Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and... - FML

By lifeonfire12 - 16/4/2012 01:13 - Canada

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22574

You deserved it

41896

Tweet

Share

The opposite of a good idea

Whatthefuckaburger

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By OperaLover - 12/9/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32011

You deserved it

3443

Tweet

Share

By nightmarestonite - 16/12/2013 21:54 - Canada

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43209

You deserved it

4283

Tweet

Share

By helen_ - 23/4/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65193

You deserved it

6001

Tweet

Share

By Joey - 30/1/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37935

You deserved it

3353

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36698

You deserved it

9027

Tweet

Share

By Lesbian and proud, nana - 12/11/2018 14:00

Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4080

You deserved it

1142

Tweet

Share

By fmlfmlfml - 10/7/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24801

You deserved it

60687

Tweet

Share

By Dezzmond68 - 15/9/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11796

You deserved it

857

Tweet

Share

By CapNCook - 24/7/2013 09:15 - United States - Chicago

Today, a co-worker verbally abused me because I yawned. His excuse was that, "It's contagious". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43006

You deserved it

4375

Tweet

Share

By kristine29 - 3/2/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32274

You deserved it

2786

Tweet

Share

By Knottywoman - 3/9/2017 23:15

Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3110

You deserved it

218

Tweet

Share

By problemchild - 2/11/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46341

You deserved it

3699

Tweet

Share

By DabTheFuckOut - 16/9/2016 19:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12417

You deserved it

1114

Tweet

Share

By bym5052 - 15/7/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27748

You deserved it

14473

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/4/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35750

You deserved it

5958

Tweet

Share

By holyshart - 5/6/2012 09:03 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23428

You deserved it

2552

Tweet

Share

By fmlgrl - 30/7/2012 06:59 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

11632

You deserved it

26877

Tweet

Share

By bucollegegirl - 8/10/2012 14:07 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41574

You deserved it

6529

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/5/2019 16:07

Greased Lightning

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

183

Tweet

Share

By jons - 17/2/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51317

You deserved it

3570

Tweet

Share

By lovely-sweet - 27/11/2008 12:34 - France

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28419

You deserved it

10027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/6/2018 12:00 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3569

You deserved it

477

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59676

You deserved it

6146

Tweet

Share

By potatohead - 1/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3319

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By HighasaCloud - 30/4/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34731

You deserved it

2514

Tweet

Share

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44399

You deserved it

46562

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/4/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30001

You deserved it

4139

Tweet

Share

By Leah - 24/6/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34582

You deserved it

2613

Tweet

Share

By no - 7/6/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38298

You deserved it

14635

Tweet

Share

By some things never change - 28/11/2012 23:04 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30366

You deserved it

1955

Tweet

Share

By socksoffire - 17/3/2010 15:22 - United States

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31990

You deserved it

4811

Tweet

Share

By steph - 31/10/2008 07:11 - France

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45121

You deserved it

4112

Tweet

Share

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51637

You deserved it

9014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2013 16:49 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65812

You deserved it

6912

Tweet

Share

By MonsterProblems - 7/1/2015 07:07 - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38160

You deserved it

3307

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 12/12/2015 20:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25055

You deserved it

2231

Tweet

Share

By cthulhu help me - 1/3/2013 18:22 - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32496

You deserved it

2802

Tweet

Share

By mel - 18/1/2013 23:18 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43884

You deserved it

3037

Tweet

Share

By photofaint - 23/2/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27163

You deserved it

3602

Tweet

Share

By Oops - 26/9/2011 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to be sexy and rub my boyfriend's un-aroused package while we were watching a movie. I couldn't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42754

You deserved it

7781

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By turtlemonkey | 0

#4311937 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:37

whens our date?;)

By hatesfate | 6

#4311996 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:42

When they drop...

Comments

By Mooish | 18

#4311935 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:36

Did you lie? Even if you didn't it's nice he said sorry.

Reply

notjustanybody20 | 9

#4312007 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:44

Wow. that must not have sounded wierd at all! I like your idea of an ice breaker :D

Reply

blackheart24 | 10

#4312043 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:53

If the guy didn't laugh at this then he isn't dating material. This FML made me laugh out loud! Nice diarrhea of the mouth OP ;)

Reply

effy19 | 7

#4312096 - Monday 16 April 2012 9:12

my mom always says honesty is the best policy.

Reply

FMLshark | 12

#4312109 - Monday 16 April 2012 9:15

And here we have a perfect example of a Freudian slip.

Reply

blaackandprouud | 20

#4312156 - Monday 16 April 2012 9:28

Well now we know your relationship will work, you already told him something notable about yoursel. In the first sentence.

Reply

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#4312190 - Monday 16 April 2012 9:40

He probably liked it anyway.

Reply

LMA0 | 5

#4312257 - Monday 16 April 2012 10:08

36- are you suggesting that the OP actually likes balls in her face? I'm pretty sure she doesn't or she wouldn't have wrote the FML in the first place:p just sayin:p

Reply

CadillacPimpen | 6

#4312455 - Monday 16 April 2012 12:09

46 your too literal for your name.

