Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of...

By Fatty - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I was walking in the mall with my friends when one of them pointed at a store and commented, "Bae Goals." My fat ass thought she said "bagels" and I actually got excited at the thought of eating a bagel, even after I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1424

You deserved it

427

Favorite

Family values

Walk on the wild side

Family matters

By MATTY2512 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14661

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2438

Favorite

By DoYourWorst - Canada

Dorsia? On a Friday night?

Today, marks yet another day when I've been threatened to be ruined with the words, "I know people in high places!" and had objects thrown at me at my workplace. I'm a hostess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4664

You deserved it

313

Favorite

By wrong state for that shit - 22/8/2020 04:48 - United States - Hesperia

Weird accusation, lady

Today, my uncle’s girlfriend’s paranoid jealousy hit a new low. I woke up to several nasty, threatening texts from her, accusing me of sleeping with my own uncle. According to her, no uncle and niece could possibly be as close as he and I are without something freaky going on. I really hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1991

You deserved it

Favorite

By antwo - United States

Today, a cute girl was walking towards me. She held up her hand for a high five, so I also did the same. I hadn't noticed her friend behind me, and was left hanging and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31097

You deserved it

6348

Favorite

By Blake Lawrence - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26714

You deserved it

2594

Favorite

By Sucker - Canada

Today, after working another double shift because I want to buy my boyfriend a really expensive anniversary present, I get to his apartment to find him calculating in how many paychecks he'll be able to afford a Caribbean getaway. For himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34470

You deserved it

3572

Favorite

By brokeass - United States

Today, I called the landlord about the mouse I keep seeing in my kitchen. He wasted no time accusing me of keeping it as a pet, and went off on me about his "no pets" policy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27093

You deserved it

1951

Favorite

By fmlgrl - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

11648

You deserved it

26903

Favorite

By nocat6 - United States - Northville

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39069

You deserved it

3053

Favorite

By Holyguacamoly - Iceland

Today, at work I had to explain to a client that male dogs can wear red collars and it doesn't make them "gay". The client then got angry and stormed out of the store, causing me to get written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47410

You deserved it

4871

Favorite

By BadMurderer - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45880

You deserved it

3845

Favorite

By jasondrags - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26831

You deserved it

2446

Favorite

By Allie cat

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9392

You deserved it

1549

Favorite

By greenhide8 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19966

You deserved it

45955

Favorite

By - United States - Augusta

Today, My girlfriend dumped me because of a game... No that because I was playing the game... Cause she got addicted to a game and decided that the game was more important than our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2018

You deserved it

224

Favorite

By Meh - United States

Today, I was surprising my husband because our sex life is lacking. We have planned sex tuesday night, every week, with the lights off. When he came home for lunch, I was nude and waiting for him. He took one look and said, "I forgot you looked like that. Meh, I'm going back to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

76809

You deserved it

8491

Favorite

By RB84

Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5602

You deserved it

608

Favorite

By mile high clubber - United States - Bensalem

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64988

You deserved it

13622

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30987

You deserved it

7391

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26514

You deserved it

2532

Favorite

By Benji

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44280

You deserved it

24056

Favorite

By thanksbro - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29799

You deserved it

3009

Favorite

By blindedbythelight - United States - Orlando

Fashionably Late

Today, the pair of solar eclipse glasses I ordered weeks ago arrived. I'm sure they'll come in handy for 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3096

You deserved it

332

Favorite

By Scholar - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37379

You deserved it

6152

Favorite

By kubbyp - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50964

You deserved it

4046

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Unfair

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52209

You deserved it

4841

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35753

You deserved it

3137

Favorite

By uncomfortable - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87130

You deserved it

5576

Favorite

By Anonymous. - United States

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33509

You deserved it

5004

Favorite

By swedishguy - Sweden

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27197

You deserved it

4984

Favorite

By belladonna - United States

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13186

You deserved it

79044

Favorite

By randomgirl - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34027

You deserved it

14762

Favorite

By momof2boys - United States

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30855

You deserved it

5158

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45711

You deserved it

11999

Favorite

By mypelvishurts - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41077

You deserved it

6607

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19639

You deserved it

1520

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32526

You deserved it

3242

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while playing ping pong, my brother got mad that he lost and threw the paddle at my head, causing me to fall backwards into the TV mounted on the wall. Now I have a concussion and have to pay to replace the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3305

You deserved it

201

Favorite

By Lifeless - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14590

You deserved it

33556

Favorite

By newlyneurotic - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3990

You deserved it

325

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7812385 - Saturday 15 June 2019 16:42

Your mistake is you have idiot friends.

Find other fatties who like bagels and hang out with them, maybe even literally.

By colderthanyou | 15

#7812417 - Saturday 15 June 2019 19:38

I prefer bagels over bae goals anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7812374 - Saturday 15 June 2019 15:44

"Bae Goals" is a stupid term. I'm disappointed for you that you didn't get your bagels, and your excitement is completely understandable. No one would have thought any different to you, except your friend.

Also, "baggle".