Miscellaneous: Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 46

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 138

01/11/2010 19:39

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 154

You deserved it 3 609

Mama's boy

Stubborn

Man spitting truth bombs over here

RIP in peace

By Janice - 03/01/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 3 807

24/08/2015 18:59

Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 310

You deserved it 1 561

23/10/2010 08:17

Today, I watched a grizzled, old gas station attendant with a stain on her blouse use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 155

You deserved it 2 902

03/03/2012 22:07

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 847

You deserved it 3 809

30/07/2010 06:45

Spicy

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 272

You deserved it 10 084

24/08/2010 05:52

Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 061

You deserved it 4 903

08/12/2011 03:33

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 6 603

09/08/2011 16:08

Spicy

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 007

You deserved it 5 193

24/09/2010 11:25

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 052

You deserved it 75 173

11/12/2010 05:16

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 3 557

15/09/2014 03:07

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 3 053

27/01/2010 05:25

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 345

You deserved it 3 293

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 20:01

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 111

Sorry?

By ExFutureGrandsonInLaw - 10/06/2018 19:00

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend's grandparents at church. After 5 minutes of catching up, my ex's frail grandmother asked me when I'm planning on "joining the family". I had to explain to them that their granddaughter had dumped me exactly 2 years before. She cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 398

You deserved it 261

Mom hobbies

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 14:00

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 276

15/10/2013 00:14

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 586

You deserved it 4 416

20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 318

15/08/2009 04:33

Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 245

You deserved it 7 339

Time to scramble

By BellaBabii32 - 27/04/2021 02:01

Today, I went to get coffee. While I was at the drive-thru window, I went to pay with my card but dropped it right out the window. It went under my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 148

04/11/2009 08:44

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 866

You deserved it 4 720

14/10/2012 20:36

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 408

You deserved it 1 612

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 25/02/2020 20:00

Today, my girlfriend asked how I was feeling, because I’ve been feeling down and experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. I said was feeling a lot better and that I finally think I’m on my way to getting well. She didn't agree, and started a fight about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 843

You deserved it 170

A writer writes

By Anonymous - 12/06/2020 05:05

Today, my boyfriend came across an old poem I wrote. I like to write horror stuff, but he was disturbed, called it “silly” and “sad”, and said he didn’t want to have a girlfriend who thinks about stuff like that. I'm now discouraged from becoming a writer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 659

You deserved it 197

02/06/2010 02:34

Today, my boyfriend was talking to me on the land line when his cell phone rang. He told me to wait "two seconds" while he talked to a classmate. Their "two second" conversation lasted ten minutes, and now I can hear the French Open on the TV in background. He forgot he was talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 121

You deserved it 4 453

30/07/2013 01:10

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 168

You deserved it 3 673

Let me sleep!

By ineed sleep!!! - 22/10/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument when I suggested we start sleeping in separate rooms. He thinks I don’t love him anymore, but that’s not the case. I’m madly in love with him, but he snores like a freight train and thrashes like a fucking Ninja Turtle all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 227

04/07/2016 17:59

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 2 273

16/09/2009 16:19

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 3 927

08/03/2009 19:08

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 424

You deserved it 10 843

27/11/2009 14:26

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 136

You deserved it 60 708

25/05/2017 00:00

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 475

You deserved it 1 850

03/11/2015 15:43

Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 566

You deserved it 2 161

Appearance matters

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:00

Today, I tried thinking of the best way to kill myself without leaving my body intact enough for people to continue to judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 371

12/05/2014 14:38

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 389

You deserved it 5 498

Thanks, I'm cured!

