Miscellaneous: Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping...

By Andrew - 24/09/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 182

You deserved it 4 566

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Leave us alone

Daddy's little girl

By ... - 07/02/2014 20:30 - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, I told my professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 723

You deserved it 4 053

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 17:04 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I had to spend a long bus ride with my chest pressed against the window, because some mammoth of a woman decided to squeeze her double wide ass into my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 525

You deserved it 2 650

By Claire - 19/01/2013 13:51 - United States - Parkville

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 149

You deserved it 7 241

By yayme. - 11/07/2013 22:26 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 193

You deserved it 4 005

Guilt

By Dumped - 18/02/2010 08:58 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 870

You deserved it 3 400

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 1 016

By Anonymous - 17/07/2019 04:00

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she asked me how I was doing. I replied, "Still alive!" like I always do. I forgot both of her parents recently passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 606

Rubbing one out on the sly

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 17:56 - United States - Camarillo

Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 2 418

By op-poopy - 22/04/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 979

You deserved it 2 588

Metal

By TiredBird - 05/09/2021 17:01

Today, I'm exhausted. My neighbours across the street had an argument about loud metal music. After a threat of, "Turn the heavy metal off or I’ll burn your house down," the music changed to Katy Perry’s "Firebird". For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 144

Not the one

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 204

By lilshoobydoo14 - 15/10/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 339

You deserved it 4 315

That's… a crime?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 05:01 - Canada

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I'm terrified of being locked in a room. He didn't believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom "for a laugh." I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 456

You deserved it 3 242

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 058

You deserved it 5 404

By TrophyGirlfriend - 17/08/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 810

You deserved it 3 191

Still better than the Cats movie

By dirty deeds - 31/05/2020 14:00

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 3 103

By SchoolSucks - 19/02/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 319

You deserved it 3 195

By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 269

You deserved it 5 751

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 23:00

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 223

Recipe for disaster

By ApparentlyATerribleDaughter - 12/08/2018 15:00

Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 183

No fun

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 20:01

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 163

By Noname - 15/03/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 077

You deserved it 17 259

By fatti11 - 14/01/2017 18:00

Today, during an argument that he couldn't win, my boyfriend farted in a glass, covered it with his hand, ran to me, and let it go it right in front of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 802

You deserved it 1 115

By EwFace - 06/06/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 434

You deserved it 8 849

By played - 21/06/2011 05:07 - Norway

Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 844

You deserved it 4 859

By tbree - 19/09/2014 22:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 948

You deserved it 4 453

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 952

You deserved it 6 247

By Oh No... - 05/07/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend filmed a video about violence in sexual relationships for a class. I expected a monologue kind of thing. She then told me it was an example video of an encounter with a male classmate. She showed me. It’s pretty much porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 210

Gentle

By Ash_The_Unicorn - 20/08/2020 14:05

Today, after losing my father a little over 6 months ago, and finally feeling comfortable talking to my fiancé (who lives with me and my family) about it, my mother forced her way into the room and started yelling at me for crying. Her excuse, "It’s after your bedtime." I’m 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 424

By Tom - 15/01/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 072

You deserved it 2 668

By TheBaconater - 03/02/2013 16:22 - United States - Baraboo

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 602

You deserved it 2 225

By Ackbar - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 626

You deserved it 15 434

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 09:58 - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 496

You deserved it 54 523

By ohbiebjetaime - 30/06/2012 20:09 - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 765

You deserved it 3 228

By TractorUWG - 27/09/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 277

You deserved it 18 085

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 02:00

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 216

Shave it off, own it!

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, like any other day for a year, I'm 17 years-old. Today, like any other day, I have my hair styled in a combover because I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 66

That's a funny word, mom

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 22:59 - United States - Oakland

Today, I wanted to teach my students about history with dominoes. I thought the online video would be wholesome or relevant to history. Nope. The last domino was captioned "HENTAI." Students now get to explain to their parents that I exposed the word Hentai to their vocabulary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 826

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