Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I... - FML

By work hard - 7/11/2016 12:38 - Canada - Petawawa

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

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Dangling modifier

Delayed proposal

Yappy neighborhood

By badluck - 21/7/2014 19:31 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, when he started browsing wedding rings. He found a ring, proposed to me right there in front of a crowd, and then was promptly denied a payment plan. We left without a ring. FML

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By undineA - 18/2/2014 20:16 - Greece - Thessalon?ki

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2018 14:00

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

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By tooembarrassed - 12/2/2016 15:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML

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By soapypete - 22/10/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

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By not-so-young-shortie - 18/2/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

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By anonymous - 17/11/2011 20:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

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By ... - 27/11/2008 05:30 - France

Today, I was in India. At the airport, the men and women were being searched separately. The guy welcoming us pointed me towards the women's area. I had to explain to him that I was a guy. It took 15 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

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By Meh - 1/3/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my husband invited a couple of his college friends over for dinner. While we were in the middle of eating, one of them asked loudly, "Hey, whatever happened to that fat bitch you dated in your third year?" We've been dating since his second year. FML

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By now what - 23/2/2015 23:52 - Canada

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

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By UnluckyTeen - 22/10/2009 11:29 - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

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By Ugh - 12/7/2019 04:00

Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML

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By Karmaisabitch - 18/5/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

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By rnw - 21/7/2016 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

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By Kelly - 2/8/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

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By Kristache - 2/7/2009 08:31 - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/6/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2016 10:55 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

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By Katsuria - 25/7/2020 14:01

Unreasonable

Today, my mother disowned me because I wouldn’t fill out her visa application for France so that she can see her boyfriend. The reason why I refused was because my husband and I are on our honeymoon, and would like to spend some time together. I guess that makes me a “useless” daughter. FML

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By can't sleep - 18/3/2014 08:36 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2012 05:24 - United States

Exposure

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

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By MakeMyDay_27 - 27/6/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

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By SoggyPancakes - 11/3/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

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By whatnot - 4/8/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

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By secret - 11/3/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

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By lifeofamusicteacher - 8/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

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By horny and alone - 4/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place and sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

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By QuinnyZebrass - 2/4/2013 04:11 - United States - Laveen

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 10:34 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2014 21:36 - United States - New York

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

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By arace15336 - 22/8/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

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By misty_love - 10/3/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#6710441 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:19

And that's when you moon-walk out the door while giving them a parting wave in the form of a one-finger salute.

By Rexsace102 | 5

#6710446 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:21

Hey guess what. Now they look like dicks and are short someone. So win-win

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#6710441 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:19

And that's when you moon-walk out the door while giving them a parting wave in the form of a one-finger salute.

Reply

hellnosucka | 27

#6710471 - Monday 7 November 2016 19:35

choose your one finger wisely.

Reply

derpina72 | 23

#6710584 - Tuesday 8 November 2016 5:56

I also imagine OP doing a spin and magically being in Michael Jackson clothes, placing a hat on their head, and then moon - walking out.

Reply

mermaidgirle | 12

#6710707 - Tuesday 8 November 2016 14:29

With a well placed "hee hee" also!

By Becca34 | 31

#6710443 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:19

That's not your fault, they're either too cocky or just idiotic to think you'd joke about quitting

By Rexsace102 | 5

#6710446 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:21

Hey guess what. Now they look like dicks and are short someone. So win-win

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6710447 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:26

Jokes on them, idiots... Good luck and enjoy your new job!

By Tripartita | 44

#6710448 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:31

Well, now you'll know for future reference: don't resign in full clown makeup. The five minute shtick about airplane food didn't help either.

By charliewhippet | 9

#6710450 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:35

You said you were "thinking" it was your last day there, which makes me worry that you're going to let them bully you into staying... Forget that. You gave the notice, they chose to ignore it. Their problem. Enjoy your new job and don't look back!

By ZoroMiHawk | 25

#6710451 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:37

Who cares what they think. Just do your job and go out with your head held high at the end of the day. Whatever you do, make sure not to burn any bridges. Never burn bridges with your past employers.

Reply

Bearsmomma | 30

#6710563 - Tuesday 8 November 2016 4:27

Don't let them bully you into staying beyond the promised 2 weeks though. Even if that means they're angry and consider it a burned bridge.

By thisisthestupid | 18

#6710452 - Monday 7 November 2016 18:37

This happened to me actually 2 days ago and they were completely shocked. Sorry they were breaking the law and I wasn't going down with them
Good luck! And congrats on the new job!

By Talented73 | 54

#6710465 - Monday 7 November 2016 19:22

F their lives, actually. They're standing around looking like a bunch of dicks while you have a new job. Congratulations!

By Reasonable_one | 12

#6710466 - Monday 7 November 2016 19:22

Why is this an FML? That they didn't believe you is not your problem. You still have the new job, right? You gave your notice so you owe them nothing more. There is no reason for this to be an FML for you. It may be for your old managers.