Reply

pinky78711 | 5

#4312588 - Monday 16 April 2012 12:58

Thats what my dad says because he dosent like saying the F but me and my brother say umm nooo its LMFAO

Reply

davy187 | 0

#4312658 - Monday 16 April 2012 13:30

lol it really isnt that bad of an icebreaker

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4312740 - Monday 16 April 2012 14:17

Hey, at least you accidentally hinted that you're interested :)

Reply

Forlorn420 | 9

#4313093 - Monday 16 April 2012 16:27

Great fml. I hope he jumped at the opportunity haha

Reply

MyCleverName | 2

#4313140 - Monday 16 April 2012 16:46

60- *you're

Reply

ugh_a_lug | 7

#4314506 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 1:55

Cool story 66.

Reply

kitkat789 | 2

#4324597 - Thursday 19 April 2012 1:28

93-guess what NOBODY CARES!!!!!!

Reply

hollers444 | 0

#4475004 - Thursday 24 May 2012 5:44

Id ask u out after that

By turtlemonkey | 0

#4311937 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:37

whens our date?;)

Reply

hatesfate | 6

#4311996 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:42

When they drop...

Reply

MedKits | 9

#4312126 - Monday 16 April 2012 9:20

Ouch.

Reply

krewer21 | 1

#4312309 - Monday 16 April 2012 10:32

Damn, cold!

Reply

thelastavailable | 13

#4312598 - Monday 16 April 2012 13:01

14 made my day xD

Reply

dohboi | 2

#4312743 - Monday 16 April 2012 14:23

When they drop on your face!

Reply

TheRealOF | 4

#4312769 - Monday 16 April 2012 14:38

GotHeem

Reply

stevenJB | 25

#4312896 - Monday 16 April 2012 15:33

Damn that was the biggest shut down I've see seen! Haha

Reply

Harmonyx | 4

#4313283 - Monday 16 April 2012 17:37

If they ever become friends, he will probably not let that one go.. I wouldn't.

Reply

HahaYDI | 0

#4313991 - Monday 16 April 2012 22:39

That awkward moment when a funny comment gets dwarfed by an even funnier comment making fun of the aforementioned comment.

Reply

ddddddddg | 9

#4315746 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 7:13

I've never laughed so hard

Reply

wuzzup969 | 2

#4315751 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 7:15

OP Epic Win xD

By NagatoPain | 4

#4311942 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:37

Well I hope after that you both had a conversation at least and a date :)

Reply

Guren | 0

#4314001 - Monday 16 April 2012 22:41

He knows you're DTF now, you're in!

Reply

l0v3p4in | 7

#4314196 - Monday 16 April 2012 23:53

This will be the story your best friend toasts to you two at your wedding. Cheer up! You'll bring a smile to all your guests' faces and a horrified look to your mother's.

Reply

Eiregal2 | 10

#4314338 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 0:45

What does DTF mean?

Reply

TheHaHaNoGuy | 5

#4314587 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 2:37

I could be very wrong, but I'm guessing from the context it means "date then fuck"?

Reply

Mandy0325 | 1

#4314677 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 2:53

It means down to fuck...

Reply

Guren | 0

#4315402 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 5:15

It means "down to (graphic word for sex)"

Reply

sophsoph97 | 8

#4315762 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 7:18

Down to fuck!

By DontClickOnMe | 28

#4311948 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:38

Oh I'm sure he likes you already.

Reply

AugustBurnsToast | 14

#4312300 - Monday 16 April 2012 10:30

He and I'm sure the rest of the team know what's up now.

By EnmityKnight | 2

#4311953 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:38

Sometimes we say what's on our mind

Reply

l0v3p4in | 7

#4313592 - Monday 16 April 2012 19:13

Freudian slip.

By kdahrouj | 6

#4311956 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:39

That's what she said

Reply

igive | 28

#4312021 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:46

in my mind we just high-fived.

Reply

MsSoulReaper | 27

#4312104 - Monday 16 April 2012 9:15

Yes, she did indeed said that. Lol

Reply

RedMosquito | 4

#4313221 - Monday 16 April 2012 17:18

Just lucky he didn't reply, "me too."

Reply

richy90255 | 8

#4314386 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 0:58

... In bed

Reply

kdahrouj | 6

#4315831 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 7:47

On top of a tree

By supimnyancat | 9

#4311963 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:39

Well that's one way to break the ice.

Reply

FMLandurstoo | 9

#4312677 - Monday 16 April 2012 13:39

...or her nose.

By CookieGirl4ever | 13

#4311969 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:40

Aww, that awkward moment when you realize what you just said. FYL that sucks.

Reply

CookieGirl4ever | 13

#4312056 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:55

I'm not sure how that sounded ... but I'm sorry if it sounds mean or sarcastic ... I actually meant to be sincere but I'm sorry again if it sounded better in my head.

Reply

KMtheDrummer | 6

#4312709 - Monday 16 April 2012 13:58

You're apologizing for being sarcastic? On FML?!

By sarahlouise0506 | 10

#4311983 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:41

So might he OP. you could be in luck!

Reply

twisted_cherub | 14

#4312275 - Monday 16 April 2012 10:16

Maybe I'm missing something, but... If he likes balls in his face, how is that lucky for her? I'm pretty sure that means they won't be dating.

Reply

emilydotawesome | 1

#4312823 - Monday 16 April 2012 14:57

I'm fairly sure that 10 thought OP was a guy... Not sure why though. :/

Reply

syrcuse05 | 11

#4315330 - Tuesday 17 April 2012 5:00

I think 10 meant the player likes balls in her face.

By louielove19 | 4

#4311987 - Monday 16 April 2012 8:41

That shmucks :(

Reply

funnynesh | 10

#4312392 - Monday 16 April 2012 11:32

So does your comment :(