By takinabreak - 10/07/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
I agree, your life sucks 65 835
You deserved it 33 509

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barroomhero 0

It's okay, every girl who sees you will jump you.

You don't sparkle, you flame :p


helios_rex 0

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

I've got an AMAZING idea for OP. It does however involve you killing yourself, BUT, for a very good cause. After much word has gone via twitter, facebook, myspace, emails, txt, etc, you will be completely swarmed by faggot twilight fans. Make sure you keep them following you and lead them to the nearest cliff. Now slowly get close to the edge of the cliff. Keep their attention towards you, just to be sure. Even if they arn't paying attention to you, they're probably retarded enough (they are twilight fans after all) to not notice the ledge. Then quickly, pretending as if you're trying to run away from them, jump of the cliff. Success shall follow and you will have made this world a better place.

Now that's not nice #1. You're just jealous because YOU don't sparkle :)

Kristoffer 35

He's not a fag he's a vampire!

wowfmlife 0

thats actually a really good idea!!

dbjb40 0

thats jacked up you bastard

=] That just made my day. Men and vampires should not sparkle! It sucks all the masculinity away. Women and gay men can sparkle. Never men or vampires. Vamps are too bad ass to sparkle.

Dang that was my idea :P

You mean that misogynistic piece of crap masquerading as a disco ball with fangs? GOD. SMeyer has so much to answer for. I can't wait until parents start suing her for when their daughters commit suicide because they got the idea from Bella "I'm Stephenie Meyer!" Swan.

I hate you twilight is my life and i probably have a higher iq than you

Yes, that is extremely likely, seeing as you show such promise in your entertaining misuse of punctuation and capitalization.

my god i hope you're joking. otherwise you should just go kill yourself right now.

americayay 0

You know #46, it's really very convenient that your tastes are completely universal, otherwise you'd come off as quite the judgemental jackass, who can't accept the fact that different people enjoy different things.

americayay 0

#133 I don't doubt your IQ is higher, but it's really not healthy to refer to Twilight as your "life".

AnakinWanders 0


t_tru 0

Somehow I doubt that, jazz2dasmith.

codaic1549 0

TEAM EDWARD! GO Edward! You are the vamp my friend!

lolzforfun228 3

#53, theres a difference?

twilight is for gays rlly. ppl are having fantasies over a freaken fictional vampire, how sad. btw, you would look more attractive with a bit of sparkles

americayay 0

#165 as i read your comment, i saw the twilight ad banner at the right of it. haha.

XD, death to stpid twilight fans

Carosello 0

How Edward Cullen of you.

he's not a vampire. he's a reanimated corpse that has sparkly skin and consumes animal blood. duh. Lestat would totally destroy him if given the opportunity.

#53, is there much difference? :)

sugar_bear 0

Am I the only one who read this and did not immediately think of Twilight?? and OP thats hilarious.

I agree with #1 100%. But unfortunately, vampires don't sparkle. They're either called meyerpires or sparkepires. :)

Shadow_Phantom 26

Why is this negative? XD great idea! FYL indeed OP. Be sure to buy some fantard repellent! (Team Alucard FTW)

except vampires aren't suppose to sparkle they are suppose to burn

I was thinking the same thing. you will be swarmed by preteen girls and old women.

aladyduh 0

Wow. It amazes me that you hate Twilight that much to take the time to come up with such a stupid plan. Just because you hate Twilight does not mean every one else does. I myself love Twilight. I look up to Stephanie Meyer because I want to become a published author one day. OP hehe I thought of Twilight right away.

VAMPIRES DON'T EFFING SPARKLE. MK1029, that is an ingenious idea! And @306, my mom always used to say that too.....

TNEBlover 0

you asshole! first of all fag and gay is NOT a synonym for stupid. your just stereotyping twilight fans a freaks who stalk people for what SPARKLING? you know there are people who just go after the twilight series but a true mean person goes after the fans.

sexymessy 0

Personally I like the Twilight books. I'm not a die hard fan but it was a good read. The movie i thought kind of sucked. But nonetheless, I find it funny how the people that HATE Twilight spend probably as much time as the people that LOVE Twilight, thinking about it,and talking about it. Because honestly if you didn't care then you wouldn't feel the need to throw the topic in every chance you can, just to bash it. Its a waste of your time. Do you feel special because there's someone out there that hates it as much as you? Or because someone likes it as much as you? WHO CARES!! OP:LOl thats pretty funny,I did something like that to my brothers, I gave them some lotion but I forgot it was sparkly.They were pretty mad about it.Anyways at least it only lasts a day!!

yeah i think you are

llamasoks 0

If Twilight is your life #133 then I highly doubt your IQ is higher than a lot of peoples. To like Twilight is fine, but ti call a book and film your life is really sad. OP: on the bright side you will now have a lot of twilight fans liking you, enjoy the action.

