Miscellaneous: Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because...

By Username - 27/12/2010 08:39

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 995

You deserved it 4 887

Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

Empathy lives

Intervention

By anonymous - 13/08/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 852

You deserved it 18 243

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 627

You deserved it 78 119

By tony456 - 11/07/2011 21:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 619

You deserved it 24 523

And I oop

By not drunk - 21/07/2020 08:01

Today, I was at a restaurant. I turned around looking for the restroom. I almost walked into the men’s room, then corrected myself and stumbled in the hallway looking for the ladies’. The employees thought I was drunk and kicked me out. I hadn’t had a single drink. I’m just clumsy as shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 223

By Noname - 24/02/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 57 384

Confess!

By hitandrun - 10/08/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car and fled because I was so scared. Four hours later, the cops showed up at my house so I broke down crying confessing everything. Turns out, they weren't there about the car I hit. They were alerting me about the string of burglaries in my neighborhood recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 148

You deserved it 75 358

By Anonymous - 12/02/2016 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 851

You deserved it 2 389

By Good tenant - 03/05/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Consett

Today, my landlord increase my rent because of the "increased value of the flat". Why has the value increased? Because I decorated and replaced the broken fixtures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 351

You deserved it 159

By thicklysettled - 20/07/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 454

You deserved it 3 366

By Obsessed - 30/01/2010 20:54 - United States

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 609

You deserved it 83 124

By anoymus - 31/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 840

You deserved it 3 252

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 813

You deserved it 4 528

By thanks google - 04/09/2018 16:30 - United States - Naperville

Today, while I was driving, Google said it found a faster route to save me 15 minutes. I hit accept, only be directed into a gridlock on the interstate, adding an hour to my drive time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 600

You deserved it 416

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of the last 2 years, who is suicidal and heavily depressed, left me because he thinks I "deserve better". Not to mention I was his best friend, therapist, mother and girlfriend all in one. He left me with rent due in a week and all other expenses because he couldn’t take care of me in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 172

By jace17 - 24/08/2010 08:34 - United States

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 909

You deserved it 6 280

Quite the catch

By carey33 - 04/06/2020 14:15

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 194

By Sleeper_C3ll - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 954

You deserved it 2 856

By tragic - 29/08/2016 04:51 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I got dumped for the second time by the guy that I'd been seeing. He actually forgot that he'd already dumped me once this week and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 413

You deserved it 1 534

By stargate25 - 24/07/2015 02:33 - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 897

You deserved it 11 575

Supportive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 23:01

Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent me 5 pictures of his wife in a small bikini, saying, “Guess who doesn’t have your problems?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 19:22 - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 8 995

By Lexy - 10/11/2018 12:00

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 982

You deserved it 414

Sex workers unite!

By not a fan - 07/04/2021 08:00 - United States

Today I’ve been called a prude, a misogynist, a controlling bastard and worse all because I have a problem with my girlfriend masturbating for strangers online. She has an OnlyFans and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 346

By student101 - 26/03/2014 03:37 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 623

You deserved it 6 506

By geli - 09/08/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 1 413

By Brook - 26/02/2013 08:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, when my doctor told me I had symptoms of an STD, I had to repeatedly try to convince her I'm a 28-year-old virgin. Even as I left she still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 376

You deserved it 3 805

By Heavy D - 06/09/2012 13:45 - United States

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 860

You deserved it 2 005

By allergies - 18/09/2015 14:43 - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 979

You deserved it 1 780

By Marie - 08/06/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 350

You deserved it 4 771

By ouchmyeye - 10/06/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 642

You deserved it 5 106

By taxed - 02/02/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 948

You deserved it 4 925

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 549

You deserved it 1 907

By Loveless - 06/05/2019 00:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 177

You deserved it 195

Weird and scary

By kira - 09/03/2021 08:01

Today, the guy who has harassed me every day for a month straight proposed, with an actual diamond ring which he’d burned the receipt for. I said no, of course. Later, I found out that he’d attempted suicide. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 78

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 43 502

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 16:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 806

You deserved it 6 294

Get back here!

By oceangirl - 08/02/2012 00:14 - United States

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 2 445

Scooby snacks?

