Miscellaneous: Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped... - FML

By why... - 01/02/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 968

You deserved it 3 088

Vulture

That took a dark turn…

Noise annoys

By cc10 - 19/10/2009 11:50 - China

Today, I heard my newly divorced parents fighting about who gets to keep me. Neither of them want me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 723

You deserved it 4 141

By mrmidi - 21/05/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 4 268

By AnxietyGirl - 24/09/2012 07:18 - United States - Parker

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 526

You deserved it 2 535

Rookie mistake

By Lokimagnus - 25/03/2020 23:05

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 2 807

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 008

You deserved it 8 452

By claustrophobic - 04/05/2016 19:03 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 286

You deserved it 888

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 778

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I went down to my grandparents' house to spend some time with them. I was in the guest room when I noticed a box in the corner of the closet labelled "Crap". I opened up the box to see my Dad's John Elway Autographed Football in it. I got it for him for Christmas, it cost me $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 757

You deserved it 2 883

By Username - 06/07/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 319

You deserved it 4 073

Gullible's travels

By mikay1413 - 08/10/2019 20:00

Today, my step-sister asked me what an organ donor was. I told her it's someone who delivers pianos. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 386

By Anonymous - 26/09/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915

You deserved it 206

By wtfdreams - 17/05/2009 12:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 821

You deserved it 50 133

By Anonymous - 29/08/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 397

You deserved it 4 339

By Alittlebitiffy - 07/11/2016 13:51 - Australia

Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 156

You deserved it 702

By Anonymous - 09/10/2014 02:13 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 983

You deserved it 3 393

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 02:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 227

You deserved it 3 827

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 08:53 - Denmark

Today, I called my mom to make sure she could attend on the wedding day my fiancé and I had discussed. She started off with criticizing the venue we considered, then went on to criticize my fiancé, and then stated she would under no circumstances help out, but demanded to pick my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 405

You deserved it 1 587

By Moose - 07/12/2012 17:06 - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 581

You deserved it 31 381

By red_headforlife - 28/09/2012 05:34 - United States - Chandler

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 217

You deserved it 2 528

April Fool's

By Ballprankster - 02/04/2021 16:57 - United States - New York

Today, I wanted to prank my husband and filled a kitchen cabinet with tennis balls. Not sure what was funnier, seeing his reaction when all the balls fell out, or the fact that before he got home, I forgot that I had placed the balls there and opened the cabinet myself. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 1 281

By Anonymous - 20/08/2009 13:23 - Australia

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 402

You deserved it 47 935

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 826

You deserved it 7 428

By n_london - 12/10/2009 20:19 - United States

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 714

You deserved it 35 838

By Anon - 19/12/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 510

You deserved it 46 470

By ItchyGirl - 09/10/2016 12:07 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I've got the worst eczema I've had in 25 years. It's spread to the worst possible spot: right where my thighs touch when I walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 748

You deserved it 857

By nomorepetbird - 06/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 016

You deserved it 3 852

By Anonymous - 16/04/2012 12:38 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 3 384

By SenescentSouthernBoy - 17/08/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 463

You deserved it 60 673

By dank meme - 11/02/2017 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 316

You deserved it 3 888

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 13:25 - United States

Today, I was talking to my sister-in-law on the phone. She brought up the family reunion last weekend and how my family is so strange. I didn't know there was a reunion, I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 235

You deserved it 2 662

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 16:21 - India

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 895

You deserved it 1 441

By Nemesis2747 - 24/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 727

You deserved it 3 299

By why - 23/07/2013 13:21

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 120

You deserved it 3 684

Broken vibrator

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 20:00

Today, I received my package. I ordered a vibrator, I was so excited to use it, but when I was finally ready to use it, I found out that it broke during the delivery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 023

You deserved it 247

By ihatemakingnames - 05/03/2013 00:41 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 2 747

By pointlessperson - 06/02/2009 14:28 - Canada

Today, I hung out with a friend who has been too busy to hang out with me in a few months. I decided to make the day super special with fun plans and spent a lot of money doing so. When I got home, her facebook status said "Pointless day, gone to bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 713

You deserved it 2 979

By starving_freelancer_forever - 18/09/2017 16:00

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 782

You deserved it 208

By SlappyMcGee - 08/01/2010 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 178

You deserved it 7 160

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 196

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 59

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Monday 9 February 2009 6:40

this one reminds me of me. FML

pwnman 33

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Sunday 2 February 2014 1:08

It's been 6 years, and I still feel bad.

Comments

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Monday 9 February 2009 6:40

this one reminds me of me. FML

KingCeltic77 18

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Monday 7 May 2012 19:15

I know how you feel.

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Sunday 26 April 2009 1:17

You should tell the story you where telling your friend, they sound more interesting.

redbluegreen 40

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Monday 1 June 2009 12:53

Either she's a horrible listener, or you talk about yourself too much. Or both.

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Sunday 7 August 2011 17:53

lol aww

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Friday 9 March 2012 6:54

That sorta happend to me... It sucked FML

Futacy 29

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Sunday 25 November 2012 3:16

Hence the term, "FYL"

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Friday 18 October 2013 19:51

What only 12 comments?

pwnman 33

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Sunday 2 February 2014 1:08

It's been 6 years, and I still feel bad.

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Saturday 31 May 2014 16:37

Halfway through your FML, i realised it made ME sad

HairyPunisher 27

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Friday 28 November 2014 19:26

Yeah I'm guessing the girl talks about herself all the time and her life is probably depressing. Just the way she articulated her words for the FML seem to back that up.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 47

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 195