Miscellaneous: Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The... - FML

By insomniac x2 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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Serious times

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my college dormitory accused me of something I didn't do, breaking a law that I never heard of, charged me $200 to fix "what I did wrong", and is forcing me to go to counciling at the school. Not only was I not on campus when it happened, but I was the one who reported the problem. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

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By oppsiedaisey

Finally!

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

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By weeble_wobbles09 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

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By workwork

Today, I got a threatening email from my manager, saying my job is in jeopardy if I call off again. Somehow, my leaving early to drive my mom to the ER is inexcusable, yet it's perfectly fine for the same manager to leave early to take her dogs to the groomers. FML

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By Etherealskye1023 - 14/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Douglassville

Great parenting, dude

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML

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By StiffPvtParts

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

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By greattt - United States

Today, I went to get my school picture taken, when the photographer looked at me, saying, "You look like you need a mirror." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

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By AnnaNick - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

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By kira - 9/3/2021 08:01

Weird and scary

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

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By Are you kidding me? - United States - Kansas City

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

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By jeeperspeepers - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

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By CARnage - Australia

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

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By Caught - United States

Today, I was in the car hooking up with my boyfriend. He was on top of me when I noticed my neighbor jogging toward the car. Instead of hiding, I felt compelled to wave as he jogged past us. FML

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By breathexali - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

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By WellFineThen - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

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By Coach - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

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By alexarbusto

Last splash

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

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By shanna

Unfair. Period.

Today, after I missed my last 3 periods, my mom grounded me for "getting pregnant" and refuses to believe anything else. I'm 15 and never had sex in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naples

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Howell

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2021 08:01

Impressive

Today, I had a big job interview on Zoom. I forgot my name was set as "Fat F***". I joined the call and the older lady interviewing me was very offended. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

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By Deirbhile - United States

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

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By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

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By jmac - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Whoops

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

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By nyebust - United States

Today, my grandmother drunk dialed me at midnight to wish me a happy new year. I was already in bed. My grandmother has a better social life than I do. FML

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By wrongplacewrongtime - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

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By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Word salad

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

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By thatonekid - United States

It's better than nothing, I suppose

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

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Top comments

By Cheezes | 7

#5629501 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:23

Your Dad is awesome!

By Rosebudx | 32

#5629509 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Having someone scare you in the middle of a terrifying film is one of those things that has to happen sometime in your life. You'll look back on it and laugh, I promise.

COMMENTS

By Cheezes | 7

#5629501 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:23

Your Dad is awesome!

Reply

PterodactylMan | 23

#5629578 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:51

He picked a good time at the right place. Sorry OP, that really sucks

Reply

odamaliekh | 26

#5629616 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:10

.

Reply

Noremac42 | 8

#5629687 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:54

You misspelled "a ninja".

Reply

Zimmington | 21

#5629693 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:58

37- There are no ninjas in Mexico everyone knows that

Reply

Helliving | 5

#5630027 - Friday 16 August 2013 9:38

You fool! Ninjas are everywhere! Even in the World of Warcraft!

Reply

corocoro | 30

#5630121 - Friday 16 August 2013 11:57

They are everywhere, but you never see them until it's too late.

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#5629506 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:24

Seems like he waited long enough

Reply

c4rpi0 | 20

#5629562 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:42

Timing is everything!

By Rosebudx | 32

#5629509 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Having someone scare you in the middle of a terrifying film is one of those things that has to happen sometime in your life. You'll look back on it and laugh, I promise.

Reply

s13495 | 19

#5629681 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:47

Couldn't agree with you more on this. I'm usually the guy who has to shout RAAA! in a persons ear when a slow jumpy part comes on in a horror... A hurting shoulder usually follows though :(

Reply

Rosebudx | 32

#5629849 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:34

I'm usually the girl who falls victim to this. I've caused more than one bruised shoulder in my day...

Reply

Helliving | 5

#5630031 - Friday 16 August 2013 9:40

#35, I feel your pain... I'm "that guy" as well.

Reply

darkmind1 | 12

#5630057 - Friday 16 August 2013 10:12

I once did that to my sister's friend while she and my sister were watching Arachnophobia. During an intense scene, I snuck up behind her and put my hands together in a spiderlike fashion and started "walking" up her shoulder. I will NEVER be able to scare someone that well again.

By GetKayotic | 12

#5629511 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Best prank ever! Don't worry about it, OP! At least you didn't wet yourself, or crap your pants!

By magicman37 | 8

#5629519 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:27

What if it wasn't your dad?

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5629689 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:56

Well then this fml probably wouldn't have been typed.

Reply

Nickelsin | 12

#5629861 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:42

Or it really would've... assuming this person wanted to spend the last few moments of their life writing an FML of course.

By dlowry004 | 14

#5629531 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:30

Haha that's too funny!! You never know OP, he could have seen the movie before and walked in at the right time. Either way your dads seems pretty cool.

By Melix | 31

#5629544 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:33

That happened to me with the Grudge, I was 7 years old. So, I feel your pain.

Reply

mmizbbz210 | 13

#5629619 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:12

Same here. Scared the shit out of me. I remember not being able to even look at a dark closet for months. Now that I'm older it is really funny though. Lol

Reply

laughtersplay | 14

#5630333 - Friday 16 August 2013 16:09

After watching the Grudge, I refused to even take a peek underneath my blanket when I was sleeping. But hey, I was 8.

By Dallasluver19 | 14

#5629546 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:34

Your dad>

By kjones99 | 11

#5629553 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:37

He might have waited a while to do it, but I'm pretty sure it was worth it!

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5629564 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:42

ninja mode