Love: Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise...

By Alliente - 17/07/2012 21:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 3 802

Love

Stop talking!

Triage

Thanks for your help

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 04:26 - United States - Austin

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 805

You deserved it 6 720

By anonymousyo - 24/04/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 054

You deserved it 4 211

By Sica - 15/03/2012 19:28 - France

Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 668

You deserved it 6 395

Hazing rituals

By newguy - 29/08/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 110

You deserved it 4 786

Race against the clock

By huh? - 22/07/2020 20:00

Today, we found out that my 13-year-old cousin is pregnant. My mom then turned to me and asked why I decided to wait so long. I’m only 20. Instead of being worried that this young girl has potentially ruined her entire life, my mom just complained that her sister "gets to be a grandma first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 136

Whatcha been up to?

By Just another Dude - 02/10/2017 13:00

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 893

You deserved it 937

By justanothergamergirl - 17/04/2019 20:00

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he is a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 1 130

Long drive home

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 04:01 - Australia - Kellyville

Today, at work, I shat myself at my desk thinking it was a fart. I had to waddle down to the parking garage and drive myself home. I’m a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 343

By badtimingdude - 18/08/2009 16:34 - Mauritius

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 66 990

By Anonymous - 02/12/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 961

You deserved it 2 706

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 539

You deserved it 2 549

By Jason - 14/02/2018 15:00

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 140

You deserved it 622

By shaggy - 30/08/2009 21:26 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 840

You deserved it 4 870

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 05:24 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 894

You deserved it 1 552

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 22:26

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 499

You deserved it 3 618

Just a friend

By UnluckyTh1rteen - 27/08/2020 14:19 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 178

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

By gassy - 17/08/2018 18:30

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 826

You deserved it 211

By FailBear - 29/01/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 539

You deserved it 6 858

By benander - 15/09/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 836

You deserved it 4 090

By Anonymous - 24/04/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 524

You deserved it 4 005

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 941

You deserved it 38 110

Last dates

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 17:00

Today, a guy I've been dating for a year asked me to meet him for dinner and a couple of drinks. After dinner, he confessed that he's been seeing another woman and has decided he wants to seek a relationship with her. He then told me how sex with me is great, but he didn't want me to continue being "the other woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 002

You deserved it 45 440

By mylifesucks - 30/08/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 775

You deserved it 8 382

Get vaccinated

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 04:00

Today, two patients died. Both had Covid. I'm still trying to deal with the issues last year left me with and we're right back in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 117

By notastoner - 19/06/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 544

You deserved it 5 582

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/04/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 252

You deserved it 304

By 3,500 down - 07/05/2016 08:00 - United States - Altus

Today, my train departed over 10 minutes early. It was the last train of the day. I missed my transatlantic flight and along with it the vacation and concert I'd spent over a year saving for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 484

You deserved it 2 691

By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 958

By mommy - 23/06/2019 02:27

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 1 229

By MoMoneyMoProblems - 07/08/2014 08:23 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 415

You deserved it 5 227

By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 18:43 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 116

You deserved it 4 864

Baby daddy

By Unculturedsimp - 19/05/2020 17:00

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I got her pregnant and didn't own up to it. I wouldn't have blamed her if it didn't actually happen in her dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 130

By nullroute - 16/02/2016 11:34 - Switzerland - Full

Today, I found out that while on foreign exchange for over six months now, I have been pronouncing the word for "night" in German wrong. Apparently, this whole time, the way that I have been pronouncing it in German means "naked". This explains a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 073

You deserved it 2 783

Forever the bridesmaid

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 14:02

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 188

God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 113

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 600

You deserved it 88 948

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 14:01

Today, as usual, I'm receiving constant texts and calls. I'm socially exhausted and just want to be left alone, but everyone I complain to just thinks I’m bragging about my popularity. Including my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 320

Astrology for nerds

By badprofessor - 19/09/2014 01:44 - United States - Larchmont

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 657

You deserved it 2 701

By Anonymous - 30/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was so proud of a clever analogy I'd written to a friend in a text, that I “dropped the mic” afterward. I realized what I'd done a split second before the phone hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 252

You deserved it 5 401

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Top comments

teague95 16

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:05

gotta prepare for those Mexican icebergs

zandalee 19

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:07

For the love of God. Sit down tonight with him & Google where the gulf of Mexico is! Then maybe he will have a face palm moment and agree to go with you.

Juicelynlovesyou 0

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:03

Well that's a fail.

Sharpie23 7

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:07

Man, you're so original...

mmmPoptarts 6

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:09

God I hate those tropical icebergs, they always get in my way!

JackeeDawn 9

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:11

I doubt it technology is better now. Maybe they'll see the iceberge.

WCARlover 34

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:15

So is your duckface

IOmnomHard 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:24

Aw, WCAR. :P You beat me to it.

IOmnomHard 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:24

Aw, WCAR. :P You beat me to it.

YoTengoTomatoes 7

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:45

20- you realize that there are no icebergs to see in the gulf of Mexico, right?

awagh666 14

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 10:27

^no shit???

