Kids: Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach... - FML

By n/a - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Property law

Persona non grata

By Jack Shart Jr. - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

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By dessy - United States - San Diego

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick up a few things from the store for him while he was at work. After picking up everything he asked for, I wasn't left with much money so I used $50 from my account. When he got home he then grumbled about me spending all of "his" money. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML

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By EmberLove - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

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By Erika

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend on campus. Upset, I decided to go to McDonald's to eat my painful memories away. While in the drive-thru line, I realized my ex was right in front of me. It looked like I'd followed him all the way from campus. He thinks I'm a stalker now. FML

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By Unsuspecting - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to quit my job. Why? Because I don't have a babysitter anymore. All I did was tell them I didn't want them mocking my baby when he cries. FML

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By RC3Welly - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

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By AlwaysAfraid - United States

Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

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By Screamingfirecracker - Canada

Today I finally worked up the nerve to quit my job after being tortured by my boss for months. My boss responded by throwing a hard-covered textbook at me and hitting me in the face. FML

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By VMV - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

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By foreveralone - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

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By OperaLover - United States

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

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By desperate905 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Monday morning blues

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

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By shitpile - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. While on the 100ft slide, my father decided it would be a great idea to pants me. I slipped and went down the 100ft slide naked for everyone to see. FML

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By Nowajerk - Australia

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

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By goodgrief - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

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By gbhlaughingstock - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

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By SeaBind - United States - Saginaw

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

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By A-64 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

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By part time all the time - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

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By mannydanny - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

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By Anonymous

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

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By PoopyNuts - 18/9/2020 23:01

In for the long haul

Today, my very financially stable grandparents bought my girlfriend and I two first class tickets on Air Emirates, which to me is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To my dismay, my colon did not approve of the peanuts and I spent the whole flight shitting out what seemed to be molten rocks. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2021 08:31 - India - Hosur

Catcaller on a bike!

Today, a man on a bike was so preoccupied with making lewd comments about another girl's behind that he drove straight into mine. FML

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By SadDad - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

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By nocat6 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

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By Crapper. - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 17:07

You go Glenn Coco!

Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less than 2 inches in, and then got angry I was taking so long to cum. I thought I was the drama queen in our house. FML

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By pokeballbra - United States

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

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By gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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By Notakidpusher - United States - San Francisco

OK Shaggy

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

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By InstantHardOn - United States

Whenever

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

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By soul0eater - Saudi Arabia

Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML

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Top comments

By k2cool_87 | 0

#687587 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:22

u fart like a guy be proud!!!!!

By Arkluq | 2

#687660 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:08

YDI for farting in front of children. I hope you're happy intoxicating them with your man-farts.

COMMENTS

By youthink_fml | 0

#687586 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:21

YDI. I'm a guy and I hold my farts until I'm in a bathroom or at least alone. Learn some manners.

By k2cool_87 | 0

#687587 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:22

u fart like a guy be proud!!!!!

Reply

Williii_fml | 0

#688979 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

LOL.

Reply

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2883554 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 17:54

girls can fart?

Reply

Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH | 7

#4718709 - Sunday 22 July 2012 6:15

Loooooool.

By blah123blah | 0

#687605 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:28

you are human (I am guessing), people fart. I am sure that the mom will not start a website based on everyone who she knows that has farted.

By Arkluq | 2

#687660 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:08

YDI for farting in front of children. I hope you're happy intoxicating them with your man-farts.

By jmoose311 | 3

#687699 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:30

YDI. It's okay if guys fart in public, because that's just what we do, but I always get grossed out when girls fart. Not cool.

Reply

soxgrl33 | 0

#687848 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:04

"that's just what we do"? Really? That doesn't make it not disgusting, douchebag. Any public farts are gross, not just girls'.

Reply

Arkluq | 2

#688443 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:43

What kind of a fucking moron are you? Its not applicable to fart in public either ways because its disgusting.

Reply

KrazyKatz3 | 26

#7530296 - Wednesday 16 August 2017 1:28

Guys it's natural. It happens. No one cares

By alewiina | 0

#687799 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:28

You can't always hold in a fart >.< She doesn't deserve it, although she should have known something like that would happen, lol. Kids don't know how to be quiet about gas.

By lololol111 | 0

#687802 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:29

YDI for farting, everyone knows women don't fart.

By abbylolz | 0

#687819 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:39

Omfg woman fart freakin sexiest

By snowgun10 | 0

#687878 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:32

All the comments about woman farting in public vs man is funnier than the actual strory. It's gross to fart in public, but sometime you just can't hold it. At lease try to be quiet and run away. LOL

By CallMeHush | 0

#687907 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:52

Somehow I doubt it was quite as small as you would have us belive.