Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The... - FML

By insomniac x2 - 15/8/2013 19:56 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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Family values

The end of the road

A beautiful truck decoration

By Syferix - 18/3/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2012 21:34 - United States

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 22:31 - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2011 20:19 - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

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By pixiebubz - 6/10/2011 03:59 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I had an appointment for laser hair removal. He responded by making "pew pew" noises and pretending to shoot my underarms. He's 28. FML

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By sickofit - 31/12/2016 08:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

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By sobasics - 6/5/2013 23:43 - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

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By Maggie - 18/3/2013 19:38 - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

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By fucked - 6/2/2015 08:06 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

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By Nobody - 10/10/2009 12:07 - Singapore

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 20:39 - Denmark

Today, my dad borrowed my new iPad to amuse him while he was in the shower without my knowledge. The iPad is now completely ruined, and my dad is refusing to buy me a new one. He says, "How was I to know that it wasn't waterproof?" FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 16:56 - Netherlands - Gennep

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

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By Awkward - 16/1/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

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By shellie - 13/1/2012 07:48 - Reserved

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2013 17:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

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By Zzz - 30/1/2017 16:00 - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

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By walker - 6/7/2013 04:17 - United States

Today, I went over my girlfriend of 3 months' house for the first time. As we walked through the door, I was greeted by a little girl whose first words to me were, "Are you my daddy?" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 20:00

Cute nickname

Today, my friend with benefits texted me to say that his roommate had heard us getting it on, and had gone on to nickname me 'Giggles'. FML

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By kat101 - 4/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, my varsity swim team got second place in the State meet. My coach said I could bring the trophy home for the weekend. On the way home, I accidentally sat on it and broke it, cutting my butt. FML

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By Marc - 3/3/2015 02:03 - Hong Kong - Tsuen Wan

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

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By FAIL - 8/9/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

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By Clumsyblonde22 - 4/6/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

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By The Last One - 11/3/2012 06:39 - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

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By KimberleyIrene - 20/7/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, I was supposed to hear back from a job I interviewed for. The guy called me and told me I got it. I said "Thank you, thank you, thank you!!" He responded with "You're welcome Emily". My name isn't Emily, it's Kim. He got the numbers mixed up. FML

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By Username - 21/4/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By Andrea Trevor - 7/8/2018 15:00

Still counts!

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

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By teeeessst - 13/12/2009 06:26 - United States

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

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By Lady Julia KaNeko - 20/6/2019 10:15 - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 07:19 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

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By aunty_social - 25/8/2018 14:30

Today, I took my 5-year-old nephew camping. I was about to take him to the outhouse for a bathroom break when he flung the door of the camper open and shouted at the top of his lungs to the entire campground, "We are going to poop now!" FML

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By Authentik8 - 16/9/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

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By moncheri1314 - 10/9/2010 16:13 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

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By homealone - 14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 02:03 - United Kingdom - London

Just a prank, bro!

Today, I've been told that the test I have tomorrow, which I've been studying for, is not on 'Parent and Child Relationships' but on 'Scotland's Fishing Communities'. My brother thought it would be funny to hide the real booklet, and make up his own one for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

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By - 31/12/2009 23:41 - France

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

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By EwokLover17 - 13/3/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

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Top comments

By Cheezes | 7

#5629501 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:23

Your Dad is awesome!

By Rosebudx | 32

#5629509 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Having someone scare you in the middle of a terrifying film is one of those things that has to happen sometime in your life. You'll look back on it and laugh, I promise.

COMMENTS

By Cheezes | 7

#5629501 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:23

Your Dad is awesome!

Reply

PterodactylMan | 23

#5629578 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:51

He picked a good time at the right place. Sorry OP, that really sucks

Reply

odamaliekh | 26

#5629616 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:10

.

Reply

Noremac42 | 8

#5629687 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:54

You misspelled "a ninja".

Reply

Zimmington | 21

#5629693 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:58

37- There are no ninjas in Mexico everyone knows that

Reply

Helliving | 5

#5630027 - Friday 16 August 2013 9:38

You fool! Ninjas are everywhere! Even in the World of Warcraft!

Reply

corocoro | 30

#5630121 - Friday 16 August 2013 11:57

They are everywhere, but you never see them until it's too late.

By JocelynKaulitz | 28

#5629506 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:24

Seems like he waited long enough

Reply

c4rpi0 | 20

#5629562 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:42

Timing is everything!

By Rosebudx | 32

#5629509 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Having someone scare you in the middle of a terrifying film is one of those things that has to happen sometime in your life. You'll look back on it and laugh, I promise.

Reply

s13495 | 19

#5629681 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:47

Couldn't agree with you more on this. I'm usually the guy who has to shout RAAA! in a persons ear when a slow jumpy part comes on in a horror... A hurting shoulder usually follows though :(

Reply

Rosebudx | 32

#5629849 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:34

I'm usually the girl who falls victim to this. I've caused more than one bruised shoulder in my day...

Reply

Helliving | 5

#5630031 - Friday 16 August 2013 9:40

#35, I feel your pain... I'm "that guy" as well.

Reply

darkmind1 | 12

#5630057 - Friday 16 August 2013 10:12

I once did that to my sister's friend while she and my sister were watching Arachnophobia. During an intense scene, I snuck up behind her and put my hands together in a spiderlike fashion and started "walking" up her shoulder. I will NEVER be able to scare someone that well again.

By GetKayotic | 12

#5629511 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:25

Best prank ever! Don't worry about it, OP! At least you didn't wet yourself, or crap your pants!

By magicman37 | 8

#5629519 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:27

What if it wasn't your dad?

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5629689 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:56

Well then this fml probably wouldn't have been typed.

Reply

Nickelsin | 12

#5629861 - Friday 16 August 2013 7:42

Or it really would've... assuming this person wanted to spend the last few moments of their life writing an FML of course.

By dlowry004 | 14

#5629531 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:30

Haha that's too funny!! You never know OP, he could have seen the movie before and walked in at the right time. Either way your dads seems pretty cool.

By Melix | 31

#5629544 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:33

That happened to me with the Grudge, I was 7 years old. So, I feel your pain.

Reply

mmizbbz210 | 13

#5629619 - Friday 16 August 2013 4:12

Same here. Scared the shit out of me. I remember not being able to even look at a dark closet for months. Now that I'm older it is really funny though. Lol

Reply

laughtersplay | 14

#5630333 - Friday 16 August 2013 16:09

After watching the Grudge, I refused to even take a peek underneath my blanket when I was sleeping. But hey, I was 8.

By Dallasluver19 | 14

#5629546 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:34

Your dad>

By kjones99 | 11

#5629553 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:37

He might have waited a while to do it, but I'm pretty sure it was worth it!

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#5629564 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:42

ninja mode