Intimacy: Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 259

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 123

17/02/2015 15:48

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 6 310

Own it

This Charming Man

Working from home rules!

10/03/2012 22:48

Today, I found out I've miserably failed a college exam. My friend had agreed to pass me answers if I needed them, since I've hardly studied this year. We were on the phone when she said, "Oh, those answers were bullshit. Serves you right, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 063

You deserved it 72 213

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - 05/01/2018 05:00

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 848

TMI FML

By eugh - 07/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 480

18/08/2009 19:20

Spicy

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 127 987

You deserved it 9 721

Old school cool

By Chimychunga - 01/08/2010 06:47

Spicy

Today, while helping my dad look for his watch, I found his porn collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 5 618

19/12/2012 17:12

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 436

You deserved it 65 416

Different goals

By Baby bird - 23/05/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 534

23/09/2017 23:15

Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 3 419

Missing BFF

By HerNameWasRose - 06/05/2021 11:01

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. She went missing almost five years ago. My parents tell me to just "get over it", as if missing her is wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 61

11/09/2010 06:19

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 3 590

23/11/2012 17:20

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 975

You deserved it 2 830

27/07/2016 01:21

Spicy

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 658

You deserved it 1 700

03/07/2009 19:06

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 053

You deserved it 5 619

Kids

By really? - 28/09/2020 14:02

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 123

14/08/2009 22:28

Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn't staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 312

You deserved it 16 073

21/03/2017 19:00

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 458

You deserved it 565

20/04/2016 03:09

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 857

You deserved it 30 199

01/06/2011 05:43

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 478

You deserved it 9 431

25/03/2013 08:48

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 610

You deserved it 6 432

20/07/2009 19:07

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for the past 7 months, who insisted on keeping us a secret because it was "too soon", is proudly showing off his new 19 year old girlfriend he met a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 272

You deserved it 6 180

Bye bye

By Dan - 17/11/2020 22:58

Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 954

27/12/2015 05:08

Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 450

You deserved it 1 341

25/02/2014 00:51

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 594

You deserved it 7 230

19/11/2016 05:14

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 388

You deserved it 778

09/11/2018 07:00

Today, I developed a roll of film I'd had sitting around for years. It was all images my ex had taken of him scrubbing his ass and toilet with my electric toothbrush, which I'd used for at least a month after our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 311

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 27/01/2011 17:02

Spicy

Today, my mother dragged me into Victoria's Secret to get my opinion on some lingerie. Lingerie she'll be using to get into my dad's pants this evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 720

You deserved it 3 713

Not this again

By Kurochrome - 18/07/2011 05:09

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 188

You deserved it 3 510

30/06/2019 12:12

Today, my son got an email saying he could win an iPad if he just entered his credit card number. He asked for mine, telling me that it was so he could buy some school supplies online, so I gave it to him. The internet just conned a credit card number out of a 17-year-old nitwit. And me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 955

22/07/2010 06:44

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 958

You deserved it 3 380

21/01/2010 14:29

Today, I was the only girl in my lab class. The instructor was learning our names. When he came to me, I went to say "mine will be easy" and it came out as "I'm easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 882

You deserved it 30 944

26/03/2014 23:44

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 461

You deserved it 3 354

24/07/2013 11:50

Spicy

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 693

You deserved it 5 943

26/10/2010 00:22

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 555

You deserved it 2 360

12/11/2009 05:09

Today, I found out my boyfriend was crushing on his best friend. When I found out I asked him about it. He replied. "Don't worry babe, she is perfect and way too good for me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 653

You deserved it 3 047

22/12/2010 03:25

Today, I discovered why my house smells like death. Apparently, because of the rain, a whole load of worms crawled into my garage and died. They're everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 773

You deserved it 2 686

12/07/2009 03:18

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 462

You deserved it 3 577

07/09/2016 02:45

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working and reworking a design for a client. Eight hours and many tears later, she sends an email saying, "Let's go with the first design. I liked that one the most." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 993

You deserved it 1 011

16/01/2016 02:09

Today, I work 732 miles away from my wife and three children, and I rarely get to go home. After giving up many hours of family time to work on my last home visit, I returned to work only to have my boss accuse me of stealing time, dock me 50 hours, and "review" my employment for termination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 106

You deserved it 1 540

28/12/2012 03:06

Spicy

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 281

You deserved it 27 321

29/04/2009 10:12

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 055

You deserved it 12 159

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:17

Your drunken hookup didn't turn into a fairytale ending? Huh.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:13

Well you did drunkenly hook up so what did you expect was going to happen?

Comments

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:12

He isnt worth it. Trust me

iSnipeFatPeople 18

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Wednesday 18 February 2015 4:53

You slept with him in a drunken mishap too? Golly, does that boy get around.

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Wednesday 18 February 2015 23:19

You should of said "don't worry I was thinking the same thing"

coldwithinme 14

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:13

Doesn't matter, had sex.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:13

Well you did drunkenly hook up so what did you expect was going to happen?

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:17

Are you saying a drunken fumble isn't the way to meet your soulmate? :o

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:42

It's possible but not the most logical way anyway.

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Wednesday 18 February 2015 17:23

I dunno, would you hook up and start a relationship with a person that you could only get laid with after being shit-faced?

julianbozikovic 20

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:17

I hope the feelings flew out the window OP, I'm sure there's someone better for you!

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:17

Your drunken hookup didn't turn into a fairytale ending? Huh.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:34

The best way to a fairy tale ending is to be on the same page from the "Once upon a time." Otherwise you just end up giving a fairy tale "happy ending."

Miss_Chevious 37

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:18

he sounds like the epitome of drunken mistake ditch him. now

Miss_Whipped 43

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Friday 20 February 2015 6:20

I feel like this is what happens when people grab a thesaurus and start replacing words instead of being clear with the original thought.

feven 32

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:19

This might end up being good for you. I mean what friend wants their best friend sleeping with their brother anyways

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:06

Ross, Chandler, and Monica suddenly popped into my head.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:19

What would it matter? One of my friends asked my sister out but she declined. Had they gone out it wouldn't have bothered me because obviously I like him because he's MY FRIEND!

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:41

My sister's best friend asked for permission to see my brother, and when my sister pointed out that she'd be coming over to see my brother and not her, she said she wouldn't start seeing him. They've been together 5 years now and they still argue.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:20

He shouldn't play with your emotions like that. That's just a horrible thing to do. FYL OP. Hopefully you'll find someone better.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:36

"drunken hookup" I participate in drunken hookups frequently and there's never an expectation for a relationship. I call them an uber and hardly ever remember their names. If you want a relationship with someone, hooking up with them drunkenly is not the way to go. She's just as responsible as he is.

photographer49 22

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:41

#10 if they hooked up while they were drunk I don't know what OP was expecting but a relationship should not have been it

PNiggZ 19

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:21

Then that was a year some other guy watched and crushed on you while you chased some asshole

VeganDarkLight 31

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:07

What?

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:32

#11 I feel like there's a story here.

littleteapot 21

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:37

#11 Who hurt you?

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:43

He's saying that during the year of OP liking this guy, someone else possibly liked OP and could've been turned down because they weren't this guy, or just never tried.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 22:47

Yeah it's the story line to every rom com/hallmark movie. Just without the life threatening disease.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:30

Don't take it personally op. You aren't going out and he doesn't want rumours.