Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie.... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/7/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36710

You deserved it

2689

Tweet

Share

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Rich people problems

You snooze, you lose

By smallpaycheck - 16/8/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50879

You deserved it

4038

Tweet

Share

By dazzla08 - 26/3/2011 00:07

Today, in front of my family, my brother's wife announced that she was pregnant with their first child. Everyone joked around and said I was next. Two weeks ago I found out that I'm sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54430

You deserved it

3313

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 01:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33663

You deserved it

3045

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/12/2013 20:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40952

You deserved it

4379

Tweet

Share

By GeneralElement - 19/2/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30779

You deserved it

3620

Tweet

Share

By ThisGuy775 - 19/9/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31334

You deserved it

2958

Tweet

Share

By Tom - 26/4/2017 18:00

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3593

You deserved it

1407

Tweet

Share

By Anoniem - 10/12/2018 17:30 - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2621

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/4/2014 14:52 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I decided to face one of my fears. I've never had a birthday party, out of fear that nobody would come. I sent out a mass text inviting people out for my birthday, trying to sound casual. The only replies I received were along the lines of "Who the hell's this?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43492

You deserved it

4658

Tweet

Share

By AuntPeePee - 20/5/2013 11:57 - United States

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52298

You deserved it

3529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/10/2018 15:30

Today, I learned that one should not sleep with their roommate's friends, especially the ones that never go home. I spent the whole weekend in my room just to avoid the awkwardness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

3331

Tweet

Share

By run4fun - 23/6/2011 18:56 - United States

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11801

You deserved it

48937

Tweet

Share

By spaaaarta - 25/7/2016 20:17

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8649

You deserved it

12361

Tweet

Share

By D: - 6/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50271

You deserved it

3872

Tweet

Share

By sexandanxiety - 30/4/2015 00:46 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34476

You deserved it

4174

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/6/2014 16:19 - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28096

You deserved it

42551

Tweet

Share

By supras - 4/12/2013 02:03 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41727

You deserved it

3113

Tweet

Share

By idontevencareanymore - 23/5/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46020

You deserved it

4589

Tweet

Share

By thegoalie - 16/9/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Yoga for Dummies

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

590

You deserved it

2185

Tweet

Share

By mel - 18/1/2013 23:18 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43884

You deserved it

3037

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/12/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28061

You deserved it

5916

Tweet

Share

By ravestradamus - 12/10/2009 12:34 - Australia

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20083

You deserved it

22640

Tweet

Share

By Blamethepostman - 16/9/2016 15:10

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8927

You deserved it

2750

Tweet

Share

By ClaireBear150 - 20/9/2012 03:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31681

You deserved it

6082

Tweet

Share

By heartless - 15/5/2009 06:14 - Canada

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53020

You deserved it

10322

Tweet

Share

By oohrahgal - 14/2/2019 16:32 - United States - Clementon

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10081

You deserved it

29795

Tweet

Share

By Bookworm - 5/6/2013 17:02 - United Kingdom - Singapore

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52809

You deserved it

4355

Tweet

Share

By devilboy - 6/7/2011 11:26 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58903

You deserved it

17940

Tweet

Share

By maxkeyftw - 17/10/2013 05:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47514

You deserved it

4260

Tweet

Share

By disfunctionalfamily - 27/4/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55673

You deserved it

4583

Tweet

Share

By Rory - 14/4/2012 22:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26049

You deserved it

2831

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2015 02:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28741

You deserved it

2736

Tweet

Share

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/7/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55720

You deserved it

3855

Tweet

Share

By MissArizona - 8/8/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27354

You deserved it

4000

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29924

You deserved it

6507

Tweet

Share

By imatool - 27/7/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63551

You deserved it

4773

Tweet

Share

By itsthebestdayoftheyear - 22/12/2015 12:30 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21507

You deserved it

1507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, I started to seductively kiss my girlfriend on the neck. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, "Yes, because I don't have to smell your breath." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28338

You deserved it

28563

Tweet

Share

By Emil - 20/11/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I was caught stealing a video game. I realized after my parents were called that the case was actually empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8053

You deserved it

89833

Tweet

Share

By cdestarac - 10/1/2012 06:07 - United States

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9119

You deserved it

37613

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By smile2312 | 16

#6351683 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:00

oh goodness, what happened after???

By carebear1228 | 20

#6351692 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.

Comments

By smile2312 | 16

#6351683 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:00

oh goodness, what happened after???

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6351709 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:10

The bad start to a porno movie..

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#6351760 - Thursday 16 July 2015 1:05

Are there ever any good starts to porno movies?

