Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/9/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86029

You deserved it

5344

Tweet

Share

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Rich people problems

In my day…

By miseventshappen - 9/11/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41518

You deserved it

4977

Tweet

Share

By he wasn't even playing - 7/12/2014 04:52 - Australia - Corrimal

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34515

You deserved it

3898

Tweet

Share

By Jane M - 25/10/2013 23:20 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46714

You deserved it

3724

Tweet

Share

By deadman - 16/8/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38554

You deserved it

30013

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38784

You deserved it

6678

Tweet

Share

By kids next door - 18/11/2013 10:14 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42179

You deserved it

3657

Tweet

Share

By How strange - 20/4/2013 12:02 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

I agree, your life sucks

61290

You deserved it

7276

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/9/2014 12:00 - United States - Tampa

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35973

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By James - 31/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31294

You deserved it

17923

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/11/2018 22:00

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6078

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2016 13:32 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19026

You deserved it

2756

Tweet

Share

By caempa - 29/12/2011 18:13 - Australia

Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32732

You deserved it

13585

Tweet

Share

By akasoor - 11/2/2013 01:51 - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30118

You deserved it

5896

Tweet

Share

By denise - 23/11/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was feeling a little racy and decided to send my boyfriend some naked pictures of myself. He responded, "That's OK, but does your face have to be in them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25730

You deserved it

4920

Tweet

Share

By Benchthewarmer - 8/7/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42639

You deserved it

3570

Tweet

Share

By joeidk - 12/5/2013 00:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31434

You deserved it

41489

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19997

You deserved it

1707

Tweet

Share

By fuckface moron - 20/6/2020 02:17

Face value

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By sadgf - 25/7/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48687

You deserved it

8782

Tweet

Share

By "princessmia" - 13/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Sequim

Felt so bad

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1018

You deserved it

2142

Tweet

Share

By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23997

You deserved it

1831

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/8/2018 04:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, after several years of reforming myself politically, I married a black woman. At the wedding, when the priest asked for objections, one man stood up - the leader of my former Ku Klux Klan chapter. I really should have mentioned that earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1203

You deserved it

3987

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 12:00

Today, while volunteering at my local library, a guy who smelled like crap followed me around all day. Every time I would bend over to shelf a book, he would start grunting. Apparently, he's going to be at the library every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1838

You deserved it

86

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/5/2013 19:34 - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55332

You deserved it

4661

Tweet

Share

By Username - 19/5/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41084

You deserved it

7919

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42724

You deserved it

6359

Tweet

Share

By live2dance4ever - 6/7/2019 14:00

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1585

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Well then - 10/9/2018 03:30

Today, I discovered that my fiancé and I had vastly different definitions of monogamy. Don't worry, he only did it when he was mad at me to remind him how much he loved me. I found out from my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3161

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By picklemonger - 8/12/2011 19:58 - Canada

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24557

You deserved it

33265

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 23:50 - Brazil

Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country forever. Out of the 130 people invited, 60 were a resounding "Yes! of course I will go!". After paying $300 for everything needed at the party, 2 ended up coming. And left because nobody else was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

90966

You deserved it

5721

Tweet

Share

By haleyfml - 27/10/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28538

You deserved it

5514

Tweet

Share

By loserman67 - 18/7/2016 12:04

Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20615

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2899

Tweet

Share

By poisonhand - 3/2/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, my boss caught me playing games on the computer for 4 hours. My boss told me to feel free and continue, but to pack my stuff up and leave when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7072

You deserved it

69344

Tweet

Share

By hoolagirl4422 - 20/9/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51809

You deserved it

9360

Tweet

Share

By andifalls - 24/1/2011 05:11

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38325

You deserved it

3511

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/1/2013 05:40 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13065

You deserved it

38059

Tweet

Share

By shit's weak - 13/2/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, on campus, these really overly-happy people walking around with big signs saying "free hugs". When I walked towards them, their smiles faded, and they put their signs down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51596

You deserved it

4647

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2016 03:29 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my father-in-law is still introducing me to family friends as his son's girlfriend. I have been married to his son for 5 years, we have a child together and another on the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13975

You deserved it

1012

Tweet

Share

By womanlover12345 - 18/7/2011 16:05 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39551

You deserved it

8822

Tweet

Share

By bookworm - 19/11/2014 20:56 - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34592

You deserved it

5864

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BLARGTEHTACO | 20

#7457713 - Saturday 20 May 2017 5:03

That sounds like a renaissance painting waiting to happen.

By taintedtruffle | 42

#7426255 - Saturday 18 March 2017 1:16

Where the fuck do you live??

COMMENTS

By taintedtruffle | 42

#7426255 - Saturday 18 March 2017 1:16

Where the fuck do you live??

By BLARGTEHTACO | 20

#7457713 - Saturday 20 May 2017 5:03

That sounds like a renaissance painting waiting to happen.

By alucard724 | 9

#7531419 - Saturday 19 August 2017 7:29

I find this hard to believe