Intimacy: Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both... - FML

By Ghostie - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

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There's no helping some people

Season finale

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

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By NowBroke - United Kingdom - Malmesbury

Today, I found out my mother drives my car. I was okay with it; I don't use it all the time and she's my mother. However, I was not okay with the multiple speeding tickets that came through in the post. "You're the registered keeper, so why should I pay?" FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, our building owner, who lives just below, had a great idea to make her life easier. When something gets on her nerves, she puts it in the stairwell. Including two dozen shoes, her toddler, her screaming baby, her barking dog and her cat who loves to shit in my flower pots and piss in my basement room, which she is well aware of. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

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By OhLovely - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

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By pod - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML

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By lingling - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

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By Anonymous

Greased Lightning

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

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By top dog! - Australia

Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML

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By maggie2014 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I fell asleep listening to my music and tanning at the beach. Not only did I wake up with a sunburn, but my iPhone had been stolen. FML

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By scarredforlife - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

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By Wendie - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

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By AmatureLitCritic - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 08:02 - United States - Rockaway Park

Almost there, we're almost there…

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

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By silentsuzie - United States

Today, I realized I can never live with my fiancée. A childhood of systematic teasing, abuse, and humiliation has made me terrified to use a bathroom around a guy if there's the slightest chance I can be heard, seen, or even have anyone know what I'm up to. Therapy has yet to fix anything. FML

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By ouagadougou - United States

Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

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By OhCanada

Today, my downstairs neighbor is single, clever and incredibly hot, while the upstairs neighbor is loud and obnoxious, not to mention a creep. I silently prayed every day for my neighbor to leave the building, and today, my prayer was answered: my neighbor moved out. Guess which one. FML

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By thatgirl247 - United States

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

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By das_shizzle - 5/5/2020 23:00

Wake up call

Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML

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By SalemSyfer - 25/1/2021 10:57 - Canada - Belleville

Bizarre Love Triangle

Today, I found out that one of my best friends likes the girl that I like. What's funny is that my best friend is also a girl, and has a better chance with her than I do. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard my asshole neighbor had died of a stroke. I was outside and said, "Well it's about goddamn time!" I turned around to see his wife walking her dog and staring deep into my soul. FML

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By Toolate - United States - Bristol

Today, I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love, though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend, her parents crying and applauding, and her brothers patting him on the back. FML

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By redhanded - United States

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

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By epicsquishii - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

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By Al Staten

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

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By ms piggy - United States

Today, stepping on a scale for the first time in years, I had to lift up my stomach to see the number. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

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By cunting cunts - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

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By oh_mylanta - United States

Creep

Today, I went to work to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so it was very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my Kung Fu-trained father found out that my boyfriend, a Krav Maga student, got me pregnant. Since I'm only 17, my dad got extremely mad. Several broken bones and a few ambulances later, it looks like a Steven Seagal movie happened in my house. FML

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By Michael - 5/2/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Give me strength

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2020 06:32 - India - Kaul

I don't need to see this

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

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Top comments

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#361520 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

That is disgusting! Scarred for life!

By ForestFire0 | 1

#361524 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:09

I think you missed a great opportunity to make them feel ten times as awkward as you. Any comment or sign of disgust would have done.

COMMENTS

By Lindsay46789 | 0

#361520 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

That is disgusting! Scarred for life!

Reply

springbirder2 | 0

#361756 - Thursday 2 July 2009 21:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

doctorbob | 0

#362356 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:41

yea definatly scarred for life ouch

Reply

MasterModeraor | 0

#362954 - Friday 3 July 2009 5:27

TIME FOR SOME INCEST!!! YDI for watching a porn movie with your parents

Reply

ultraraduberfad | 0

#365105 - Friday 3 July 2009 22:48

That happened to me before too...I used to sleep in my parents room when I was little, let's just say I stayed awake during the middle of the night. =/

Reply

Emma_91 | 0

#368955 - Sunday 5 July 2009 2:22

72: How do you know it was porn?

