Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both... - FML

By Ghostie - 2/7/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67529

You deserved it

4818

Tweet

Share

Instadrama

Lockdown is driving us down

Bad news

By fml - 13/11/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42190

You deserved it

7709

Tweet

Share

By Lysh - 24/11/2016 05:38

Today, my fiancé broke it off with me on our 3-year anniversary at 12:01 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Guess who gets to go to family gatherings where everyone will be asking where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12784

You deserved it

859

Tweet

Share

By AGeeksWife - 12/9/2012 07:03 - United States - Saukville

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29217

You deserved it

4176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/10/2015 10:58 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25192

You deserved it

2437

Tweet

Share

By lambxox - 8/11/2010 09:04 - United States

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10320

You deserved it

25746

Tweet

Share

By UnfortunateGirly - 26/2/2010 08:30 - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28169

You deserved it

6343

Tweet

Share

By abigiggles - 26/8/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2306

You deserved it

288

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 18:59 - United States

Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25271

You deserved it

1558

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53235

You deserved it

4047

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2017 13:00

Today, my seemingly innocent younger brother showed our family a video of what he was doing last night when he skipped New Student Orientation. He's been in college all of 48 hours and he's already joined a fight club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3158

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/3/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47597

You deserved it

21401

Tweet

Share

By LetItRip - 12/7/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39432

You deserved it

3345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2016 15:43 - United States - Pembroke

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13812

You deserved it

1111

Tweet

Share

By CWoah - 14/9/2009 15:17 - Canada

Today, it was my court date for a car accident I was involved in back in July. I had spent months preparing a case to prove my innocence. I was scheduled to appear at 10:00 this morning. I woke up at 10:15AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14002

You deserved it

69761

Tweet

Share

By Jamie - 11/11/2018 05:00 - United States

Today, to get back at me for our recent breakup, my ex put a "9/11 was an inside job!" bumper sticker on my car. I work for the government in New York City, and I just got a text saying that my manager wants to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3266

You deserved it

233

Tweet

Share

By Dv0829 - 21/10/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28147

You deserved it

4800

Tweet

Share

By socreepedouticanteven - 27/10/2014 00:05 - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32410

You deserved it

6098

Tweet

Share

By cbad - 30/1/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12980

You deserved it

47912

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - 26/6/2015 00:40 - France - G?anges

Today, our 8-month-old son had a big cold and his nose was blocked. I couldn't find the baby nose pump in it's usual place, so I went to ask my husband. He had it in his hand, and was using to decorate the cake that was going to be served to tonight's guests, my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29404

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By Anonymou$ - 6/11/2014 23:37 - United States - Daphne

Today, I spent over $2,000 on a big flatscreen TV. My dad insisted I let him mount it on the wall instead of paying someone to do it. All seemed fine, until the TV came loose and smashed onto the floor. My dad refuses to accept responsibility, and says I should've had a professional install it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45915

You deserved it

7763

Tweet

Share

By dumped - 27/10/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's best friend was dumped, and was absolutely depressed. My girlfriend thought she'd show her sympathy by breaking up with me so they "could be single together." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51674

You deserved it

2767

Tweet

Share

By s13495 - 24/10/2013 15:52 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42958

You deserved it

6353

Tweet

Share

By alexander - 8/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Longmont

Today, my girlfriend really needed to take a pee while we were fishing in my boat. Rather than go to shore, she decided to she could just go into a Snapple bottle. I watched as all her pee went straight onto the floor of my boat, soon realizing she had never even taken the bottle's cap off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7602

You deserved it

976

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 18/9/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43444

You deserved it

5552

Tweet

Share

By easilyexited - 1/4/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66043

You deserved it

17490

Tweet

Share

By sexytime - 2/9/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28643

You deserved it

4124

Tweet

Share

By wowthanks - 11/1/2013 19:37 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36611

You deserved it

7865

Tweet

Share

By fml - 22/5/2012 23:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20533

You deserved it

4678

Tweet

Share

By crazycatlady1890 - 2/5/2019 18:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1647

You deserved it

422

Tweet

Share

By bubblzzz - 21/6/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2122

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By Karen1428 - 19/3/2017 07:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, my principal observed me teach my high school social studies class. At the end of the period, he told me, "Your zipper was open the entire time. I wonder if the students noticed that your underwear matched the buildup of dandruff on your shoulder." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5766

You deserved it

785

Tweet

Share

By dac5 - 12/4/2020 05:00

Lowered expectations

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1414

You deserved it

331

Tweet

Share

By cheezmaster - 16/12/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, after many, many attempts to get her out of my life, the girl that is stalking me told me that she loves me and our love can only be ended by her killing either herself or me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46695

You deserved it

2552

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/4/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37770

You deserved it

7983

Tweet

Share

By Good morning to you all - 20/6/2018 20:30

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3704

You deserved it

347

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2020 20:00

Smooth

Today, I turned 30. I still can't grow any facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By catattack78 - 21/10/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30216

You deserved it

3984

Tweet

Share

By Anomaly - 3/3/2015 02:43 - United States - Trenton

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31229

You deserved it

4792

Tweet

Share

By animelover - 25/7/2010 23:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31582

You deserved it

10772

Tweet

Share

By Anathema_360 - 20/9/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42094

You deserved it

3885

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#361520 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

That is disgusting! Scarred for life!