QuestionMySanity 0

Rofl, that's epic.... Stupid Stephanie Meyer, she has alot to answer for...

Seconded. You'll be doing the world a great justice, and die a hero.

meta_knight_486 5

Real vampires don't sparkle. Twilight aped them.

So, #305, you love her SO much you misspell her name? Win for you, then.

holy shit moron, if your LIFE is reading an extremely poorly written excuse for a Romeo and Juliet ripoff that gives TONS of fuckin' money to a little bitch who one should be sued for copyright against Shakespeare and two can't write for shit and is taking away said money from people who actually know how to write a decent and ORIGINAL plotline, then i don't give a rat's ass what your fuckin' IQ is, you are still a fuckin' asshole. Go take your lil douche friends and all the copies of that shit ass series and have a book burning.

ANYONE can be a published author, trust me. That's the sad part. I read the first book and all it was was a very poorly written typical love story. It's freakin' romeo and juliet wit sparklies for fuckin' sakes. Aspire to something greater than this for crying out loud! Maybe David Almond or Terry Pratchett, but not this hyped up mass media money bitch.

Do you even know what IQ stands for?

#351, I'd just like to point out a few things, as I am a college student majoring in writing. First, you are correct, Twilight is extremely poorly written. It is mainly fluff. However, it is entertaining fluff. Second, Shakespeare copied most, if not all, of his plots from Greek and Roman writers. Third, Shakespeare was writing way before copyright existed. Fourth, all stories follow one or more of the 37 plots possible (this was proven by a mathematician and means that no author is 100% original in his/her work). Also, as a tip, next time you bash somebody's writing, it would be more effective if you used proper grammar and capitalization. As to everyone who is upset about Meyer's vampires sparkling, some legends of the Dearg-du, the ancient Celtic vampiric myth, state that the sun made this creature's skin glimmer like the water of a river. So, in other words, some vampires did sparkle, according to myth. To the OP, at least it won't last.

americayay 0

Haha. I highly doubt you read a lot of Shakespeare. Why do you even care if other people like a book series? Does it really affect you in ANY way? If so, you're pathetic.

beccaness 0

Wow. You're a real jackass. How about we stop using super offensive words, hm?

beccaness 0

americayay, you're my favorite

Kattychu 0

XD Watch out for clumbsy girls who smell funny.

MissyWissyKach 0


Nah, I don't like twilight but the only time I "trash" it is when Pro-Twilighters(including, sadly, several of my close friends) start to get all *Starry-eyed* about it. Have to get my stick out and knock some sense back into them before they float too far away, ya know? ;)

hey. you. shut it. Ur just jealous cuz ur not as sexy as a vampire :D Althou cuz this guy is not a vampire and he is sparkly.... that makes him sound kinda gay.... no offence XD

#226 (sugar_bear) ur not alone, i didnt think of twilight when i first read this. i thought of him sparkling. XD

valid point...I actually thought the movie was aiight...but even if I thought it was shit I probably wouldn't megaphone it to the world. not to say I didn't think what #46 said was funny

Okay, look, not all Twilight fans are the stupid screaming Robert Pattinson loving overboard retards that dump people for not being like Edward and shit like that. I happen to love the series, but I am in no regards thinking men should sparkle or that Robert Pattinson is THE man for me (especially since I hate his acting as the role of Edward). Actually I want to punch him in the face. Hard. And the Twilight hype annoys even me. It really takes the fun out of loving the series hearing about all the stupid "hardcore" fans. They are not hardcore, they're just posers. But anyway, don't put everyone into one category cause it's not true. As for the OP - Haha. Hilarious. Go take another shower with regular soap now, idiot.

Ishari 0

haha! This made me smile XD I like Lestat better than Edward anyway.

Blackrose13 0

Shadow_phantom: You my friend are full of win! Alucard could kick pretty much all the twilight vampires' asses with both hands behind his back!

Blackrose13 0


beany212 0

Well, now you will get lots of dates with crazy Twilight fangirls

Lol. I like you, Beej.

ClearHeart 3

*raises hand* oooo, I didn't :D until I started reading the comment x.x and even then I had to read like 30 of them before I did LOL

@53 He's not a vampire. He's a sparkly man. Vampires don't sparkle.

