Love: Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that...

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 29 498

Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Sorry…

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 20:48 - United States - Charlotte

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 115

You deserved it 2 479

Open your eyes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 14:00

Today, I was taking some "me time" when my neighbor drove past and saw me. What I failed to realize was that my dog had pushed the shades open for my body to be right on display. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 335

By reginaphalange - 27/05/2010 14:06 - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 751

You deserved it 3 309

By unexpected_failure - 22/11/2010 18:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 855

You deserved it 3 081

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 319

You deserved it 5 082

By boyBYE - 16/11/2016 23:30 - United States - Pleasant Grove

Today, when my ex said he wanted to be friends, what he meant was that he wanted me to help him hook up with 18-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 316

You deserved it 947

By brokeandsingle - 29/01/2012 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 354

You deserved it 3 162

By ashdk - 28/01/2011 09:12

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 559

You deserved it 5 647

By Matt - 27/06/2010 18:54 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I got a new dentist who started out a conversation about school. She asked where I went to school and if I liked my principal. After I told her I thought he was full of himself, she said she was married to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 764

You deserved it 9 902

By noonotme - 05/09/2010 21:51 - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 6 638

By kaitlin - 19/02/2010 06:30 - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 020

You deserved it 4 349

Prosecution time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me going down on him online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 04:00

Today, I tripped and fell going up the stairs, not once, but twice at work as I was leading customers through our building. I actually got bruises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 253

No more cheese before bedtime

By mmmmm - 17/05/2021 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I had a dream in which an electrical outlet began spewing water. It then spoke to me, "You’re not telling ANYONE about this." I then woke up with laryngitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 70

By Jill Shanks - 01/09/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 669

You deserved it 4 305

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 22:41 - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 549

You deserved it 3 309

By Anonymous - 05/09/2014 21:37 - Sweden - Ume

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 942

You deserved it 41 484

By smallmediumatlrg - 25/06/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 7 000

By unfortunateMother - 18/09/2012 19:51 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 121

You deserved it 4 005

By Anonymous - 13/02/2015 22:49 - United States

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 052

You deserved it 3 572

By halza - 30/05/2016 11:03 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, after a long 16 hour shift, I was milliseconds from sleep when my girlfriend said she "wants to talk". I'm now writing this from the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 359

You deserved it 963

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 18:05 - United States - Haslet

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 828

You deserved it 2 598

By yapDogs - 10/05/2015 01:43 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 778

You deserved it 2 367

By Kylie - 26/01/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 968

You deserved it 28 581

By Anonymous - 19/07/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 134

You deserved it 2 724

By beforegirl - 08/11/2010 21:11 - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 472

You deserved it 8 957

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 270

You deserved it 7 558

By LittleRed - 05/03/2012 08:45 - United States

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 920

You deserved it 4 247

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 14:00

Today, I explained to my man child of a boyfriend that we don't reuse dirty dishes. We have to wash them. He doesn't think it's gross and yelled at me, throwing the pan in the sink. Oh, he also refuses to wash dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 480

By ryansmithho - 24/11/2010 19:06 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 733

You deserved it 14 860

By veethebee - 08/05/2019 01:00

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 118

Well?

By Johntheladdo - 29/03/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 188

You deserved it 10 464

By -.- - 20/09/2013 23:58 - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 441

You deserved it 2 876

Astrology is bullshit, get better friends

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 14:00

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 518

By Lespoon - 25/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 159

You deserved it 29 001

By NoStarbucks4Me - 21/02/2017 02:00 - Germany - M?hldorf

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a 1-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 388

You deserved it 1 261

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 8 377

By vey - 08/02/2014 22:14 - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 698

You deserved it 5 229

By Ape - 17/12/2012 23:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 928

You deserved it 8 636

By anonymous - 25/10/2016 04:29 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 561

You deserved it 751

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