Health: Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 40

29/11/2012 00:57

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 042

You deserved it 1 700

Late term

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Taking liberties

17/06/2016 07:04

Today, I was buried in texts from two of my bridesmaids about how much they hated their dresses. Dresses they helped pick. I can either be a bridezilla, put up with this for 4 more months, or ruin two friendships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 667

You deserved it 1 168

Namesake

By cjy152 - 19/08/2021 13:03

Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her newborn son after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 207

You deserved it 3 647

18/06/2013 18:00

Today, I was visiting my childhood home, and I checked out my old treehouse. A family of skunks had made it their home, and I was promptly sprayed upon entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 314

You deserved it 7 053

Really!

By fml - 13/01/2020 07:00

Today, after receiving our marriage certificate, I told my wife about it. She responded with "fml". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 226

26/09/2012 22:54

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 447

You deserved it 4 175

02/07/2012 15:45

Today, I went to the airport to pick up my long distance boyfriend. Having waited six months for this, I was stoked. After waiting for three hours and sending numerous messages, I was eventually informed I was a week early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 759

You deserved it 14 230

28/12/2013 08:42

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 215

You deserved it 5 150

16/04/2012 18:49

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 597

You deserved it 2 142

16/10/2009 08:44

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 070

You deserved it 5 422

07/02/2011 19:57

Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 003

You deserved it 32 623

Say nothing

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 00:58

Spicy

Today, right now, my husband is on the phone with his friend. Last night I had a dream I was cheating on him with this friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 692

16/12/2012 00:03

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 8 136

12/03/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 052

You deserved it 1 042

25/01/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend excitedly told me all about this new video game she'd just discovered that she thought I'd love. It was her Xmas present from me 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 192

15/03/2009 04:45

Spicy

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 461

You deserved it 42 610

Statutory

By I don't care if it was consented or not, I'm gonna whoop the shit out of this child-molesting fuck. - 22/09/2021 23:00

Today, my sister, who is now 19, gathered the guts to formally present her boyfriend to us. She was so concerned that my parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, she kept it a secret for 5 years. We were happy to hear it, until she presented him to us. He's a 35-year-old taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 98

24/01/2011 22:47

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 13 629

21/08/2011 09:59

Spicy

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 718

You deserved it 7 876

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 818

You deserved it 20 046

Billy no-mates

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 02:01

Today, I feel both happy and jealous of my father. It's his birthday and he has received over 100 times more phone calls than me. I'd had two: one from my local bank manager and one from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 256

14/06/2012 11:26

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 5 003

24/12/2008 11:23

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 711

You deserved it 23 197

25/02/2012 00:50

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 048

You deserved it 3 829

07/04/2013 04:26

Today, a couple stopped me on the beach to take a picture of them kissing in front of the sunset. I agreed feeling generous, until they continued making out after the picture was taken, leaving me standing there awkwardly with their camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 730

You deserved it 5 310

28/11/2012 05:15

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 800

You deserved it 4 880

28/02/2010 02:03

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 661

You deserved it 7 319

12/09/2013 14:44

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 631

You deserved it 4 557

Awkward...

By Ohnowhy - 09/09/2018 18:30

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 939

You deserved it 232

19/02/2012 02:08

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 161

You deserved it 4 923

26/01/2012 03:54

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 655

You deserved it 10 399

01/12/2013 23:07

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 035

You deserved it 22 194

03/02/2010 01:16

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 766

You deserved it 11 558

21/10/2017 08:00

Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 486

24/07/2009 09:04

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 900

You deserved it 4 734

23/07/2016 23:04

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 840

You deserved it 19 121

19/05/2009 21:51

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 595

You deserved it 74 656

06/01/2011 08:58

Today, I had a panic attack at 2am because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 482

You deserved it 6 690

05/06/2009 02:04

Today, on a plane home from Ireland, my husband who was severely hungover, vomitted in a bag before we took off. When he got up to put the bag in the bin the stewardess forced him to sit back down. I had to hold on to a bag full of vomit for a good few minutes whilst my husband was passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 846

You deserved it 5 560

15/11/2013 03:08

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 015

You deserved it 4 804

19/08/2015 05:54

Spicy

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 989

You deserved it 3 748

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:38

For these moments Steve invented iPods and earplugs!

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Thursday 29 November 2012 9:10

What does this have to do with respecting an elder? More like respect someone's personal space..

Comments

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:38

Geriatrics always hit the tmi button so hard.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 10:14

No they don't, but good job stereotyping though.

skittlestrailmix 14

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Thursday 29 November 2012 13:44

I'm a nurse and it's usual to find one that tells you everything because the majority of them are really scared when they are sick. Good for this one, she can get all the help she needs because she's verbal.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 21:34

I'm such a sucker for older people.. they could be telling me the most horrifying story and I'd still be right there, wanting to leave, but not being able to because my brain would be like, "What if s/he is lonely and has nobody else to talk to? You could be making their day by just smiling and nodding... SUCK IT UP!" I once hung out with a WW2 vet all day that I met that morning at a bar because of that very reason. But it was a good day in the end :)

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:38

For these moments Steve invented iPods and earplugs!

heyguysitsjosh 8

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:39

Respect your elders?

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Thursday 29 November 2012 9:10

What does this have to do with respecting an elder? More like respect someone's personal space..

TotallyAradical 14

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:40

Are you sure you weren't an hour early?

Foolys 10

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:41

Just the thought of it makes me cringe. Looks like you were in a stitch yourself op.

Schizomaniac 24

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:42

Well kids, today we have learned that old people and fat people are batshit crazy.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:43

Which is partially why I wear headphones in most public places, it helps deter strange conversations from stranger people.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:43

Well that has to be one stitch of memory I bet you would like to forget. You should have cut her short before she got to detailed. Well I bet you'll be ripping your doctor for showing up late.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:49

Oh lighten up OP, that's nothing. I had to listen to an elderly woman tell me about her sex life in the nursing home...in graphic detail. Let's just say you got the better deal.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:53

Sex is pretty standard. Imagining what could have caused such injury to require stitches? Then the ripping of said stitches...*shudders* I'd take the sex talk.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:53

You get paid to listen to gross stories like that, the OP had to listen for free.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:56

14- No I didn't get paid. I was visiting an aunt at a nursing home and got stuck hearing about it.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 10:14

Well you didn't have to stay there and listen that's your fault.

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Thursday 29 November 2012 8:52

just go to the bathroom and lock yourself in... when you come out sit in a corner without looking her though, cause she will have more subjects to discuss...