there are other guys out there and more dates to go on.

some are good, some unfortunately aren't that great
but sorry that happened to you anon

Reply

littlekellilee | 45

#6473132 - Sunday 29 November 2015 7:17

Running with your head up sounds a bit dangerous. Watch out for uneven ground and holes.

Reply

everythingelena | 28

#6474883 - Tuesday 1 December 2015 10:54

well played ahaha