Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping... - FML

By Andrew - 24/9/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

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Great speech, thanks!

Clocked

Inspirational tale

By Ann - 18/3/2013 14:36 - United States

Works out well

Today, my boyfriend informed me that from now on during sex, I have to be on top at all times, saying I need the exercise more than him. As offensive as this was, I was actually happy because he's crap on top. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2010 13:12 - Australia

Today, I was at the beach with my parents. They were walking hand in hand, when they spotted a crab. My Dad turned to my Mum and said "Oh, must've crawled out of my pubes!" they both laughed and kissed. I don't think they realized I was within hearing distance. FML

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By congrats grad - 8/6/2013 05:12 - United States - Panorama City

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

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By CaptainSosuke - 27/1/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I tripped over my own shoelace after explaining to my boyfriend that my shoes being untied were good luck for me. He then took that as the grand opportunity to tell me that we were breaking up. FML

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By King_of_hearts - 4/4/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, my phone rang just seconds after I left a conference meeting to go use the restroom. It wouldn't have been a problem, except it seems one of my friends thought it would be funny to change my ringtone to a woman having an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2014 00:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk to the girl I like. After awkwardly saying hi, I manage to work up a nice conversation with her. I thought everything was going well, until I got home and realized that she had stolen money out of my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 19:17 - Israel

Today, was my first day at school. I got kicked out of the class for imitating a monkey. I wasn't imitating a monkey... I was laughing. FML

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By Shit - 27/4/2014 17:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

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By disguested - 4/3/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2015 05:13 - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

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By JoseIsAdork - 11/1/2016 18:03 - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

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By dummy - 11/7/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

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By grossfoot - 31/8/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

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By wwasmer - 27/2/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

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By hi Mum - 11/12/2013 19:59 - United States - North Charleston

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

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By still single - 6/8/2015 01:22 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

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By cc10 - 19/10/2009 11:50 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

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By Ihatemyfamily - 5/9/2016 21:46 - United States - Euless

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

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By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/7/2020 14:01

Kitchen Nightmares

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 18:57 - United States

Today, I decided to put on my Halloween make-up to be sure that I could and that it would look nice. I was satisfied with my results, and went to wash it off. Everything came off fine, except for the eye liner and eye shadow. It's bright purple. I'm a man. Halloween isn't until Sunday. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 17:11

Get rid of the evidence!

Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML

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By bbbblt - 15/8/2010 11:39 - Australia

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

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By Bleached_Eyes - 2/4/2018 00:00 - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2009 10:07 - Australia

Today, at work the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

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By Confession - 16/5/2016 02:07 - Belgium

Get the message

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

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By Jay - 2/8/2010 17:23 - United States

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

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By Wife - 8/8/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

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By kimmybr - 22/9/2009 09:36 - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

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By Frustrated - 13/7/2019 22:30

Today, I couldn't convince my grandmother that no matter how much she called AT&T, they will not come and fix her dead computer. FML

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By Th3BaconNinja - 8/6/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

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By ex-wife - 25/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

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By copper - 30/1/2011 02:20 - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2015 17:19 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

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By Greenskies - 9/12/2015 15:26 - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

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By Lax - 12/1/2009 09:37 - France

Today, my 5 year old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked "mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?". FML

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By This sucks - 11/10/2017 04:30

Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML

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By Taylor Easley - 17/3/2012 04:53 - United States

Today, my mom was put in jail for beating the shit out of my dad. FML

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By ps3isbetterthanme - 11/12/2009 16:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML

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By laywer_man - 7/3/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

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Top comments

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1452561 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

Smooth move for grandpa! Weren't you watching it with him?

By deepbluesea | 1

#1452588 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:17

This is one of the funniest FMLs I have ever read.

COMMENTS

By ThatsJustMii | 0

#1452539 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:07

hahaha lol

Reply

blaherman | 12

#1452724 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:30

grandpa is a legend

Reply

YupImBack | 0

#1453062 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:17

Win

Reply

lm27 | 5

#1453071 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:23

hahahahahah I love this... you got owned by your grandpa

Reply

BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1453091 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:28

experience is key... you can use this on your grandchildren.

Reply

Skroal_stomper | 5

#1453416 - Friday 24 September 2010 21:40

Grandpa is the best. Learn from him Op he is apparently very wise.

