Miscellaneous: Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids... - FML

By roofer - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

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Understandable

There's no helping some people

Compassionate dad, huh?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

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By cheezeits - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

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By SupermarketSally - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

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By [SiMON] - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By failout - United States

Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML

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By itsemilyc - United States - Byron Center

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

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By LT - United States

Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML

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By preggersss - United States

Today, I got sick in the airsick bag as my flight landed. The woman next to me, trying to make me feel better, says "Don't handle landings too well?" I responded "No, I actually fly fine, I'm just 8 weeks pregnant." She looked at my left hand, noticed no ring, rolled her eyes and looked away. FML

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By Son - United States

Today, after an hour-long conversation with my mom that was supposed to help fix our relationship, she said she prefers Beatrice over me and that she's moving in with her. Beatrice is not my sister, she's my older cousin. FML

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By yum yogurt - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

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By SirDirtyRedD - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML

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By Tams - Canada

Cheers, Henry

Today, my grandma and I went to visit one of her friends. The elderly gentleman told me I'd grown into a very beautiful young woman, to which my grandma replied, "Have you started in on the sherry early this evening, Henry?" FML

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By oooooops - United States

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after years of waiting, my mom and I finally received a check from Child Support Services. Excited, I opened it up to find a check from my dad, written out for 45 cents. Which pays for maybe half a loaf of bread. FML

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By Username - Australia

Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML

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By blob - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

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By notthesame - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

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By sabotaged - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

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By Boob - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By dumbo - United States

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

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By Littlethings1 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my hair got stuck in my umbrella. I asked for help from passers-by, but all I got was weird looks as they hurried past me. FML

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By soo

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

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By ohemgee - United States

Today, I got a call from a police department saying that if I didn't move my car from a store's parking lot within the next 15 minutes, they were going to tow it and charge me for the fee. I was at work and the reason I parked it there is because it started smoking and almost caught fire. FML

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By Fangirl#1

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML

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By GuessImWalking

Today, I found out I will be without a car for two weeks because my mother volunteered to let my grandparents use mine while theirs is being repaired. They've been in 4 accidents over the last year. FML

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By Wolf - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sends a text to one of his "friends" saying "I'm thinking of you". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

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By ip7 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

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By Mrmz07 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2020 14:02

Let it out

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

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By dJ21 - Guam

Today, I was at the airport getting ready to go to Hawaii. The guy at the counter said my flight was delayed. It turns out that the flight that was delayed was a flight going to Miami. My flight left at the regular time, and my luggage was on it, because I checked in the night before. FML

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By 12345678910 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

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By pst - South Africa

We need a break

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

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By greg

Today, my mother sued me for whiplash in a car accident that was her fault. She screamed to stop so I slammed on the brakes and the car behind ran into us. It wasn't an emergency; she just thought she saw her friend at the bus stop. It wasn't even her. FML

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By ToddlersWife - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

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By memoryloss - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML

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Top comments

By aback | 4

#445840 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:51

She went home, looked in the mirror and said, "Roofers still hit on me at my age--have I still got it, or what?"

By OleShammy | 0

#445801 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:42

I feel for you man. I helped one of my dad's friends with a roofing job for a week, and that was the HOTTEST week of my life. FYL all the way.

COMMENTS

By jacklol | 0

#445779 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

bennylove | 0

#445863 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:54

Idiot.

Reply

josephmendesgigg | 0

#2837162 - Thursday 7 July 2011 7:31

no sir your a faggot

By OleShammy | 0

#445801 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:42

I feel for you man. I helped one of my dad's friends with a roofing job for a week, and that was the HOTTEST week of my life. FYL all the way.

By Mr_Fernandez | 0

#445802 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:43

jacklol, fuck off.

That sucks, OP. Find and beat those punks.

By penguintux | 0

#445804 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:43

I agree.
That really sucks :/

By frankienajera | 0

#445806 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Juvenescence | 0

#445824 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:48

Your comment doesn't even make sense.

Reply

rebel_yell_tiny | 0

#445875 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:57

yeah it doesn't make sense at all!

OP, that really really sucks!

Reply

mtrob121 | 0

#445994 - Friday 31 July 2009 23:33

i was just thinking the same thing about the monkeys going from tree to tree..

Reply

cheese4yokids | 8

#5886446 - Sunday 16 March 2014 10:40

What drugs are you on

By timmi_shae | 0

#445820 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:48

Wow what a mean old woman....

By aback | 4

#445840 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:51

She went home, looked in the mirror and said, "Roofers still hit on me at my age--have I still got it, or what?"

Reply

brilliantbarbie | 0

#446256 - Saturday 1 August 2009 1:42

haha thats exactly what I was thinkin!

Apparently the middle-aged group is where luck lies!!!!

By drzhottie148 | 0

#445851 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:52

This old lady is the best yo. That was my grandmother,

By Person1233 | 12

#445860 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:53

How high was the roof ? :/ Damn that really sucks...

By Ebby | 0

#445871 - Friday 31 July 2009 22:56

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

JokerXero | 0

#445913 - Friday 31 July 2009 23:05

We dont know if his partner was doing something else and wasnt around, So he didnt deserve that..

Should have found those kids and beat their ass, since there parents wont do it.

Reply

sandiejenkins | 0

#445924 - Friday 31 July 2009 23:08

I'm always up for beating up kids who's parents are too big of dip shits to do it themselves

Reply

loverslanex3 | 0

#446001 - Friday 31 July 2009 23:35

But, if his partner was on the roof how would he have helped?

Reply

YesyDidWhat | 0

#4563653 - Thursday 14 June 2012 1:47

13- you are truly an ass hole, Congradulations.

Reply

MissCharlotte_fml | 26

#5644271 - Monday 26 August 2013 12:26

"You deserved it for being stupid enough to work." Does this make sense to anyone else? Because I am pretty damn confused.