Health: Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but... - FML

By onthetoilet - France

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

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Own it

Dangling modifier

Shoulda woulda coulda

By seriously? - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

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By Death By Parent - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

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By Rachel - United States - Burton

Today, I found out that every time my boyfriend has cutely joked about my clothes not matching while we're just lounging around the house, he's really been hoping I would catch on that he thinks I look like a slob. FML

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By

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

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By mzgabbster - United States

Fright Night

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

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By cmerr - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

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By *sneeze*

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

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By foreversingle - Netherlands - Helmond

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

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By hoplessG - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

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By Jack00412 - United States - Montague

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

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By flipflap

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

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By brerj09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, at work, I served a group of three teens. Their tab was $75 and they tipped me nothing. They wrote a thank you on a piece of receipt paper, put it in a glass of water and used a coaster to turn the glass of water upside down on the table, spilling water everywhere. They also stole my pen. FML

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By Nicky13Na

Today, I hit the six-year mark for daily vomiting. All the doctor can say is that it's psychological. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, my boyfriend said "You're a real work of art. You know, the abstract kind that no one likes. Anyway, we need to break up." FML

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By sweet - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

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By StretchNuts - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

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By RC - United States

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

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By Not Wanted - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

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By Grace

Today, I drove over 3 hours to hook up with a guy I've been talking to for a couple of months. When we start having sex, he lasted less than a minute, and then couldn't get it up again afterwards. I slept uncomfortably the entire night on his twin bed while he snored. FML

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By stephiexbabexx - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

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By taman - United States

Today, I took this girl out that I've been crushing on for 2 years to a fancy restaurant. At one point during the date, I had to get up to take a massive dump. As I was walking back to the table, a little boy stood up and shouted, "THAT'S THE POOPOO MAN" in front of the whole restaurant. FML

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By shittysituation - United States - Milpitas

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

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By bigscarypuppy - United States

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turns to my dog and says "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our new dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Mix and match

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

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By dotcomboy - United States

Today, my boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at my phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into my phonebook as "douche bag". FML

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By Anoymous - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my boyfriend wanted to prove how honest he is so he showed me numerous texts in his phone where he told other women he was in a relationship before asking them to sleep with him. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

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By Otherguy - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

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By Anonymous

Liar !

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

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By Teddy Bear

Today, while working in a kids' shop, I absent-mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML

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By MATTY2512 - Canada - Marshall

Today, I went into the house, only to hear my mother shouting "DON'T PINCH MY NIPPLE" at the top of her lungs in the shower. FML

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By "BunnysKitty"

Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

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By why me - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

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By Anonymous - Thailand - Bang Bua Thong

Today, I realised that I've never been able to successfully cook a meal outside of World of Warcraft. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I declared I was done with online dating after several disasters. My friend set me up with a friend of her husband's. Turns out he's one of the men who rejected me on the website. He laughed when he saw me and said, "Well, this is awkward" and left. FML

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By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

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By hannieannie - 12/7/2020 02:02

His type

Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

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By Crochocinco85 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML

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Top comments

By shelboo_fml | 0

#755494 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:02

What a wonderful thing to imagine. PEPTO BISMOL

By ebbomega | 0

#755502 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:03

Sucks, but tbh I think Disneyland is a bit overrated. Splash Mountain is a 1-hour wait for a 5 minute ride. Not worth it, IMO.

COMMENTS

By shelboo_fml | 0

#755494 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:02

What a wonderful thing to imagine. PEPTO BISMOL

Reply

randomdude1234 | 0

#756907 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 18:29

Meh. A simple anti-diarrheal like imodium would work fine. YDI for not using drugs. Also I think you mean Euro Disney. Because Disneyland is in California and it says you are from France.

Reply

xxreikoxx | 31

#757077 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 20:30

Has it ever occurred to you that the OP's family might have taken a plane or three to GET to America? Not that it makes any sense...I call bull on it.

Reply

yottskry | 0

#768351 - Monday 11 January 2010 17:30

Well done... apart from it's called "Disneyland Paris", as shown at www.disneylandparis.com

Reply

lightuup | 0

#966503 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 2:44

no, go to disney world!!!!

Reply

Moooooo_fml | 0

#979733 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 10:26

lol pwned :D

Reply

ShMoReS_cOnTeSt | 0

#3542639 - Friday 4 November 2011 22:45

Hhh

By ebbomega | 0

#755502 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:03

Sucks, but tbh I think Disneyland is a bit overrated. Splash Mountain is a 1-hour wait for a 5 minute ride. Not worth it, IMO.

Reply

OPISDUMB | 0

#755560 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:25

Exactly. Disneyland is gay, get over it.

Reply

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1385929 - Saturday 11 September 2010 4:41

sure is

Reply

SarcasticUnicorn | 9

#4823131 - Thursday 16 August 2012 22:27

But splash mountain IS worth it. I love that ride.

By Freeze_fml | 16

#755504 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:03

Disneyland is about as exciting as that dump you're trying to take.

Reply

him51772 | 0

#755830 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 3:32

I dont thnk hes trying, pretty they dont got much choice xD

Reply

metsrule64 | 0

#913680 - Thursday 4 March 2010 12:09

hahahahahaha

By pinktiger | 0

#755506 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:04

TOILETS ARE FUn

Reply

lizzilla8297 | 2

#1028403 - Saturday 12 June 2010 5:53

YDI for thinking DisneyLand is the best place ever.

Reply

magentaballoon15 | 8

#2731802 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 19:17

No, he said "the happiest place on earth" and I'm pretty sure that's actually what they advertise themselves as.

By hoebiscuit | 0

#755514 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:06

hahahahahaha. sucks for your ass!

By lightburns | 10

#755523 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:08

I have IBS or something, I dunno. But all I can say to you is: Immodium.

FYL though ):

By Bertha5 | 0

#755529 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:09

they left u sad? saadd.

Reply

padlarf | 14

#755542 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:17

You'd sit around to hear him have his diarrhea?

By devendra_fml | 0

#755559 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:24

the way this is phrased makes it sound like you're writing this from your toilet. which, um, not sure how i feel about that.

Reply

AboveTheRest | 6

#1063393 - Sunday 4 July 2010 22:28

so what? you can't just sit there all day on the toilet doing nothing.

By soozjw | 2

#755572 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:29

That really sucks, but this really made me laugh. Hope you feel better soon.

By Wii624 | 5

#755573 - Tuesday 5 January 2010 1:29

Awww :( I feel so bad for you! Splash mountain is the best!