Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping... - FML

By Andrew - 24/9/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

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Family values

Nice neighborhood

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 08:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me he took pictures of me while I was sleeping. Instead of it being all cute like you see on social media, there's me sleeping with his dirty-ass sock on my face and him smiling in the background. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 05:16 - United States - Davis

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

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By rene - 22/8/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2011 20:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2018 15:00

Today, after 38 years of never meeting my dad, and paying a private investigator thousands of pounds over several weeks of searching, I found him living 2 floors down in the same block of flats. He’s the grouchy downstairs neighbour I’ve hated for 6 years. FML

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By edible - 20/5/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

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By Ally - 24/3/2018 05:00

shrinks into corner

Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML

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By ew - 4/10/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I noticed that my acne has gotten so bad, I can see it out of my peripheral vision. FML

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By Jailbird - 9/6/2017 17:00 - United States - Redmond

Today, I took a group of teens with me to hang up posters for our church's yard sale. Because it's summer, we went out at dusk to beat the heat. Someone called the cops on us, and we were arrested for "gang activity". FML

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By shadow1248 - 27/5/2012 05:06 - United States - Stamford

Today, I had finally gotten my dogs to quiet down and my baby to fall asleep. Not thirty seconds later, my neighbor's car alarm went off. They aren't home for the weekend, and the damn alarm has now been blaring for three hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

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By Freechbear - 17/9/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

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By octoberrain - 12/10/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2012 23:02 - United States

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

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By sad sack. - 18/1/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

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By nubs - 27/9/2018 15:30

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

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By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

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By karmas a kunt - 22/9/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, I was at work, when an elderly lady casually mentioned it was her birthday. I motioned two of my coworkers over, and we sang a little happy birthday to her over the phone. Our boss stormed in mid-song and suspended all three of us on the spot for "unprofessional behavior." FML

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By Kylene - 23/4/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

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By ssjin93 - 24/11/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

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By Aled - 17/2/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

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By Jon - 7/6/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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By Thatgirl112 - 8/9/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2012 15:34 - United States - Bellaire

Today, my boyfriend accidentally broke my nose the day he was meeting my parents for the first time. FML

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By MaHalKiTa - 23/7/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend poops with "This is war" playing on his phone, and makes war sounds corresponding with his poop dropping. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2013 20:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

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By well damn - 29/2/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

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By AwkwardMoments - 26/1/2017 14:00

Today, while napping on the couch, I had a very vivid dream about a girl I like. I woke up to my mother and father choking back laughter and recording me on their phones. I don't know what's worse: waking up with a boner in front of my parents or finding out I was also talking dirty in my sleep. FML

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By TheDarth - 16/7/2015 22:47 - United States - Bedford

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

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By smh - 27/6/2013 23:37 - United States - Milltown

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 00:16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 19:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

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By boobs are for baby - 5/6/2018 11:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I’m still trying desperately to explain to my boyfriend why I’m not interested in any kind of breast or nipple play. I gave birth to our son just 2 months ago and I strictly breastfeed. He insists it’s "not fair" that the baby gets the breasts all the time. Um, what? FML

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By hurikan68 - 27/7/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

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By nerp - 29/3/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2019 05:45

Alone

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

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Top comments

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1452561 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

Smooth move for grandpa! Weren't you watching it with him?

By deepbluesea | 1

#1452588 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:17

This is one of the funniest FMLs I have ever read.

Comments

By ThatsJustMii | 0

#1452539 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:07

hahaha lol

Reply

blaherman | 12

#1452724 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:30

grandpa is a legend

Reply

YupImBack | 0

#1453062 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:17

Win

Reply

lm27 | 5

#1453071 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:23

hahahahahah I love this... you got owned by your grandpa

Reply

BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1453091 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:28

experience is key... you can use this on your grandchildren.

Reply

Skroal_stomper | 5

#1453416 - Friday 24 September 2010 21:40

Grandpa is the best. Learn from him Op he is apparently very wise.

Reply

Toiga | 0

#1453566 - Friday 24 September 2010 22:13

Hahaha wow that's Hellas funny

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1453574 - Friday 24 September 2010 22:17

lmao

Reply

Tweety122888 | 0

#1454635 - Saturday 25 September 2010 0:58

lmao i love your grandpa he is the best!!!

