Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that... - FML

By Anonymous - 3/3/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

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Season finale

Social distancing gone wrong

Boozehound alert

By Anonymous - 3/7/2016 23:22

Today, after months of planning and saving for our honeymoon in Italy, my wife and I were turned away at the airport because my passport only has a month until it expires, even though it's only a five-day trip. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Three kids?

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2014 10:55 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

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By ljd09 - 4/11/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

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By Shutup! - 31/10/2014 10:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the fire alarm keeps going off at my apartment. Not only is the noise ear-piercingly loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood, there's also a big flashing red light in case the deafening sound isn't enough. This is my day off. It's going on all day. FML

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By SuperBunny - 20/4/2009 07:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML

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By Looking4ajob - 19/7/2016 03:47 - United States - Jackson

Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2010 20:44 - United States

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 04:00 - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

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By usmcgirl - 18/11/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 15:12 - United States - Monson

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

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By daddyowl - 25/5/2012 04:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

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By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

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By Grandson - 1/1/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

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By Fag_Hag - 6/2/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

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By Elle - 23/2/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

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By Porter_Robinson - 30/4/2013 08:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML

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By MexyBoy - 13/8/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 17:58 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend made me a chocolate cake to try and cheer me after my dog died. My dog died because my dad fed him chocolate. FML

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By Miramichi - 30/5/2011 12:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

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By SBT1030 - 23/7/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2012 10:54 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

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By retainer - 22/7/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

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By Mr Hawks - 19/12/2008 05:17 - France

Today, I decided to put my computer on slideshow mode. Did you know that hidden files are also read when you put slideshow on? I discovered this, as did my entire family, when my naked girlfriend appeared on the screen. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2016 21:48 - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

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By Ottawa - 12/5/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

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By me - 6/5/2013 00:56 - United States - Floresville

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

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By f*ck - 2/5/2012 16:22 - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

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By MrMagicMan000 - 25/8/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air and thought to myself "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of my bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML

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By MissArizona - 8/8/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

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By maryfaithh - 27/1/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

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By Anon - 28/4/2016 20:27 - United States - Henderson

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Turns out we only have one thing in common: we would both bang Hillary Clinton. FML

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By anonymous - 10/9/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

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By Jack - 10/1/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2011 23:46 - Australia

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and badly needed to pee. Just as I was about to say I had to go to the bathroom, my boyfriend suddenly put his hands around my stomach and picked me up. He hit just the right spot, causing me to empty my bladder then and there. FML

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By grossed out - 5/5/2013 23:10 - United States - Mount Prospect

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

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By teeth - 10/8/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

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By freaked out - 30/8/2012 08:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

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By PeeFlavouredFloss - 14/1/2013 03:36 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

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Top comments

By strandedinalimo | 0

#910419 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:11

Say yes, guys think it's hot. Or he'll just think you're special.

By lisaaaar | 0

#910423 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:13

WAHRGARBL. that's how you say hello :0.
you has it in your head that girls were afraid to talk to him and look what happened :P

COMMENTS

By strandedinalimo | 0

#910419 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:11

Say yes, guys think it's hot. Or he'll just think you're special.

Reply

AJG390 | 0

#910439 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:18

Lol. I'm pretty sure he would figure out she was lying if she did that. And then he really wouldn't want to talk to her lol.

Reply

jdomfml | 0

#910494 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:31

guys actually just want (if ur hot) u to drop ur pants and rip off ur shirt. if ur hot*

Reply

jdomfml | 0

#910514 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:36

take off all clothes, wear sexy underwear and just jump on him, if ure hot that is, if not, go back to talking to ure fat friends

Reply

dudeitsdanny | 9

#910531 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:40

Maybe she IS the fat friend.
Learn a second language and base this relationship on a lie. =)

Reply

Mx_Rider | 6

#910539 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:44

youre hot :D

Reply

im2good25 | 0

#910628 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 10:54

and he didn't do anything while your mouth was WIDE open???

Reply

1zinzanzin | 0

#910666 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 11:34

ur not pritty sure ur just pritty

Reply

Terwilliger | 0

#910758 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 12:23

@1: anything would work for you cause youre mega beautiful. the poster of this fml is prob some fattie, so its harder for her.

