Miscellaneous: Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42436

You deserved it

3948

Favorite

Miscellaneous

There's no helping some people

Vulture

Scammers scamming

By danam - Canada

Today, I looked out my window to see the sunset, but instead I see my neighbor dancing with strobe lights on and music blasting. He was by himself and had absolutely nothing on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34114

You deserved it

4297

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1832

You deserved it

692

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about being super heroes. He said I could be "The Period" because I'm a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23651

You deserved it

9017

Favorite

By bear92 - United States

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47428

You deserved it

5888

Favorite

By Unproud daddy moment - 19/3/2021 16:00 - United Kingdom

Pride and joy

Today, my wife refuses to admit our 13-year-old son has no chance in hell of getting into college. He never got more than an E or an F on his exams, routinely misspells his own name, can't remember our address and I just watched him spend 10 minutes looking for his lost hat which, by the way, was on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1152

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By EosHelios - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4352

You deserved it

257

Favorite

By homeless - United Kingdom - Winchester

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42363

You deserved it

3625

Favorite

By bastards - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I babysat the brattiest and most foul-mouthed 8-year-old I've ever met. After I survived three hours of it, his parents finally came home. He claimed I'd invited a boy over and that we did "stuff" on the couch all evening. They believed him. I didn't get paid, to say the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57918

You deserved it

4195

Favorite

By dicksonthebrain - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35214

You deserved it

6602

Favorite

By lunarstrain - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48959

You deserved it

8502

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24085

You deserved it

4858

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21491

You deserved it

6734

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36985

You deserved it

3279

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 23:01

Hesitation

Today, I got a great job offer but things are constantly changing at my current position due to COVID. So I was honest and told them I wanted to see what my employer could offer. They took back their offer and gave it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

338

You deserved it

1570

Favorite

By Anonymous

Ivory pissed, too

Today, it was my 14-year anniversary. I'd spent weeks picking out a new gold wedding band for my husband. What did he get me? Nothing. Not even a happy anniversary text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1659

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By JessicaandGhazi - 26/5/2020 20:00

Expanding universe

Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me, "What's the point in doing that when you're getting so fat, those wont even fit in 2 weeks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

You deserved it

324

Favorite

By anon - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35501

You deserved it

8806

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, a week after my miscarriage, my little sister thought it appropriate to wrap her belt around her neck and scream, "Hey look, it's your baby!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44016

You deserved it

2600

Favorite

By Typrokka - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13116

You deserved it

32111

Favorite

By dumbass1991 - United States

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8124

You deserved it

121572

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19832

You deserved it

1517

Favorite

By promoted - Australia

Today, my boss quit his job and stopped coming in without warning. Guess who just inherited his tasks and responsibilities without the training or pay associated with his manager role. I was hired last year as a junior system admin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27582

You deserved it

3088

Favorite

By Julez - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29195

You deserved it

13614

Favorite

By geekyteendisaster - United States - Littleton

Today, my crush finally asked me to homecoming. I told my best friend, thinking she would be happy for me. Now we are in a big argument and she won't talk to me because I have a date and she doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3170

You deserved it

257

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21550

You deserved it

1453

Favorite

By jailbirdlove - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42575

You deserved it

4256

Favorite

By eric4 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48330

You deserved it

4344

Favorite

By UnfortunatelySingle - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28342

You deserved it

3357

Favorite

By peapapeanut

Today, after months of my best friend telling me we were going to be roommates and moving to a new city together, with me trusting her, she ditched me because “everyone” told her not to live with me. She’s still moving, and we’re going to be in the same school and class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1569

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By Teenagemum

Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to keep the house was if I get pregnant and claim child benefits. My family now won't speak to me because I refuse to do it. I'm 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3004

You deserved it

Favorite

By MERRY FUCKMYARSEMASS - United Kingdom

Today, my car broke down on the highway, and I had to call for a tow truck. It finally showed up, only to break down too less than a mile later. Cue nearly freezing to death while we waited for help to arrive for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37970

You deserved it

2764

Favorite

By Fucked - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30621

You deserved it

13618

Favorite

By notyourmummy - United Kingdom - Ryde

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30714

You deserved it

3299

Favorite

By Tyr88 - Australia - Blakehurst

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4475

You deserved it

1544

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27401

You deserved it

2363

Favorite

By ilovecowboys - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26795

You deserved it

7005

Favorite

By fuck - United States - Hubert

Caught

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70226

You deserved it

5248

Favorite

By FrickingBusDrivers - United States - Farmington

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31791

You deserved it

2269

Favorite

By livingonmyownfromnowon - United States - Olivehurst

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18624

You deserved it

1535

Favorite

By hoody - United States

Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32398

You deserved it

5884

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wowfmlife | 0

#248841 - Sunday 31 May 2009 23:00

Gooey+legs=....caterpillar?
I don't really get what it was or why it was on your head after a shower, but that's sick

By Volcan_fml | 22

#1975346 - Monday 17 January 2011 4:39

But what the fxck was it!?

COMMENTS

By BeanieBaby | 0

#248793 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:51

ewwwww. that sucks

By maichido | 0

#248796 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:51

Eugh, that's just gross!
But not so bad.

Volcan_fml | 22

#1975346 - Monday 17 January 2011 4:39

But what the fxck was it!?

gatorclay97 | 28

#6190171 - Monday 2 February 2015 14:10

Are you bipolar?

By slipup2 | 2

#248799 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:51

omfg thats is just horrible.
good protein tho :D

By Mandy_fml | 0

#248803 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:52

Oops! Apparently we accidentally swallow three spiders in a lifetime though, so try not to feel too bad. At least you didn't eat it.

alshclown | 0

#2524356 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 20:05

urban legend.

athena3100 | 9

#2791187 - Thursday 30 June 2011 11:11

ive heard 8 a year D:

kaylyngrace11496 | 4

#3779108 - Saturday 24 December 2011 3:52

Nooo.. It's like 10 spiders annually..

PrincessPesa | 20

#4700563 - Tuesday 17 July 2012 19:20

Spiders! The breakfast of champions.

shitidied | 17

#6352697 - Friday 17 July 2015 6:11

84 and 86 are idiots. Google university doesn't count.

By l0vegam3 | 0

#248819 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:55

Ahaha, eww.
That sucksss,

By saailaway | 0

#248821 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:55

AHHHHFHIEHFO! omg that just makes me quiver

By PureGold | 0

#248829 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:57

#5...I heard it was 7 x(

OP: EWWWW that's so gross. I'm sorry!!

bbodin33 | 7

#2987499 - Thursday 28 July 2011 17:24

I heard it was 3 per night

kittykat1501 | 31

#6335905 - Monday 29 June 2015 21:42

No it's 7 a lifetime

By coopcas | 0

#248835 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:58

Eeeeeew, what?! D:

By uhmfml | 0

#248837 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:58

Im sorry but this will probably happen to you more than once in your life. Just something nasty that happened to you.

kristinleighhh | 0

#3410936 - Monday 10 October 2011 1:25

Therefore, it is an FML.

By IllegalLight | 0

#248840 - Sunday 31 May 2009 22:59

A spider perhaps? Yummy.