By DogStew - 12/09/2019 18:00

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 743

You deserved it 308

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Top comments

KidCracken 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:19

Just tell her then.. he deserves it..

DocBastard 38

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:50

Mom: Help your brother get a girlfriend. OP: I...can't. Mom: You're a terrible person for not helping. OP: No, it's complicated, mom! Mom: How could it be complicated? Find a girl for him to fuck! OP: Guy. Mom: What?? OP: I said "gay." Shit, I mean "guy." Shit, I mean..

Consolata 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:17

fyl

fLYinGgoOsE360 3

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:04

that's not why he's not telling her..

11colio11 4

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:10

YDI for smelling of cabbages.

EffinToofer 3

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:35

Yeah what a family. I'll bet he already has a boyfriend and is just keeping him hidden. The next time it happens I would just say that he has no girlfriend because he chooses not to. I would then walk out saying that he will now explain why.

teddy4nyy 13

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:38

just tell your mom if u r tired of the yelling. if ur not, don't post on FML

fakeaccountX 6

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:44

YOU tell her he's gay.

rnath23 4

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Monday 27 December 2010 18:31

so you tell her that he is gay next time. problem solved. man up.

NeutralBear 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 18:53

Yell at her back.

Drecodash 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 10:23

mom I cant get him a girlfriend because he IS the girlfriend

KidCracken 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:19

Just tell her then.. he deserves it..

JoeMarie1996 13

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:08

maybe there's more behind it, than just that, maybe he's afraid of her reaction?

backdownbreh 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 20:16

no shit #19 that's the point.

catatonicsleep 17

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:59

if he tells her she'll say its an excuse especially if the brother denies it which it seems he will

sleepyolivia 14

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Friday 16 September 2016 6:58

That's so fucked up.

punkylemon 4

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:19

Your brother's mean, tell on him.

sourgirl101 28

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:52

Or just let your mom know that you've tried setting him up on dates but none of your girlfriends are interested in dating a gay guy.(:

hedgerow 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 19:07

revenge of the gays

brianjman14 22

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:20

1. Get a gay porn picture. 2. Photoshop your brother's head on one of the men. 3. Show the picture to your mom. 4. ?????????? 5. Profit!

KFCkoolaidWaterm 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:40

So, showing nude pictures of men to your mom isn't weird?

JamesMusicus 2

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:50

This is an example of "Troll Logic". 1) Showing nude pictures of men to your mom. 2) Showing nude pictures of your "Brother" to your mom. 3) Profit. 4) Getting your Photoshop privileges taken away.

NeutralBear 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 18:55

I think it's genius.

sk3l370n 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 2:46

4. photoshop your dad as another man on the picture

amyyx3 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:49

^win

eminarnar 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 9:19

haha south park. underpants gnomes FTW

antuco 1

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:21

just tell her!!!!

upsidedownfrownn 5

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Friday 20 January 2012 4:37

That is definately not her secret to tell

BlackFireGeisha 4

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:23

So you tell her. See how funny he thinks that is.

KFCkoolaidWaterm 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:27

Hide his glitter...and his dildo...

FarSide 22

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:52

I think his dildo is already hidden in his pole vault.

KFCkoolaidWaterm 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 17:11

I think you meant to say closet, since that makes way more sense.

TheSexynator 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 18:27

he meant arse. his dildo is up his arse.

Kenetic 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 18:28

I find your name intensely offensive. I wish I'd though of it...

KFCkoolaidWaterm 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 18:37

44, are you referring to me? It's not offensive. It's just a bunch of stuff I like and tried to squeeze in to a username! hahaha(:

Bobissmall 13

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 2:06

Which just so happens to be a list of things black people are stereotyped for liking.

ryrock310 10

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 19:06

i think she was talking about the sexynator

bluefairy_fml 24

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Monday 27 December 2010 16:29

Are you sure the only reason why your brother isn't coming out to your mom is to make fun of you? Maybe he's just afraid to come out. It's an important step in every gay person's life and it's not that easy. He might resent you if you out him, so I think the best thing to do is talk to him and convince him to come out. Or at least to leave you out of it.