Miscellaneous: Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie.... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 837

You deserved it 2 698

Empathy lives

Broken heart

Things can only get better

Information

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 17:01 - United States - Nevada City

Today, my husband, who told me last week he was unhappy, wasn't in love with me anymore and is "talking" to someone else, asked me if I could give him the information for the people we've previously rented from, so he can move out. I gave him what I still had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 105

By cman - 26/02/2010 11:17 - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 022

You deserved it 3 115

By Halle - 01/11/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 036

You deserved it 6 677

It's called fashion Dave, look it up!

By Anonymous - 05/06/2020 17:00

Today, my beautiful bride walked towards me in a dress that looked just like a ribbed condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 259

By Tired - 17/08/2016 17:51

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it and did it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 238

You deserved it 1 051

My electric toothbrush

By Anonymous - 27/11/2019 18:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 279

By faulty plumbimg! - 31/08/2013 12:14 - India

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 062

You deserved it 4 105

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 9 507

By anonymous - 16/02/2015 12:57 - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 521

You deserved it 2 961

Due date

By NewMommy29 - 02/07/2021 00:01

Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 16:04 - United States

Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 483

You deserved it 5 903

Love in the time of coronavirus

By Darkparcero33 - 28/02/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 128

By kpjc - 21/10/2016 00:29 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 514

You deserved it 907

By anonymous - 08/09/2015 12:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 383

You deserved it 2 023

By NotJoeyEssex - 26/07/2019 00:01

Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 1 079

Hush

By sXeQueen - 13/03/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was having a really bad day, so I decided to call him and try to calm him down. At one point, I thought it would be sweet to sing him a song since he claimed to love my voice. Before I could get half way through, he told me to shut up because I was getting on his nerves and just making things worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 254

You deserved it 30 952

By Anonymous - 28/05/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 808

You deserved it 4 760

By I keep failing it all - 02/06/2013 19:45 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 855

You deserved it 3 934

By lobotomized - 13/07/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, a couple came into the gas station where I work to ask for directions. While I was giving the woman directions (and even writing them down to be as helpful as possible), the man stole my wallet out of my purse that was sitting on the other end of the counter behind a display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 589

You deserved it 7 719

By anonymous - 14/07/2012 05:06 - United States - Columbus

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 385

You deserved it 9 842

By lonerjik - 19/01/2011 12:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 104

You deserved it 10 749

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 23:02 - Ireland - Waterford

Spicy

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 4 006

By Beaten - 31/07/2010 23:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year broke up with me. He's been in jail for the last four months. I paid for his very expensive lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 770

You deserved it 42 075

By grossedout - 09/12/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 802

You deserved it 3 033

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 276

You deserved it 7 417

By abi_vet_student - 13/02/2009 12:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 800

You deserved it 7 053

By wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 401

You deserved it 7 191

Next

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 00:01

Today, I took a girl out on a date. We had dinner, we had good conversation, the vibe was excellent, and everything was great. I took her to a bar I frequent after for a couple of drinks to finish the night. She left with some other dude on his motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 94

By tallesttree54 - 11/11/2016 00:38

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 468

You deserved it 1 345

By littlekellilee - 16/09/2016 04:27 - Canada

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 680

You deserved it 1 498

By unwilling redneck - 24/05/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 4 572

The best cat

By Nyxilia - 07/12/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Edgware

Spicy

Today, I was woken up by my cat. Did he bite me? Meow to get fed? No, those are too common. He scratched my hole, and it was very exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307

You deserved it 625

By brannie - 30/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 685

You deserved it 46 247

By Lola - 20/12/2008 12:23 - France

Today, as I was pressed for time, I opened some canned food for dinner. When my children were served, they said, "Mmm, this is best meal you've ever cooked for us!" I cook healthy, balanced meals every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 490

You deserved it 8 333

By Joel - 28/10/2018 15:30

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 876

You deserved it 1 064

By Donezoo - 08/01/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 599

You deserved it 2 317

School's out for summer, thank God!

