Miscellaneous: Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42427

You deserved it

3947

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Sorry…

Late term

You ass!

By that girl - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

55125

You deserved it

12577

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 05:00

Issues

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1701

You deserved it

126

Favorite

By Monkey253100 - France

Today, I decided to be healthy and go for a run. I broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31304

You deserved it

4078

Favorite

By "fraz206"

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. 20 minutes till I was able to clock out some kid pukes all over herself in the playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1897

You deserved it

150

Favorite

By greatdriver...4 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11822

You deserved it

26617

Favorite

By lvegadelgado_6 - United States - Deerfield

Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23458

You deserved it

2110

Favorite

By noooooo - Canada

Today, I ran 5 miles to catch the bus I take to university after missing my connection. When I got to the bus stop, I realized I had left my U-Pass on my desk at home. On top of the assignment that was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26958

You deserved it

8433

Favorite

By Anon - Australia

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36101

You deserved it

14465

Favorite

By Jen - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14688

You deserved it

33453

Favorite

By Screwed - United States - Rockville

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36908

You deserved it

1997

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41093

You deserved it

4363

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36947

You deserved it

61110

Favorite

By Anonymous - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46437

You deserved it

3413

Favorite

By pacificbeach - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15548

You deserved it

55033

Favorite

By notsoaloneanymore - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they 'thought I would be lonely'. I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14873

You deserved it

3114

Favorite

By Anonymous - Spain - Ripollet

Absolute beginners

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55699

You deserved it

5933

Favorite

By overexcited - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15979

You deserved it

38433

Favorite

By DisturbedMan - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65915

You deserved it

5906

Favorite

By Lady Vulva

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34693

You deserved it

3028

Favorite

By Sergie - Ireland

Today, I was getting ready for my first day at work. Right before leaving the house I decided to brush my teeth thoroughly one more time to have a fresh breath. While cleaning my tongue I went too far which made me throw up. I was 20 min late for my work. Good start. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14155

You deserved it

28269

Favorite

By Tom - United States

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80737

You deserved it

6872

Favorite

By cosmonaut - New Zealand

Accusations

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7837

You deserved it

71055

Favorite

By TheHezzer - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29553

You deserved it

2332

Favorite

By Acne_problems

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1908

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By missmcfarty - Australia - Townsville

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name, when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly, she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19259

You deserved it

2660

Favorite

By no - United States - New York

Today, my cat jumped out a fourth-story window when I went to pet her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8760

You deserved it

945

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/10/2020 02:00

Passionate

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1030

You deserved it

245

Favorite

By Unknown - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34164

You deserved it

26124

Favorite

By HoboWithACondom

Today, my regressive boss fired me because he found out I'm dating his daughter. Now I'm concerned what he might do if he finds out she's pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1566

You deserved it

704

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 23:06 - United States - Hesperia

First Dates

Today, a guy took me on a date to McDonald’s. I smiled, but told him politely that I don’t eat fast food. He called me a stuck-up snob and a high maintenance gold digger who didn’t deserve him. I’m neither. I have IBS and greasy food sets me off. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1212

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Vandrefalk - Norway

Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23869

You deserved it

5348

Favorite

By Nextman

Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 21:32 - India

Knock next time please

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

773

You deserved it

621

Favorite

By disappointed - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34144

You deserved it

14073

Favorite

By CurtisWogan - United States - Albany

Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38862

You deserved it

13411

Favorite

By Confused Clipboard - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9229

You deserved it

1514

Favorite

By Michelle - United States

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61891

You deserved it

6449

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40742

You deserved it

4045

Favorite

By Kayt - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42287

You deserved it

4631

Favorite

By awkward - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52630

You deserved it

4042

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wowfmlife | 0

#248841 - Sunday 31 May 2009 23:00

Gooey+legs=....caterpillar?
I don't really get what it was or why it was on your head after a shower, but that's sick

By Volcan_fml | 22

#1975346 - Monday 17 January 2011 4:39

But what the fxck was it!?

COMMENTS

By BeanieBaby | 0

#248793 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:51

ewwwww. that sucks

By maichido | 0

#248796 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:51

Eugh, that's just gross!
But not so bad.

Volcan_fml | 22

#1975346 - Monday 17 January 2011 4:39

But what the fxck was it!?

gatorclay97 | 28

#6190171 - Monday 2 February 2015 14:10

Are you bipolar?

By slipup2 | 2

#248799 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:51

omfg thats is just horrible.
good protein tho :D

By Mandy_fml | 0

#248803 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:52

Oops! Apparently we accidentally swallow three spiders in a lifetime though, so try not to feel too bad. At least you didn't eat it.

alshclown | 0

#2524356 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 20:05

urban legend.

athena3100 | 9

#2791187 - Thursday 30 June 2011 11:11

ive heard 8 a year D:

kaylyngrace11496 | 4

#3779108 - Saturday 24 December 2011 3:52

Nooo.. It's like 10 spiders annually..

PrincessPesa | 20

#4700563 - Tuesday 17 July 2012 19:20

Spiders! The breakfast of champions.

shitidied | 17

#6352697 - Friday 17 July 2015 6:11

84 and 86 are idiots. Google university doesn't count.

By l0vegam3 | 0

#248819 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:55

Ahaha, eww.
That sucksss,

By saailaway | 0

#248821 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:55

AHHHHFHIEHFO! omg that just makes me quiver

By PureGold | 0

#248829 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:57

#5...I heard it was 7 x(

OP: EWWWW that's so gross. I'm sorry!!

bbodin33 | 7

#2987499 - Thursday 28 July 2011 17:24

I heard it was 3 per night

kittykat1501 | 31

#6335905 - Monday 29 June 2015 21:42

No it's 7 a lifetime

By coopcas | 0

#248835 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:58

Eeeeeew, what?! D:

By uhmfml | 0

#248837 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:58

Im sorry but this will probably happen to you more than once in your life. Just something nasty that happened to you.

kristinleighhh | 0

#3410936 - Monday 10 October 2011 1:25

Therefore, it is an FML.

By IllegalLight | 0

#248840 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:59

A spider perhaps? Yummy.