Reply

Toiga | 0

#1453566 - Friday 24 September 2010 22:13

Hahaha wow that's Hellas funny

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1453574 - Friday 24 September 2010 22:17

lmao

Reply

Tweety122888 | 0

#1454635 - Saturday 25 September 2010 0:58

lmao i love your grandpa he is the best!!!

Reply

hamshama | 0

#1454801 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:37

Best. Gramps. EVER!

Reply

daddyceelo | 0

#1455050 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:20

lmao

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1455099 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:31

OP- your grandpa is full of win...

Reply

krustacea | 1

#1455175 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:43

nice.....

Reply

Rape_Laser | 0

#1455195 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:48

ur grandpas fuckin awesome!

Reply

luvpav | 0

#1455875 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:41

what movie was it?

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1455878 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:47

haha my grandpa downloaded porn on my laptop and my mom saw it XD didn't say I didn't like it tho ...

Reply

modelshark | 0

#1457097 - Saturday 25 September 2010 18:03

wow thats awesome on his part but sucks for you.

Reply

iatetehrabbit | 0

#1733167 - Monday 22 November 2010 8:08

3 words funniest. grandpa. evar!!!

Reply

imthatguythatdid | 0

#2754299 - Saturday 25 June 2011 5:54

PIMPIN!!!!!

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1452561 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

Smooth move for grandpa! Weren't you watching it with him?

Reply

Cinn_fml | 22

#1452572 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

^Enough said really.

Reply

NightSkyx | 0

#1452734 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:31

sounds like number 2's profile pic lol

Reply

cabbitt | 0

#1452744 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:31

Awesome. Grandpa pwned the OP.

Reply

Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1452811 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:41

Hey! I was #2! How did your post eat mine and take its spot?!

Here it goes again:

OP, YDI for being a disgusting pervert and watching porn, for attempting to blame it on your grandfather, for having a television, and for even having grandparents at all! Now, cough up some video footage of the movie in question. You know, research.

Reply

Joseph_Stalin | 0

#1454741 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:24

I agree with this gentlemen here.

Reply

ygdrassil | 17

#1454846 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:47

it's "this gentleman" or "these gentlemen"

Reply

meganannee | 0

#1455883 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:49

^ grammar win

Reply

BaglMinionz | 8

#5936937 - Wednesday 7 May 2014 1:22

Mentlegen, Please, calm down.

By iGrenade | 0

#1452565 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

badass

Reply

arcadelegend | 0

#1452940 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:56

I second that motion. badass indeed.

Reply

kofinater | 3

#1454456 - Saturday 25 September 2010 0:06

i would love to hangout with op's grandfather he seems cool as shit

Reply

wwerulez14 | 6

#1455684 - Saturday 25 September 2010 5:24

Shit is cool? Since WHEN?! And why was I not informed of this?

By Crazy4Cowboys | 0

#1452567 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

this is pretty funny lmfao

By rottentomatoes | 7

#1452569 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

"gramps, HIGHFIVE TIEM"

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#1455586 - Saturday 25 September 2010 4:49

I want that muhfuckin grandpa! all mine does is cough and ask for money

By deepbluesea | 1

#1452588 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:17

This is one of the funniest FMLs I have ever read.

Reply

friedchickenpie | 14

#3774515 - Friday 23 December 2011 5:57

Definitely. I wonder what channel it was...

By maidenandwhat | 0

#1452629 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:18

silly grandpa.

Reply

sipher16 | 0

#1453009 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:04

silly grandpa chicks are for erect dicks

Reply

DefineAlrep | 9

#1455674 - Saturday 25 September 2010 5:21

haha!

Reply

movingtarget_fml | 4

#2556110 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 3:26

porn is for kids

By rpvia | 0

#1452631 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:18

hahah your granpa is tight yo

Reply

lickmyjock | 0

#1452684 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:27

and so is grandma...

By crazyazzkile | 5

#1452648 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:23

That makes me want to ride the roflcopter, that is hilarious!!

By GrandpaIsMyHero | 0

#1452656 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:25

Your grandpa is my new hero.

Reply

joanjett | 0

#1453507 - Friday 24 September 2010 21:58

You have the coolest grandpa. All mine does is sleep.

Reply

semchuk | 6

#2862193 - Sunday 10 July 2011 19:37

I would high five my gramps if he did that to me.. seriously op.. YOUR GRAMPA IS A RETIRED NINJA!!