Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of...

By DudeManBro69 - 1/5/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

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Transportation

Serious times

Out of it

They're everywhere

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 01:48 - Canada

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

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By nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/9/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

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By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

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By anonymous - 8/1/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

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By melikeyturtles - 3/7/2012 15:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out my home health patient purposely drinks tons of prune juice every night so I will have a huge mess to clean up in the morning because I'm "a lazy bastard" and I "need to work harder." FML

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By Nominome - 7/2/2010 00:31 - France

Today, I was in the check-out line when I noticed the guy behind me kept impatiently sighing. Thinking he was a jerk, I took as long as I could packaging my items. Turns out he left his oxygen tank in the car. FML

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By Zaak - 25/3/2018 06:00

Ouch.

Today, my neighbor, whom I've had a massive crush on but barely know, actually started flirting with me. Long story short, it ended with him getting a blowjob. I said, "We should make this a thing." He replied, "Yeah, a one-time thing." FML

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By womboman - 30/7/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

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By Username - 1/8/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, the crazy cat lady who lives next to me lost one of her cats. She sat outside with a whistle at 6:00 this morning and continued to blow her whistle for hours. FML

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By Neveragain - 1/7/2013 05:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

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By Nickolas - 31/12/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

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By pumpkinlover89 - 27/3/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

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By Ep1cF4ce - 26/7/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 23:00

Go back to bed, Brad

Today, I noticed that when my boyfriend is sick, his sex drive goes through the roof. Too bad his stamina plummets. FML

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By coolcat10156 - 8/7/2015 07:04 - United States - Keller

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

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By gameguy3424 - 18/5/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I went on my afternoon stroll to my local park. As I reached the park a little boy was peeing in the bushes nearby. His mother called. As I walked by, he turned, still peeing, right to me. He ended up peeing on the front of my pants and on my shoes. My house is 2 miles away from the park. FML

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By bonnmo - 11/11/2018 11:30 - United States

Today, I took a big, smelly, satisfying dump when I woke up. When I tried to flush, nothing happened. None of my four roommates bothered to tell me we didn’t have running water. FML

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By Michelle - 4/8/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

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By whyme - 7/2/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

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By arekusa - 23/6/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

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By emasculated 10000% - 4/5/2013 17:05 - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

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By LC - 3/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I volunteered to be Auctioned off for Charity. I went for $3. FML

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By Dana422 - 18/5/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2018 06:00

Today, my new bikini must be cheap as shit because I tanned nicely where I put on sunscreen, but where I didn’t apply it under the bikini I’ve gotten super red sunburn on my butt, my lady bits, and my boobs. My nipples look like the ends of red felt tip pens. FML

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By Not Gay - 9/6/2015 03:04 - United States - Williamston

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 08:04 - United States

Worldstar! Worldstar!

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

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By mikuxxhatsune - 5/6/2017 02:00 - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML

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By thompson773 - 20/4/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

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By CyberPsycho - 28/7/2016 16:24 - United States - Nashville

Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

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By f_n_fail - 6/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

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By ugh - 5/6/2010 23:49 - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 20:56 - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

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By thanks a lot - 26/5/2020 08:00

Stay alert!

Today, my state began relaxing the quarantine order. We decided to take the kids for a nice picnic in the park to get them outside. First park we went to, we saw a homeless man openly pissing in the parking lot. Second park, we saw two teens fucking on the table. Day was officially ruined. FML

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By uneek14 - 23/6/2009 14:19 - Canada

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

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By helosthisshit - 1/11/2014 14:26 - United Kingdom - Linlithgow

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2014 05:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

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By trailertrashyanditsucks - 26/7/2013 19:55 - United States - Porter

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

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Top comments

By Fredzter | 0

#160095 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:01

Eeew!! That's disgusting!! o.O

By Demon_Squirtle | 0

#160118 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:06

This doesn't all add up though
If you thought it was rain, where do you live? Does rain pound at you viciously in one small area? I mean if it were the final drops, sure, but you said you saw him peeing after you felt the rain. If you saw him before, then you're a moron for walking under his piss.
0_o

COMMENTS

By Fredzter | 0

#160095 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:01

Eeew!! That's disgusting!! o.O

By AnneFTW | 17

#160096 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:02

Hahaha! Poor you.

By Jordie210 | 0

#160104 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:04

haha that totally sucks

By Demon_Squirtle | 0

#160118 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:06

12vballchick12 | 5

#3255153 - Thursday 8 September 2011 3:17

She probably felt a just a drizzle. Think.

Scarce_fml | 4

#5309554 - Saturday 5 January 2013 8:24

I think OP meant they were going upstairs, not down

By Shinyminey | 0

#160119 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:07

Aww dear.
Why take a piss there?

By 0OMGWTFBBQ0 | 0

#160126 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:08

yummm. lol that sucks

By jdess | 0

#160130 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:09

Who on earth would put YDI for this? Honestly...

By LeftHanded_fml | 0

#160136 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:10

This doesnt make any sense.
1st off, how high up was he? If it wasn't that high up then you would be a retard to think it was rain.
2nd, agree with #4.

By Tehalon | 0

#160177 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:21

Maybe he was peeing figures in the air, i do that sometimes when i had abit tomuch to drink (not on people incase anyone was wondering). Then its like loads of drops.

By Susaluda | 0

#160190 - Friday 1 May 2009 20:28

What is it with hobos peeing in random places? I saw one just standing in a corner on a street a few days ago peeing by a plant...