Reply

icall_BS | 0

#903423 - Monday 1 March 2010 7:05

Today, I decided to get it on with my husband while my son is three feet away from us cause It's HOT.

Reply

b182link | 0

#968873 - Saturday 27 March 2010 1:11

I wouldve jumped up and been like "holy fuck!" then ran out, they'd be sooo embarrased

Reply

aaron1310 | 0

#980391 - Friday 16 April 2010 16:03

I feel your pain

Reply

beren456 | 1

#1479514 - Friday 1 October 2010 4:00

It's always nice when people are friendly towards one another isn't it ;)

By tbarbo | 0

#361522 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:07

ohh that blows

Reply

ipoopeverywhere | 0

#2347035 - Thursday 14 April 2011 5:19

like OP's mo

ratta tat tat

By ForestFire0 | 1

#361524 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:09

I think you missed a great opportunity to make them feel ten times as awkward as you. Any comment or sign of disgust would have done.

Reply

HanBroman | 20

#6075253 - Saturday 27 September 2014 14:41

I'm gonna assume he did do something; I really doubt he would have sat through the whole thing without saying anything or them noticing him right there

By CFR | 0

#361538 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:12

That's when you jump out from the floor and scream "blaaaarrg!!!"
or something...
At least you know they love each other?

Reply

c3ns0r3dn4m3 | 0

#362286 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:09

i know huh!? ahha
agree with #14

Reply

MrGlad | 0

#362559 - Friday 3 July 2009 2:56

Today, my parents are still together and happy. FML

Reply

jenkins56 | 5

#362574 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:00

Pfft, someone's sounding bitter.
I'm sure the OP is glad that they're together and happy.
He'd just like them to be a little less 'together' when he's in the same room.

By bettyboop_fml | 0

#361542 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:12

omg thats my worst nightmare.

Reply

DangerousBabee | 0

#362710 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:49

Who cares if they were being friendly.
Being nice to someone is not an FML :P

Reply

nomnomsean | 0

#362720 - Friday 3 July 2009 3:51

its not being nice with someone, its your parents, AND SEX. with you watching :D

By ImAKlutz15 | 0

#361562 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:15

Ew I would hate that if that happened to me!!

By Bizzile | 0

#361565 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:16

thats the worst thing to hear , ughh .

Reply

Eddie_Collin | 0

#378921 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:36

Worse than, oh, let's see, a serial killer pedophile rapist coming into your room late at night yelling "IMMA GONNA CUM ALLLLL OVER YOU!" while jumping onto your bed and proceeding to follow up with his threat?

Reply

GreatChild | 0

#380536 - Thursday 9 July 2009 2:13

ROFLOLMAO!!! FUCK, THIS COMMENT MADE ME JOIN FML JUST TO TELL YOU THAT IT MADE MY RIBS CRACK FROM LAUGHING!!!

Reply

Eddie_Collin | 0

#381353 - Thursday 9 July 2009 9:06

Oh you do me too much honor, my good fellow! NOW START FUCKING POSTING FMLs OR I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND MAKE A NECKLACE OUT OF THEM!

Reply

freedom4tibet | 0

#410926 - Sunday 19 July 2009 18:37

hahahahahah

By Emma_91 | 0

#361570 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:18

Great that you parents love each other but seriously EW! TMI lol

By Charlie_Whipple | 0

#361576 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:20

Watching a movie with your parents in their bedroom...what are you? 6?

Reply

Emma_91 | 0

#361635 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:38

Some people actually like spending time with their parents occasionally.

By Whoa_YouSuckk | 0

#361588 - Thursday 2 July 2009 20:24

Ewwwww.. you shoulda jumped up like "PEEKABOOOO!!" I bet they'd be more weirded out than you..
...And then pour some alcohol in your eyes to try to get that picture out of your head. XD
But really, that sucks for you. FYL.