Reply

tweetbaby14 | 17

#910803 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 12:42

I would like to inform the losers trying to get with the people over the Internet that you're lame and need a life mkay. you're welcome and don't tell me I need a life cuz I'm on here cuz it's 6 in the morning and I do what I want

Reply

hailphire130 | 0

#910847 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 12:58

lol

Reply

Jrook | 0

#910952 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 14:00

29 thinks 25 is hot? good for you openly gay person

Reply

Tuptup_fml | 0

#910971 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 14:13

"Yes, I am a foreign exchange student and I do not speak any English."

Reply

GeoThermalSleuth | 0

#911281 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 17:01

Here are some lines you should have said

"Me no speak English"
"Es Me no Understando"
"O hibi hobi dubi"

Then run!

Reply

Tuptup_fml | 0

#911304 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 17:12

Or...
"Me gusta el muy grande pene"
"Comer me fofo vajina por favor"=]

Reply

KurouTenshi | 0

#911840 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 20:58

or better yet "meessir superman ees no here"

Reply

crazycornn | 0

#912921 - Thursday 4 March 2010 4:07

I agree with 58

Reply

MoooMooMooMooMoo | 0

#913255 - Thursday 4 March 2010 6:36

um? ur still on the computer at 6 in the morning and you're calling them losers, sure you 'do what you want' but if your going to use that as an excuse so can they.

Reply

Abaastart | 0

#913624 - Thursday 4 March 2010 10:58

Today, a cute girl came up to me in school and started rambling incoherently. I thought she might be a foreign exchange student, but when I asked her, she ran away. FML

Reply

NashwB | 0

#915781 - Friday 5 March 2010 3:51

#19 FTW

Reply

RunnaWhat | 0

#3470942 - Saturday 22 October 2011 8:54

Pretty

By danijay88 | 0

#910420 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:12

you replied yes right?

Reply

thikimo | 0

#911474 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 18:50

she should have replied with a fart. the universal way of saying I love you.. or atleast that's what my guy says.....dmnit fml

Reply

pzawesome | 0

#924050 - Monday 8 March 2010 4:50

wow ...grow some testes..... wait what??... ohhh go grow some ovaries and be a man or woman in this case.

By lisaaaar | 0

#910423 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:13

WAHRGARBL. that's how you say hello :0.
you has it in your head that girls were afraid to talk to him and look what happened :P

By elusivepoison | 0

#910428 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:14

MOAR NOU

By DGross | 8

#910432 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:15

Wow that is funny although if you ever get to know him I'm sure it will be something you will laugh over eventually :-)

It may be an FML now but later it won't be...

Reply

blackhawk089 | 0

#913311 - Thursday 4 March 2010 7:16

it's either a fat chick or a 7-9th grader

By strandedinalimo | 0

#910435 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:16

No, it will be an FML for the rest of her life!

Reply

bihero | 0

#910614 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 10:40

i dun really understand this fml

By Eddie_Paints | 0

#910440 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:18

Why couldn't you speak? Did he put something in your mouth?

Reply

sleekRelease | 0

#910618 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 10:46

8, they're called emotions, dumbass.

Reply

Eddie_Paints | 0

#910691 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 11:59

55 It's called a joke Dumbass! I ain't got time to explain it to you!

By imdeborah | 0

#910447 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:19

awww, I could totally picture that happen to me. actually it does quite often ahaha. you should try again tho. :) or explain yourself about that haha. perhaps over the Internet?that's what I'd do. >.< :P

By Asheanao | 0

#910452 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:21

Get over it?

Reply

1sarcasticmind_fml_fml | 0

#910538 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:43

come on! gimme a break u were actually that "speechless" or incoherent because of his looks? don't try to show off in front of your friends if your just going to make a fool of yourself.

Reply

juniorsgay | 0

#910557 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:57

IDIOT!!! learn the second language! and fuck him! hot guys that are really hard to talk to r usally really good in bed! XD

By PedoBearSaysYES | 0

#910466 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 9:25

lol that's so cute. but at least you tried. :)
;) say yes and blow him a kiss and say it's a custom lol

Reply

Diannaa | 0

#911043 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 14:59

LMAO love your pic. You should soooo have a boxing match with Sexual Harassment Panda.