Intimacy: Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed... - FML

By Cromwel620 - United States

Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel I'm employed at. After checking in a young couple to the room above the main office, I was forced to listen to them having it off for most of the night, serving a very loud reminder that I've been single for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23028

You deserved it

3208

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Late term

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Acu7519

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4102

You deserved it

818

Tweet

Share

By me - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11875

You deserved it

28479

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38687

You deserved it

6177

Tweet

Share

By Jen_ - France

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30410

You deserved it

3007

Tweet

Share

By BrokeAndPsst - United States

Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60044

You deserved it

14872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21542

You deserved it

2081

Tweet

Share

By chlolivia - Canada

Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31657

You deserved it

4373

Tweet

Share

By new dog - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38340

You deserved it

3946

Tweet

Share

By Oopsydaisy31

Metal music

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

511

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

By needmorelocks - United States - Santa Paula

What?!

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40213

You deserved it

2739

Tweet

Share

By broke - United States

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66450

You deserved it

5183

Tweet

Share

By drummerboy - United States

Today, I practiced my drum playing in the garage instead of my room out of consideration for my neighbors. Guess the consideration wasn't mutual, because one of my neighbors just shot a hole in one of my drums with an air gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13108

You deserved it

2052

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26197

You deserved it

245735

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 04:59

Nostalgia goggles

Today, I found out my ex broke up with me after 3 years because he's still in love with his ex, who he hasn't spoken to in 6 years. And she dumped him for the same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

719

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By Knittedbirch

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11597

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1660

Tweet

Share

By afraidofcans - United States - Stafford

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23696

You deserved it

4412

Tweet

Share

By ABBenzin - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41323

You deserved it

3765

Tweet

Share

By estallidos - United States

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27172

You deserved it

2428

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68249

You deserved it

5544

Tweet

Share

By raybandy - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26178

You deserved it

2345

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my art project, the one I've been working on for the last two weeks and the first piece I felt really comfortable about turning in, was stolen out of the art cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26681

You deserved it

2085

Tweet

Share

By goo - United States - Louisville

Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7577

You deserved it

1099

Tweet

Share

By Crashed - United States - Evans

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60348

You deserved it

5321

Tweet

Share

By kit_kat14 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boyfriend joined a group on Facebook called 'Swallow. Or it's going in your eye.' Today I also found out that my boyfriend takes Facebook groups very seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25400

You deserved it

4856

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Newtownards

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs at college. I was taken to hospital with a fractured ankle and had to call my parents to drive me home. They constantly made passive-aggressive remarks on the way home, because I'd "totally ruined" their plans to eat out at a fancy restaurant tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32633

You deserved it

3650

Tweet

Share

By parentalfail - United States

Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33221

You deserved it

2245

Tweet

Share

By jll14 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42531

You deserved it

2824

Tweet

Share

By whytoday

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10027

You deserved it

44657

Tweet

Share

By TheSublime - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37753

You deserved it

4620

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - West Hartford

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52251

You deserved it

7271

Tweet

Share

By brad3720 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67357

You deserved it

7511

Tweet

Share

By redheadmess - 20/7/2020 02:01

Pay up

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1866

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By Rawr - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33555

You deserved it

2874

Tweet

Share

By agstadra - Canada

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33883

You deserved it

3184

Tweet

Share

By howniceofyou - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34441

You deserved it

13090

Tweet

Share

By 50love - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. After he did, he walked over to his friends. I saw him tell them that he broke up with me. After he finished all of them cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33848

You deserved it

8089

Tweet

Share

By Skimilk - Australia

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29022

You deserved it

5850

Tweet

Share

By Ouch

Great balls of fire

Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5909

You deserved it

1982

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I thought I had carbon monoxide poisoning because I had the symptoms and my detector was going off. I called the fire dept, they checked me, they checked my apartment. My apartment is fine; I'm just out of shape, have high blood pressure, and don't know how to work simple electronics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32881

You deserved it

11178

Tweet

Share

By miabun - United States - Breinigsville

Cling Alert

Today, my boyfriend has helicopter parents. He offered to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day, but there's one condition: his mother has to be there the whole time. He's 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6769

You deserved it

875

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By JoshTheMaggot | 8

#885382 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:08

get ure ass up there and join in on the fun.

By Gibby_fml | 0

#885376 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:07

hahaha. next time dont book the young couple to right above the office.

COMMENTS

By Alex708 | 0

#885365 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:03

haha that sucks!

Reply

febag | 0

#885413 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:16

Go join them!

Reply

mcfaily | 0

#885485 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:44

hot

Reply

ilovechuux13 | 0

#885521 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:54

uhm you have a job, save some money and buy a hot chic for a night
and don't call me a sexist pig, i'm a girl. but there are girls out there who do that for their job. so good luck op ;]

Reply

DavidCooksAngel | 0

#885587 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 17:19

I bet you were jacking off to the sound of them.

Reply

ZombieBunnies | 0

#885714 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 18:45

@25. Sounds like the thought of that excites you. What a kinky girl!

Reply

DavidCooksAngel | 0

#885715 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 18:46

very much so :-)

Reply

ZombieBunnies | 0

#886001 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:41

oo la la. You should offer to a "helping hand" to the OP.

Reply

xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#887110 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 2:15

lolz. lotza lolz.

By Gibby_fml | 0

#885376 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:07

hahaha. next time dont book the young couple to right above the office.

By JoshTheMaggot | 8

#885382 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:08

get ure ass up there and join in on the fun.

Reply

SleepOnStones | 5

#2828336 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 2:59

You have a sweet profile pic/user name:D

By TattedDownJah | 2

#885385 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:09

lol, Are there no females were u live, or are u that fucked up lookin

Reply

12321 | 0

#885531 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:58

that's really shallow

Reply

afarr | 0

#885551 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 17:04

yeaaah what?

By Jdelakas | 0

#885388 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:09

awe too badd

By JRSHINE | 0

#885396 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:11

get some!

By crazycornn | 0

#885398 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:12

lol you shouldve knocked on the door and yelled 'hey keep it down in there! I'm trying to play solitaire!'

Reply

sublimaze | 6

#885655 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 18:03

lol. I'm sure he was playing "solitaire" the whole night

By PsychoMerk | 0

#885400 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:12

ok... I KNOW there's hookers in Cali >_>

Reply

ilovechuux13 | 0

#885527 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:56

cause ur one, right?

Reply

PsychoMerk | 0

#885532 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:58

nuuuuuu.... but if ur out say past 2 there's a lot o' skanks out on the streets. even In high class neighborhoods :0

Reply

Jsalcedo23 | 0

#1216677 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 9:49

what makes you say that????

By relyo | 0

#885430 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:22

Today, I read about a guy complaining that he's been single for 5 years. I'm at 8 years and counting. FML

Reply

fisheatsbear | 6

#885552 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 17:05

you admit that why?

Reply

PsychoMerk | 0

#885606 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 17:34

aw :(

Reply

gabirolon | 1

#885773 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 19:13

eharmony!!! it really works!!

Reply

ravensunnyd | 0

#886506 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 23:34

I'm at 13 years of Bering single

Reply

Funkengine12 | 0

#984436 - Sunday 25 April 2010 3:07

16 years. And counting...

By Asstazztic | 8

#885439 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 16:27

Quit complaining I know younlike it ;) lol