Miscellaneous: Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The... - FML

By insomniac x2 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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BO Central

Clean break

Rock n Roll is a dirty business

By Overlord247 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

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By ThroatSlasher - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with "Hah, just kidding. You're fuckin' BORING!" FML

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By kirstyrd - United States - Germfask

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

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By ginkobiloba

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

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By pyrogypsy - United States - Seattle

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

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By sonofanut - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

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By Jerry

Such a Jerry thing to do...

Today, I woke up and realized I didn't start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won't turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML

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By flattened

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

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By slickboy0023 - United States

Today, I learned that in Japan there are monkeys that wait tables and work at a tavern. Literally, I have a job a monkey can do. FML

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By single once again - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has an account on a sex hookup site. He said it has "interesting articles" and that he'd completed his profile and listed his sexual preferences out of boredom. When I told him to sign in and prove he hadn't been messaging girls, he refused and called me paranoid. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I bought $250 worth of groceries and was feeling rather good about myself because it's the first time I've been able to do so in months. When I returned home I found my fridge/freezer broken. Most of the food I bought was dairy or frozen. FML

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By SHIIIIITTTT - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

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By Satan - United States

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML

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By limegreengiraffe - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

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By lizard - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

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By Obviously works everywhere

The customer is always a dong

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

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By lizzie - United States

Today, I was going to a talent show. On the way there, my car broke down, I lost my keys and managed to slam my hand in a window. I got there and waited in the theater for an hour before a janitor came by and said, "Show is tomorrow, lady." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

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By JAMjessie - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

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By Umwhat

Today, my boss wanted to talk to me. Nervous, I went to her office. Turns out that my coworkers talk about me behind my back, and my boss is worried about me. Apparently, I lie about my bad knees, and me wearing black leggings is horrible. Most of them wear sweatpants on a daily basis. FML

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By Kyle - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

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By fedUPwithPEOPLE - United States - Enterprise

Today, the city shut off our water, because they said we didn't pay the bill. Turns out, it was sitting on their desk the whole time. I guess sending someone out to turn off our water was easier than checking to see if we'd actually paid the bill. FML

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By Victoria - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML

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By fmlsheffgirl - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

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By MrZhang - Australia

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

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By SpookyBiscuits

Today, my boss wants to sort people in his contact list by last name, so I showed him how to switch the sorting from first to last. He tried to correct it by writing the first name in the last name spot and vise versa. Now he wants me to go through and change them all back. All 200+ of them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

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By The_FN_Gunny - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

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By nicoreal89 - United States

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

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By cpmolly - United States - Omaha

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

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By dontgothere - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

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By CollegeFreshman - United States

Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML

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Top comments

By Cheezes | 7

#5629501 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:23

Your Dad is awesome!

By Rosebudx | 32

#5629509 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Having someone scare you in the middle of a terrifying film is one of those things that has to happen sometime in your life. You'll look back on it and laugh, I promise.

COMMENTS

By Cheezes | 7

#5629501 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:23

Your Dad is awesome!

Reply

PterodactylMan | 23

#5629578 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:51

He picked a good time at the right place. Sorry OP, that really sucks

Reply

odamaliekh | 26

#5629616 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:10

.

Reply

Noremac42 | 8

#5629687 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:54

You misspelled "a ninja".

Reply

Zimmington | 21

#5629693 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:58

37- There are no ninjas in Mexico everyone knows that

Reply

Helliving | 5

#5630027 - Friday 16 August 2013 9:38

You fool! Ninjas are everywhere! Even in the World of Warcraft!

Reply

corocoro | 30

#5630121 - Friday 16 August 2013 11:57

They are everywhere, but you never see them until it's too late.

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#5629506 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:24

Seems like he waited long enough

Reply

c4rpi0 | 20

#5629562 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:42

Timing is everything!

By Rosebudx | 32

#5629509 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Having someone scare you in the middle of a terrifying film is one of those things that has to happen sometime in your life. You'll look back on it and laugh, I promise.

Reply

s13495 | 19

#5629681 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:47

Couldn't agree with you more on this. I'm usually the guy who has to shout RAAA! in a persons ear when a slow jumpy part comes on in a horror... A hurting shoulder usually follows though :(

Reply

Rosebudx | 32

#5629849 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:34

I'm usually the girl who falls victim to this. I've caused more than one bruised shoulder in my day...

Reply

Helliving | 5

#5630031 - Friday 16 August 2013 9:40

#35, I feel your pain... I'm "that guy" as well.

Reply

darkmind1 | 12

#5630057 - Friday 16 August 2013 10:12

I once did that to my sister's friend while she and my sister were watching Arachnophobia. During an intense scene, I snuck up behind her and put my hands together in a spiderlike fashion and started "walking" up her shoulder. I will NEVER be able to scare someone that well again.

By GetKayotic | 12

#5629511 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Best prank ever! Don't worry about it, OP! At least you didn't wet yourself, or crap your pants!

By magicman37 | 8

#5629519 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:27

What if it wasn't your dad?

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5629689 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:56

Well then this fml probably wouldn't have been typed.

Reply

Nickelsin | 12

#5629861 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:42

Or it really would've... assuming this person wanted to spend the last few moments of their life writing an FML of course.

By dlowry004 | 14

#5629531 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:30

Haha that's too funny!! You never know OP, he could have seen the movie before and walked in at the right time. Either way your dads seems pretty cool.

By Melix | 31

#5629544 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:33

That happened to me with the Grudge, I was 7 years old. So, I feel your pain.

Reply

mmizbbz210 | 13

#5629619 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:12

Same here. Scared the shit out of me. I remember not being able to even look at a dark closet for months. Now that I'm older it is really funny though. Lol

Reply

laughtersplay | 14

#5630333 - Friday 16 August 2013 16:09

After watching the Grudge, I refused to even take a peek underneath my blanket when I was sleeping. But hey, I was 8.

By Dallasluver19 | 14

#5629546 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:34

Your dad>

By kjones99 | 11

#5629553 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:37

He might have waited a while to do it, but I'm pretty sure it was worth it!

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5629564 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:42

ninja mode