Dahgman 4

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 10:56

"Well that's a fail." I'm starting to tell the age of commentators by their vocabulary. Use of "fail," "win," "epic," or "awkward" pretty much lets us know when the 13 year old gamers have put down their joysticks for a spell to see what life outside the console box is like

Anubis_81 21

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 11:46

Why the hate? It is a fail. What more can be said?

WCARlover 34

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 17:06

Dang she changed her picture so now she doesn't have duckface...

reddawn1985 12

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 17:46

You wont hit an ice burg you'll just find oil

jjmiller1001 17

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 18:57

Your the fail

shjenn 7

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 19:08

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Llamacod 11

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 22:19

sharpie, I looked at your profile and I have to admit that it wasn't my penis that took me there it was that photo of an amazing ass that did

Llamacod 11

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 22:21

113, it's *you're*

silbot 11

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Thursday 19 July 2012 2:22

47- Not necessarily... There's plenty of "older" commentors on here who type like that.

snarkytruth 37

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Thursday 23 April 2015 17:44

Probably just doesn't want to pay for it.

Objectofdespair 1

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:03

Hahahahaha I lold so hard! I'm sorry op

whatsup215 0

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:10

You what so hard ??

BunchieRules 31

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:29

16 - I believe that is short for "Laugh out louded" without the E.

JayRule28 0

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 12:03

Or maybe laughed out loud?

Llamacod 11

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 22:23

no, I like "laugh out louded", it makes the world seem... so like some one failed 2nd grade

BunchieRules 31

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Thursday 19 July 2012 2:07

60 - It could be laugh or laughed if the D wasn't included at all. But "lold" actually makes the D look like the first letter of another word.

teague95 16

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:05

gotta prepare for those Mexican icebergs

THEKAISER 4

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:11

They're pretty deadly this time of July

bertman21 5

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 10:55

Some people aren't to bright.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 13:43

^too* The irony ;P

patrickalamo 47

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 14:00

Explain, global harming to him.

SuperDerp 8

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 14:19

71- Yeah! Lovely global harming. Just explain global WARMING to him dosent make sense. Global warming makes the earth warmer, so climates shift, i.e paris and france becoming a desert.... But yeah still, and iceberg.... Thats why they have all that cool stuff on the boat to detect ice and ect. In the water.

bertman21 5

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 15:08

Fuck you 68

APK2797 5

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 16:36

The ones that arent existant lol

doctorhook86 24

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 18:11

Mexican icebergs: uncrushed ice cubes in your margarita.

leadawg75 12

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 19:32

Diablo O.o

bertman21 5

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 20:06

68 there is a big difference between spelling a word wrong, and thinking that there are icebergs in the gulf of Mexico. Yes I know this is extreme but go fuck yourself

Michele2luv 8

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Thursday 19 July 2012 1:48

109- I will forever call it that now. Thank you

bettyboop428 24

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Thursday 19 July 2012 11:59

73-You have no room to comment on anyone else's mistakes.

SomeRussianGirl 3

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 22:13

That made me lmao.

thrashtildeath 9

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:06

what a moron!

whatsup215 0

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:06

Near ... Far ... Wherever you are ... Anyone care to join? No? Ok haha

pokemonchick14 12

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 10:45

MY HEART WILLLLL GO ONNNNNNNN

pokemonchick14 12

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 10:48

......and whatever all the other words are..

nado13579 12

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 13:37

EEEEYOOOOOOOOOO :]

katieeamberr 2

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 16:53

We'll....stay... Forever this waaaayyy..

beauty_life_love 7

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 17:46

WhereEVER you aaaare! I believe that my heart will, go oooonnn. OOONNNCCEE more! You OOOOPEN the door!...

IOmnomHard 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:06

Well, you've got a boyfriend who's actually seen titanic. I think that cancels out the fact hes a bit dim witted.

IOmnomHard 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:09

Thumbed myself down for awkward double post. :(

Blackmail111 9

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 11:24

You should've thumbed it down again for being such a stupid one too.

mimi_animee 18

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 11:54

You don't have to see the movie to know what happened to the boat..

IOmnomHard 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:06

Well, you've got a boyfriend who's actually seen titanic. I think that cancels out the fact hes a bit dim witted.

IworkAt711 14

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 11:37

How?

brewmasterg 34

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 15:54

First of all, I'd like to say that watching the movie all the way through would actually probably detract from your intelligence rather than add to it because it's pretty terrible. Secondly, OP's boyfriend might not have seen the movie because, oh, the Titanic was a real ship that sank. Idiot.

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 18:29

"Because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like IN Titanic." So pretty much means he watched the movie. Why so angry?

IOmnomHard 10

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 22:43

Yeah, really. Something up your ass, grass sniffer? Atleast I read the FML correctly...and I as well don't care for the movie, I just hear a lot of girls complaining how their boyfriends don't watch movies like that.

iHeartRKO 5

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Thursday 19 July 2012 3:10

Yea and 84-- the movie was the $hit.. So your opinion is invalid. Sorry try again

zandalee 19

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Wednesday 18 July 2012 9:07

For the love of God. Sit down tonight with him & Google where the gulf of Mexico is! Then maybe he will have a face palm moment and agree to go with you.