By DumbassRoaster - United States - Fairview Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML I agree, your life sucks 12495 You deserved it 1711 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By possiblyoverweight - United Kingdom Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML I agree, your life sucks 44795 You deserved it 4357 182 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bradyman - United States Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML I agree, your life sucks 40235 You deserved it 6103 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Delta Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML I agree, your life sucks 31431 You deserved it 4854 82 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IGOTIT - United States - Fountain Valley Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML I agree, your life sucks 47356 You deserved it 3543 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By terrible person Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML I agree, your life sucks 43024 You deserved it 5969 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nudie - United States Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML I agree, your life sucks 16647 You deserved it 56416 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - San Juan Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML I agree, your life sucks 56056 You deserved it 3615 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TotaledBeamer Today, I found out how much damage my neighbor's 5-year-old kid can do to my brand-new BMW with a baseball bat. FML I agree, your life sucks 2195 You deserved it 143 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jen Throw the book at him Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML I agree, your life sucks 5004 You deserved it 255 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whoops - 10/6/2020 02:00 Exclusivity Today, I ran into the guy I’ve been seeing. He was holding hands with another girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 1562 You deserved it 148 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Sketchy Today, I parked downtown for a few minutes to pick up a pizza. As I was getting out of my car, a sketchy guy came up and asked me for $5. I told him to get lost and walked away. I walked back to the lot with my pizza and my car was gone. The sketchy guy was a parking attendent. He had my car towed. FML I agree, your life sucks 14666 You deserved it 70629 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unemployedaussie - Australia - Perth Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML I agree, your life sucks 14088 You deserved it 1359 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML I agree, your life sucks 11441 You deserved it 93570 236 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadness - United States - Metairie Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML I agree, your life sucks 29282 You deserved it 2263 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Michaelichael - United States Today, I was mowing the lawn of my brand new house, located in a very nice neighborhood (I am a hispanic male), and a lady in her nice white cadillac drove up and asked me, in extremely broken spanish, if I could mow her lawn too. FML I agree, your life sucks 148105 You deserved it 11668 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML I agree, your life sucks 33111 You deserved it 5979 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alana - Australia Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML I agree, your life sucks 27609 You deserved it 3578 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nicole - United States Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 139369 You deserved it 5411 312 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/5/2020 02:00 Getting the point across Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1576 You deserved it 112 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By monty - United States Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML I agree, your life sucks 61187 You deserved it 13336 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while working at a children's toy store, a woman walked in, looked around a bit, then asked if we sell dildos. FML I agree, your life sucks 26058 You deserved it 1760 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chelsea - Australia - Perth Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML I agree, your life sucks 53522 You deserved it 5443 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML I agree, your life sucks 70156 You deserved it 2899 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Stilljobless - United Kingdom Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML I agree, your life sucks 7060 You deserved it 39466 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML I agree, your life sucks 27307 You deserved it 10252 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HungerStrike - Czech Republic - Hostivice Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML I agree, your life sucks 41078 You deserved it 3550 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oops123 - United States Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML I agree, your life sucks 78044 You deserved it 14143 177 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By meach - United States Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 39696 You deserved it 4163 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Seriouslynow - United States - San Francisco Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML I agree, your life sucks 11830 You deserved it 2991 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML I agree, your life sucks 10688 You deserved it 41479 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - Canada Today, I was on a hot date. After we finished supper we went back to his place. My stomach started to feel upset so I politely asked where is bathroom was so I could "powder my nose". After ten minutes of agonizing diarrhea, I looked down and noticed he was out of toilet paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 41257 You deserved it 4909 234 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Waste Someone Else's Time - United States Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML I agree, your life sucks 28711 You deserved it 2573 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tiff676 - Canada Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML I agree, your life sucks 42854 You deserved it 2666 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jen Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML I agree, your life sucks 11674 You deserved it 606 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ren - United States - Medina Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML I agree, your life sucks 41152 You deserved it 5629 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KayDayParade - United States Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML I agree, your life sucks 38249 You deserved it 3118 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By doggone - United States Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML I agree, your life sucks 55001 You deserved it 8654 155 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nnnaaazzz - United Kingdom Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML I agree, your life sucks 39206 You deserved it 6185 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By qhu - United States Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 9978 You deserved it 37104 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nicole - United States - Bozeman Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML I agree, your life sucks 11142 You deserved it 886 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MDoremis | 38 #6647483 - Monday 11 July 2016 9:53 He's trying to move up from Beta, obviously. Send a private message 148 1 Reply
By Crazyjohnb | 23 #6647487 - Monday 11 July 2016 9:57 Well, that's a new way to train a dog. Send a private message 101 1 Reply
By MDoremis | 38 #6647483 - Monday 11 July 2016 9:53 He's trying to move up from Beta, obviously. Send a private message 148 1 Reply
Reply Kitcat1234 | 21 #6647636 - Monday 11 July 2016 16:17 OP's just upset because he/she isn't the Alpha Send a private message 4 2 Reply
By Crazyjohnb | 23 #6647487 - Monday 11 July 2016 9:57 Well, that's a new way to train a dog. Send a private message 101 1 Reply
Reply Elgrin | 15 #6648957 - Wednesday 13 July 2016 6:29 I'm pretty sure the dog was training him. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By ezrocks4u | 29 #6647488 - Monday 11 July 2016 9:58 "I am the master commander!" Send a private message 14 0 Reply
By toastbrot | 9 #6647489 - Monday 11 July 2016 9:59 I smell a midlife crisis... Send a private message 4 8 Reply
By tygerarmy | 35 #6647491 - Monday 11 July 2016 10:01 Assert your dominance and tell them both to go to bed. Send a private message 58 0 Reply
By __doge__ | 15 #6647500 - Monday 11 July 2016 10:23 Wtf is wrong with the new buttons! Send a private message 2 10 Reply
Reply Bunnyluver | 20 #6647599 - Monday 11 July 2016 15:05 You could try explaining the buttons to him. Send a private message 9 1 Reply
Reply JETarchitect | 32 #6647969 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 0:27 why can't I like your reply #9?? it's perfect Send a private message 1 6 Reply
Reply dVwarfare | 15 #6648004 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 1:25 It wouldn't hurt to explain the buttons pal Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Reply will968 | 15 #6648598 - Tuesday 12 July 2016 20:13 It's FML staff that's why Send a private message 0 1 Reply
By RedCronos | 17 #6647505 - Monday 11 July 2016 10:28 Someone once said "calm and submissive" Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By WebWarrior4991 | 9 #6647509 - Monday 11 July 2016 10:44 He may say that now, but we'll see who's feeding who tomorrow. Send a private message 13 0 Reply
By Bearsmomma | 30 #6647512 - Monday 11 July 2016 10:57 I love your dad! ĹOL Send a private message 11 1 Reply
By mooman36 | 15 #6647518 - Monday 11 July 2016 11:05 Yea, I do this with my dogs. Must be working since I am the alpha male. At least I seem to be most of the time... Send a private message 5 1 Reply
Reply withered | 30 #6647551 - Monday 11 July 2016 12:44 #11 Either that or your dogs have better manners than you do :P Send a private message 5 0 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 639 You deserved it 187 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 1133 You deserved it 176 11 Comments