Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach... - FML

By n/a - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

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Messed up

Age ain't nothing but a number

This is us

By singingintherain

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cheering up the girl I've been in love with for years. She was having one of those, "I'm ugly, no one wants to be with me" days. To cheer herself up, she said to me, "If you were a hot guy, you'd date me, right?" FML

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By mugged - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went in to the doctor's thinking I had a bladder infection. I walked out knowing I'm pregnant. FML

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By choke on a dick, sir - United States - Portland

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

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By clostar - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

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By Jackey

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

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By preggo - United States

Today, someone asked when my baby was due. I'm not pregnant, but I was so embarrassed to be mistaken for a pregnant lady that I rubbed my tummy and said "December." FML

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By Anonyme - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

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By dan - United States - Laurel

Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the back-rest fell apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to "stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML

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By naas1201 - 10/5/2020 23:00

It's not working

Today, and since the beginning of our couples therapy, my wife and I don't do it anymore. FML

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By Anonycock - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 17:01 - United States - Columbus

Vampires are everywhere

Today, at 1:30 a.m., a big ass bat squeezed its nasty body through the bottom crack of the door. My sweet little Corgi cowered on the bed as the bat flew circles around my head. I'll be moving now. FML

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By KL - Canada

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

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By not even - United States - Troy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

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By DoesNotLikeCubes - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

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By Backstabber<3

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

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By Dickhead - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

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By ltwlty - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

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By chessgeeksam - United States

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

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By DEE

Out of the mouth of babes...

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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By toothache - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

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By dl - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

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By itsover - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. I don't even have a facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

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By furryballoon - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

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By lonely loser - United States - Seattle

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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By midnightblade163 - Australia - Caringbah

Today, at work a customer yelled at me, called me a 'fucking bitch', 'a fat whore', and, told me to lose weight because I wouldn't let her in the grocery store I work at to buy lettuce, after we'd closed. Lettuce for her lizard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend asked why I always smell like a dead animal carcass. I have no idea. FML

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By not-so-young-shortie - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

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By devdevdev - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

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By pissedoff - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Asheville

Today, at work, my vindictive, cheating ex made me clean and inspect her new wedding ring. FML

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By Ineverknew - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying how I hated my job, I felt trapped, and that I was wasting my time working there. A few minutes later, she answered, "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

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By ertyo - Romania - Oradea

Today, it's Christmas Eve. I was the happiest ever realizing that all the bills are paid, all the presents are bought, all the food is ready, and I still have some money left. This my biggest accomplishment so far as a young adult. Until I realized I don't have a tree. Adulting is hard. FML

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By rainey - United States

Today, my car alarm went off so I went outside to investigate. Apparently, the abundant rain water in my street had swept a trash can five houses down, only to be stopped by my car. My bumper was dented by a run-away waste receptacle. FML

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By logic - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

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Top comments

By k2cool_87 | 0

#687587 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:22

u fart like a guy be proud!!!!!

By Arkluq | 2

#687660 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:08

YDI for farting in front of children. I hope you're happy intoxicating them with your man-farts.

COMMENTS

By youthink_fml | 0

#687586 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:21

YDI. I'm a guy and I hold my farts until I'm in a bathroom or at least alone. Learn some manners.

By k2cool_87 | 0

#687587 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:22

u fart like a guy be proud!!!!!

Reply

Williii_fml | 0

#688979 - Thursday 26 November 2009 10:25

LOL.

Reply

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2883554 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 17:54

girls can fart?

Reply

Wow_FYL_BIZNITCH | 7

#4718709 - Sunday 22 July 2012 6:15

Loooooool.

By blah123blah | 0

#687605 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 16:28

you are human (I am guessing), people fart. I am sure that the mom will not start a website based on everyone who she knows that has farted.

By Arkluq | 2

#687660 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:08

YDI for farting in front of children. I hope you're happy intoxicating them with your man-farts.

By jmoose311 | 3

#687699 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 17:30

YDI. It's okay if guys fart in public, because that's just what we do, but I always get grossed out when girls fart. Not cool.

Reply

soxgrl33 | 0

#687848 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:04

"that's just what we do"? Really? That doesn't make it not disgusting, douchebag. Any public farts are gross, not just girls'.

Reply

Arkluq | 2

#688443 - Thursday 26 November 2009 1:43

What kind of a fucking moron are you? Its not applicable to fart in public either ways because its disgusting.

Reply

KrazyKatz3 | 26

#7530296 - Wednesday 16 August 2017 1:28

Guys it's natural. It happens. No one cares

By alewiina | 0

#687799 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:28

You can't always hold in a fart >.< She doesn't deserve it, although she should have known something like that would happen, lol. Kids don't know how to be quiet about gas.

By lololol111 | 0

#687802 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:29

YDI for farting, everyone knows women don't fart.

By abbylolz | 0

#687819 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 18:39

Omfg woman fart freakin sexiest

By snowgun10 | 0

#687878 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:32

All the comments about woman farting in public vs man is funnier than the actual strory. It's gross to fart in public, but sometime you just can't hold it. At lease try to be quiet and run away. LOL

By CallMeHush | 0

#687907 - Wednesday 25 November 2009 19:52

Somehow I doubt it was quite as small as you would have us belive.