Work: Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools,... - FML

By screwed - 07/10/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 660

You deserved it 11 936

Mother of the year

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Broken heart

By denied - 11/08/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 822

You deserved it 8 815

By skyllabeauty1234 - 23/07/2015 03:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 169

You deserved it 2 702

By Anonymous - 15/07/2016 16:14 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 691

You deserved it 3 060

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 875

You deserved it 3 008

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

By kitty - 11/11/2012 10:10 - Australia

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 953

You deserved it 3 007

By W...T...F - 09/08/2013 16:15 - United States

Today, I found the carcass of the frog that got into my house last week. It was a horrifying sight, but not nearly as horrifying as the fact that I found it in my refrigerator. No, I don't know how it got in there either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 426

You deserved it 3 706

By prettysmellingbedroom - 15/02/2012 14:18 - United States

Today, I wanted to freshen up my room, so I bought some Febreze. Standing on my bed, I began to spray, not noticing that the air vent directly across was turned on. The spray came directly back at me. The doctor says that the irritation in my eyes may last for several days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 041

You deserved it 25 108

By Jake - 25/07/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 197

You deserved it 3 659

By cancerfreak - 21/03/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my town had a carnival to raise money for cancer. I ran a kissing booth, when a really cute guy came up paid his $20, looked at me, and said "not even for cancer." He took his money and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 478

You deserved it 8 347

By scaredshitless - 03/03/2012 13:55 - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 10 691

By Anonymous - 04/05/2016 14:15 - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 665

You deserved it 2 831

By heartbroken - 08/02/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, after a huge heartbreak and a night of crying, I wake up to an empty house. I go in the kitchen to make breakfast and see a note on the counter saying "We heard you crying last night and didn't want to hear you complaining this morning, so we went to the mall. -Mom" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 431

You deserved it 8 336

By post-loss - 06/06/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 593

You deserved it 571

By Stupidhuman - 13/04/2017 13:02 - United States - Sparta

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 484

You deserved it 2 145

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 722

You deserved it 2 817

Don't be a dingdong

By Steve - 03/04/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 2 485

By Anonymous - 10/01/2018 01:30

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 963

You deserved it 506

By niceboss - 25/11/2010 02:32 - Singapore

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 659

You deserved it 2 710

By Anonymous - 08/11/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 415

You deserved it 7 100

Who? Where?

By happybirthday - 06/03/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 2 771

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 20:58 - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 840

You deserved it 9 248

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 2 805

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 13:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over for dinner. When I walked in the door, he asked why I was here; apparently he dialed the wrong girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 835

You deserved it 3 146

By transfer - 03/06/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 673

You deserved it 4 736

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 266

By Fucked - 24/01/2011 22:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 632

You deserved it 13 629

By Anonymous - 15/09/2012 16:11 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 875

You deserved it 3 816

By AznKoreanGuy - 04/03/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, while getting off the bus, there was a lady in front of me wearing a dress and suddenly her phone dropped out of her bag. I picked up the phone for her which landed right beneath her dress and as she turned around she thought I was trying to take pictures of her panties and slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 807

You deserved it 4 666

By worker666 - 13/04/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 833

You deserved it 4 231

By Clumsy76 - 20/04/2018 15:00

Today, I moved into a new downstairs flat. I promptly fell down said stairs. I have a broken pelvis now and can't walk or go down steps for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 614

You deserved it 323

By Austin Franklin - 18/03/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 869

You deserved it 47 245

By parisite - 01/10/2010 08:35 - France

Today, I decided to get some exercise for the first time in months. I went to the store and bought a brand new bicycle and all the necessary paraphernalia. I drove a half hour to a bike trail, unloaded the bike, and started riding. 10 feet later, the chain snapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 079

You deserved it 4 241

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 567

You deserved it 13 119

By Anonymous - 16/06/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 930

You deserved it 40 392

By Lunab123 - 01/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 830

You deserved it 2 549

Legalize it!

By fml9124 - 07/11/2020 17:02

Today, my state decriminalized small amounts of every hard drug you can name. Heroin, LSD, cocaine, you name it. I'm a recovering addict. I moved to Oregon to get away from the big city and drugs and take in nature. No I didn't. I knew this would happen. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 1 062

By rbates - 25/07/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 751

You deserved it 60 315

By SorryIDontMatchStandardSizes - 02/09/2016 04:06 - United States

Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 598

You deserved it 1 111

Skyped out

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had one minute to go before a team meeting from my work, a blackout occurred in my block. The outage lasted an hour. The meeting was about 40 minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 55

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 06:42 - France - Cateri

Spicy

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 349

You deserved it 2 164

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Top comments

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:20

I guess wood and penetration aren't always a good thing.

passwordis_fml 2

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:17

u know, there are safety rules to avoid such things, haven't u learnt from ned's declassified school survival guide lol

Comments

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 14:26

He's not neccessarily a bad influence...what if the kid was stupid and just went really fucking fast?

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:23

idk its more like fthekidslife i mean think how bad he's gonna feel about this! D:

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:31

Uh, no, it's more Fhislife. Sure the kid might feel guilty, but he's not the one with a drilled-through hand, is he?

godsrightnutsack 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 15:58

Dale, no power tools! That's my toothbrush! That's not your toothbrush!

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:46

oh, well i'm almost done anyway!

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:59

In reply to #32 It's no excuse. He's a woodshop teacher, he should have known better then to stick his hand anywhere near where it could have gotten hit with a drill. YDI for putting your hand in an unsafe place while someone with no skill with a drill was operating it.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 21:53

To #64. To brace pieces of wood to to screw them together, its necessary to put your hands close to the drill. Shows how much you know about power tools and putting things together.

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Thursday 8 October 2009 2:15

How the hell are you typing this, then?

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Thursday 8 October 2009 4:02

LOL at the username!

greenlime_fml 3

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:54

108- just because he had his hand drilled through doesn't mean he can't type. Last time I checked people are born with TWO hands...

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 6:15

well he is screwed I'm sure he can fit one in there

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Saturday 12 June 2010 5:17

drilling isn't hard...at all

z620 0

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Monday 28 June 2010 4:57

so you on the computer with one hand

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Thursday 28 October 2010 13:23

Step Brothers. haha.

iknowwhatimsayin 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 9:28

fuck off 64. he deserved to get his hand drilled? let's see you try to help a moron with powertools. sure op's a woodshop teacher but you don't actually think he put his hand in the way of the drill? the Moronic kid probly wasn't even listening to instructions.

princessRiRi97 0

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Saturday 28 May 2011 21:22

i think he should persue a career in hand jobs you only need 1 hand for that

allmidnighteyes 10

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:42

All of a sudden, I'm reminded of Beavis and Butthead...

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:18

yeah and op is a butthead right?

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 12:46

If you were a better teacher you'd have taught him of such dangers.

Jimboom 11

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:01

Your an idiot for holding your hand on the other side of the plank. Thats what wood clamps are for! So in summary, YDI and next time get a kid to hold it. ;)

pleasedonttellme 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:06

Awesome username but that must hurt :S hopefully you got you tetness shot

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:11

YDI. Your priority as a teacher should be to teach those kids some SAFETY!

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:13

fail

passwordis_fml 2

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:17

u know, there are safety rules to avoid such things, haven't u learnt from ned's declassified school survival guide lol

nokillnobeepbeep 0

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:20

I guess wood and penetration aren't always a good thing.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:38

you win +2 internets

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Friday 9 October 2009 17:35

lmao. awesome.

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Wednesday 7 October 2009 13:31

You put your hand on the other side from where the drill was going in? You're a moron.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 274