Work: Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding... - FML

By Can't Spell Worth A Damn - United States

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

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Walk on the wild side

The smell detective is on the case

Honesty is the best policy

By Lisa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 11:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Missing the one

Today, I had a dream where I was with my last girlfriend, from five years ago. Nothing dirty. Just leaning on each other, talking, and smiling. Woke up and felt like she was really here, and now I miss her as much as when she had to leave the country. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

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By Hannah - Ireland

Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML

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By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

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By Me - United States

Today, I found out that my parents used all of the college money I have been saving up for 8 years to buy a beach house. The reason they waited until now to tell me? A tree fell on it, and they need more money for repairs. FML

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By m2k - Canada

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

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By adamclmns - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

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By lancus - 7/6/2020 14:06

Patriotic ass

Today, my 6-year-old daughter and I were leaving a swimming pool when we passed the front desk, where there was a Canadian flag. She said, "Look daddy! A maple leaf! Just like on your ass!” I forgot that she knew about my tattoo and the flag. We ran out as people burst out laughing. FML

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By wat_dafuq_bro

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

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By bachelor - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

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By - United States

Today, after months of trying to convince my violent bipolar antisocial neighbors to crack a window when they smoke pot, I'm now living without any heat to avoid being blasted by pot smoke from the heat vents day and night. FML

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By NatchezParadox

Tinder surprised

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

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By I'm screwed - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

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By EB - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I asked my parents if they'd pay for me to go to the eye doctor and consider it my Christmas present. FML

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By Autocorrected - Philippines - Makati

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

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By Ma_Nikka - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

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By mandinga - United States

Please?

Today, my husband asked me for permission to have an affair with his hot secretary. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML

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By WellGroomed - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

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By Bebefer - United States

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

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By Hayls5 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Gainesville

Go away, creep

Today, I learned that my stalker is still trying to weasel their way into my life even after they doxxed me, cyberstalked me, harassed me, threatened me, and attempted blackmail on me. All this just because I told them that their boyfriend groomed me when I was a minor. FML

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By Michael D. - United States - Duluth

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

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By angkal2002 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

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By spadesmollusques - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

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By too proud to beg - 23/9/2020 02:02

Basic Instinct

Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2021 02:00

Many such cases!

Today, I found out that I can’t get my COVID vaccine due to my chance of going into anaphylactic shock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Yikes!

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

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By

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

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By Professional

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

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By DreDre

The charity

Today, I found out that the dude I love has been taking the money I used to support him and buying heroin with it. FML

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By Rae - 25/10/2020 08:02

Pants on fire

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indiana

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Just a dream

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

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Top comments

By FML_allthetime | 0

#18612 - Friday 6 March 2009 22:46

hahahahahahah! thats so funny! i dont think you deservd it though, people have typos all the time, but HALARIOUS!

By Cloudy_fml | 0

#18650 - Friday 6 March 2009 22:59

Well, the "t" and "g" keys are close together... Haha, what an unfortunate typo.

COMMENTS

By FML_allthetime | 0

#18612 - Friday 6 March 2009 22:46

hahahahahahah! thats so funny! i dont think you deservd it though, people have typos all the time, but HALARIOUS!

Reply

sugarycupcake | 0

#2454083 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 22:43

lol...if u were using gmail, then you could always hit 'cancel'

Reply

worldclassrager | 39

#6003394 - Wednesday 9 July 2014 22:44

Hilarious*

Reply

briedabro | 31

#6701290 - Tuesday 11 October 2016 1:50

Clearly u r one of those people. *hilarious

By LifeSux19 | 0

#18618 - Friday 6 March 2009 22:49

Lmao haha this is sooo funny.

By Cloudy_fml | 0

#18650 - Friday 6 March 2009 22:59

Well, the "t" and "g" keys are close together... Haha, what an unfortunate typo.

Reply

AnimeRules1125 | 24

#5962837 - Monday 2 June 2014 1:47

And a very ironic one at that!

By carriealana | 0

#18651 - Friday 6 March 2009 22:59

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL...
proof reading is your friend!

Reply

Tempsey | 0

#2686632 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 16:00

It (auto-correction) most definitely isn't on the iPhone, it would probably change regards to retards.

Reply

FaguIous | 22

#6231287 - Friday 13 March 2015 23:43

Wait what? No auto correction would change it?

By Yunie_fml | 0

#18662 - Friday 6 March 2009 23:03

Should've proofread.
There's obvious typos, and then there are those that just aren't punny.

Reply

crossover88546 | 0

#1314912 - Sunday 29 August 2010 6:03

punny lol

By Warlock_fml | 0

#18676 - Friday 6 March 2009 23:08

If it's any consolation, you have made me laugh quite hard.

By justshootmenow | 0

#18743 - Friday 6 March 2009 23:41

LMAO. i thought i was the king of typos. we got a new champ.

By kagome_eb | 0

#18752 - Friday 6 March 2009 23:44

hahahaha dont worry this is good! people will start talking about it, which will get people's attention to the organization, even if its bad for you, still a positive thing for the fundraiser.

By oh_really_fml | 0

#18777 - Friday 6 March 2009 23:58

i would have LOVED to receive that email!

By Melanie_fml | 0

#18830 - Saturday 7 March 2009 0:24

You made a lot of people's day...if it's any consolation.

*snerk*

Reply

BigMacBoi | 3

#3107813 - Sunday 14 August 2011 16:51

Your picture made a lot of people's day too