Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My... - FML

By sucksforme. - 10/5/2009 05:05 - Canada

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

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KoBabe

Deep-seated resentment

Lockdown is driving us down

By SSH - 18/1/2009 12:41 - United States

Today, I just got done reading all the healthy benefits that come with sex. One of them is higher self-esteem. Then I remembered that I haven't had sex in 15 months. FML

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By tsardaukar - 1/4/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

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By Josie - 5/6/2012 04:27 - United States - Florence

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2014 23:32 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

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By poop - 3/4/2013 18:45

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

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By linn - 27/9/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

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By homeless - 26/3/2014 23:45 - United Kingdom - Winchester

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

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By rahhhnnnn - 25/4/2020 02:00

You can't win sometimes

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

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By JoeyTheJedi - 18/10/2016 00:31 - United States - Batesville

Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's been a death in the family, then abruptly hangs up. I speed home, to find my mother holding the tiny corpse of a fish that she got 2 weeks ago. I got fired for being late to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2011 10:50 - United States

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 22:53 - United States

Today, I had to sell over $400 worth of china at a flea market. I barely got paid enough to refill my gas tank. FML

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By brokedad - 10/5/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

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By Noname - 29/10/2011 11:02 - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

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By Mother of a dumb blonde - 22/6/2017 02:00

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML

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By jumbledgirl - 10/1/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my teacher started talking about me quietly to the stuffed cat, called Rufus, that she keeps on her desk. FML

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By Jason - 14/2/2018 15:00

Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML

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By svenska75 - 3/9/2014 21:30 - France - Paris

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

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By cameltoeyourface - 26/7/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2014 22:21 - Canada - Surrey

Today, someone thought it would be funny to steal the precious stuffed bear I've had since childhood and leave a ransom note in its place. FML

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By CabbageFart92 - 4/9/2017 01:30

Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2011 10:06 - Finland

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML

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By anonymous - 12/8/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I felt inspired to create a photo album of myself through the years. As I was organizing the photos of my childhood, I noticed how many my mom was holding me and hugging me in. When she came home from work I jokingly asked, "When did you start hating me?" She replied, "When you were 4". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

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By wasp infestation - 3/10/2016 04:54 - United States - Aurora

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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By Topher - 25/8/2011 10:16 - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

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By Hank Gummyworm - 16/6/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

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By The Seamstress - 20/5/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

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By lovingsnow - 27/2/2010 07:37 - Singapore

Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML

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By AloneAgainNaturally - 9/9/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2015 14:21 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

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By pizza girl - 30/8/2013 04:33 - United States - Nettleton

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

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By troll of a gran - 8/1/2013 17:10 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML

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By types - 2/3/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

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By Ngbaheir - 20/6/2015 02:36 - United Kingdom

Today, after weeks of my crazy girlfriend avoiding me because she knew I wanted to break up with her, I had no option but to do it by text. She told all my friends, who now think I'm a coward who isn't man enough to break up in person. They didn't even ask for my side of the story. FML

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By beer guy - 1/12/2010 05:12

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

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By Concussed - 17/1/2010 06:22 - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 12:13

Today, my therapist recommended that I start seeing a psychiatrist. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2011 00:36 - Australia

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

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Top comments

By AK | 2

#184964 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:05

It sucks when kids do stuff like that, but they really don't know any better. Best is to tell them that they've done wrong, and hope that they won't do it again.

By TigressUK | 0

#184961 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:04

Hope you got compensation or put on another flight for free :/

COMMENTS

By FreddyLunch | 0

#184957 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:01

Pwnd.

Reply

KiSsKiZzy | 0

#489857 - Sunday 16 August 2009 1:35

What does pwnd mean??

Reply

harryman04 | 0

#821060 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 7:25

140: your a dumfuck

Reply

NoWayLady | 13

#971023 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 12:31

lmao go tell ur kid to keep the fuck out of the big bros room and ydi for letting ur kid have a gun

Reply

scvcwcheer | 0

#1099220 - Friday 16 July 2010 22:20

it's a made up word. people use it to be "cool"

Reply

Aadavis94 | 25

#6191363 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 19:07

You are an idiot

Reply

david66_fml | 20

#6566749 - Thursday 24 March 2016 23:04

I kinda think op deserves it. If your kid can get to his older brother BB gun that doesn't seem safe at all. You're lucky all he did was put it in your bag

By TigressUK | 0

#184961 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:04

Hope you got compensation or put on another flight for free :/

By AK | 2

#184964 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:05

It sucks when kids do stuff like that, but they really don't know any better. Best is to tell them that they've done wrong, and hope that they won't do it again.

By LeibnizRules | 0

#184969 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:08

YDI. Your 5-year-old son should not have access to a BB gun.

Reply

numbers878 | 8

#2750408 - Friday 24 June 2011 17:42

it's his older brother BB gun

Reply

unicorn_of_death | 8

#6020405 - Sunday 27 July 2014 5:50

Fail

By Safko | 0

#184973 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:10

That's sweet.

By Rain_fml | 0

#184974 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:10

Awwh D:

By hahayou12345 | 0

#184975 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:11

Oh my that sucks.

By plethora | 3

#184978 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:11

I'm with #4.
WHY is your five-year-old kid able to get hold of a BB gun?

By 666midnight | 0

#184980 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:11

Aww thats kinda cute but annoying at the same time, least you know your son cares about you =)

By 24788 | 6

#184983 - Sunday 10 May 2009 12:13

You should keep your bb gun hidden. I was shot point blank in the face from a bb gun and lost a tooth. The kid who shot me was 15 or 16 years old at the time and shouldn't have had access to a bb gun. You should keep all guns in a safe area.

Reply

krad204 | 21

#3511749 - Sunday 30 October 2011 5:07

I was shot in the hand from a 600 fps bb gun at point blank range, let's just say that kid is now missing a nut from his own bb gun.

Reply

badwolf504 | 15

#6525533 - Monday 1 February 2016 5:43

Are you joking? I'm 15 and use actual guns on a regular basis. A 15 to 16 would be perfectly fine with a BB gun.

Reply

Tenebris1 | 2

#6693773 - Thursday 22 September 2016 1:45

My first real gun was a .22. I got it when I was 13, I was taught gun safety and responsibility from an early age, because a large number of my family members hunted