Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment....

By home owner - 20/8/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower for the first time in my new apartment. The shower head broke off the wall and slammed onto my head while spraying water everywhere. I tried to stop the water but only stopped the cold and got burnt by the hot. FML

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Miscellaneous

Nice neighborhood

Don't give up

Business savvy

By Welpthatwasfast - 10/6/2016 07:57

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

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By wtf?? - 9/2/2015 13:26 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

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By could be an fml commenter - 13/4/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

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By scaredscreenless - 16/8/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I was on my back patio talking with my husband. It got dark outside, and I saw something shuffling in the back yard. I freaked out so bad that I went to run inside, only to fly face-first into the screen door. Turns out the shuffling was from a baby rabbit. FML

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By Treats For Days - 19/7/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Bedford

Today, one of the human turds that I stupidly added on Facebook posted how terrible her life is after her dad refused to arrange yet another holiday for her this year, so I bitched her out for being such a spoiled little brat. A few hours later, her boyfriend came over and beat the shit out of me. FML

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By WOWreally - 25/9/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid and my husband says "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML

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By betterpianist - 29/11/2016 21:04 - United States

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2017 09:00 - United States - Fall City

Today, two days before a big weight lifting competition with a $3,000 grand prize, I broke my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 20:00 - Australia

Dumbo's jumbo dungo

Today, I learned not to get a job as an elephant keeper at the zoo when the water at home is out for a week for renovations. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

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By Bitch its me - 17/1/2009 11:11 - Korea Republic of

Today, I got up at five, got dressed, and walked halfway to work in the snow. I then realized that it's Sunday. I also forgot my keys. FML

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By Gee - 16/6/2017 02:00

Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML

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By terry - 2/11/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

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By Dumbass - 20/6/2009 06:01 - United States

Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML

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By "tease_ftx" - 31/8/2017 13:00

Who run the world? Cats!

Today, as I was laying down to sleep, I grabbed my covers and realized the cat pissed on them and on my body pillow. Now I'm up at 1am doing laundry so I can have clean bedding and my kids are awake. FML

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By Redhead4life - 18/3/2012 00:48 - United States - Miami

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

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By queen - 30/12/2010 01:29 - Brazil

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

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By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/7/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

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By ShellShocked - 30/3/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

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By KnowWhereYourTowelIs - 14/8/2013 07:13 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I won a year's supply of bath bombs in a competition. I live in a tiny flat by myself with only a shower. I also have to find somewhere to put the bath bombs. FML

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By sirttocs - 14/5/2019 00:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I remembered what I did in my sleep last night. Turns out, in my sleep, I grabbed her crotch and said, “Just making sure you’re not Shae.” Shae is her sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 15:05 - United States - Fishers

Today, while picking up a birthday cake, I was screamed at by an upset woman for getting special attention from the bakers, and that I was nothing more than an attention-hogging slut. The bakers are my co-workers and I was picking my cake up on my day off. FML

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By Random737193 - 7/5/2015 19:52 - United States - Haddonfield

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

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By pist off - 5/3/2018 19:00

Classy.

Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing off a hot air balloon. FML

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By How - 18/4/2018 01:30

Today, I received a letter from my apartment complex saying I have an unauthorized tenant living with me. I must provide proof they don't live with me in the next 72 hours or I get kicked out. Nobody lives with me, and I don't know how to prove it. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2015 04:17 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

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By We raised that fool - 6/8/2014 13:21 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

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By HiImAlfredo - 14/9/2014 18:47 - United States - Hampton

Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

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By oldlady - 8/11/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, after a trip to my doctor I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year old guy. FML

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By Its_Sinon - 12/11/2015 08:38 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

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By BangBangBzzz - 15/12/2015 22:01

Today, I went for a much needed relaxing massage. As I lay down, the renovation works in the next building started up. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2012 13:43 - Norway

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

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By MyHeadHurts - 20/1/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

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By creepycrawley247 - 1/5/2013 02:50 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

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By stk - 19/12/2016 12:56 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up at 3am to catch my flight back home, only to realize that my flight was pushed back 14 hours. FML

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By WasntMe - 17/7/2013 23:15 - United States

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

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By derve - 7/11/2012 23:48 - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

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By cheated - 17/9/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

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By alyssabree42 - 4/8/2012 06:56 - United States - Estacada

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

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Top comments

By heynow00wellthen | 0

#1275467 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:56

Fail

By Baker_FoCo | 0

#1275486 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:58

That sucks, OP. Hope they fix it.

COMMENTS

By heynow00wellthen | 0

#1275467 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:56

Fail

Ludii_fml | 0

#1275578 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:07

good luck with taming it!

MyNameIsInvictus | 0

#1275583 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:09

Wow either you live in the shittiest apartment ever, or your landlord just stole your money! Lol or both.

Stupified | 0

#1275600 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:10

op is now a wet pussy!

BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1275619 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:12

leased or owned? if leased, you need to get them to fix it and pay medical. Unless you were swinging on it like George of the Jungle.