By ForestFire0 | 1

#361524 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:09

I think you missed a great opportunity to make them feel ten times as awkward as you. Any comment or sign of disgust would have done.

COMMENTS

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#361520 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

That is disgusting! Scarred for life!

Reply

springbirder2 | 0

#361756 - Thursday 2 July 2009 21:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

doctorbob | 0

#362356 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:41

yea definatly scarred for life ouch

Reply

MasterModeraor | 0

#362954 - Friday 3 July 2009 5:27

TIME FOR SOME INCEST!!! YDI for watching a porn movie with your parents

Reply

ultraraduberfad | 0

#365105 - Friday 3 July 2009 22:48

That happened to me before too...I used to sleep in my parents room when I was little, let's just say I stayed awake during the middle of the night. =/

Reply

Emma_91 | 0

#368955 - Sunday 5 July 2009 2:22

72: How do you know it was porn?

Reply

icall_BS | 0

#903423 - Monday 1 March 2010 7:05

Today, I decided to get it on with my husband while my son is three feet away from us cause It's HOT.

Reply

b182link | 0

#968873 - Saturday 27 March 2010 1:11

I wouldve jumped up and been like "holy fuck!" then ran out, they'd be sooo embarrased

Reply

aaron1310 | 0

#980391 - Friday 16 April 2010 16:03

I feel your pain

Reply

beren456 | 1

#1479514 - Friday 1 October 2010 4:00

It's always nice when people are friendly towards one another isn't it ;)

By tbarbo | 0

#361522 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

ohh that blows

Reply

ipoopeverywhere | 0

#2347035 - Thursday 14 April 2011 5:19

like OP's mo

ratta tat tat

By ForestFire0 | 1

#361524 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:09

I think you missed a great opportunity to make them feel ten times as awkward as you. Any comment or sign of disgust would have done.

Reply

HanBroman | 20

#6075253 - Saturday 27 September 2014 14:41

I'm gonna assume he did do something; I really doubt he would have sat through the whole thing without saying anything or them noticing him right there

By CFR | 0

#361538 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:12

That's when you jump out from the floor and scream "blaaaarrg!!!"
or something...
At least you know they love each other?

Reply

c3ns0r3dn4m3 | 0

#362286 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:09

i know huh!? ahha
agree with #14

Reply

MrGlad | 0

#362559 - Friday 3 July 2009 2:56

Today, my parents are still together and happy. FML

Reply

jenkins56 | 5

#362574 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:00

Pfft, someone's sounding bitter.
I'm sure the OP is glad that they're together and happy.
He'd just like them to be a little less 'together' when he's in the same room.

By bettyboop_fml | 0

#361542 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:12

omg thats my worst nightmare.

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#362710 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:49

Who cares if they were being friendly.
Being nice to someone is not an FML :P

Reply

nomnomsean | 0

#362720 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:51

its not being nice with someone, its your parents, AND SEX. with you watching :D

By ImAKlutz15 | 0

#361562 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:15

Ew I would hate that if that happened to me!!

By Bizzile | 0

#361565 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:16

thats the worst thing to hear , ughh .

Reply

Eddie_Collin | 0

#378921 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:36

Worse than, oh, let's see, a serial killer pedophile rapist coming into your room late at night yelling "IMMA GONNA CUM ALLLLL OVER YOU!" while jumping onto your bed and proceeding to follow up with his threat?

Reply

GreatChild | 0

#380536 - Thursday 9 July 2009 2:13

ROFLOLMAO!!! FUCK, THIS COMMENT MADE ME JOIN FML JUST TO TELL YOU THAT IT MADE MY RIBS CRACK FROM LAUGHING!!!

Reply

Eddie_Collin | 0

#381353 - Thursday 9 July 2009 9:06

Oh you do me too much honor, my good fellow! NOW START FUCKING POSTING FMLs OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND MAKE A NECKLACE OUT OF THEM!

Reply

freedom4tibet | 0

#410926 - Sunday 19 July 2009 18:37

hahahahahah

By Emma_91 | 0

#361570 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:18

Great that you parents love each other but seriously EW! TMI lol

By Charlie_Whipple | 0

#361576 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:20

Watching a movie with your parents in their bedroom...what are you? 6?

Reply

Emma_91 | 0

#361635 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:38

Some people actually like spending time with their parents occasionally.

By Whoa_YouSuckk | 0

#361588 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:24

Ewwwww.. you shoulda jumped up like "PEEKABOOOO!!" I bet they'd be more weirded out than you..
...And then pour some alcohol in your eyes to try to get that picture out of your head. XD
But really, that sucks for you. FYL.