Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed... - FML

By Electronotfriend - Poland

Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML

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Triage

Jonah begs to differ

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By that was mine - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

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By David - 15/8/2020 17:07

No wings

Today, I was at work and got chest pains and a headache so bad, I vomited. My supervisor took my blood pressure twice and it was dangerously high both times. I went to the hospital, and after 3 hours of waiting, I got the most expensive lecture ever on drinking too many energy drinks. FML

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By svenska75 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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By JustSayNo - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

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By Nojob - United States - Bronx

Today, on my way to my job interview, the man who was supposed to be interviewing me slammed into my car because he wasn’t paying attention. He fired me for raising his insurance premiums. I got fired before getting the job. FML

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By WhoNose

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

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By Oregon

Does it taste good?

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

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By mikalovernj - 27/11/2020 14:02

Pets are life

Today, my neighbor asked me to check in on his pet. When I went into his house, I couldn't find any animals. I searched all over, and finally gave up and called him. I asked him what type of pet he had. His response? "My pet rock, Stubby." That's right, I just spent some time looking for a rock. FML

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By amyhyett - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

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By Stupid - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

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By HouseWife - United States - Valley Park

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

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By Sam Stuhlinger - United States - Denver

Today, my friend with benefits that I was starting to like forgot my name in front of his friends when they asked who I was. We've known each other for at least a year. I think this means I'm just a benefit. FML

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By hhaannnnaahh - United States

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

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By Emma - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

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By twintowers - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

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By queenbitch - United States - Dearborn

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

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By brokeandsad - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML

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By nolove - Australia

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

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By Person

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that would be on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me, was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

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By embarassedmuch - United States

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

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By owwwww - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

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By PsychoBoulevard - United States - Tollhouse

Put the eggs in one basket!

Today, as well as for the past week, my cat finds immeasurable joy in knocking eggs of the counter and staring at me as I clean the mess. FML

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By oh gee, you don't say - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

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By NCanalyst - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

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By probably on death row soon - United States - Winter Park

Thanks, "Bro"

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Port Townsend

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

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By Wow

Today, I have a job interview after months of struggling to find work. I also woke up with explosive diarrhea and can’t be away from the toilet for more than 10 minutes. FML

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By - United States - Pleasant Hill

Today my wife came home and said "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened". She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her did not. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3 inch hole in the bumper. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was "So does yours." FML

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By Tejanoswhy

Today, I found out why my history grade is so low: the kid in front of me takes my homework, writes his name on it, and passes it off as his own. FML

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By FIM

Today, in response to a text asking if I wanted to meet for brunch, I wrote, "Oh dear god I'm so hungover I could die and I'm still in my same clothes from last night. Not a chance." It was our 5-year college reunion and the number I sent that to was actually an old professor, not an old friend. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

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By leftout - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

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By nonbelieber - United States - Keenesburg

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

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By alice - United Kingdom

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs. FML

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By rune breaker

Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML

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By SickSmick - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

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Top comments

By elara15 | 0

#448689 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:35

Usually there are signs warning of such things, but I probably would've grabbed the fence out of instinct. Sorry, that's horrible.

By RedNeckAndProud | 0

#448675 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:32

haha thats hilarious

COMMENTS

By RedNeckAndProud | 0

#448675 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:32

haha thats hilarious

Reply

Hanban | 0

#824498 - Thursday 4 February 2010 13:37

I'm sensing that the OP still has her fingers intact and not electrocuted since she had the nerve (pun intended) to type this story.

Reply

dontbugme | 0

#982040 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 2:37

ouch! why are there electric fences on a MOUNTAIN?!?! its not like u can rob it or theres jewelz in it! ppl these dayz, i mean cum on u cant own a mountain!

Reply

lawlita | 0

#982968 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 7:26

103- could be for livestock of sorts. I'm sure OP didn't mean like a rocky cliff mountain, just maybe some steep hills and fields. The kind you'd see Shirley Temple's "Heidi" running around in, ya know?

Reply

bensharp | 5

#3434796 - Saturday 15 October 2011 7:35

I bet it was quite a shock to op;)

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bensharp | 5

#3434798 - Saturday 15 October 2011 7:35

I bet it was quite a shock to op;)

Reply

leonlee2002 | 10

#6005715 - Saturday 12 July 2014 6:32

lawlita... You ARE 103, that's 102 you're replying to

By elara15 | 0

#448689 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:35

Usually there are signs warning of such things, but I probably would've grabbed the fence out of instinct. Sorry, that's horrible.

Reply

andyn | 0

#450209 - Sunday 2 August 2009 14:44

Electric fences don't even hurt, I grabbed those things for laughs when i was like 8

Reply

thias_fml | 0

#451059 - Sunday 2 August 2009 21:16

I grabbed them for fun also when i was little they don't hurt at all unless you grab two different wires because then the electricity meets at your chest and gets a lot more painful.

By rosebud_fml | 0

#448697 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:36

zzzzt!

By HeyThatsMySoc | 0

#448699 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:36

o.o *hugs*

By abandonship | 3

#448701 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:37

x____X

By iJack | 0

#448702 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:37

Wow, you ok?

Reply

thisismythugboys | 0

#2122837 - Friday 25 February 2011 14:09

obviously if he's posting on fml

By OneandOnlyOne | 0

#448704 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:37

ouch ouch ouch!!!

By meanie_monday | 0

#448705 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:37

Did it soften your fall?

By jandersoniii | 0

#448706 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:37

YDI for being a dirty mexican and trying to make it to the US and steal American jobs. youre not welcome here puta

Reply

xxmollyxx | 25

#448724 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:40

Mexican? That's intelligent.

Reply

capital_seven | 0

#448729 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:42

OP is in Poland.

Reply

freakdiablo | 0

#448735 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:43

Yeah...A Mexican trying to sneak into the US by way of Poland...Fail troll is fail.

Reply

FacePALM24 | 0

#448739 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:44

lololol agreed #9

Reply

AmoraLynn | 6

#448759 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:48

ummm commented on the wrong thing?? or just bieng an ass?

Reply

TheLoneWolf87 | 4

#448905 - Sunday 2 August 2009 0:35

STFU you racist asses go peddle your smut to Bill O'reilly or someone who gives a damn.

Reply

Saromo | 0

#448961 - Sunday 2 August 2009 0:55

Take it down a notch fucker.

Reply

moony_fml | 0

#451339 - Sunday 2 August 2009 23:16

hahaha that's funny (thumbs up)

By fieryice | 0

#448708 - Saturday 1 August 2009 23:38

HAAHAH!