Miscellaneous: Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping... - FML

By Andrew - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

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Family values

Assumptions

Thanks, dad

By culodegrillo - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

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By N - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

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By Manly Sneeze

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

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By Chronicus Ironia - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is leaving me for a tattoo artist. I was in rehab and she met him getting a tattoo as a surprise for me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML

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By tatfreak - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

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By annababyyyy - United States - Rockville

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

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By ProFesser

Today, while heading outside to go to work, I slip on my driveway and my coffee thermos-mug ends up flying out of my hand, and smashes my next door neighbor's brand new truck window. The thermos-mug broke and splashed hot coffee all over his seats too. He's a hard-ass military dude. FML

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By Sleepy - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Smell good

Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML

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By mollyeyers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

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By hayah - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

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By a very mad sister - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

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By StopMe

What are you doing?

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

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By Username - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

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By jessinono - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

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By Boo - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

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By always amazed - Canada - Barrie

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

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By Anonymous

Not safe for work

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for their arrival tomorrow morning. FML

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By asdfghjkl - United States

Today, after getting home from school, I realized I'd tucked my shirt into my underwear this morning. I'm fairly certain everyone got a good look at my lime green underwear. FML

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By awkword - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

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By DogStew

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

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By failureatlife - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

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By Embarrassed wife

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

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By Anonymous - United States - Toms River

Today, I was at a coffee shop, when a middle-aged guy called me a "two-timing whore", dumped his coffee on me and walked out in tears. I'm 14 and I have no idea who he was. FML

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By JoseIsAdork - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

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By wordmalfunction - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

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By demix_fml

Cat vs. pancakes

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By zac545 - United States

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

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By keelah - United States - Montgomery

Today, my cousin asked me what it's like to be so fat. I chastised him and said that was a rude thing to ask. He apologized, then asked me what it's like to be such a pussy. He didn't stop until he, a 10 year old kid, had reduced me, a 26 year old woman, to tears. FML

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By Franigirl - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

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By df22 - 3/7/2020 20:08

Graded

Today, I got my language final exam back. It was a 10-page essay front and back, and I saw that I received a D. The teacher told me the plot was too hard to follow and it jumped all over the place. It turns out he forgot to read the back of every page. FML

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By broussimousse - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

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By papersofdivorce - Peru - Lima

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

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By Activesleeper - Australia - Flinders

Today, I woke up to 7 texts about the data overage charges that were accrued last night while I slept. Apparently my phone used nearly 8 GB of data, with no apps open, while I was sound asleep, leaving me with a $63 fee. FML

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By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

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By Teddy Bear

Today, while working in a kids' shop, I absent-mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML

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Top comments

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1452561 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

Smooth move for grandpa! Weren't you watching it with him?

By deepbluesea | 1

#1452588 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:17

This is one of the funniest FMLs I have ever read.

COMMENTS

By ThatsJustMii | 0

#1452539 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:07

hahaha lol

Reply

blaherman | 12

#1452724 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:30

grandpa is a legend

Reply

YupImBack | 0

#1453062 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:17

Win

Reply

lm27 | 5

#1453071 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:23

hahahahahah I love this... you got owned by your grandpa

Reply

BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1453091 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:28

experience is key... you can use this on your grandchildren.

Reply

Skroal_stomper | 5

#1453416 - Friday 24 September 2010 21:40

Grandpa is the best. Learn from him Op he is apparently very wise.

Reply

Toiga | 0

#1453566 - Friday 24 September 2010 22:13

Hahaha wow that's Hellas funny

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1453574 - Friday 24 September 2010 22:17

lmao

Reply

Tweety122888 | 0

#1454635 - Saturday 25 September 2010 0:58

lmao i love your grandpa he is the best!!!

Reply

hamshama | 0

#1454801 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:37

Best. Gramps. EVER!

Reply

daddyceelo | 0

#1455050 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:20

lmao

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1455099 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:31

OP- your grandpa is full of win...

Reply

krustacea | 1

#1455175 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:43

nice.....