Reply

Hoopachi | 19

#6351771 - Thursday 16 July 2015 1:21

Surprise buttsex

Reply

Jflowers9296 | 14

#6351791 - Thursday 16 July 2015 1:48

It's her father!!!!!! Where did you think that would be appropriate or funny?

Reply

ZombieSazza | 34

#6351847 - Thursday 16 July 2015 3:22

The Lannisters & Targaryens would approve of porno like that!

#30, theres a shit tonne of father/daughter porn on the Internet... So... Y'know...

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6351863 - Thursday 16 July 2015 4:11

this is one FML that should NOT be illustrated

Reply

Roskie | 16

#6351979 - Thursday 16 July 2015 6:34

No one is saying anything the original post didn't imply.

Reply

demonte_jones | 19

#6352195 - Thursday 16 July 2015 15:38

#27 that wasn't clever nor funny

#30 calm your tits

Reply

alexanderavatar | 24

#6352230 - Thursday 16 July 2015 17:31

how do you know? what do you watch

Reply

BoltTheSuperdog | 22

#6353181 - Friday 17 July 2015 19:43

#44: It's still possible though.

Reply

Jflowers9296 | 14

#6356250 - Monday 20 July 2015 21:33

K

By DemHaxBro | 20

#6351685 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:01

Go buy some mind bleech

Reply

ChristinePi | 36

#6351695 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:04

Bleach*

Reply

killer6969 | 16

#6351989 - Thursday 16 July 2015 6:53

Bleech is the next form of bleach, much stronger and efficient and seriously necessary.

Reply

B1ackthesun | 31

#6351996 - Thursday 16 July 2015 7:13

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

BigC_from_Bama | 16

#6352022 - Thursday 16 July 2015 7:27

My gut tells me he was joking #66

Reply

cmchappy | 25

#6352030 - Thursday 16 July 2015 7:34

Got all scientific to look smart oh the irony

Reply

firemedic841 | 11

#6352091 - Thursday 16 July 2015 9:15

#66 used too much bleach when dihydrogen monoxide was in order.

Reply

B1ackthesun | 31

#6352113 - Thursday 16 July 2015 10:20

Your gut is correct 67, but I'm not surprised or concerned by the down votes Some times facetious moods strike me ;)

Reply

Fymlife | 14

#6352175 - Thursday 16 July 2015 14:22

#66 You must have a hard time grasping the concept of sarcasm.

Reply

deathshead | 19

#6422902 - Tuesday 29 September 2015 12:58

I dont know about 66, but the thing that makes sarcasm hard for me is that its not being verbally said and im always "sarcastic" weither I axtually am or not.

By jessie841 | 11

#6351690 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Wow that must have been awkward... Sorry you had to deal with your dad mistaking you as your mom. But I am curious as to what you did... I think we need a follow up!

By Amydervaux | 20

#6351691 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

xKrisSmoove | 21

#6351716 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:20

Wouldn't that mean your dad would have been talking to you, his daughter?

Reply

TH_Insomniak | 15

#6351726 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:29

#16 oh god... not that porno

Reply

Fmlsea | 28

#6352117 - Thursday 16 July 2015 10:38

there could've been a similar situation if you lived with your dad and he had a gf who was either staying or living at the house too.

By carebear1228 | 20

#6351692 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.

Reply

Karinrinkashi | 9

#6351841 - Thursday 16 July 2015 3:09

that comment...

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#6351866 - Thursday 16 July 2015 4:12

ball sack?

Reply

moosetracks22 | 10

#6351874 - Thursday 16 July 2015 4:17

Basilisk- a type of snake/serpent, see Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets for more info.

But seeing your father's ball sack would be equally frightening

Reply

Attacksloth | 33

#6351929 - Thursday 16 July 2015 5:19

LMFAO THIS IS HONESTLY THE BEST REPLY I THINK I'VE EVER READ

Reply

Wallflowerchild | 12

#6352291 - Thursday 16 July 2015 18:50

The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir beware.

By emilytheperson | 17

#6351693 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Noo D: that's the worst.

By Zwerik | 31

#6351694 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Oh my god... I really want to know what happened next, actually.

Reply

vsus98 | 22

#6351890 - Thursday 16 July 2015 4:43

Your profile pic is approriate.

By Yazoo77 | 16

#6351696 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:04

RIP OP's ears.

By Anonypus | 20

#6351704 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:07

Good luck erasing that memory!

By KingLewisII | 34

#6351705 - Thursday 16 July 2015 0:07

This is what happens when you tell your dad you're feeling naughty

Reply

Thoricsteam20 | 24

#6351920 - Thursday 16 July 2015 5:15

I see what you did there.