Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach... - FML

By n/a - 25/11/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

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Great boyfriend

Assumptions

Live dumping

By nightowl506 - 21/11/2011 07:22 - United States

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 04:50 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

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By 4gottenmemories - 8/4/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my mom asked me to look through old VHS tapes to throw away, I found one that said "Ashley's kindergarten Play-'95", I put the tape in, it begins to play, only to see "Days of our lives", "Melrose Place", and "ER". My childhood memories are ranked lower than tv shows. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2020 17:01

Getting on

Today, I’m at the stage of my life where a normal bowel movement is practically a cause for celebration. FML

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By Djcc - 21/2/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

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By MJB - 2/4/2017 22:00

Today, as a 17-year-old, after having gone to the doctor to about some unusual hair loss, it turns out I simply have crappy genetics, and should expect to be fully bald within a year. FML

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By cheesylad - 10/6/2017 06:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

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By Badhairday - 11/6/2015 23:14 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML

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By newly passed, newly grassed - 6/12/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2017 16:00

Today, I found my dad smoking the weed he grounded me for having. FML

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By anon - 13/5/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

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By godzilllla - 8/8/2015 01:59 - United States - Bothell

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, I received a late Christmas present from my estranged father. I was really excited, having neither seen nor heard from him in nearly two years. It was a $200 gift card for a store that only exists in Canada. I don't live in Canada. Not even close. FML

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By Uhmm... - 13/5/2011 23:06 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

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By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

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By parishiltonsbff - 4/2/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I realized that I know more about Paris Hilton's cervix than how my government is run. FML

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By superscript - 18/2/2015 03:40 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

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By fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo - 28/7/2013 16:23 - United States

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

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By inyobeddd - 2/5/2013 08:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

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By NothowIimaginedmyday - 3/10/2015 04:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

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By anonymous - 24/9/2016 13:10 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

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By MarBlu - 23/1/2014 12:53 - United States

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

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By clu - 10/8/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

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By sarahbeth93 - 20/7/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend to stop tickling me, since I absolutely hate being tickled. He got extremely pissed at me and left the room. It took me a full five minutes to realize that I'd called him by my ex's name. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2014 21:15 - United States

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

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By K.S.S. - 17/4/2016 02:24 - United States - Rushville

Today, when I tried to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years, she had no idea we were even dating. She thought of all the movies, dinners and "sleep overs" I had with her was because we were such great friends. FML

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By cc13799 - 28/5/2014 00:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

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By blink_kid - 10/8/2012 12:57 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

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By anonymous - 22/8/2011 11:04 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

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By "leahkasscar" - 11/5/2019 12:00

Today, I'm stuck in a car with my sister who is currently having a screaming match with her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2012 14:17 - Canada - Cochrane

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

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By princessj - 16/10/2010 05:50 - United States

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2015 23:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

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By WolfsScar - 8/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Lincoln

Be careful, please!

Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML

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By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

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By jayswizzle89 - 29/7/2014 07:58 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

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By broke - 2/12/2017 15:00

Today, my work informed me that they didn't process my pay in time, so I won't get paid until the end of next month. I have less than £10 to last me until then. FML

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Top comments

By k2cool_87 | 0

#687587 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:22

u fart like a guy be proud!!!!!

By Arkluq | 2

#687660 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:08

YDI for farting in front of children. I hope you're happy intoxicating them with your man-farts.

COMMENTS

By youthink_fml | 0

#687586 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:21

YDI. I'm a guy and I hold my farts until I'm in a bathroom or at least alone. Learn some manners.

By k2cool_87 | 0

#687587 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:22

u fart like a guy be proud!!!!!

Reply

Williii_fml | 0

#688979 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

LOL.

Reply

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2883554 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 17:54

girls can fart?

Reply

Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH | 7

#4718709 - Sunday 22 July 2012 6:15

Loooooool.

By blah123blah | 0

#687605 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:28

you are human (I am guessing), people fart. I am sure that the mom will not start a website based on everyone who she knows that has farted.

By Arkluq | 2

#687660 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:08

YDI for farting in front of children. I hope you're happy intoxicating them with your man-farts.

By jmoose311 | 3

#687699 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:30

YDI. It's okay if guys fart in public, because that's just what we do, but I always get grossed out when girls fart. Not cool.

Reply

soxgrl33 | 0

#687848 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:04

"that's just what we do"? Really? That doesn't make it not disgusting, douchebag. Any public farts are gross, not just girls'.

Reply

Arkluq | 2

#688443 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:43

What kind of a fucking moron are you? Its not applicable to fart in public either ways because its disgusting.

Reply

KrazyKatz3 | 26

#7530296 - Wednesday 16 August 2017 1:28

Guys it's natural. It happens. No one cares

By alewiina | 0

#687799 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:28

You can't always hold in a fart >.< She doesn't deserve it, although she should have known something like that would happen, lol. Kids don't know how to be quiet about gas.

By lololol111 | 0

#687802 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:29

YDI for farting, everyone knows women don't fart.

By abbylolz | 0

#687819 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:39

Omfg woman fart freakin sexiest

By snowgun10 | 0

#687878 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:32

All the comments about woman farting in public vs man is funnier than the actual strory. It's gross to fart in public, but sometime you just can't hold it. At lease try to be quiet and run away. LOL

By CallMeHush | 0

#687907 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:52

Somehow I doubt it was quite as small as you would have us belive.