Work: Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill...

By letmeinplease - 22/03/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 2 904

Work

Age difference

Batman

Foolish

By Username - 01/08/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 848

You deserved it 2 700

By djkimmaz - 03/12/2011 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 642

You deserved it 3 358

By WTF? - 01/04/2011 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 812

You deserved it 8 167

By FriendsZone - 15/05/2012 20:44 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 472

You deserved it 2 622

By (-__- ) ( ^.^) - 11/10/2013 21:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 824

You deserved it 6 300

By Anonymous - 24/07/2016 06:40 - United States - Huntsville

Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 712

You deserved it 1 142

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 516

You deserved it 9 118

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 19:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 891

You deserved it 4 735

Bad sex

By Undersexed - 14/09/2016 22:01 - United States - Washington

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 797

You deserved it 2 399

By irishbabycakes - 25/01/2010 10:27 - United States

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 5 936

By MJB - 02/04/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 954

You deserved it 392

By Sunshinenwhiskey - 05/05/2016 15:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 707

You deserved it 966

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 685

You deserved it 7 354

Childlike

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 05:01

Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 220

By knepmj - 16/03/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 952

You deserved it 1 382

By birthday girl - 27/10/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 100

You deserved it 2 144

By sadman - 05/02/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 953

You deserved it 3 774

Take a chill pill

By failed - 23/02/2011 10:06 - Switzerland

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 033

You deserved it 46 148

By Anonymous - 14/08/2019 00:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 474

You deserved it 122

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 07:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 639

By Username - 03/03/2010 16:34 - France

Today, I found out exactly what Ducolax stool softener is all about. Holy colon cleanse Batman! FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 054

You deserved it 25 147

Torn

By VaveJessop - 05/05/2020 20:00

Today, my 19-year-old best friend decided she's going to elope with her 30-year-old, alcoholic boyfriend, who she's only been dating for 5 months. She wants me to go with her and be her maid of honor. She says she'll never speak to me again if I don't support her terrible decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 130

Young body, old soul

By lily - 12/04/2021 23:00

Today, I was diagnosed with gout. I’m 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, in the spirit of Christmas, I let a spider live in my room. I normally kill them, because I'm scared of waking up with one on my face. I woke up with it on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 23 567

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 2 583

By loser - 02/03/2016 00:20 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years-old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 511

You deserved it 1 624

By goldendarkness - 09/07/2016 01:34

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 683

You deserved it 2 940

Pick it up

By Cassie - 02/05/2011 00:21

Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 322

You deserved it 50 621

Some taken

By Sadboy - 06/04/2012 14:24 - United States

Today, I went to family therapy because my mom wanted the family to be closer. When asked what her biggest disappointment was in life, she turned to me and said, "Having a gay son" then patted my hand, smiled, and said "No offense, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 776

You deserved it 7 191

Headshot!

By almyric - 02/10/2019 12:02

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 259

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 17:01

Today, it's my ninth day off work. I should have been back 4 days ago, but whilst resting a swollen knee at home, I got a hair stuck in my eye so badly that I had to go to A&E at 4 a.m. to get it taken out. Now work won't let me come back until the resulting conjunctivitis clears up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 101

By mammasboy - 21/05/2013 18:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 844

You deserved it 5 346

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 794

You deserved it 2 977

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 01:23 - Canada - Calgary

Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 966

You deserved it 4 401

By Noname - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 397

You deserved it 124 866

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, I told my husband that when I get my birth control taken out later this year, I would like to take a break from it for a while. He just said, "Condoms are too expensive and I don't want to waste $2 every time we do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 946

You deserved it 2 607

By now what - 24/12/2014 05:56 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 069

You deserved it 3 354

By stupid useless criminal - 21/11/2017 19:00

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 484

You deserved it 536

By yeah_im_mad_bro - 24/09/2011 00:32 - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 148

You deserved it 5 448

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 904

You deserved it 29 932

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:35

Don't worry, you'll soon have all the time off you want when your singularly shitty company goes broke and shuts down. No calls -> no customers No customers -> no raison d'être

awesomer2000 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:23

at least when you clocked in it didn't say not scheduled :)

SirSantpoort 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:21

You still get paid.

SillyEars 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 10:55

I spectate what you viewed him doing there.

mnwv 3

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 18:06

I got hard from watching what you spectated number 1 saying.

tulsafml 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 23:12

^ Haha me too. But I jizzed myself as well...

sumguyonFML 0

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 3:42

i agree that i disagree with agreeing with you about agreeing with their disagreement. agree'd?

animosiity 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:21

KiwiExchange 16

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:22

fail^

awesomer2000 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:23

at least when you clocked in it didn't say not scheduled :)

justalilrandom2 4

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 9:02

I see what you did there. Nice cross FML reference.

Agiggleaday 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 12:57

I don't understand why we state the obvious.

tooFLY 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 14:09

Because it's fun and easy. Duh.

cptmorgan15 2

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 18:35

Thank you giggle! I can't stand when people say "I see what you did there". It makes them look so dumb. WE ALL SAW WHAT HE DID THERE!!! For you to say that, you have to be extremely dumb or under the age of 13.

BigBirdLookAlike 0

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Thursday 24 March 2011 3:11

Or not spend all day looking at FMLs.

JoshForever 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:25

wow I would hate that if it happen to me! then probably laugh hahha

lilgirly89102 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:26

easy money. shut up with your complaining.

No_habla_espanol 11

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:52

Shut up with your pointless negativity. People come here to complain obviously - hence the name of the site "fmylife"

ChibiChibi_fml 27

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 10:02

I'm with No_habla_espanol, if you don't want to read someone's complaints than you really shouldn't be coming to a site called FMyLife. The entire basis for the site is people complaining about something in their lives.

lilgirly89102 0

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 0:41

complaining that they sat around all day and got paid. is not and fml

ChibiChibi_fml 27

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 5:44

It is when you consider that s/he could have been at home sleeping to help themselves get better. I know when I'm really sick that I get really tired and having to force myself to stay awake all day at work would not only suck, but cause me to leave sicker than I was before I came in.

Rainbow_dumpster 27

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:31

you'll do fine. ;)

unidentified_sta 5

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:32

If you were ill enough to stay home, you should have then.

insanesna1l 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 11:35

agreed. if you are sick take the day off. Don't work from home or in the office

perdix 29

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:35

Don't worry, you'll soon have all the time off you want when your singularly shitty company goes broke and shuts down. No calls -> no customers No customers -> no raison d'être

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 8:37

so you got paid to rest while you are sick... i dont get the fml. i guess you werent that sick if you still had the energy to get to work

Anaxes 5

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 9:26

Yeah, because being sick means you're confined to your bed.

ChibiChibi_fml 27

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 10:05

How much energy does it really take to get to and from work if you drive an automatic car? I mean there is a bit of mental focus needed but it's really not that draining to sit in your vehicle, drive to work, park, get out, go into work, and sit at desk. These are all things that could still be accomplished if you were vomiting every twenty minutes and running a fever of 101F. It wouldn't be fun, but it could still be done.

cptmorgan15 2

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 18:41

I agree it can be mentally exhausting, but I don't see how driving (regardless of where you live) can be physically exhausting. I have never strained myself physically while driving, and I drive a manual.