Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

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Big baby man

The best cat

Fear factor

By Overlord247 - 28/6/2019 07:05 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, due to sleep deprivation, I wasn't paying attention to where the elevator stopped. I walked into a flat, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. It was the flat just beneath mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 14:00 - Canada - Prince George

Naughty girl

Today, my mom found out that I got a tattoo two years ago. She got mad and spanked me. I'm 33 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

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By raidered - 8/3/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, my three year old nephew was pointing at the TV screen and saying "Uncle, Uncle!" He thought it was me on the screen. It was Rosie O'Donnell. FML

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By tacoboy - 21/8/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

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By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - 14/10/2015 16:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2010 05:32 - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

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By grannygirlfriend - 6/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

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By fml_for_real - 4/2/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to ravish me. He told me he would rather play PS3. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/7/2014 05:00 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

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By LAME - 23/2/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

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By Maxx - 7/3/2010 03:56 - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

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By cougar26 - 24/9/2015 16:42 - United States - Pullman

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2012 09:45 - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

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By blacklove - 12/2/2010 20:19 - United States

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read "it's over". FML

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By watchmaker - 16/12/2009 09:37 - United Kingdom

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I decided to head out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

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By FUSMC - 12/8/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I came home on leave from a 7 month deployment to Iraq. I wanted to see my girlfriend today, but she needed to spend time with her sick grandmother. As it turns out, her sick grandmother and my cousin are the same person. FML

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By bbbeast - 28/7/2009 02:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

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By Araya - 17/11/2009 16:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2012 02:03 - United States

Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML

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By Ruby Lore - 20/7/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

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By qx5 - 8/1/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By LadyLump - 24/1/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

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By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - 21/11/2014 06:11 - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:18 - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

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By katiebird - 16/3/2016 20:51 - United States - Durham

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

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By YouAssholes - 9/12/2013 23:25 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

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By HSPARKS - 12/5/2020 05:00

Big baby man

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

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By gottaflossmoreoften - 13/4/2015 15:40 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2012 06:06 - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 02:22 - United States - Columbia

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

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By name50 - 7/2/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

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By cclllc - 14/8/2012 09:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

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By Rebecca - 16/4/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

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By NotaDTfan - 30/4/2017 02:00

Today, my elderly neighbor came crying to me about the horrible thing someone had done outside. I hurried out to find a big pile of dog shit with the head of Donald Trump stuck into it. I had to fake a coughing fit so she wouldn't realize I was laughing. I'm not sure I got away with it. FML

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By gutted - 7/5/2012 02:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

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By Samantha - 29/3/2009 03:14 - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

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Top comments

By Kalofinator | 0

#177882 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

Oh no! At least you're not hurt too badly - unless you're typing this with your cast in a hospital bed. She's got to feel awful!!

By Hi_Itz_Me | 0

#994965 - Sunday 16 May 2010 2:21

shut the hell up

Comments

By fighterx28 | 0

#177873 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

That really sucks.

Reply

beffburger | 0

#830279 - Saturday 6 February 2010 14:47

more like f your friends life. You'll get physically better soon. your friend will still be mortified and upset in years to come.

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#979996 - Thursday 15 April 2010 5:56

no actauuly f her life (OP) cos she got hit

Reply

seanders | 10

#1616956 - Thursday 28 October 2010 19:07

YDI for trying to reverse the laws of Darwinism

Reply

FatGuyLover | 0

#1912368 - Friday 31 December 2011 10:20

how does this suck? getting hurt for your friends creates a stronger bond

Reply

BirdieCurls | 25

#5857893 - Friday 14 February 2014 7:32

Why are all these commenters illiterate? Can't we just speak normally?

Reply

Leumas1999 | 3

#6108213 - Monday 3 November 2014 6:13

#170 but getting hurt BY your friend doesn't

By Cg3780byoch | 0

#177874 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

srry but that REALLY sucks!!!

Reply

palltaru | 0

#2126616 - Sunday 27 February 2011 1:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

xiaoxaio | 5

#3566996 - Thursday 10 November 2011 6:29

DAAAYYUUMM

By BrannFYR | 0

#177875 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:02

THAT SUCKS!!!

FYL

By manoverboard | 0

#177879 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

My friend did that to me a few days ago, and I almost got hit by an old lady. ;o
-gives you a medal anyway-

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4116509 - Saturday 3 March 2012 7:26

YOU COMBO BREAKING SON OF A BITCH!!!

By Kalofinator | 0

#177882 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

Oh no! At least you're not hurt too badly - unless you're typing this with your cast in a hospital bed. She's got to feel awful!!

By idlebear | 0

#177883 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:03

:(

By anatomyguy | 0

#177885 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

pretty sure i've read this FML before. plus if you were pulling her AWAY from the car how were u on that side in order to get pushed into it? Fake.

By kristenlee | 3

#177887 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Hi_Itz_Me | 0

#994965 - Sunday 16 May 2010 2:21

shut the hell up

Reply

ddawgg5523 | 0

#1022521 - Monday 7 June 2010 9:04

fuck off 7. go suck your shemale genitals in some fuckin ditch and then eat yourself >=(

Reply

pcakewafflebacon | 0

#1120728 - Thursday 22 July 2010 0:38

lol good one

Reply

hackymeal | 0

#1235268 - Friday 13 August 2010 13:54

he was jokiing lol

Reply

NOWAYJOSE | 14

#1740016 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 14:23

I'd like to see YOU get knocked over.

Reply

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4116531 - Saturday 3 March 2012 7:29

She may have made a stupid comment..but don't you think you guys are being a little harsh?

Besides...she was just joking, and as her profile said, you should never take her seriously

EDIT: seems I'm 2 years late e_e

Reply

jenamalone | 23

#5691740 - Friday 27 September 2013 9:17

You can do the same, 164.

By ocfan90 | 0

#177888 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

nice friend you have there

Reply

pancakesrock | 7

#5976682 - Sunday 15 June 2014 22:06

I agree! Friends who are stupid are the best!

By FBIWarning | 0

#177889 - Thursday 7 May 2009 23:04

hahaha get owned