BoyFromTheFuture | 0

#1275638 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:14

oh didn't see your name. yeah you're screwed FYL.

afdude87 | 6

#1275641 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:14

that's why you don't move into the projects.

justbemellow | 0

#1275644 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:14

I stopped at " I was taking a shower for the first time" and was disgusted. But now I see;)

MyNameIsInvictus | 0

#1275655 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:16

20- How do you know it's the projects?

marinus_fml | 19

#1275694 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:21

#21 - same, I was like WTF?!!

Stupified | 0

#1275722 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:26

Ydi for calling yourself a homeowner and living in an apartment. That's not a home and ydi for not being careful and Ydi for not having the shower/shower curtain closed.

Someone_somewere | 7

#1275738 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:28

that's hot

Stupified | 0

#1275745 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:29

Nvm I guess an apartment can be a home, especially in New York. Gdmfafp!

babyjaguar96 | 0

#1275800 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:45

YDI for taking regular showers tss tss tss when will they learn?!?!?

handhugsftw | 0

#1275812 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:49

YDI for not turning the shower off. it's the obvious right thing to do. turn it off and never touch it again. shower in your sink. spongebaths FTW!

nishant5456 | 0

#1275884 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:09

it could have been a lot worse, the shower could have had some type of chemical acid which burned your skin and now you can't move.

But since that DIDN'T happen, get over it.

FailVader | 0

#1275918 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:15

The shower just wanted some head.

heynow00wellthen | 0

#1276123 - Friday 20 August 2010 18:25

Ha clearly, if you didn't know this yet OP, it's time for a new shower.

dragonxfly | 0

#1276194 - Friday 20 August 2010 19:03

turn the knobs... dummy

MykeLytorus | 0

#1276204 - Friday 20 August 2010 19:05

It's funny because it could have been worse and it's moist ftw dur dur.

JohnGraveline | 0

#1276384 - Friday 20 August 2010 19:40

Sounds like someone is listening to too much Katey Perry Hot & Cold.

bexxohere | 0

#1277604 - Friday 20 August 2010 23:51

a little too restless of a shower tug session? lol

6969awesome | 0

#1278033 - Saturday 21 August 2010 1:35

how about u turn it off?

pinayxine | 0

#1278661 - Saturday 21 August 2010 5:18

lmao @ #56

By tbone4875 | 0

#1275472 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:57

YDI for getting a cheap apartment. and not checking over the apartment.

By Baker_FoCo | 0

#1275486 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:58

That sucks, OP. Hope they fix it.

By Stevie_87 | 0

#1275488 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:58

shishkabob

Ludii_fml | 0

#1275586 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:09

those are good.

nishant5456 | 0

#1277241 - Friday 20 August 2010 20:53

really good.

By pieintheface | 0

#1275495 - Friday 20 August 2010 15:59

you just got beat up by a shower

By hbacostfu13 | 0

#1275527 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:02

n00b got pwned haha what does OP mean?!

I_have_no_clue | 0

#1275657 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:16

Orgasmic Pudding

justbemellow | 0

#1275667 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:17

Oxford Professor.

Stupified | 0

#1275733 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:27

Old Porn.

fistnazal | 10

#1275748 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:29

Onward! Poonjahb!

Barrientos432 | 5

#1275815 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:50

Obnoxious Piss

JustineBieberHat | 0

#1275975 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:28

Origanic Poop

JustineBieberHat | 0

#1275995 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:31

* organic

it's really Original Poster

justbemellow | 0

#1275998 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:31

This is an ironic comment.

JustineBieberHat | 0

#1276005 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:34

touché lol so many answers to that question like operation pineapple 

Brittney_E | 0

#1276207 - Friday 20 August 2010 19:07

orange pee.
O.o

Maelific | 0

#1276306 - Friday 20 August 2010 19:25

Obstinate packaderm

nishant5456 | 0

#1277253 - Friday 20 August 2010 20:56

Oh Please

it means Orange Poop

Someone_somewere | 7

#1277374 - Friday 20 August 2010 21:55

nooo it means orangutang penis duhhh

MyNameIsInvictus | 0

#1277607 - Friday 20 August 2010 23:52

60- Hahahaha I was thinking the same thing. Definitely a little hypocricy, too.

xxniteskie | 1

#1279707 - Saturday 21 August 2010 13:16

haha same thought #60

By kellykerplunkk | 0

#1275541 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:04

haaah! oh no :|

SaintE_fml | 0

#1275834 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:55

oh Katy Perry, no really that's a compliment

fistnazal | 10

#1275855 - Friday 20 August 2010 17:01

katythemmuhfuh'indittiesperry! goodness!

all I can think about is that scene in liar liar when he's in the elevator...

"mah mah" **nipple sucking sound**

By Doopliss01 | 0

#1275553 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:04

YDI for writing apt.

mintcar | 9

#1275597 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:10

The characters are limited. But really, I don't see the use of an abbreviation anywhere. Sucks for you OP. You got burned.

By YouRuckingFetard | 0

#1275560 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:05

uber-fail.

By Flipflops4ever | 0

#1275569 - Friday 20 August 2010 16:07

YDI for buying a home in New York - what did u expect?