Love: Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 475

You deserved it 3 948

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Whackjobs 'R Us

Masterchef 2020

By Congrats? - 27/10/2015 15:16 - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 661

You deserved it 1 837

By Anonymous - 04/10/2014 12:11 - United States - Brevard

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 622

You deserved it 4 703

By Shocked - 18/12/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was watching TV. During a very long commercial break, I found my brothers PSP charger next to me. Out of boredom I put my tongue on the end on the metal. Not only did it fry my tongue but found its way to my metal filling in my tooth. I now have a sore tongue and a throbbing toothache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 172

You deserved it 80 358

By Unemployed - 28/08/2016 17:16 - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 681

You deserved it 1 269

By John - 06/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Midway City

Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 693

You deserved it 558

By Anonymous - 06/09/2015 05:38 - Canada - Surrey

Today, the girl I've gone on two dates with showed up at my house with several boxes of her stuff, expecting to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 673

You deserved it 2 587

By halitosis - 01/10/2012 07:18 - United States - Compton

Today, I was riding the subway home with some friends, and when I noticed something smelled awful. My friends noticed it too. After searching for the source of the smell, it became apparent that it was my breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 283

You deserved it 19 022

By Hit-and-Run - 13/12/2012 08:01 - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 925

You deserved it 3 154

Mom gets some

By not a photographer - 21/06/2020 08:08

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 128

By . - 27/02/2012 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 497

You deserved it 4 564

By Just_Me_88 - 14/02/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 239

You deserved it 3 210

By randomgirl - 07/01/2012 14:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 054

You deserved it 14 777

By left, I guess - 12/04/2015 17:00 - Canada - Antigonish

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 068

You deserved it 7 628

By MissSmarts - 14/12/2009 01:27 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 960

You deserved it 39 515

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 276

You deserved it 5 218

By Eres - 11/02/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, my mom took away my medication. She's afraid I'll get "hooked". The medication is anti-anxiety pills. I have horrible anxiety attacks that sometimes cause me to scratch my arms until they bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 105

You deserved it 4 494

By wimp - 15/08/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 469

You deserved it 40 805

By anonymous - 17/09/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I had leg surgery. While I was recovering in the hospital, my boyfriend dumped me. I then had to ride home, a 2 hour drive, listening to my mother and aunt tell me he was the best thing to happen to me and I will never find a better man. Then the morphine wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 590

You deserved it 2 723

By mad dude - 12/01/2011 07:46

Spicy

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 802

You deserved it 41 409

By ksmith - 09/08/2011 04:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 559

You deserved it 5 147

By janae - 06/08/2018 23:30

Today, I discovered that I am pregnant. I questioned my boyfriend and he admitted to not using a condom because he thought we were just doing "practice sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 863

You deserved it 1 677

By WasteOMoney - 04/07/2011 01:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to videotape his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 660

You deserved it 6 224

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 445

You deserved it 2 647

By Sickie. - 02/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 263

You deserved it 59 848

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 942

By Anonymous - 27/09/2014 03:30 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 537

You deserved it 12 018

Graded

By HDcashier - 24/04/2020 17:00

Today, while cashiering, I rang out a father and his son who looked about eight years-old. The dad jokingly told his son that I was a 10/10 in looks. The son then looked at me for a few seconds and said, "No, probably more like a seven." Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 24/08/2019 18:00

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 1 055

Sweet dude

By no booze blues - 21/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out some cabinets and stumbled upon a bottle of vodka. Being a recovering alcoholic, I immediately flushed it down the toilet. When my boyfriend got home, instead of being proud of my victory, he bitched me out for wasting the good shit. That’s for the support babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 261

By NoctisMax - 25/12/2016 06:47 - United States - Humble

Today, I was caught doing it with my boyfriend in a car because we wanted to have privacy from my family. I'm a grown adult with my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 444

You deserved it 2 375

By For - 28/12/2009 14:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 593

You deserved it 6 977

By lady_jeni - 09/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 390

You deserved it 3 223

Open your eyes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 14:00

Spicy

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 311

By Puddlepop - 01/03/2016 09:20 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, in history class I was called "ignorant" and "inconsiderate" because I referred to Stalin as a "he". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 120

You deserved it 1 650

By Badaboom - 23/05/2011 10:54 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, my 3-year-long dry spell was about to end. A lovely lady over for dinner, good food, wine and lots of laughs. Things heated up nicely in the bedroom when a playful wrestle made my bed shift, snapping two of its legs. The bed collapsed, totally ruining the mood. The dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 745

You deserved it 6 312

By fuckstudentloans - 18/06/2015 23:29 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 248

You deserved it 13 825

By brie - 02/11/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 209

You deserved it 5 872

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Spicy

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 508

You deserved it 5 155

By Username - 22/04/2011 14:42

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 055

You deserved it 5 218

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Top comments

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:06

Wow. you deserve better.

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:08

Ok honey, dont console him. Him crying over another chick is a sure reason to break up. And... why would he be crying over a fight?

Comments

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:05

damn that sucks

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:31

what a jt idiot

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:34

jerk idiot*

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:53

this reminds me of the time I flushed my toilet...

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Saturday 13 November 2010 7:51

dude was expessing his feeling why today homophobes think they can just say what ever they want. it is good to show your feelings

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:05

Damn! That pretty nasty! try and replace his ex, and make yourself his everything.

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Friday 12 November 2010 10:57

that's lame, sometimes you just need to let go.

maphineRAWRS 10

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Friday 12 November 2010 12:32

as if, if he doesn't truly want her then the worst thing she can do it try to MAKE him want her.. I'd rather someone want just me, and not deep down still want their ex cause I'd never be able to be her.. I can only be me, and if he doesn't like it then no one said he had to be with me :) RANT OVER :D

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Friday 12 November 2010 12:38

yeah you're right!

maphineRAWRS 10

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Friday 12 November 2010 13:51

I'm always right ;) haha!

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Friday 12 November 2010 14:42

marinus- this is going to sound so weird so sorry, ha but I really like your muscles lol:)

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Saturday 13 November 2010 0:51

Thanks 81 :)

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Saturday 13 November 2010 7:59

word.

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Sunday 27 November 2011 23:00

I would break up with that ass in a heartbeat.

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:06

Wow. you deserve better.

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Friday 12 November 2010 12:46

Exactly, dump him for someone who's not thinking about someone else.

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:06

ahh thas weak. u shuld tell him ta grow a pair nd dump tha him. he Sounds like a poodle (:

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Sunday 14 August 2011 22:05

Wow. At least try to spell some words right. Like to and the.

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Thursday 7 June 2012 3:58

What did I just read???

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Monday 16 July 2012 1:25

She's black, what do you expect?

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:08

Ok honey, dont console him. Him crying over another chick is a sure reason to break up. And... why would he be crying over a fight?

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Friday 12 November 2010 14:20

Cuz he fights dirty!! What a sneaky dude.

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:10

hahaha wat a freeeek!

werhousechick 0

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:10

DUMP him.

MrDeconstruct 0

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:16

Ask him for the vagina he borrowed from you back.

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:16

thats odd. why is he with u then?

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Friday 12 November 2010 9:17

OMG what a jerk!! DUMP THE LOSER

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 27

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 146