Work: Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started... - FML

By NotASquirrel - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

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TMI

Gas giant

Jonah begs to differ

By freakingout - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

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By gettinganF - United States - Severn

Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML

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By garage - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

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By Mik - United States

Today, I was bored. Some people would've called up friends to hang out. Not me. I had the sudden urge to make an entire Excel Spreadsheet on how much I've spent on iTunes, month-by-month. I'm not sure what's worse, that I got really into it, or that I've spent nearly $800.00 on iTunes. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sudbury

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

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By confused_lemon

Should be interesting at the office tomorrow…

Today, I got thrown out by a guy I really like, with the words "Can you leave me the fuck alone, please?" I took my stuff and left as quickly as I could, just to fall down the stairs on his doorway and twist my ankle really bad. He's someone from work as well. FML

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By Joshtodon

All in a day's work!

Today, I was unloading tile boxes out of my pickup truck into this lady's garage. As I grabbed the last 50-pound box, a passing bird shat on my forehead. Green ooze ran down my whole face. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Fredericia

Today, my husband quit his stable job of 12 years at the bank to pursue a career selling kites. If we don't end up homeless because of this, god knows we will when he has a real mid-life crisis. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

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By -_- - United States - Inverness

Today, I made an attempt to be nicer to customers at my job as instructed, which resulted in me listening to a handful of elderly people's incontinence issues, and a meth-addict's multiple abortions in detail. FML

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By dormeur - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

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By Disney - United States

Today, I found out that to save on expenses, my wife booked a very small hotel room for ourselves and the kids while we visit Disney World. I've been officially cockblocked by Mickey Mouse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my friends what NNAS was code for. They have been using this for about a month. After bothering one of them for a few hours, he finally told me. NNAS stands for Nataly Needs A Shower. I'm Nataly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog decided to chase a smaller dog for three blocks. When I finally caught up with him, he laid down and refused to go anywhere. I had to carry my 80 pounds Labrador like a baby all the way home. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

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By ehbe - France

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shout back in unison: "We're F*ing, go away". FML

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By milkndstufff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

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By Taylor Page - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Craftsbury

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

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By lamelifeguard - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By flustered - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card and the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML

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By pimdala_major - United States

Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML

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By Kingofbosses - United States

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

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By kmctl - United States - San Francisco

Today, some guy walked into the restaurant I work at and ordered enough food to serve the entire National Guard of Texas. He thanked us by leaving a $0.50 tip and shitting on the bathroom floor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

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By homewrecker - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

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By quirrus - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

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By elliekilroy - United Kingdom

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

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By Leah - United States

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

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By natalie_sarantos - United States - Marshfield

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

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By ldn - Slovenia - Domzale

Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML

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By SAM - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML

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By little nokken - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

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By Sadwife - United States - Pardeeville

Today, I had my wedding at 11 a.m. so that I could spend a lot of time with my friends and family. Everyone left within 4 hours. FML

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By bruised - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

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By this sucks - United States - El Paso

Today, after gaining all the weight back that I had lost after my first marriage, I realized that the only thing that fits me now is my wedding ring. FML

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Top comments

By ChocolateScyther | 19

#6557601 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:08

the fool! you never cross streams! he could've destroyed the entire office!

By OptimusSlime | 23

#6557606 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:12

That's disgusting what the hell was he thinking

COMMENTS

By ChocolateScyther | 19

#6557601 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:08

the fool! you never cross streams! he could've destroyed the entire office!

By dbpdp | 11

#6557602 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:09

Lmao

By anyagrande | 31

#6557605 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:11

Why. Why would someone do that.

By OptimusSlime | 23

#6557606 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:12

That's disgusting what the hell was he thinking

By LowLifeKid | 15

#6557607 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:12

Surely you could have used a napkin or a piece of paper to wipe it off right?

Reply

mariri9206 | 32

#6557656 - Saturday 12 March 2016 21:15

12, OP didn't say it was on their clothes - they said shoes. Unless they're cloth shoes, it's do-able. Though, I can understand not wanting to have to wipe someone else's pee off your shoes. Gross, gross all around, both options are just. . . gross.

Reply

EnJey0 | 19

#6557774 - Sunday 13 March 2016 0:45

He never mentioned he worked at a place with a very strict dress code, so he could work somewhere where tennis shoes are allowed, which can soak up liquids easily

Reply

claudiajean | 24

#6557894 - Sunday 13 March 2016 5:06

Even if they were industrial shoes, if liquid gets inside you've got a puddle of urine in your shoe. I wear doc martens when's it's raining and water can still get in

By jelrid | 30

#6557611 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:15

Shots fired!

By football98_fml | 20

#6557613 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:16

Gross..

By Tripartita | 44

#6557619 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:21

Jesus. I bet you could put a stall around a urinal and charge an admission fee; nobody wants to interact with the people pissing next to them.

By Darkness_Hate | 29

#6557624 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:28

After Ghostbusters now Grossbusters..

By allforfun | 23

#6557633 - Saturday 12 March 2016 20:33

That's worse than when the guy looks over at you!