Miscellaneous: Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community....

By earlytermination - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29932

You deserved it

2427

Favorite

Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Halloween came early

By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

I agree, your life sucks

28401

You deserved it

3154

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29677

You deserved it

5818

Favorite

By socreepedouticanteven - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32418

You deserved it

6126

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45621

You deserved it

2922

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping my friend pack her carry on for her vacation. I drove her to the airport, and after her plane took off, I noticed I put my cell phone in her purse. Her vacation is 2 months long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16937

You deserved it

33427

Favorite

By knobbed - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got a black eye while trying to break up a fight caused by some complete bastard making a "yo momma" joke at the funeral of my best friend's mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58811

You deserved it

4864

Favorite

By BlueSteele220 - 29/7/2020 17:01

Too late

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1596

You deserved it

100

Favorite

By jess - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51028

You deserved it

10084

Favorite

By lala - United States

Red circle gang

Today, my boyfriend and I were flipping through magazines and got on the topic of how airbrushed the girls were. My boyfriend then pointed out all of the flaws on my body that would need to be airbrushed away if I was in a magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30528

You deserved it

4693

Favorite

By 3-wheeler - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25283

You deserved it

4416

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33770

You deserved it

6104

Favorite

By Shalamar - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27230

You deserved it

2754

Favorite

By WTF? - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I got kicked out of English class shortly after our teacher told us we have to write an essay on how the storyline of Harry Potter is one big allegory for "the futility of socialism." Apparently, reacting with disbelief makes me a "disruptive influence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38821

You deserved it

3950

Favorite

By ollie

Today, I spent 30 minutes listening to my crush complain about a stalker that's been sending her flowers and love poems almost every week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1770

You deserved it

4179

Favorite

By pussystroker - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31159

You deserved it

3974

Favorite

By picklemonger - Canada

Today, I walked out of the store, car keys in hand, only to discover my car was missing. After a frantic search, I started to hyperventilate and a nearly had a full-blown panic attack. Then I remembered I walked to the store. I am an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24563

You deserved it

33348

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Matteson

Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65200

You deserved it

4440

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 4 years thinks my chemotherapy sessions are the perfect opportunity to sleep with other girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7259

You deserved it

285

Favorite

By dancer4life - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped... right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22005

You deserved it

6093

Favorite

By Sarah - United States

Today, I finally quit the job that I've been complaining about. Before I could tell my husband, he informed me that he had been laid off, and was thankful we still had my income. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28563

You deserved it

17188

Favorite

By Ellowise - Belgium

Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8644

You deserved it

47004

Favorite

By Joel - United States

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17483

You deserved it

69889

Favorite

By Ashley

Fire…?

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1428

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By youmindyourownbusiness - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38119

You deserved it

4120

Favorite

By still laughing - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25304

You deserved it

5003

Favorite

By Brett meek - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25444

You deserved it

3608

Favorite

By Innocent

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39330

You deserved it

3017

Favorite

By Anonymous - Monaco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35108

You deserved it

6059

Favorite

By T.T - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35774

You deserved it

6101

Favorite

By naomi3271

Loud fart

Today, I was accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1763

You deserved it

603

Favorite

By Unlucky. - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31834

You deserved it

8043

Favorite

By spermbankonlegs - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36525

You deserved it

4851

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

The straights are at it again

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1869

You deserved it

278

Favorite

By frapples1 - United States

Today, I was at a family party and everyone was seeing my new glasses for the first time. My 48 year old uncle told me that I look like a hot librarian and then grabbed my ass. He was still sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38278

You deserved it

2925

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23401

You deserved it

1554

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30168

You deserved it

20302

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Homer Glen

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47193

You deserved it

7575

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31825

You deserved it

9320

Favorite

By tannerrosetx_1 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30022

You deserved it

3701

Favorite

By effedfosh - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66478

You deserved it

8800

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By AyeTee77 | 18

#6403636 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:30

Get revenge, steal their walkers.

By MisterKnowItAll | 15

#6403617 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:23

Don't mess with the elderly.

COMMENTS

By MisterKnowItAll | 15

#6403617 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:23

Don't mess with the elderly.

psychopolarbear | 28

#6403703 - Sunday 6 September 2015 22:10

They're about to kick it. They have nothing to lose and no reason to regret not doing something. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

bwinski | 19

#6404152 - Monday 7 September 2015 11:25

You have to be careful around the elderly B4 they seriously hurt you.

EvilLittleGirl | 24

#6404179 - Monday 7 September 2015 12:35

straight outta bingo xD

thatonlinedude | 5

#6404630 - Monday 7 September 2015 22:13

#54 no, just no

By camilax3 | 15

#6403619 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:24

Elderly people at its finest

By kingcaper817 | 14

#6403620 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:24

Those are some badass grandmas. That'll show you

chosha_fml | 25

#6403711 - Sunday 6 September 2015 22:29

Less badass, more criminal.

By Killz268 | 18

#6403621 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:25

wow, they take bingo seriously, couldn't you report that to the people who run the retirement community?

By CaletheLion | 15

#6403623 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:25

Hopefully it wasn't your grandmother

By trulypar | 34

#6403625 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:26

The cutthroat world of bingo...you gotta be careful when you daub that B4!!!

By buckstop1 | 37

#6403626 - Sunday 6 September 2015 20:26

Another classic case of sinsister old people. I hope you have good insurance OP, you're going to need it. And I would stay away from Bingo in the future, especially if granny is involved.