Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing...

By SplashOuch - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

All that time I'm never getting back

Genius, definitely

By Anonymous - United States - North Port

Today, I was at a Christmas party when I noticed someone had taken all of the cash I had from out of my wallet. It was a family gathering. I'm related to the culprit but have no idea who it is. FML

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43386

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By carey33 - 4/6/2020 14:15

Quite the catch

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

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1868

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191

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

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37295

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By secondchild

Today, my parents spent more time, money and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

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1467

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153

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By The Last One - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

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26706

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2222

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By hannahisacooler - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

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51218

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3825

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By getting real crafty.. - United States - Sanford

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28963

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1995

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By maddiebauer - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

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7375

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By Jeremy - United States

Awkward

Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML

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80720

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By Cyberdeeder

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

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75019

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By Magnus_the_Red - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

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25481

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By shtzbutnogiggles - United States

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

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11025

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2020 17:00

The walls have ears

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

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521

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2574

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

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31448

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5900

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By screwed - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

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36539

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5409

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By sucks - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

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37601

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By PlayboyBunny - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

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33487

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8614

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By Anonymous - United States - New Iberia

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

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54146

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4877

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By homealone - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9141

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541

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By morgan_rumm

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

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50630

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By novacabudsforme - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

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14126

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By DM - United States - Fayville

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

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18874

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

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31105

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By my first job - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

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18073

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1155

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

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38914

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5969

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By Anonymous - United States - Winsted

Today, after locking my keys in the car and waiting 3 hours for my mom to bring me my spare, I reached into my bag only to find my keys. FML

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12952

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By Anonymous - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6739

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48921

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By lone_ranger - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

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27278

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By notsolucky - Canada

Today, I woke up at 11:11am. I was happy because I thought it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview. FML

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12912

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

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30596

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By KMO - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

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13072

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By birthday girl - United States - Toledo

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

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41799

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By SadAndDeaf

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56591

You deserved it

3100

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By ellen77 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

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48901

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By maybe? - Germany - Hamburg

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

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35450

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By Anonymous

Fetish

Today, my boyfriend and I finally had sex. The entire time he kept begging me to fart, especially on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2358

You deserved it

251

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By WhyM3Th0ugh - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24914

You deserved it

1658

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By amidreaming?? - United Kingdom - Bushey

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30365

You deserved it

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By Weasel123 - United States - Anadarko

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28790

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

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21939

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Top comments

By dnlphm94 | 0

#757326 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:21

Natural reactions. Don't you love them?

By hoyles | 0

#757330 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:22

Lesson is: Never sneeze.

COMMENTS

By FiddleStikz | 0

#757318 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:20

Ouch :(

humorizer | 14

#757924 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 6:35

Sue them. Maybe you can make a large amount of money. It's the american way!

ZAE06 | 0

#2704467 - Friday 17 June 2011 23:35

more like Donald Trump

Zedric69 | 3

#2847108 - Friday 8 July 2011 11:48

they have warnings on the cup so suing them would be difficult

By dnlphm94 | 0

#757326 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:21

Natural reactions. Don't you love them?

Sonii008 | 19

#5851172 - Friday 7 February 2014 16:58

Sure do. xD

By hoyles | 0

#757330 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:22

Lesson is: Never sneeze.

dangkoopa | 0

#963997 - Friday 19 March 2010 7:56

... or never drink coffee ever again

By melmcr | 0

#757338 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:25

Even Starbucks can be used as a weapon now.

hwkfan1 | 10

#967195 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 6:16

ydi for drinking starbucks bitch no jk that really sucks op

By shortie101 | 0

#757356 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:32

wow that is sooo fml

By tman118 | 0

#757363 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:35

ydi for having legs

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#757369 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:37

YDI for being clumsy.

By Cristaderzi | 0

#757374 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:40

Lol
Thats FRICKIN Hillarious!!

By Malinkrot | 3

#757379 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 0:45

wow I'm surprised no emo teenager has said "YDI for going to Starbucks, you slave to the corporate machine" or some other pseudo intellectual BS like that