Reply

Rape_Laser | 0

#1455195 - Saturday 25 September 2010 2:48

ur grandpas fuckin awesome!

Reply

luvpav | 0

#1455875 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:41

what movie was it?

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1455878 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:47

haha my grandpa downloaded porn on my laptop and my mom saw it XD didn't say I didn't like it tho ...

Reply

modelshark | 0

#1457097 - Saturday 25 September 2010 18:03

wow thats awesome on his part but sucks for you.

Reply

iatetehrabbit | 0

#1733167 - Monday 22 November 2010 8:08

3 words funniest. grandpa. evar!!!

Reply

imthatguythatdid | 0

#2754299 - Saturday 25 June 2011 5:54

PIMPIN!!!!!

By RedPillSucks | 31

#1452561 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

Smooth move for grandpa! Weren't you watching it with him?

Reply

Cinn_fml | 22

#1452572 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

^Enough said really.

Reply

NightSkyx | 0

#1452734 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:31

sounds like number 2's profile pic lol

Reply

cabbitt | 0

#1452744 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:31

Awesome. Grandpa pwned the OP.

Reply

Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1452811 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:41

Hey! I was #2! How did your post eat mine and take its spot?!

Here it goes again:

OP, YDI for being a disgusting pervert and watching porn, for attempting to blame it on your grandfather, for having a television, and for even having grandparents at all! Now, cough up some video footage of the movie in question. You know, research.

Reply

Joseph_Stalin | 0

#1454741 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:24

I agree with this gentlemen here.

Reply

ygdrassil | 17

#1454846 - Saturday 25 September 2010 1:47

it's "this gentleman" or "these gentlemen"

Reply

meganannee | 0

#1455883 - Saturday 25 September 2010 6:49

^ grammar win

Reply

BaglMinionz | 8

#5936937 - Wednesday 7 May 2014 1:22

Mentlegen, Please, calm down.

By iGrenade | 0

#1452565 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:12

badass

Reply

arcadelegend | 0

#1452940 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:56

I second that motion. badass indeed.

Reply

kofinater | 3

#1454456 - Saturday 25 September 2010 0:06

i would love to hangout with op's grandfather he seems cool as shit

Reply

wwerulez14 | 6

#1455684 - Saturday 25 September 2010 5:24

Shit is cool? Since WHEN?! And why was I not informed of this?

By Crazy4Cowboys | 0

#1452567 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

this is pretty funny lmfao

By rottentomatoes | 7

#1452569 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:13

"gramps, HIGHFIVE TIEM"

Reply

BahahahLOL | 0

#1455586 - Saturday 25 September 2010 4:49

I want that muhfuckin grandpa! all mine does is cough and ask for money

By deepbluesea | 1

#1452588 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:17

This is one of the funniest FMLs I have ever read.

Reply

friedchickenpie | 14

#3774515 - Friday 23 December 2011 5:57

Definitely. I wonder what channel it was...

By maidenandwhat | 0

#1452629 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:18

silly grandpa.

Reply

sipher16 | 0

#1453009 - Friday 24 September 2010 20:04

silly grandpa chicks are for erect dicks

Reply

DefineAlrep | 9

#1455674 - Saturday 25 September 2010 5:21

haha!

Reply

movingtarget_fml | 4

#2556110 - Tuesday 24 May 2011 3:26

porn is for kids

By rpvia | 0

#1452631 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:18

hahah your granpa is tight yo

Reply

lickmyjock | 0

#1452684 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:27

and so is grandma...

By crazyazzkile | 5

#1452648 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:23

That makes me want to ride the roflcopter, that is hilarious!!

By GrandpaIsMyHero | 0

#1452656 - Friday 24 September 2010 19:25

Your grandpa is my new hero.

Reply

joanjett | 0

#1453507 - Friday 24 September 2010 21:58

You have the coolest grandpa. All mine does is sleep.

Reply

semchuk | 6

#2862193 - Sunday 10 July 2011 19:37

I would high five my gramps if he did that to me.. seriously op.. YOUR GRAMPA IS A RETIRED NINJA!!