Work: Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 61

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 1 062

09/03/2009 00:00

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 019

You deserved it 40 771

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

And today, on Dr Phil…

Office embarrassment

By mog - 07/11/2019 08:00

Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 844

14/08/2015 19:31

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 509

You deserved it 2 698

Consolation prize

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 11:00

Today, I realised my bestie ditched me for her best friend, which was fine because it's her first. But then I found out she's been hanging out with other new friends and never once thought to hit me up, until I messaged her about feeling sad we hadn't hung out in a while because of the pandemic. Guess it wasn't just the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 125

07/06/2011 04:43

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 6 671

20/12/2010 05:02

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 084

You deserved it 30 053

05/09/2010 04:40

Spicy

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 631

You deserved it 8 150

09/05/2011 20:30

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 234

You deserved it 7 384

We've all done it

By tamralee - 25/10/2019 04:00

Today, I scrubbed a spot on a glass window in my house for several minutes. After finally giving up, I realized the spot was on the opposite side of the glass. I wasn't even high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 697

19/07/2015 06:02

Today, I had to explain to my incredibly sheltered 15-year-old brother that no, you don't wear condoms on your balls, and that they don't work by squeezing your balls so the sperm are blocked from coming out when you ejaculate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 2 317

23/12/2016 05:29

Today, I threw out all the food in the freezer that my mom had been keeping since 2013. When she found out, she said, "frozen food doesn't go bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 434

You deserved it 1 104

28/01/2013 21:18

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 185

You deserved it 2 146

24/12/2014 01:48

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 755

You deserved it 4 733

18/02/2016 07:48

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 740

You deserved it 2 295

05/12/2010 06:35

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 194

You deserved it 5 827

30/10/2014 07:25

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 336

You deserved it 3 825

30/07/2015 22:35

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 545

You deserved it 2 137

24/06/2009 16:37

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 751

You deserved it 9 878

17/12/2008 10:25

Today, my sweetheart came round to drop off some underwear which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 287

You deserved it 2 476

27/11/2010 12:36

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 027

You deserved it 38 489

16/03/2013 14:58

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 364

You deserved it 72 163

07/09/2009 04:57

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 411

You deserved it 7 006

12/08/2010 08:07

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 908

You deserved it 9 121

16/04/2009 14:38

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 398

You deserved it 17 407

09/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 129

10/10/2013 15:40

Spicy

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 107

You deserved it 17 961

03/04/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 458

You deserved it 356

24/11/2014 19:21

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 205

You deserved it 8 095

09/09/2012 21:38

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 210

You deserved it 2 387

28/01/2010 15:43

Today, I found out that shouting 'arsehole' at a speeding car is not a good idea. Two chavs MIGHT just turn around, drive onto the pavement and push you into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 201

You deserved it 29 315

16/12/2013 04:47

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 417

You deserved it 3 207

12/02/2013 14:18

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 127

You deserved it 35 567

10/08/2009 02:13

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 726

You deserved it 13 445

03/05/2009 06:17

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 907

You deserved it 13 119

30/08/2012 20:34

Today, I have a cold, and was stuck sleeping in bed. My roommate decided to wake me up by sticking headphones in my ears and playing heavy metal on full volume. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 234

You deserved it 2 626

14/04/2009 14:05

Spicy

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 173

You deserved it 27 441

31/10/2008 07:11

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 167

You deserved it 4 118

13/04/2015 10:43

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 096

You deserved it 3 329

Hold the line

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 08:02

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 2 374

19/02/2015 05:45

Spicy

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 936

You deserved it 38 102

22/10/2009 02:58

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 731

You deserved it 6 931

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Top comments

Jic2c 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:30

aww how the hell were you supposed to automatically know she had tourettes

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:27

omg haha, thats so sad but really funny

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npk88 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 3:10

FYL hahaha

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 3:58

its not really you're fault you couldn'te have known

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Saturday 10 July 2010 9:35

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Saturday 7 August 2010 15:42

138 is right. no way you could have known FYL.

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Sunday 26 September 2010 9:24

141 I'm pretty sure they are the same thing. tourettes just makes you do random things and is different for different people

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Wednesday 1 December 2010 13:57

Omfg nows that's funny!!!!!

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 17:29

141 , Tourettes is Tourette syndrome, people also call it ts

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Wednesday 24 April 2013 21:36

138- It's* your* couldn't*

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Wednesday 12 June 2013 18:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 13 April 2014 9:19

#1, you're a dick

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:27

omg haha, thats so sad but really funny

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 23:59

I don't know how to react... So let me just imitate her. The f*ck?

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:27

lol im sorry for you

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 8:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:28

Tourettes? FUCK SALT! DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL! IT SOUNDS LIKE CHEWBACCA TAKING A SHIT! I CALLED HER A BITCH IN FRONT OF HER TITS! FUCK YOU HEADS & SHOULDERS!

thevelociraptor 31

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Monday 15 September 2014 10:30

I don't like when stuff is moderated. I want to know what it said...

Jic2c 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:30

aww how the hell were you supposed to automatically know she had tourettes

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Wednesday 17 August 2011 3:51

You're not, you're supposed to not copy people who come up to you in stores and can't keep still.

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 6:43

But he was trying to be friendly. I for one appreciate it when bartenders/waiters/receptionists/other service givers don't make me feel stupid. If the customer, for unknown reasons, does a little dance, then the safest bet to being friendly is to also do one in a non-mocking way.

Leviathan_fml 0

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:30

hey, you couldn't know. Congrats to you on doing something. If they were legit, they'd be cool about it. but you ARE working at old navy, so you get a small minus point for that. :P I'm on your side though

SirCharles83 13

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Thursday 7 March 2013 21:19

7- A job is a job. No one should "lose points" for having a job, regardless of what it is. There are many people out there who can't find work, and would love to have any job. Also, they aren't living off of my taxes, which is fantastic.

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:32

yeah i voted that your life is just f'd lol but if it was obvious that she had issues, then YOU'RE fucked up haha

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:32

#5 Yeah, the Colgate, the one with the tartar control. AND IT MAKES ME FEEL...LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT!

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Monday 9 March 2009 2:35

Hahaha omgggg, I work at a grocery store with a kid who has tourettes and he eats the plastic bags. He gets wicked mad at the customers too and they flip out and dont understand that he has tourettes and then he just flips out more and its so embarassing. -_-

Miss_Whipped 43

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Tuesday 3 June 2014 18:31

How is he still employed? I'd imagine that the negative attention would be bad for business. Not to lack compassion or anything.