Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

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KoBabe

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

QAnon weirdoes

By Des - 11/5/2019 18:00

Today, it’s been 3 weeks since I had an interview for an internship this summer. I’ve applied to over 40 internships over the past 6 months, and this was the only interview I’ve had. I banked my entire summer on this. FML

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By gross. - 28/4/2013 03:25 - United States - Greenville

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

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By sarah - 18/4/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

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By Thefaller - 11/7/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

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By fish killer - 8/2/2013 03:58 - Canada

Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML

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By 19collegestudentandpregant - 26/9/2014 22:07 - United States - Loretto

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML

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By ewmomew - 12/9/2010 04:07 - Canada

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

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By I care too much - 6/5/2019 04:00

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

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By BagelShmear - 7/10/2010 01:15 - United States

Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

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By CoA - 6/9/2016 11:40 - United States - Dekalb

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

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By hi Mum - 11/12/2013 19:59 - United States - North Charleston

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

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By Iwtumn - 30/4/2015 18:15 - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

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By UpAllNight - 9/2/2019 13:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

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By tireedddddd - 25/11/2011 16:24 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

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By jamjamy - 26/12/2008 04:53 - France

Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see well with them. She replied, "Oh yes, you have two big spots on your nose!" FML

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By toadface - 4/8/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

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By Rejected - 16/7/2011 13:28 - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

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By qourt - 14/2/2019 15:34 - United States

Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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By tmi4me - 26/5/2015 03:50 - United States

Today, my boss admitted she's having an affair. She's married to my brother. FML

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By LadyDeadpool88 - 4/2/2014 14:50 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2020 08:00 - United Kingdom - London

True romantic

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. During the act, he looked deep in to my eyes before whispering, "Up the arse next time?" FML

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By hatecolin - 10/9/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 20:02

Today, I went to a seminar about non-prejudice and acceptance. I spent the whole time being made fun of because of my pink shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2011 02:31 - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

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By Shoutout1011 - 15/4/2017 22:00

Today, my 6-month-old daughter decided she'd scream every time I'd answer her cries instead of her daddy. He just left for a 12-hour shift at work. Only 11 more hours to go. FML

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By alii2349 - 11/2/2014 03:16 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

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By rbates - 25/7/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

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By ZPyRoGoDz - 30/10/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

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By reallyupset - 29/11/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

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By BLAH - 14/2/2012 14:42 - Philippines

Today, after finally returning to my house after over a year overseas, I found that my neighbours built a wall covering the only window in my bedroom. Not only is my room eternally musty and pitch black, but the council won't accept my complaint, because apparently my window was illegally built. FML

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By tinytitty - 23/3/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

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Top comments

By Kalofinator | 0

#177882 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

Oh no! At least you're not hurt too badly - unless you're typing this with your cast in a hospital bed. She's got to feel awful!!

By Hi_Itz_Me | 0

#994965 - Sunday 16 May 2010 2:21

shut the hell up

COMMENTS

By fighterx28 | 0

#177873 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

That really sucks.

Reply

beffburger | 0

#830279 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:47

more like f your friends life. You'll get physically better soon. your friend will still be mortified and upset in years to come.

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#979996 - Thursday 15 April 2010 5:56

no actauuly f her life (OP) cos she got hit

Reply

seanders | 10

#1616956 - Thursday 28 October 2010 19:07

YDI for trying to reverse the laws of Darwinism

Reply

FatGuyLover | 0

#1912368 - Friday 31 December 2011 10:20

how does this suck? getting hurt for your friends creates a stronger bond

Reply

BirdieCurls | 25

#5857893 - Friday 14 February 2014 7:32

Why are all these commenters illiterate? Can't we just speak normally?

Reply

Leumas1999 | 3

#6108213 - Monday 3 November 2014 6:13

#170 but getting hurt BY your friend doesn't

By Cg3780byoch | 0

#177874 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

srry but that REALLY sucks!!!

Reply

palltaru | 0

#2126616 - Sunday 27 February 2011 1:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

xiaoxaio | 5

#3566996 - Thursday 10 November 2011 6:29

DAAAYYUUMM

By BrannFYR | 0

#177875 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

THAT SUCKS!!!

FYL

By manoverboard | 0

#177879 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

My friend did that to me a few days ago, and I almost got hit by an old lady. ;o
-gives you a medal anyway-

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4116509 - Saturday 3 March 2012 7:26

YOU COMBO BREAKING SON OF A BITCH!!!

By Kalofinator | 0

#177882 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

Oh no! At least you're not hurt too badly - unless you're typing this with your cast in a hospital bed. She's got to feel awful!!

By idlebear | 0

#177883 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

:(

By anatomyguy | 0

#177885 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

pretty sure i've read this FML before. plus if you were pulling her AWAY from the car how were u on that side in order to get pushed into it? Fake.

By kristenlee | 3

#177887 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Hi_Itz_Me | 0

#994965 - Sunday 16 May 2010 2:21

shut the hell up

Reply

ddawgg5523 | 0

#1022521 - Monday 7 June 2010 9:04

fuck off 7. go suck your shemale genitals in some fuckin ditch and then eat yourself >=(

Reply

pcakewafflebacon | 0

#1120728 - Thursday 22 July 2010 0:38

lol good one

Reply

hackymeal | 0

#1235268 - Friday 13 August 2010 13:54

he was jokiing lol

Reply

NOWAYJOSE | 14

#1740016 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 14:23

I'd like to see YOU get knocked over.

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4116531 - Saturday 3 March 2012 7:29

She may have made a stupid comment..but don't you think you guys are being a little harsh?

Besides...she was just joking, and as her profile said, you should never take her seriously

EDIT: seems I'm 2 years late e_e

Reply

ErinPinelli | 24

#5691740 - Friday 27 September 2013 9:17

You can do the same, 164.

By ocfan90 | 0

#177888 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

nice friend you have there

Reply

pancakesrock | 7

#5976682 - Sunday 15 June 2014 22:06

I agree! Friends who are stupid are the best!

By FBIWarning | 0

#177889 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

hahaha get owned