Reply

hamshama | 0

#1454801 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:37

Best. Gramps. EVER!

Reply

daddyceelo | 0

#1455050 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:20

lmao

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1455099 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:31

OP- your grandpa is full of win...

Reply

krustacea | 1

#1455175 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:43

nice.....

Reply

Rape_Laser | 0

#1455195 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:48

ur grandpas fuckin awesome!

Reply

luvpav | 0

#1455875 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:41

what movie was it?

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1455878 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:47

haha my grandpa downloaded porn on my laptop and my mom saw it XD didn't say I didn't like it tho ...

Reply

modelshark | 0

#1457097 - Saturday 25 September 2010 18:03

wow thats awesome on his part but sucks for you.

Reply

iatetehrabbit | 0

#1733167 - Monday 22 November 2010 8:08

3 words funniest. grandpa. evar!!!

Reply

imthatguythatdid | 0

#2754299 - Saturday 25 June 2011 5:54

PIMPIN!!!!!

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1452561 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

Smooth move for grandpa! Weren't you watching it with him?

Reply

Cinn_fml | 22

#1452572 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

^Enough said really.

Reply

NightSkyx | 0

#1452734 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:31

sounds like number 2's profile pic lol

Reply

cabbitt | 0

#1452744 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:31

Awesome. Grandpa pwned the OP.

Reply

Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1452811 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:41

Hey! I was #2! How did your post eat mine and take its spot?!

Here it goes again:

OP, YDI for being a disgusting pervert and watching porn, for attempting to blame it on your grandfather, for having a television, and for even having grandparents at all! Now, cough up some video footage of the movie in question. You know, research.

Reply

Joseph_Stalin | 0

#1454741 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:24

I agree with this gentlemen here.

Reply

ygdrassil | 17

#1454846 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:47

it's "this gentleman" or "these gentlemen"

Reply

meganannee | 0

#1455883 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:49

^ grammar win

Reply

BaglMinionz | 8

#5936937 - Wednesday 7 May 2014 1:22

Mentlegen, Please, calm down.

By iGrenade | 0

#1452565 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

badass

Reply

arcadelegend | 0

#1452940 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:56

I second that motion. badass indeed.

Reply

kofinater | 3

#1454456 - Saturday 25 September 2010 0:06

i would love to hangout with op's grandfather he seems cool as shit

Reply

wwerulez14 | 6

#1455684 - Saturday 25 September 2010 5:24

Shit is cool? Since WHEN?! And why was I not informed of this?

By Crazy4Cowboys | 0

#1452567 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

this is pretty funny lmfao

By rottentomatoes | 7

#1452569 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

"gramps, HIGHFIVE TIEM"

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#1455586 - Saturday 25 September 2010 4:49

I want that muhfuckin grandpa! all mine does is cough and ask for money

By deepbluesea | 1

#1452588 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:17

This is one of the funniest FMLs I have ever read.

Reply

friedchickenpie | 14

#3774515 - Friday 23 December 2011 5:57

Definitely. I wonder what channel it was...

By maidenandwhat | 0

#1452629 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:18

silly grandpa.

Reply

sipher16 | 0

#1453009 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:04

silly grandpa chicks are for erect dicks

Reply

DefineAlrep | 9

#1455674 - Saturday 25 September 2010 5:21

haha!

Reply

movingtarget_fml | 4

#2556110 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 3:26

porn is for kids

By rpvia | 0

#1452631 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:18

hahah your granpa is tight yo

Reply

lickmyjock | 0

#1452684 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:27

and so is grandma...

By crazyazzkile | 5

#1452648 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:23

That makes me want to ride the roflcopter, that is hilarious!!

By GrandpaIsMyHero | 0

#1452656 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:25

Your grandpa is my new hero.

Reply

joanjett | 0

#1453507 - Friday 24 September 2010 21:58

You have the coolest grandpa. All mine does is sleep.

Reply

semchuk | 6

#2862193 - Sunday 10 July 2011 19:37

I would high five my gramps if he did that to me.. seriously op.. YOUR GRAMPA IS A RETIRED NINJA!!