By fuauntflo - 07/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to the ER because of an intensely heavy flow. They kept me waiting so long that, although I was wearing a super absorbent tampon and a pad, I still bled through three times. When I was finally seen, the doctor said, "Try using a higher absorbency and follow up with your regular physician." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 167

04/05/2016 17:30

Today, when getting my eyebrows waxed, the lady cursed "oh shit!" under her breath, right after waxing half of my brow off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 733

You deserved it 1 093

Need help

By onwardsandupwards - 21/01/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 434

25/06/2016 18:51

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 225

You deserved it 807

22/01/2016 21:28

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 3 523

08/02/2011 16:27

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 911

You deserved it 3 732

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:28

Oh dear. That's a shitty situation.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:31

I wonder how much he weighed before he went in?

Comments

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:28

Inb4shitpun

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:32

Lulz, sorry mods. I couldn't resist. Everyone else just FTR: No, I was not calling you-know-what. >.<

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:46

Ah! Jane, did you call me *bleep*?! How dare you, you *bleep*! See, I moderated myself. ^_^

pcakewafflebacon 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:02

fuk da mods they be haters

MrSassypants 32

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 13:22

Comment Moderated by Mr.Sassypants. Do I get bonus points because inmoderated my disturbing coments which would've got trolls to go on my side and trollol? 12- I never knew you were a mod! Or maybe you're tricking me because you're a grammer Nazi and if you were a mod you would've edited the poorly written comments wouldn't have you? (Like mine)

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 21:46

I don't get what you did... :(

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 13:16

lol

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Tuesday 4 October 2011 10:54

Your dp looks like naruto bs sasuke to me... And its awesome!

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:28

Oh dear. That's a shitty situation.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:02

Ha, I bet he weighed 350 pounds before he went in.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:12

didn't your mom ever tell you to go before you leave the house.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:12

grab the toliet paper and go in a forest

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:24

Mindfuck. I totally had the first comment, and I even said something about being in a shitty situation. *cue twilight zone music*

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:47

atleast he was kind !

Icyyy 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:56

He didn't say 'Beat that', at least.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 5:01

omg 34 chocorooms are sooooo good

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 6:01

chocorooms, combining the joys of chocolate and fungus into small bitesized packages.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 6:10

chocolate and mushrooms? is that even possible to taste good? :/

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 0:01

ZING!

billybob171717 0

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 4:05

Yes, and don't forget he gave you fair warning. HE could have just gone into the snack store, bought his beloved funyuns and let you walk into his poorly-aimed hell.

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Thursday 4 November 2010 0:11

nice pun haha

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Monday 2 May 2011 18:28

one time me and my friend both took shits and clogged the mcdonalds bathroom, he them peed on the toilet paper and floor, and I jacked off and blew my load all over the toilet seat.

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Wednesday 11 September 2013 4:00

first Shitty situation comment to ever be thumbed up in history.

MarineWifey88 3

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:29

This is why I avoid public restrooms.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 3:27

especially the gas station. everyone takes a dump there.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 7:42

hey overthelimit, horseback riding is not a sport. :P

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 14:17

shhh! she'll find you!

billybob171717 0

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 4:08

see, that's what i don't get. If everybody normally tries to avoid gas station bathrooms, then why are they always so horribly used?

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:31

I wonder how much he weighed before he went in?

Phustercluck 11

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:54

Fun fact: The average bowel movement weighs less than half a lb. :D

JUST_STFU_N_GTFO 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:58

Good to know? o.0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:32

0.o If it's in your town, drive home. If you're on a road trip, by nose plugs.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:43

buy* ...

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 4:35

Phew ... THAT was close 11. It's a good thing you caught that little mistake.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 4:57

They already thanked me. No need to be sarcastic. You'll thank me too, one day.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:32

Oh dear. There's no way you're going to plunge yourself out of shit that deep.

JUST_STFU_N_GTFO 0

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 2:00

I see what you did there. @[email protected]

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 3:19

nice deep thought of the day :P

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:38

Had to drop Fat Albert off at the pool eh?

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:39

that was my brother

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:51

Haha you were going in there to do the same thing, he just beat you to it. Gross though. Maybe run in the gas station and buy some air freshener, lol.

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 1:57

I hope you didn't go in

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Tuesday 2 November 2010 3:06

FML.