@305 Wouldn't you rather become a decent author? One that doesn't result to butchering classic fiction? One who's idea of a faultless male isn't one that watches a girl who he doesn't know sleep? Perhaps one that checks their facts, and uses logic? There are many far greater and accomplished authors than Stephanie Meyer, by all means become an author, but don't choose her as an idol.


you can be my edward Cullen ;)

or stephenie meyers version of a vampire. or a faggot. more the latter

just like twilight

It's EDWARD! Get used to girls running after you. I seriously hope you don't have a Volvo.

afallingstar 22

he's not a fag he's Edward Cullen

You fail to realize "Fag" and "Fake sparkling 'vampire' which ruined the term for the rest of us" are the same thing.

lmaooo this happened to me but I notices when I came out of the shower and took another shower to get it off

yeah I don't think a sparkly dude rides a Harley

Vampires don't sparkle. As for Edward, he is not a vampire. He lives in the forest, doesn't eat people, and sparkles. He is obviously a fairy.

I'm sorry I can't hear you over the millions of fan-girls who's dream just came true!!!:) lol

CableX17 0

Just btw, in the books there is some decent literature. And the vampire in the sun effect is compared to the way ice or dimonds split light, it is not at all "sparkly". It actually sounded rather kool, and went well with the cold soulless image S.M. was trying to form of the vampires. In the movies tho, stupid as all hell. Just a freakin fail. It looked nothing like a giant diamond splitting light, it looked like he bathed in freakin glitter. And now you know:).

#381, I'm not a Twilight fan myself (but I saw and didn't mind the first movie), but I love you :-) A balanced, rational person is hard to find. You're the greatest

133 - Before you go claiming a higher IQ than the rest of us, please use proper capitalization.. And Twilight sucks, if it's "your life" I can't wait to see what you do when you find out everyone dies at the end ;)

sk8rchick97 0


133 fuck twilight.

bidsababe 1

he's an effing fairy!!!

TheBitchOfChuckN 7

133-If you have a higher I.Q. then us, then we've been using punctuation and periods incorrectly all our lives.


Twilight Is gay as fuck k? another thing do you think any one of us cares what your I.Q is? No! Get a life because honestly your life must be pretty sad if u waste you time reading twilight books and going at 10 o'clock waiting two hours and then watching a movie where all the actors suck! K? Thanks

I doubt that.

rachiebpp 0

Are you Bella?

rachiebpp 0

whoops I meant Are you Edward Cullen?

That's okay, bitches love sparkles.

barroomhero 0

It's okay, every girl who sees you will jump you.

Jakester 0

just like in axe commercials. hmmm I wonder if the company who made this product can make these sort of commercials?

You might be on to something here...

enormouselephant 15

I would go for it.

You don't sparkle, you flame :p

HAHAHA very clever #5, you just made my day

thhopelessrmntc 0

Good for you! Make them Twilight gals go crazy! x]

Why would any guy want a delusional teenage girl crazy for him?? Please no more terrible twilight references=_=....

lighten up toots. it's the internet.

NewLight8421 0


- Team Jacob?? Not only does he FAIL to get the girl but he falls 'romantically' in love with a new born baby. FYL XD Keep sparkling!

And if you knew anything about Twilight you would know that Jacob's relationship with Renesme is anything but romantic while she is a baby. Therefore you get the Fail stamp.

americayay 0

you guys are arguing about twilight on fml. just mentioning that. ps. i'd prefer controlling over manipulative, so TEAM EDWARD! that was sort of a joke. you know, shouting out my twilight boy preferences on fml.

StealthStorm67 0

That fact that either of you know the difference is pretty fucking pathetic...

God, I'm happy I finished the series a week ago, otherwise I would have died from these spoilers.

An the fact that you care so much about a movie series is SAD. Especially one that sucks.

threer 30

Oh, they're so sorry that they like a movie or book series.. Not everyone is just like you, and I'm saying this as a Twilight-hater.

xanth 0

So now you'll have 14 y/o Twilight fans all over you.

NKirstenN 4

Not all Twilight Fans are 14. I Know plenty of 30-40 year olds that are obsessed with twilight even more than most of my teenage friends.

jmar87 0

Damn. I didn't jump on that Twilight thing fast enough, but I'm sure "Team Edward" will. :)

That's the first thing I thought of as well, haha.

nora3852 0

i just love this story.... :) made my day actually