Intimacy: Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both... - FML

By Ghostie - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

Commando

Haircut, haircuuuut

By onemoreruinedthing - United States

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

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By Trainwreck - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

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By Idontbelieveinmagic - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML

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By Username

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

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By GettingACat

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

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By jesspie - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

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By clop clop clopping all the way - United States

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

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By aproudmom - United States - Glen Head

Nerf bullets

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

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By steven - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

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By WentInABush - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

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By scared-straight - United States

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

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By coldwetnose - United States

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

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By social anxiety my a** - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

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By shortiem - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

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By Matt - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

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By Rich - United States

Today, I admitted to my wife that I'd really like to get a Prius, but I was worried that if I did, everyone would question my sexuality. She told me, "I don't know why you care, everyone already thinks you're gay." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. She brought up the family reunion last weekend and how my family is so strange. I didn't know there was a reunion, I wasn't invited. FML

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By sadlrana121 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

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By beforegirl - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

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By Anonymoys - 6/4/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Talk to her!

Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML

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By mildlyconcussed - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

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By JJMan217 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

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By difference between birds and mammals. - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching TV and there were penguins laying eggs. He said, "Penguins are mammals, they don't lay eggs." I replied, "Penguins are birds." We fought about it for ages until he realised that I was right, and has since stopped talking to me. FML

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By drunkdial - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

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By minikat

Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2021 00:30

Awkward

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to cuddle as we usually do. To prepare for this, the first thing I always do is dive into bed. This time, I felt something squishy under the covers, and screamed when I saw it was a Fleshlight. FML

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By cul8erqtpie20 - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

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By UnluckyTeen - Singapore

Today, I went to retrieve my stolen wallet from the train station. After I collected it, I returned to the place where I parked my bike to find that my bike had been stolen. FML

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By anon - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

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By ouchh - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

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By somuchhatesolittleworld - United States - Houston

Today, I started my first training day using an MRI machine and completely forgot to remove my nipple piercings before I went in. I've never experienced a pain so vile and lingering in my life. FML

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By pussyOUT - United States

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML

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By purpleivy - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

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By DrugsRX - United States - Winder

Today, for the second day in a row, I was constantly abused, yelled at, insulted, and berated by my wife for "endangering our child's life." I took her to the doctor for a vaccination and flu shot yesterday. FML

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By Cat Ashes - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

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Top comments

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#361520 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

That is disgusting! Scarred for life!

By ForestFire0 | 1

#361524 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:09

I think you missed a great opportunity to make them feel ten times as awkward as you. Any comment or sign of disgust would have done.

COMMENTS

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#361520 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

That is disgusting! Scarred for life!

Reply

springbirder2 | 0

#361756 - Thursday 2 July 2009 21:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

doctorbob | 0

#362356 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:41

yea definatly scarred for life ouch

Reply

MasterModeraor | 0

#362954 - Friday 3 July 2009 5:27

TIME FOR SOME INCEST!!! YDI for watching a porn movie with your parents

Reply

ultraraduberfad | 0

#365105 - Friday 3 July 2009 22:48

That happened to me before too...I used to sleep in my parents room when I was little, let's just say I stayed awake during the middle of the night. =/

Reply

Emma_91 | 0

#368955 - Sunday 5 July 2009 2:22

72: How do you know it was porn?

Reply

icall_BS | 0

#903423 - Monday 1 March 2010 7:05

Today, I decided to get it on with my husband while my son is three feet away from us cause It's HOT.

Reply

b182link | 0

#968873 - Saturday 27 March 2010 1:11

I wouldve jumped up and been like "holy fuck!" then ran out, they'd be sooo embarrased

Reply

aaron1310 | 0

#980391 - Friday 16 April 2010 16:03

I feel your pain

Reply

beren456 | 1

#1479514 - Friday 1 October 2010 4:00

It's always nice when people are friendly towards one another isn't it ;)

By tbarbo | 0

#361522 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

ohh that blows

Reply

ipoopeverywhere | 0

#2347035 - Thursday 14 April 2011 5:19

like OP's mo

ratta tat tat

By ForestFire0 | 1

#361524 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:09

I think you missed a great opportunity to make them feel ten times as awkward as you. Any comment or sign of disgust would have done.

Reply

HanBroman | 20

#6075253 - Saturday 27 September 2014 14:41

I'm gonna assume he did do something; I really doubt he would have sat through the whole thing without saying anything or them noticing him right there

By CFR | 0

#361538 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:12

That's when you jump out from the floor and scream "blaaaarrg!!!"
or something...
At least you know they love each other?

Reply

c3ns0r3dn4m3 | 0

#362286 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:09

i know huh!? ahha
agree with #14

Reply

MrGlad | 0

#362559 - Friday 3 July 2009 2:56

Today, my parents are still together and happy. FML

Reply

jenkins56 | 5

#362574 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:00

Pfft, someone's sounding bitter.
I'm sure the OP is glad that they're together and happy.
He'd just like them to be a little less 'together' when he's in the same room.

By bettyboop_fml | 0

#361542 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:12

omg thats my worst nightmare.

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#362710 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:49

Who cares if they were being friendly.
Being nice to someone is not an FML :P

Reply

nomnomsean | 0

#362720 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:51

its not being nice with someone, its your parents, AND SEX. with you watching :D

By ImAKlutz15 | 0

#361562 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:15

Ew I would hate that if that happened to me!!

By Bizzile | 0

#361565 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:16

thats the worst thing to hear , ughh .

Reply

Eddie_Collin | 0

#378921 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:36

Worse than, oh, let's see, a serial killer pedophile rapist coming into your room late at night yelling "IMMA GONNA CUM ALLLLL OVER YOU!" while jumping onto your bed and proceeding to follow up with his threat?

Reply

GreatChild | 0

#380536 - Thursday 9 July 2009 2:13

ROFLOLMAO!!! FUCK, THIS COMMENT MADE ME JOIN FML JUST TO TELL YOU THAT IT MADE MY RIBS CRACK FROM LAUGHING!!!

Reply

Eddie_Collin | 0

#381353 - Thursday 9 July 2009 9:06

Oh you do me too much honor, my good fellow! NOW START FUCKING POSTING FMLs OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND MAKE A NECKLACE OUT OF THEM!

Reply

freedom4tibet | 0

#410926 - Sunday 19 July 2009 18:37

hahahahahah

By Emma_91 | 0

#361570 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:18

Great that you parents love each other but seriously EW! TMI lol

By Charlie_Whipple | 0

#361576 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:20

Watching a movie with your parents in their bedroom...what are you? 6?

Reply

Emma_91 | 0

#361635 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:38

Some people actually like spending time with their parents occasionally.

By Whoa_YouSuckk | 0

#361588 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:24

Ewwwww.. you shoulda jumped up like "PEEKABOOOO!!" I bet they'd be more weirded out than you..
...And then pour some alcohol in your eyes to try to get that picture out of your head. XD
But really, that sucks for you. FYL.