By reluctant teacher - 15/06/2019 19:41 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 280

By Jeepers - 29/06/2009 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 080

You deserved it 41 765

By Ugh - 20/09/2011 10:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years old, and have since misplaced it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 252

You deserved it 6 755

By rebeccacaissie - 21/11/2010 18:16 - United States

Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 8 866

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:00

oh goodness, what happened after???

carebear1228 20

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.

Comments

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:00

oh goodness, what happened after???

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:10

The bad start to a porno movie..

Schizomaniac 24

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Thursday 16 July 2015 1:05

Are there ever any good starts to porno movies?

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Thursday 16 July 2015 1:21

Surprise buttsex

Jflowers9296 14

Thursday 16 July 2015 1:48

It's her father!!!!!! Where did you think that would be appropriate or funny?

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Thursday 16 July 2015 3:22

The Lannisters & Targaryens would approve of porno like that! #30, theres a shit tonne of father/daughter porn on the Internet... So... Y'know...

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 16 July 2015 4:11

this is one FML that should NOT be illustrated

Roskie 16

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Thursday 16 July 2015 6:34

No one is saying anything the original post didn't imply.

demonte_jones 19

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Thursday 16 July 2015 15:38

#27 that wasn't clever nor funny #30 calm your tits

alexanderavatar 24

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Thursday 16 July 2015 17:31

how do you know? what do you watch

BoltTheSuperdog 22

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Friday 17 July 2015 19:43

#44: It's still possible though.

Jflowers9296 14

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Monday 20 July 2015 21:33

K

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:01

Go buy some mind bleech

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:04

Bleach*

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Thursday 16 July 2015 6:53

Bleech is the next form of bleach, much stronger and efficient and seriously necessary.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 7:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

BigC_from_Bama 16

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Thursday 16 July 2015 7:27

My gut tells me he was joking #66

cmchappy 25

Thursday 16 July 2015 7:34

Got all scientific to look smart oh the irony

firemedic841 11

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Thursday 16 July 2015 9:15

#66 used too much bleach when dihydrogen monoxide was in order.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 10:20

Your gut is correct 67, but I'm not surprised or concerned by the down votes Some times facetious moods strike me ;)

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Thursday 16 July 2015 14:22

#66 You must have a hard time grasping the concept of sarcasm.

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Tuesday 29 September 2015 12:58

I dont know about 66, but the thing that makes sarcasm hard for me is that its not being verbally said and im always "sarcastic" weither I axtually am or not.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Wow that must have been awkward... Sorry you had to deal with your dad mistaking you as your mom. But I am curious as to what you did... I think we need a follow up!

Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:20

Wouldn't that mean your dad would have been talking to you, his daughter?

TH_Insomniak 15

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:29

#16 oh god... not that porno

Fmlsea 28

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Thursday 16 July 2015 10:38

there could've been a similar situation if you lived with your dad and he had a gf who was either staying or living at the house too.

carebear1228 20

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.

Karinrinkashi 9

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Thursday 16 July 2015 3:09

that comment...

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 16 July 2015 4:12

ball sack?

moosetracks22 10

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Thursday 16 July 2015 4:17

Basilisk- a type of snake/serpent, see Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets for more info. But seeing your father's ball sack would be equally frightening

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Thursday 16 July 2015 5:19

LMFAO THIS IS HONESTLY THE BEST REPLY I THINK I'VE EVER READ

Wallflowerchild 12

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Thursday 16 July 2015 18:50

The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir beware.

emilytheperson 17

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Noo D: that's the worst.

Zwerik 31

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:03

Oh my god... I really want to know what happened next, actually.

vsus98 22

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Thursday 16 July 2015 4:43

Your profile pic is approriate.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:04

RIP OP's ears.

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:07

Good luck erasing that memory!

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Thursday 16 July 2015 0:07

This is what happens when you tell your dad you're feeling naughty

Thoricsteam20 24

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Thursday 16 July 2015 5:15

I see what you did there.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 15

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 101